Fight For You
by TheBluePill
Summary: World famous MMA fighter meets low-life drug abuser...or, they reunite. Rated M for various trigger warnings, also swearing and sexual content. Mainly Jori with minor Bat as well.
1. Rough Start

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

**A/N: So I've had this idea ever since 28 December, 2013, the exact reason why will be explained later. In light of recent events, I've dug up this story idea and began working on it again. I'm testing out a different format, so let me know how you like this one.  
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**A plethora of trigger warnings in the coming chapters. I'll try not to go into a ton of detail on most of it but keep in mind this isn't light. **

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**Jade's POV**

I can feel the familiar burn in every corner of my body even with the freezing rain pouring down on me. Water trickles down my cheeks as if I were crying, even down my neck, over my shoulders, across my chest. I'm soaked from head to toe but that's barely a concern. My deep breaths are creating miniature clouds in front of my face and the rain drips off of my eyelashes, as if nature _really_ didn't want me to see anything. I drag my forearm over my face for at least temporary clear vision and continue running.

When I left it was about 67 degrees outside, but as the sun slowly started to rise higher in the sky, the frigid air was getting slightly less unbearable. Beck had always told me not to leave before the sun came up, but that wastes too much time. Every time my feet connected with the rain-soaked road, water splashed up around my ankles like it felt I wasn't already wet enough. As I approach a busy intersection, I was forced to pause to avoid getting personal with someone's front bumper as they blazed down the street. When he notices me stopping, my loyal dog halts as well, standing by my side awaiting his cue to run again. I pull the hair band off of my wrist and put my hair up in a loose ponytail to keep it away from my face, something I should've done about 7 miles ago, but whatever.

I kneel down to retie one of my shoes as I waited for the light to change. A solid stream of cars passed through the green light, all with their windows up to protect their precious selves from the rain. Finally a red light grants me permission to cross the road without getting hit. Around the 10th mile my house came into view. Well, the huge fence and multiple trees surrounding it came into view.

I grab a towel from by the door and drape it over my shoulders, kneeling down to take off my soaked shoes and socks, followed by the tie in my hair, allowing me to dry it at least a little bit with the towel. All the while my dog sat next to me, wagging his tail. I smile a bit at him and grab his towel to wipe off his paws and get some of the water out of his fur.

After drying off enough to be able to get to my room, I left my shoes by the door and kept the towel, leaving the front room and passing through the living area to go up to my room. I saw my roommates and trainers, Beck and Andre, along with my best friend Robbie all sitting around on the couches.

"Hey Jade, what'd you run?" Beck asks me as I walk past.

"About 10 miles," I call over my shoulder

Robbie hops up and comes over to my side, "It's been raining ever since you left, you feel alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm gonna get changed and we can start."

"Jade!" I barely heard Beck yell out just as I was about to go up the stairs.

I turn around and go back to the living room, raising an eyebrow at him "Yes?"

"Is it cool if my girlfriend comes over later?"

"How much later?" I ask, continuing to dry my hair off.

He checks his watch, "She wanted to stop by after she went to visit her friend. Says she checks on her around 2 every day."

I shrug and mumble an "okay" before going up to my room to change. It was only after I closed the door to my room that I caught the fact he said she "checks on" her friend, which I thought was strange.

Around 4 in the afternoon was when Beck's girlfriend finally stopped by, coming down into the basement, a _lot_ quieter than usual. I was used to her constant chipper, and this subdued demeanor was off-putting. Oddly, she seemed to be watching me closely for reasons unknown.

Beck said something before I did, catching her attention while we took a break from our drills, "You alright babe? You seem off."

She shook her head, "Just a lot on my mind."

Andre pats her shoulder with his ever present smile, "What's on your mind, Cat?"

"It's just…" She stops and thinks for a moment, as if she suddenly forgot what she was going to say, or lost the nerve to say it. Finally she seemed to get herself together and look straight into my eyes, "Jade, do you or _did you_ know a Tori Vega?"

I froze, my grip on my water bottle nearly crushing it.

_**Flashback**_

"_So you're going to be doing what? Recreational face punching?" She nearly screams, tossing the wadded up flier into my locker_

_I shrugged, "I guess. If it's up to me I'll do most of the punching though."_

_She pointed at me as I slammed my locker shut, "You're crazy."_

_I smirked and kissed her cheek, making her blush, "Crazy for you."_

"_Shut up," Tori mumbled around a shy smile._

_**End of Flashback**_

"No."

* * *

_**A few hours earlier**_

**Tori's POV**

_I hate mornings._

_I think its morning._

_Probably not._

I roll over and check my phone, which now runs on military time, since I could never distinguish whether it meant AM or PM, and god knows I wasn't able to keep track myself. I see it's around 2 in the afternoon and sigh, deciding it's about time to drag my sorry ass out of bed. I throw on a pair of sweatpants and a tank top before grabbing my phone and going out to the living area of my flat, stopping in the hallway to look around and make sure Steven isn't home. I sigh in relief when I see he isn't, uncapping a bottle of tequila from the coffee table and making myself comfortable on the couch, grabbing the little baggie from the hallowed-out section of a book sitting near the alcohol.

Just as I'm splitting the coke into lines for my usual morning, or afternoon, pickup, I hear a key unlocking my door, and my friend's voice from behind it, "I'm coming in!"

I roll my eyes and ignore her, snorting up the first line and enunciating my pitiful nature with a swig of tequila.

"Really? Coke and alcohol already? You just woke up, didn't you?" Cat scolded me as soon as she walked in.

"Fuck off," I mumbled, scooting over a bit to make room for her.

Cat sighed, "I'll ignore your usual afternoon chipper and tell you _all _about the date I had last night."

I was thankful for the distraction and grabbed my bottle and sat back, facing her, "Enlighten me."

She smiled brightly, "Okay so, I was at the bar the other night and ran into this guy, his name's Beck, and we immediately hit it off," I took another drink, "We talked for like, two hours afterwards, and he asked for my number. Few days ago he called and asked if I wanted to go out with him, and I was like hell yeah let's tear up the town. Guy picks me up at my apartment in this sleek ass car, and takes me out to this fancy pants restaurant, letting me order whatever I wanted, I mean this dude is _loaded_." Another drink, "Eventually I ask him what he does for a living, since he's got cash falling from the fuckin' sky. Apparently he's a trainer for a world-famous MMA fighter and gets a good chunk of her winnings…"

Her voice faded after that. I think she continued talking, but I couldn't hear her over my own raging thoughts.

_**Flashback**_

_I drummed my fingers impatiently on the locker nearest to the office, thinking up all of the possible horrible punishments she could be facing right now. I ran my fingers through my hair and glanced at the clock next to the office doors, 2 minutes until lunch was over, 4 minutes for passing period…_

_The door opened and she exited, looking as unperturbed as she did going in. I immediately went up to her and grabbed her arm, "What happened?"_

_She shrugged, continuing on to her locker and pulling me with her, "Mr. Allen says I need to vent my anger in some other way than punching people in the face at school. So the next best option? Obviously punching people in the face in a controlled environment."_

_I raised a curious eyebrow and she handed me the now folded up paper she had in her hand as she turned to her locker, putting in the combination. I glanced at the paper, a flier for a new MMA gym opening up near her house. She continued on as she grabbed her books for algebra and science, "He said he knew the guy who owns the place, and would put in a good word for me, so we'll see how that goes."_

_**End of Flashback**_

"Are you listening?" Cat asked, exasperated.

I shook my head, "I zoned out, sorry."

"Well anyway," she continued as if nothing were wrong, "Apparently Beck lives with this girl, which was a huge red flag right off the bat. Luckily she's a lesbian, I guess, and she's never shown an interest in him in the 5 or 6 years they've known each other."

I shrugged and took another drink, "I mean if she likes pussy then you're more of a threat than he is."

"I get that but like, lesbians like penetration, right? What's the difference?"

"There's a big difference, babe," I snorted, standing up and heading to my kitchen to make myself something to eat. "Besides, if they _live_ together and nothing's happened so far, nothing's _going_ to happen. I mean, how old are they?"

She followed closely behind me, "He's 25, and she's the same age as you I think, around 22."

I hesitated a moment, "Wh…What's her name?"

"Jade West, she's got a contract with SFC."

_**Flashback**_

"_Ja-Jade! Stop!" I giggled, trying to wrestle out of her tickling grasp. Eventually I got out from under her, but her superior strength and now training didn't allow much further, and I soon found myself pinned beneath her again._

"_I win," she smirked._

_I tried to catch my breath and shook my head, "Are you surprised?"_

_Jade shrugged, "Not particularly."_

_She got up and held out a hand to me, I sighed and grabbed it, "You know, some day when you're a rich and famous fighter, remember the first person who's ass you whipped."_

"_How could I forget?" She smiled, not bothering to let go of my hand._

_**End of Flashback**_

I swallowed hard and shook my head, "I think you should go."

"Are you sure?" Cat asked, "You don't seem like you're doing so well."

"I'm not."

She crossed her arms, "I'm not leaving if it's going to put you in danger."

I groaned and threw my hands up, "Fine! Then monitor me, I don't give a fuck!"

I headed towards my bedroom, fully aware that Cat was right behind me. She grabbed my shoulder and turned me around, "Tor, what's wrong with you?"

"I can't deal with this, okay?" I shook my head, continuing on to my closet and into my stash.

"Can't deal with what?!"

"SHUT UP!" I snapped, standing up and getting in her face. I always tried so hard to keep my temper in check around her but right now it was near impossible. "Just shut up, okay? I will explain when I'm not on the verge of completely losing my sanity, now if you don't want to see this, go wait in the living room."

Cat sighed, putting her hands up in surrender and leaving my room. I went back to the box in my closet and grabbed a fresh needle along with the little bottle.

A few minutes later, feeling better but still shitty, I left my room and went back out to the living room, seeing that Cat was lounging on my couch using her phone. I grabbed my bottle of tequila from the kitchen and joined her.

She looked up from her phone at me expectantly. I knew what she wanted.

"I used to know Jade. That's all."

She'd have to wait.

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**A/N: Cover image is an edited picture of Ronda Rousey, current UFC women's bantamweight champion, and who I took inspiration from for Jade's character. Leave a review and let me know how this story's looking so far...**


	2. Tori's Life

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

**A/N: This chapter is entirely centered around Tori, the next will be about Jade, and afterwards will be a joint chapter - so on and so forth.**

**Trigger warnings for domestic abuse/sexual assault in this chapter.**

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_**Cat: Can I come back over?**_

I looked up at Steven sitting on the other side of the couch counting a large stack of money and bit my lip, suppressing a sigh as I sent her a text back.

_**Tori: Not right now  
**_

"So what did you do today?" Steven asked, not even bothering to offer me a glance.

I knew I wasn't allowed to have people over, so I lied, "Slept til 2, talked to a friend for a bit on the computer, ate dinner, and then you came home."

Steven glared at me now, "What friend?"

"Cat," I managed to choke out, flinching at the way he looked at me.

He scoffed, going back to sorting his money, "She's the freaky redhead dating the pretty boy, yeah?"

I nodded, not trusting myself to say anything without crying or screaming or something else embarrassing and dangerous.

"Bet he's got an itching for a hit," he grinned.

I cautiously shook my head, "He's a trainer for a professional athlete, I doubt he'd have any interest in drugs."

"They all have a dark side," he sighed, tossing the bills onto the coffee table and standing up, "Come on."

"Why?"

He took off his shirt and threw it to the side, "You still owe me for last week."

I stood up and followed him back to our bedroom, trying to lose myself in happier thoughts as I desperately fought to keep myself together as he helped himself to my body. I was thankful for the fact he never seemed to last long, as he had rolled off of me and turned his back before I was through recalling a particularly fun day in 7th grade.

If there was one thing I'd learned from him, it's that if I was quiet and obedient, the punishment, or payment, as he called it, would never be as bad in the moment. I put my hands over my face and paid close attention to his breathing, waiting until he was fast asleep before I crept out of bed and threw on some clothes, leaving the bedroom. I grabbed my phone and sent a text to Cat.

_**Tori: I need to come over**_

By now she knew what that meant and kept her door unlocked for me. I wrote a note for Steven, hoping it would lessen some of his anger upon seeing I was gone if he were to wake up early. I quickly threw on my jacket and picked up my keys off the coffee table, leaving the flat and going down to the garage.

I heard my phone buzz with a text and checked it at a stoplight.

_**Cat: Door's open**_

I tossed my phone back into the cup holder and wiped the tears from my face, still trying to hold myself together. I wasn't sure how much more of this I could take.

The drive to Cat's flat was fairly short, and I was there in a matter of minutes. I wasn't sure what I was going to tell her this time. I was running out of excuses as to why I'd come crying to her in the middle of the night with various bruises when, to her knowledge, I lived alone.

When I got up to her door, I knocked once before opening it, seeing she was in the kitchen finishing up making some coffee. She smiled sadly at me as I walked in. I knew I looked insanely disheveled, I always did. I took off my shoes and jacket and sat down on the couch, welcoming the blanket and cup of coffee she offered me.

"So are you going to tell me the truth this time?" She asked once I was settled.

"I don't want to see you get hurt," I mumbled around the rim of my mug.

"It's not that easy on my end either, sweetie. I promise I won't do anything you don't want me to, just please tell me what's going on."

I sighed and shook my head. I wasn't sure what to say. I was afraid if she knew anything, Steven would send his thugs after her, and that was the last thing I wanted. I also knew there wasn't a whole lot more of his abuse I could take in silence. I opted for another subject entirely, "You talked to Jade?"

Cat looked at me oddly, caught off-guard by the question, but accepting my unwillingness to talk about it. "I did. I went over there yesterday after I left your place, like I said I would. They kept asking why I was so quiet, and I eventually just straight up asked her if she ever knew a Tori Vega."

I was afraid to know, "And?"

"She said…" Cat sighed, and I knew the answer. "She tensed up, nearly crushed the water bottle she was holding, and she just said…no."

I put my mug down on the end table behind me and buried my head in my cocoon of a blanket. Cat rubbed my back comfortingly, "Sweetie what happened between you two?"

I looked up at her concerned face and shook my head, "So much… So many words I can't take back, so many actions I can't change, so many things I wish were different but I'm just so prone to fucking everything up…" I smiled a little, "She was so perfect though…"

_**Flashback**_

_I groaned miserably as I left my English class, going down the stairs and crossing the hall to go to my locker. I smiled uncontrollably when I looked up and saw Jade leaning against my locker. She stepped to the side so I could get to the lock and took my books from me, as she had a habit of doing._

"_How was English?" She asked as I put in the combination and opened my locker._

"_I got a ridiculous assignment that I'm probably going to bomb, as usual," I grunted, tossing my books in and grabbing the ones I needed for the second half of the day._

_She smirked, "What is it this time?"_

"_Something about an essay on a famous person I admire. I don't even know who I'd write about."_

"_Alright, genius, let's start at the easiest bit. Who's someone famous that you admire?"_

_I grinned and shut my locker, "Can I say you in the next 15 years?"_

"_I'm hurt that you really think it'll take 15 years," she joked, grabbing my book and walking by my side down to the cafeteria._

_I shrugged, "You're right, I give you 10, champ."_

_**End of Flashback**_

Cat had a grin on her face as she sipped her coffee, "You should work on being a little more inconspicuous when you think about her."

"Bite me," I mumbled.

She set down her cup and grabbed my hands, looking right at me, "Alright, I'm not giving you a choice now. What's going on and why do you come to my house nearly every night in tears?"

I flinch away from her grip on my wrist, sighing and pushing up my sleeves so she can see the bruises on my arms. I let her draw her own conclusions.

Cat looked at them closely before shaking her head, "Tori, these are handprints."

I tried to keep the tears back but I couldn't help it now, "He beats me…"

"Who? Who's doing this to you?"

I pulled her into a hug and just sat there for a moment, trying to calm myself down enough to speak, "It's Steven. I lied. He lives with me."

"Why do you stay with him?"

I laughed humorlessly, "How do you think I get all those drugs?"

She frowned and very softly ran her thumb over my cheek near my eye, looking at her thumb, "Concealer? You've got a black eye don't you?"

"I'd be genuinely surprised if I didn't," I admitted. I glanced at the clock on the TV and sighed, "I should probably get home before he wakes up."

I was happy that Cat let me go, "Promise you'll come back if you need to? You have a home here if you need it."

I hugged her as tight as my injuries would allow, "Thanks Cat."

I felt exponentially better on the drive home. It was about 3 in the morning, so I knew I would probably be okay to sneak back in. It was still dark when I walked in, so I knew Steven was asleep. I quickly went to the kitchen and tossed the note I wrote into the sink, grabbing a lighter and burning it to make sure he didn't know I was gone. I made myself a cup of coffee and sat down on the couch, grabbing my laptop from the coffee table. I stared at my home screen for at least 5 minutes trying to get up the courage to do what I wanted to do. Finally I took a deep breath and opened my internet browser, going to the search engine.

_**"****Jade West"**_

The suggested options were typical of celebrities; various social media links, news stories, her upcoming fights, and things of the like. I just went with her name first and clicked on her official SFC fighter page. I couldn't help but smile when I saw her fighter nickname was "the Panther."

_**Flashback**_

_I lounged lazily on the couch in Jade's basement room watching her gather up all of her dirty clothes so she can do her laundry._

"_There's a shirt under your bed," I called over to her, pointing to where the shirt was._

_She got down on her stomach to dig the shirt out, jumping up and tossing that into the basket as well._

_I couldn't help but notice the way she always moved, so elegant yet she looked as if at any moment she could pounce and kill someone. "You know, you kind of remind me of a panther."_

_Jade chuckled and put the basket of clothes by the door, "Why do you say that?"_

_I shrugged, "Just the way you move makes you look like a cat. Then add in your hair and the fact you always wear black and boom, panther."_

"_Do you like panthers?" She teased me._

"_I always thought they were really beautiful, honestly. That's another reason why it fits you." Usually I never had enough confidence to say things like that, but the light blush on her cheeks made it worth it._

_She shook her head but couldn't hold back her smile, "You're full of shit, Vega."_

"_I'm serious!" I defended, "You are literally a panther in human form."_

_She did nothing to help her case of not being a panther when she stalked over to me and laid down right on top of me, tapping my nose with her forefinger, "Panthers can kill."_

_I grinned and wrapped my arms around her and rolled on top of her, "They also look super cuddly!"_

"_No!" She screamed, though she barely fought against me, even though both she and I knew she'd win, "I'm a creature of death!"_

"_Oh shut up, you big cuddly kitty cat," I teased, leaning down to kiss her._

_Jade smiled at me and hooked her hand around the back of my neck, pulling me back down to her._

_**End of Flashback**_

I shook my head and sighed, looking further through her page. I saw her MMA record was 15-0, and her SFC record was 5-0, which made me smile even more. Even though I was sure she hated every fiber of my being, I was incredibly proud of her, more so when I looked at her picture and saw she was holding the women's title, something she'd always dreamed of.

I moved on to videos of her fights, starting with the most recent and moving backwards. I must've completely lost track of time watching her, as before I even realized what time it was, I heard Steven's voice behind me, "What are you watching?"

I struggled to hold my composure and offer an acceptable response, "Cat's boyfriend is a trainer for a professional athlete, like I told you, and she sent me a video of one of the fights."

He nodded and went to the kitchen to make some coffee, coming back into the living room and sitting in the chair next to the couch, looking at me expectantly. I put my laptop down and gave him my full attention, as I knew he wanted.

"I went over your records, and you owe me," he told me.

My brows furrowed in confusion, "What? I thought we settled that…"

Steven crossed his arms, "You didn't really think sex would give you free drugs forever, did you? Such a stupid little girl, aren't you. Maybe if you'd bothered to finish high school, you'd be a little smarter, yeah?"

I flinched at that. He _knew_ that was a sensitive topic for me, and exploited it whenever he felt it necessary. I closed my eyes and linked my fingers together, "How much do I owe you?"

"Let's say 50 grand and we'll call it even."

My eyes flew open in shock and I completely forgot my 'manners' as I sputtered out a shocked response, "But I don't have a job! How am I supposed to get 50 grand?!"

His eyes filled with fire and he lunged at me, roughly gripping my face with one hand while he pointed at me with the other as he pinned me to the couch, "You fucking watch your tone with me, bitch! You get me 50 grand, or you have a choice between being sold as a fuck toy or having your body being lost at the bottom of the ocean."

I nodded quickly and he backhanded me across the face, standing up and smoothing out his shirt, "You have one month."

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**A/N: Next chapter we'll be returning to Jade's life. Reviews are always great.**


	3. Jade's Routine

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

**A/N: This one's a bit shorter, but I hope it's enjoyable anyway.**

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"Throw the combo then dodge. 1, 2, 1, 2, dodge, got it?"

Beck put his hands back up and nodded at me. I threw the combo one more time, dodging right at the end before jumping backwards to avoid further hypothetical strikes. My trainer Randy nodded and signaled for another go at it, "Quicker on that dodge. She's gonna throw a hit right after you get that combo through, need to dodge the initial strike then jump back like you were doing. Jump the opposite way of your dodge though."

"Randy she's going to break my hands if you make her run this too many times," Beck whined.

He chuckled and slapped my back, "Easier on those strikes, kid, can't be breaking him yet."

I shrugged and looked back to Beck, waiting for his nod before running through it again. Randy smiled, "That was nearly fucking perfect!"

Andre looked over to Randy, "What do you say, man? Think she's got what it takes to beat Zeno and get into the big leagues?"

"I want to say yes, but you've gotta keep in mind who Zeno is. She's probably the most unorthodox fighter you've gone up against. You're a ground fighter, and I'm sure she knows that. You've got to make sure you can hold your own standing up if you need to."

Beck glanced at his watch, "I'm sure that can wait for tomorrow. It's getting late."

"Alright, fine, you're free. Hey kid, mind if I crash here tonight?" Randy asked me.

I nodded and began unwinding the tape from my hands, "You're always welcome here."

He patted my shoulder, "Thanks, see you in the morning, champ."

I watched the three guys leave; barely noticing that I hadn't moved after Randy had said that, muttering quietly to myself, "Champ…"

I wouldn't let myself remember the specifics of every time Tori had ever called me that. It was too painful. I sighed and went upstairs to grab a water bottle before going up to my room. After showering I settled in bed, putting my phone on the charger and turning off the lights before going to sleep.

I woke up screaming, my dog huddled close to me, nudging me to wake me from my nightmare. I opened my eyes and looked at him giving me the most concerned look a dog could muster before he licked my arm and rubbed his head on me affectionately.

"Thanks buddy," I muttered into his fur.

I laid there for quite a while thinking about my nightmare. It was the same one I'd been having for so long, off and on most nights. Eventually my alarm went off and I got out of bed, determined not to let my weaknesses affect my training. I checked the weather before putting on my usual running gear, tying my shoes before gesturing for my dog to follow me downstairs. He sat next to the side door and waited for me open the door before running out, taking his usual morning bathroom break while I grabbed my headphones and set up my playlist. I decided to run 15 miles today to get a little more blood pumping and get my mind off of trivial worries.

Once I got back home, I went to the kitchen where Andre was just finishing up my breakfast, like clockwork. He set a plate of bacon, eggs, and fruit in front of me along with a cup of coffee.

I smiled gratefully at him and he nodded, grabbing his own coffee and sitting down perpendicular to me, "How was your run?"

I shrugged and waited until I finished chewing before answering, "It was alright, nothing to write home about. Hey, can I ask you something?"

He nodded, "What's on your mind?"

"You know about dreams and stuff, right?"

"A little, why?"

"What do you know about dreams in which falling is kind of the main part of it?"

He pursed his lips and thought a second, "If I recall correctly, it represents uncertainty in a specific part of your life. Usually details, such as where you're falling from, who let you fall, or who was near the place you fell, give you more of an idea as to where the uncertainty is stemming from."

I frowned, "So if there's a specific person who's allowing me to fall, then they're where the uncertainty is coming from?"

"Most likely. That or it comes from something with their involvement in your life, such as a role or a purpose they serve that your subconscious feels they aren't fulfilling or will end up not fulfilling."

I put down my fork and looked at him, "Alright, I'm going to go all teenage melodrama on you for a second. Say there was a certain flame from my past that I have these dreams about. What would that mean?"

Andre took a sip of his coffee and shrugged, "Well, if it ended badly, your subconscious is trying to tell you that there are certain things that you're still not over; be it feelings you still have for them or grudges you may be holding against them. Typically, dreams about old lovers are triggered by a significant event that part of you feels didn't end the way it should have, or involves unfinished business."

"In short?"

"Two possible things. Maybe three. One, you still love them. Two, you hate them. Or three, you hate that you still love them."

I exhaled heavily and drank the last of my coffee, "Well since you put it that way, I know what my deal is now."

He patted my back, "You gonna be alright?"

I shook my head, "I don't know, but to be honest I've never really known if I'll be okay. I'm gonna go do my morning workout."

"You need a spotter?"

"Nah, I'll stay off the weights for now."

It was over an hour later before Randy came downstairs, he took one look at me and I knew Andre had told him something. He smiled a bit and stood next to the weight bench I was sitting on, "Something you wanna talk about?"

I shrugged, "Depends, what'd he tell you?"

Randy shook his head, "Nothing, he just mentioned you may have some things to get off your chest is all."

I loved Randy. He'd been one of my closest friends as long as he's been my trainer and almost like a father to me. I liked to talk to him when I had things on my mind, as he always gave good advice and his British accented voice was nice to listen to. "It's just this reoccurring nightmare, is all."

He began getting out the gauze and tape needed in my usual taping as he asked, "Yeah? What about?"

"Stuff," I muttered.

He chuckled and straddled the bench in front of me, gesturing for me to hold out my hand. I did so and he began wrapping up my left hand, "Is it about that girl?"

I shrugged but didn't answer. "There was a bit of a dry spell with those nightmares, wasn't there? What happened?"

"Cat came over the other day," I sighed, focusing on his hands moving quickly over my own, "She asked me if I ever knew her. You know how I get, and I just said no. I'm sure Cat went back to her with that, and to be honest, I don't know how I feel about it."

Randy ripped the tape and patted it down before taking my right hand, "So you miss her."

It wasn't even a question, it was a statement, because he knew the answer. "I mean…Of course I do. It's not like just because she abandoned me that I stopped loving her."

"Only a madman would look upon an issue and think it insignificant; as even the minor worries become something bigger later on," he finished taping up my hands and smiled at me, "You have a fighter's instinct; it flows through your veins as naturally as blood. Just like when you're in that octagon, you let your conscious take a backseat and you let your instincts guide you. Do what you think is right, and you'll win."

I smiled, "Thanks Randy."

He patted my arm, "Assume your stance, it's time to spar."

As per the norm the past few months, we trained all day, hitting on all the weaknesses I showed during sparring to sharpen my skills even further. At dinner time, I was sitting around the island in the kitchen with Beck, Randy, and Robbie discussing my upcoming training regimen while Andre finished up the meal. Since he liked cooking more than the rest of us, he was the unofficial chef of the house, while Beck was the one who kept track of all of my health details, making sure I was in top condition 24/7.

Once we started eating, Beck got a phone call and didn't bother to get up before answering, "Hello?"

We barely paid attention as he seemed to keep up casual conversation with Cat, until the conversation took an odd turn.

"Why do you need money?...How much are we talking here?...50 grand? That's quite a bit, what's it for?...Alright, fine, meet me tomorrow and I'll give you the check. Yep, I'll talk to you later, night babe."

He hung up and sighed, running his fingers through his hair. Robbie just chuckled, "50 grand huh? What's she doing, buying drugs?"

Beck shrugged, "Wouldn't say, but promised it was important and that she'd explain later. 50 grand isn't a whole lot and I trust her, so whatever."

We finished up dinner and discussed the training schedule for the next week before we split off to our separate bedrooms, Robbie and Randy both heading home. I lay in bed for quite a bit with my dog casually licking his paws next to me, just letting my mind wander.

_**Flashback**_

"_I'll be fine, I promise."_

_She frowned and just cuddled up closer, "I know, but I don't like the idea of you fighting with someone, even if it is just for fun."_

_I sighed and kissed the top of her head, "Everything will be alright, you can even come watch me kick ass."_

"_I always do, you know that. I wouldn't miss one of your fights for anything."_

"_Hey babe?" I asked, and she looked up at me curiously, "Would you still like me if I lost tomorrow?"_

_She smiled and kissed me, "I'd like you no matter what. I'm your biggest fan, remember?"_

_**End of Flashback**_

"Yeah…" I muttered, "I remember."

* * *

**A/N: Andre's dream knowledge came from some advice I received some odd number of years ago when I was having similar dreams. Let me know how this chapter was.**


	4. The Drugs Don't Work

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

**A/N: So this took a _lot_ longer than I planned. My keyboard's almost completely useless at this point, so most of this was written on my phone, which was frustrating, to say the least. Trigger warnings in this one, be warned. Title of this chapter comes from The Verve's song of the same name. Reading up on those lyrics may give this an extra kick...  
**

* * *

"_She reached the front of the hood and started to cross in front of the Pinto, and that was when she heard a new sound. A low, thick growling…"_

"Honey, I'm home!" Cat's voice was like a bucket of cold water as I was suddenly ripped from my little world.

"Goddammit, Cat!" I whined; hand over my furiously thumping heart.

She grinned and sat down next to me, grabbing the book from my hands and looking at the cover, "Cujo, huh? Funny, that's the name of Ja-"

Cat didn't finish her sentence. She looked like a deer caught in the headlights before quickly shaking her head and looking back at me, running off on a tangent as if she hadn't originally said anything at all, "You look cute in glasses. Like a little delinquent librarian."

I frowned, taking off my glasses and grabbing my book back from her, setting them both on the coffee table, "What were you about to say?"

"Something about," she coughed once, "You-know-who."

I raised an eyebrow and leaned back, "You say that as if I can't handle the mention of her without going mental."

She gave me a look and I sighed, "Alright, maybe I would. But give me the benefit of the doubt once, would you?"

"You asked for it. I was going to say that Cujo is the name of Jade's dog."

I smiled.

_**Flashback**_

_We had just finished watching 'Cujo' when Jade looked up from where her head was in my lap, "You know what? When I'm older I'm gonna get a dog and name him Cujo."_

"_Saint Bernard?" I grinned._

_She shrugged, "Any breed, just going to name him Cujo."_

_I rolled my eyes and turned the TV off, "Why doesn't that surprise me?"_

"_Because you know me better than anyone?" She guessed, smirking at me._

"_That could have something to do with it."_

_**End of Flashback**_

"Can I see him?" I asked.

Cat looked surprised, but pulled her phone out of her purse and looked through it a moment, "_Just_ Cujo or…?"

I shrugged, "Whichever picture is your favorite."

She pursed her lips and looked for a minute more before turning it around and showing me. The picture was one of Jade and a black Pit Bull with a large white spot on its chest, wearing a chain collar. The dog was panting happily and Jade had a smile on her face.

"She's beautiful," I mumbled.

Out of the corner of my eye, I barely saw Cat attempting to suppress a smile, "Cujo's male."

"I know."

Cat rolled her eyes, "Why'd you two ever split if you're this smitten by her?"

I shrugged and sat back, "I ran away, and as you can see by my rather atrocious life at this moment, it didn't really work out in my favor."

"Are you ever going to tell me the whole story?"

"Maybe someday. I just…I wish things were different, you know? Not even that I wasn't living in such a shithole and didn't have such a terrible _boyfriend_, if he can even be called that. I just can't help but wonder sometimes what my life would be like if I hadn't run away from her."

Cat played with a strand of my hair absentmindedly, "How much does she hate you, do you think?"

I exhaled heavily, "Well, if I recall correctly, her last words to me were, "I hate you," and that was nearly 6 years ago now."

Her eyebrow rose, "How did she say it?"

"With tears in her eyes and choking down more pain than I ever thought imaginable in a person," I answered, not looking her in the eye.

She nodded knowingly, "I see. So it was a 'I'm in pain so I'm going to say things I don't mean in an attempt to hurt you a fraction of the amount you've hurt me' kind of statement? Sweetie I've known Jade for approximately two weeks, even so, through things her friends and trainers have said, Jade doesn't cry. Shit, the only _pain_ she's ever in is if she somehow manages to screw up during a fight and get herself hurt. I mean you must've burned her real bad to have her that upset."

I shook my head, "I know I did. To be honest, there hasn't been a day that's gone by when I haven't regretted what I did. I wouldn't blame her for hating me. I hate me too. I'm a drug addict living in the shittiest part of Los Angeles, not making a living for myself but mooching off of someone who doesn't even like me."

Cat didn't falter one bit, "I'm sorry, I don't remember RSVPing for this pity party. Listen to me, how about instead of sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, you get your shit together and do something with your life?"

"What am I supposed to do?!" I snapped.

"Do anything except work on your track-mark mosaic and turning the entirety of your internal organs into inoperable lumps of shit. Come on, Vega, you're better than this. I know it, and deep down, you know it too," she paused and waited until I was looking at her before continuing, "And if you ever want a chance of having any sort of meaningful relationship with Jade again, it'd be good to do something with yourself first. You know successful women like to be in relationships with people who are at least attempting success."

Cat stood up and tossed an envelope onto the coffee table, "I've got a date with Beck tonight so I can't stick around. Just think about it. You know I love you, and I'm on your side. But that doesn't mean I'm above kicking your ass into gear if you goof around too long."

She gave me one last smile before closing the door behind her. I picked up the envelope and looked inside, seeing a large stack of bills, after counting, it amounted up to 50 grand even. I put it back down and sighed.

I grabbed a pen and quickly wrote Steven's name on the envelope before leaving it in clear view. I went to our bedroom and reached under the bed, pulling out an old shoebox.

I rolled myself a couple joints and sat back on my bed. I took a long hit and stared at the wall for a good 5 minutes before I finally burst into tears.

"_Pretending like nothing ever happened isn't going to change anything!"_

I somehow managed to smoke around my bawling, my tears almost putting it out multiple times.

"_You're a fucking hypocrite! I fucking thought we had something!"_

I nearly choked when it somehow slipped my mind that at some point I had to stop inhaling.

"_You can't ignore me forever!"_

I threw the little bud out the window and lit up another.

"_Just fucking talk to me, please. I don't even know what I did wrong. God fucking dammit, I miss you."_

I took a swig of whatever alcohol was still sitting on my bedside table.

"_Why, Tori? Why are you doing this?"_

I threw the empty bottle against the wall, watching as it shattered into millions of tiny pieces.

"_I thought you loved me."_

I grabbed the needle from the box and filled it with however much of the drug I happened to drag out of the little bottle.

"_I fucking loved you."_

I looked at it once, seeing there were at least 3 CCs in it.

"_You were everything to me."_

"Fuck it," I mumbled, shoving the needle into my arm.

"_You broke my fucking heart."_

"I'm sorry, Jade," I whispered as the last of the heroin disappeared into my body.

"_I hate you."_

I lay down on my side, clutching my pillow and soaking it with my tears, "I'm so sorry."

* * *

**No one's POV**

"It's not that much of a stretch is it?" Cat tried, smiling sheepishly when Beck just gave her a disbelieving look.

"Babe I get that you want this to be some romantic fairy-tale, but I just don't know. Jade's focusing on the big Zeno fight coming up. I'm not sure if throwing this on her is a good idea right now."

Cat shrugged, "What's so important about this fight anyway?"

"If she wins this fight, she's getting into the big leagues. We've worked out all of the details, and if she beats Zeno, SFC is going to offer her a contract into the main division. Sure, she'll have to vacate the title, but if she goes through with this she'll be in the fast lane to the SFC division one championship, and essentially, the best pound-for-pound female mixed martial artist in the _world_."

"Okay so stuff and things, super important fight. Got it. But I mean, _afterwards_?"

Beck sighed, "I'll see, alright? No promises."

She frowned but didn't argue. A few minutes later, Beck pulled into the driveway and shut off his car, "Would you like to come inside? Watch a movie or something?"

"Yeah, that'd be nice," she smiled, trying to get her mind off of the stress.

They managed to get both Randy and Andre to watch the movie with them, but Jade wasn't home. Sometime during the credits of the second movie, they heard the back door open and Jade walked in. She paid little mind to them as she took off her leather jacket and boots, leaving both by the door. Andre was the one to break the silence, "Hey kid, where've you been?"

Jade didn't meet his eyes, "Out."

Cat looked back at her just in time to see her disappear down the other hallway towards the stairs to the second floor. Jade didn't manage to get by without Cat noticing the not-so-inconspicuous discoloration on her neck and collarbone.

Randy didn't know anything about Cat's idea, and merely chuckled, answering their confused looks, "Little Casanova had a date. Guess she got lucky."

Cat's heart sank. Beck rubbed her arm comfortingly, whispering to her, "That could probably put a damper on your plan, too."

She just buried her head in her hands.

* * *

The next morning Beck awoke to the sound of frantic rustling around his room. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and squinted through the brightness from the sunlight through his windows, seeing Cat hurriedly putting on her shoes without bothering to tie them before grabbing her purse.

"What are you doing?"

"I have to go check on Tori. I haven't been able to get ahold of her since I left her place last night." She left his room before he could respond.

Beck sighed and looked at the alarm clock on his bedside table, seeing it was only 8 in the morning. He got out of bed and followed her, "Slow down, why is this a huge deal? It's only been a few hours."

Cat took the stairs nearly two at a time, despite the fact she was far too short for such a thing, "Because! I gave her the money yesterday and I don't know what Steven will do when he gets it."

He finally grabbed her arm when she got to the living room, not noticing Jade and Randy lounging on the couch, "What on earth are you talking about?"

She didn't notice them either, "That money I borrowed from you was for her! She's in debt with her abusive piece of shit boyfriend, and she is genuinely frightened for her life when he's around. I couldn't just sit by and do nothing!"

"So why are you freaking out now?"

"He's not exactly a nice person. I wouldn't even put it past him to smack her around just for paying early."

Randy gave a look to Jade, who just shrugged, neither knowing what the two were arguing about.

Beck ran his fingers through his hair, "Just wait a second. Hypothetically, what's the _worst_ that could've come from this?"

"Really? That's your question? Okay, the worst would be that he fucking _killed_ her because she obtained 50 grand less than a week after he issued the initial threat!"

"But that's worst case scenario, no?"

Cat snapped. "Beck, I have to go make sure she's alright. If he's done something to Tori-"

Jade's attention immediately shifted over to Cat. Beck groaned, "Give me a second to get dressed and I'll come with you, okay? Then when you see she's perfectly fine, we can go get some breakfast."

"TORI COULD BE FUCKING DEAD AND YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT BREAKFAST?!" It was after that outburst that Cat finally saw Jade and Randy. At the sight of Jade, Cat was done. "I'm leaving, and I don't need any help."

She turned to the door, leaving and slamming it behind her. Beck was too frustrated and annoyed with his girlfriend to notice Jade, and just went back upstairs. Randy, however, was completely aware of the look on Jade's face, and the tension in her muscles.

"So, that just happened," Randy sighed.

Jade just mumbled quietly, "Dead…"

He interlocked his fingers and looked at his friend curiously, "Do tell, Jade. How do you still feel about her?"

She was uncharacteristically broken by that statement, accompanied by Cat's words. She brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, shaking her head, "I have no idea."

"How was your date?" Randy asked her, expertly hiding his intentions behind his perfected poker face. Jade knew him though.

"I've had better," she ran her fingers over the remnants of the previous night, haphazardly strewn about the skin of her neck, "Still didn't work."

Randy leaned back and crossed his arms, "You know, this reminds me of a fight I had many years ago. It was most memorable by the fact that my opponent and I had scouted each other so well that all we did was counter each other's actions. I threw a kick, he checked. He punched, I dodged. It was a pissing contest until the end, when I did something he didn't expect, and that was when I won."

Jade looked at him for a long moment, slowly deciphering his meaning. The corner of his mouth twitched into a lopsided grin, "We were on the mat, and he was in the full mount, and I managed to slip him up enough to get him into a Kimura. You know I don't do submissions."

"What are you on about?"

He sat up, "You may still be on the defense from her attack however many years ago, but just because you're in guard doesn't mean you can't turn things around into your favor."

"That's assuming Cat finds her in one piece."

"Minor details," he waved her off, "Remember what I taught you about taking the present in stride, and focusing on what _could_ be coming your way. Be prepared. Deal with things as they come, but be prepared."

* * *

**A/N: First line is from the novel _Cujo_ by Stephen King. I may or may not have just opened the book to a random page and quoted it. I personally am fond of Pit Bulls, and it fits, since Ronda Rousey has a white Pit Bull named Mochi.**


	5. An Offer You Can't Refuse

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

****A/N: Starting where we left off the previous chapter...****

* * *

"Fucking breakfast," Cat grumbled, stepping out of the elevator and walking down the hallway to Tori's door, deciding not to use her key and just knocking. "Unbelievable."

She waited a moment before she heard footsteps just before the door opened. Steven stood on the other side, leaning slightly on the door as he had an odd look on his face, "What are you doing here?"

"I want to see Tori," she responded, doing her best to act the part of concerned friend.

He shifted his weight and crossed his arms, "She's sleeping."

Cat shook her head, "I still want to see her."

"She had a rough night," Steven still didn't budge. "She needs to rest."

Some part of her told her to choose her next words carefully. "I just need to see she's alright. I won't wake her."

Steven held her gaze for a few moments before he stepped aside, silently offering her entry. Cat stepped past him into the room, and on a last second decision, decided to look at him as if she didn't know where the bedroom was. He tilted his head towards the hallway, leading her down to the very end where he opened a door before giving her one last warning, "I'm serious about her needing rest. Don't bother her. You have one minute."

He walked off, leaving Cat alone. She looked into the bedroom, seeing it was almost completely dark, aside from a few rays of light peeking through the curtains. Cat could barely make out Tori encased in a mound of blankets and pillows on the side nearest to the window. There was a faint smell of marijuana smoke in the air, something that was common around the entirety of her flat. She quickly made her way over to where Tori was laying, surveying her as much as she could. She _seemed_ alright, but just to give herself some peace of mind, she carefully moved one finger under Tori's nose, sighing in relief when she could feel her breathing.

Only a moment later, Steven appeared in the doorway, giving her a look telling her it was time to leave. She left the room but hesitated in the living area, "Why was her night rough?"

He didn't seem nervous or guilty at all as he responded, "She had a minor heroin overdose."

Cat's eyes widened nearly comically, "Overdose?!"

"She injected more than her body's used to. Didn't really help that she was smoking ecstasy laced weed beforehand. But she'll be fine, I took care of it."

"How?"

"I don't think that's your business. I took care of it, she'll be fine, and it's nothing to worry about."

She sighed, deciding not to push it, as Tori would probably tell her anyway. "Why did she do it?"

Steven shrugged, "Hell if I know. Seemed like she'd been crying, so I guess something upset her. Fuckin' broke a bottle, glass all over the damn floor. She was saying weird shit too."

"What was she saying?" Cat asked, too intrigued to stop now.

"Just kept apologizing to someone, said a name but I couldn't really make it out. Started wit think. Jake…Jane…John…something like that. There was one other thing just before she went to sleep, sounded like "I'll be here in the morning" which was super weird, cause I mean, why wouldn't she be? She fucking lives here."

She bit her lip and put on the best poker face she could, "That is weird. Well, thank you for letting me see her. Tell her to call me when she wakes up. Please?"

"Yeah, sure…" Cat turned towards the door, but stopped when she felt his hand on her shoulder. She turned around, nearly screaming when she realized how close he was, not to mention the fact her back was right up against the door. He held a small card up against her chin, almost like a knife, "I know that money came from you."

"S-so?" Cat stuttered.

He backed up slightly, a small gesture of peace, "Quite the noble act on your part. I'm sure that by now, you know what kind of relationship Tori and I have. Also…who I am."

She didn't move, "She actually hasn't ever gone into detail about that…"

"Then allow me, please," he lifted up his shirt to reveal a medium sized tattoo on his right pectoral muscle. It was a large S, with the words _Sicilian Brotherhood_ adorning the top and bottom of the surrounding circle. "We'll just go with…I happen to have quite a bit of influence with the right people."

"What do you want from me?"

"What do I want? What I want is for you to give this," he handed her the card, as if he were handing her a bag of weed in a drug trade, "To your boyfriend. Tell him to stop by if he ever needs a hit…first one's free. Ask for S.C."

Cat nodded slowly, trying to ignore the wicked smile on his face as she quickly ducked out of the door. Her mind racing as she made her way down to her car. She started her car and retrieved her phone, finding Beck's name and calling the number before pulling out of the lot. He answered after a few rings, his voice calmer than before, _"How was she?"_

She got herself together enough to offer a neutral response, "Apparently she had a quote unquote 'minor' heroin overdose, according to her boyfriend. She's alive, so I'll take that for what it's worth."

"_So…breakfast?"_

"Actually, I'd like to talk to Randy, ASAP." She actually decided to forget it entirely, in favor of more important things.

Beck hesitated a moment, _"What for?"_

"I'd rather not explain at this moment, since I'm not entirely sure. I just have a feeling he knows something that could be beneficial in the near future."

"_Like what?"_

Cat quietly cursed at a bad driver before answering, "He's known Jade for a number of years, right?"

"_Yeah, he was making a guest appearance at a Taekwondo studio when Jade was like, 6 years old. Course she caught his attention pretty quickly with her inherent skills in all things MMA. Why?"_

"Just call me Lois Lane if this works," Cat grinned, remembering the previous night when they'd watched _Man of Steel._

Beck's eye roll was almost palpable over the phone, as he just sighed, _"Sure, he and Jade are working on Judo right now with Ryan, so come over any time."_

She hung up and pulled into the neighborhood Jade lived in, soon parking in the driveway, now occupied by 3 other cars, and making her way up to the front door, knocking impatiently. Beck opened the door a few seconds later, still wearing his training shorts and a black SFC tank top, "I thought you'd at least wait 5 minutes before showing up."

Cat smiled and shrugged, "I was already headed over here."

He nodded and gestured for her to come inside, leading her just off to the right of the entryway and living area, where a door was standing open, emitting music from within. She descended the stairs into the basement gym, seeing Andre and Robbie standing by watching Jade and another man she hadn't seen before sparring, with Randy leaning on a padded wall nearby shouting instructions at her.

Cujo was lounging happily amongst a pile of training pads and gloves, one paw curled under him and his head resting on the other.

"Randy!" Beck shouted over to them, causing the bald-by-choice man to look up at him.

He stood up and whispered something to Jade before jogging over to where the two were standing near the bottom of the stairs, "What's up?"

Beck tilted his head at Cat, "Cat wanted to talk to you."

"What about?"

"Beats me," Beck mumbled, leaving the two alone to go talk to Andre.

Randy patted Cat's shoulder in a gesture for her to follow, leading her over to where the training octagon was, far beyond earshot of the rest, "What's on your mind?"

She got straight to the point, "Jade has a history with Tori, what is it?"

He raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms and leaning on the cage wall, "Why do you ask?"

"Because I think it's incredibly important, and I know you know."

Randy glanced over at where Jade still was before speaking to Cat, "What's my incentive to tell you? There's a reason Jade keeps that part of her life under lock and key."

"Please Randy, I just need to know."

"What exactly are you wanting me to tell you?" He asked, just as calm as always, "You want to hear about how Jade was the most withdrawn and apathetic person on the planet after Tori left, and how I just recently got my friend back?"

Cat's brows furrowed, "Why'd she leave?"

"You'd be better off asking her that question. I mean, I've got my ideas, but she's the only one who really knows."

"But…she had to say something when she broke up with Jade."

Randy scratched the back of his neck and shrugged, "She barely said anything at all. Tori was always such a sweetheart, really was, but after that night, it was just like she was a completely different person. Jade was devastated, threw herself into her training, got her 3rd dan in Judo, 4th in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, finished her black belts in Muay Thai and Kyokushin , little shit never even stopped to breathe. It's just been since she's gotten into the SFC she's become an actual person again."

"You're not going to elaborate on why they split, are you?"

He cracked a small smile, "I'm sure you'll figure it out. You're a little journalist, no?"

"Actually I'm a cosmetology major, but I have an unofficial minor in journalism."

"You look the type." Cat's expression registered offense, and Randy just chuckled, "I'm saying you're pretty, lay off it. Now, what are you getting at asking me this stuff?"

"I have an idea, it's crazy as hell, but it may just work. I know I need someone close to Jade to even hope to get anywhere, and that's where you come in."

Randy seemed vaguely interested, "Let's hear it then."

Tori woke up around noon, a dull ache in the back of her skull and a profound stiffness in her entire body. She got out of bed carefully, stretching and running her fingers through her hair before pulling on a pair of sweatpants and leaving the room. Steven was stretched out on the couch, doing some work on his laptop. She went to the kitchen to make some coffee, calling over to him, "So what'd you do?"

His voice was laced with venom, "About what, _dear_?"

"I know I took enough heroin to OD, why didn't I?"

"Because I prevented it. Can't be having your death on my hands because you had a little pissy fit over something. By the way, your friend stopped by."

Tori was confused, "Cat? Why?"

He snorted, "I've got no fucking idea. Probably thought you were dead or something. She wanted you to call her."

"Thanks," Tori mumbled, pulling her phone out of where she'd stuffed it in her pocket, seeing she had at least 5 missed calls and 10 texts from Cat.

Steven stood up and grabbed his jacket, "I've got some business in San Francisco, I'll be back by Wednesday."

"Tomorrow?"

He glanced back at her once, "Next week."

With that, he was gone. Tori sighed and called Cat's number. She answered almost immediately, _"Hey sweetie, how are you feeling?"_

"Peachy," Tori grumbled, making herself comfortable on the couch.

"_I stopped by this morning," _Cat began. Tori could hear some shouting and music in the background, slowly fading as Cat seemed to be walking away from it, _"Steven said you overdosed on heroin. Why?"_

"I didn't _try_ to…it just kind of happened. It's a long story, not particularly something I want to get into."

She huffed in frustration, _"Fine, but you owe me an explanation at some point. I was flipping shit this morning, worried sick about you. That's beside the point though, listen, I've got a proposition for you."_

Tori laid back and closed her eyes, "Do you now?"

"_How would you feel about seeing Jade again?"_

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Tori growled, angry that Cat would even say such a thing.

"_I'm serious. I can get everything set up, just say the word."_

"She hates me!"

"_You sure about that?" _The smugness in Cats voice was all too obvious.

She sighed heavily, "What's your idea?"

"_Nothing special. I'll just bring you with me the next time I visit, and what happens, happens."_

"Does she want to see me?"

"_I talked to Randy, you probably remember him. British accent, deliciously muscular, buzz cut, odd shaped ears? Anyway he said that he'd see what he could do, but felt it wouldn't require a ton of convincing as long as she knows you want to see her too."_

Tori was at a loss for words, "I mean…of course I do…but…"

Cat was getting impatient, _"But what? Just say yes!"_

"I don't want to dredge up the past."

"_Oh, don't give me that. I did it, this is my idea. Please?"_

"Fine, when?"

"_Tomorrow?"_

Tori pinched the bridge of her nose, "That's it. You've officially lost your mind."

"_Say no."_

She frowned, "I don't want to."

"_That's what I thought. Hold on a second," _Tori heard some more yelling in the background, followed by a brief conversation before Cat brought the phone back up to her ear, _"So?"_

Tori sighed, "Fine, tomorrow works."

Cat squealed in happiness, making Tori pull the phone a few inches from her ear for a moment, _"Okay, tonight we're totally having a sleepover."_

"Cat, I'm an adult. Adults don't have sleepovers."

"_I'll bring that special wine."_

There was a long pause before Tori broke, "Be here by 9."

* * *

**A/N: Steven's gang is loosely based off of the Aryan Brotherhood, whose logo is similar, and is quite prominent in the Los Angeles area, with their influence reaching into the prisons as well.**

**Randy is also based off of one of my favorite MMA fighters, Georges St-Pierre, who's actually Canadian, with his first name coming from Randy Couture. **


	6. Truth Be Told

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

****A/N: I've added a longer flashback in this one, just to give a better idea of what Jade and Tori's relationship was like before.  
****

* * *

"I have mixed feelings about lying here in nothing but a pair of pajama pants and a tank top, sipping Chardonnay while watching _The Devil Wears Prada_."

Tori grinned around the rim of her wine glass, "Because bras are so last year."

"Speaking of which," Cat stifled a giggle, slurring her words slightly, "Is it cold in here or is it just you?"

"Are you calling me-" Tori stopped, looking down at her chest and bursting into laughter, "Stop looking at my nipples!"

Tori poured herself another glass and kicked Cat's leg to get her to stop giggling. Despite her already prominent inebriation, an idea came to mind and she decided to test it before going any further, "So…how's Steven in bed?"

"I feel like it's comparable to those really weird times when you go to someone's house, and they step out of the room for a moment, then their dog starts humping your leg. But like, he's got _zero_ stamina, _god_ it's awful."

With that answer, Cat knew Tori was beyond the point of filtering her words, making it a lot easier to ask her a more personal question. "You ever had sex before him?"

Tori's head fell back against the arm of the couch she was lying against, letting out a drawn out "uhh" sound as she thought, "I mean, there were a few guys after I dropped out of high school, it was the usual "blow me and get a couple lines" kind of thing, nothing super fun or interesting even. One guy was kind of fun, tiny dick but he knew how to eat out a girl."

"Ugh, I can't stand that," Cat groaned, "Yeah, a good eating out is phenomenal, and absolutely a deal breaker if they can't do it, but I need sex. Like real fucking sex."

"Fucking and sex are the same thing, I think," Tori mumbled, not even registering what Cat meant.

"Seriously though, best sex ever was…?" Cat asked, pouring herself another glass as well.

She took a sip and shook her head, "Jade, by far."

Cat raised an eyebrow, "You had sex with her?"

"Once."

"Once?"

Tori drained the last of what was in her glass, "Yeah, I bolted as soon as she was asleep and never talked to her again afterwards. She probably thinks I'm some slut who just wanted sex. Dammit. Fear can make you do the stupidest shit, you know?"

"You pulled a smash and dash? What were you afraid of?" Cat grabbed the nearly empty second wine bottle and refilled both of their glasses.

"My parents," Tori took a large drink from her glass in the middle of her sentence, "Scared the hell out of me. Christian, conservative republicans, _fuck_, I was so scared they'd disown me if they found out. Luckily for me I got that taken care of when I dropped out of high school and started doing drugs."

Cat rested her elbow on the back of the couch and leaned on her hand, "So what happened after you left?"

"I assume Jade woke up and realized I was gone and freaked out. She texted and called nearly a thousand times, all of which I was too terrified to answer. Went back to school on Monday a few minutes early and talked to every teacher in classes I had with her to get my seating changed so I wasn't near her anymore." Tori groaned dramatically, "_God_, you should've seen the look on her face, it was like, right in the middle of depressed and wanting to punch a hole through a brick wall, which I'm fairly certain she's capable of doing. I mean holy fuck have you _seen_ her body?"

She nodded vigorously, "I've always considered myself straight, but shit, first time I saw her she was in the middle of training and _those abs_, I've always had a thing for abs, and girl my pants just about flew across the goddamn room. Was she like that when you two were a thing?"

"She's always been in shape; I mean she's been doing MMA since she was in diapers. She was toned, but didn't have straight up abs or you know, muscles in general. Still never had a problem overpowering me if she wanted to…"

_**Flashback**_

"_What are you watching now?" Tori mumbled, glancing up at Jade's TV for a split second._

"_Randy's fight against Jason Acker."_

_Tori grunted in acknowledgement, turning her attention back to her book, and completely blocking out the television, even though it wasn't quiet in any sense of the word. She was calm, happy, lying in Jade's lap as her fingers played with her hair, occasionally venturing down to trace her jawline, or run across her lips. It was only then that her concentration on her book was broken. "You're making it difficult to read."_

_Jade smirked a bit, which went unnoticed by Tori, who was still submersed in her book, "It wasn't the TV?"_

"_You know that doesn't bother me."_

"_Your ability to completely tune out your surroundings so you can read is phenomenal, bar none."_

_Tori shrugged, moving Jade's hand back to her hair, "I enjoy literature. That doesn't bother you, does it?"_

_She smiled, "Nope. I like the face you make when you read. And your glasses, I like those too."_

_Tori closed her book and set it aside, "I'm pretty sure you've told me a hundred times how much you like my glasses."_

"_So what's one more time?" Jade murmured, running her fingers through Tori's hair, stopping at the back of her head and pulling her closer._

"_Overkill."_

_Jade chuckled, "I've always been taught that overkill is simply ensuring you've won."_

"_Or," Tori moved to straddle Jade's lap, using two fingers to tilt her head up to look at her, "It's invalidating your words of affection."_

"_How about this then," Jade sat up slightly, wrapping her arms around Tori's back._

_Tori raised an eyebrow with a small smile. Her smile widened and she blushed a bit when Jade carefully took Tori's glasses off and set them on top of her book._

"_I love you."_

"_Fine, you win," Tori mumbled, "I love you too. But I was supposed to say it first, you know."_

"_According to who?"_

_Tori threw her hands up, "Me! I had everything planned out in my head!"_

_Jade smiled and shrugged, "Sorry babe, too slow."_

_She shook her head and leaned down to kiss her, speaking between kisses, "It doesn't matter. You love me."_

"_Yep," Jade mumbled, flipping her over and settling herself comfortably on top._

_Tori pulled away from the kiss and frowned, "First you ruin my plans, and then you insist on topping me?"_

"_Pretty much, though top is inherently __**my**__ spot, the fact I ruined your plans is unrelated."_

"_This is what I get for falling in love with an MMA fighter, isn't it?'_

_Jade smirked, leaning down to reconnect their lips, "Yep."_

_**End of Flashback**_

"I miss her," Tori mumbled, barely loud enough for Cat to hear.

"That was why you OD-ed on heroin, isn't it?"

"I kept hearing her voice in my head. That fucking voice, so broken. It fucking haunts me…"

Cat quickly shifted the conversation before Tori got too upset, "You were happy with her."

Tori smiled, "So happy. It was incredible, because she was that best friend that I was just so in love with, and she felt the same way. Every moment with her was so perfect," she stopped and lightly ran the side of her index finger over her bottom lip, "You know those moments when you're kissing someone, and you're just so caught up in the moment that you forget to breathe, and you suddenly just exhale, through your mouth or nose, and you feel them do the same… Jade did that a lot."

She just seemed to be rambling at that point, so Cat joined in, "Bet she's a biter."

"Oh yeah. Worst and best part about it, she figured me out so well, she knew just where and when to have me falling to pieces in her arms."

"I can't imagine how that would ever be bad, honestly."

Tori tilted her glass at her, "It was bad when we were out in public, and she'd bite my neck, then I'd just be nothing but a puddle of mush trying to remember any words other than her name and various curses."

"That'd certainly do it," Cat sighed heavily, "So what are you going to do tomorrow?"

"I don't know," she mumbled, closing her eyes and leaning on the back couch cushion. "The worst part going into this is knowing that the last time I ever saw her, she told me she hated me. Now, she's rich and famous and _successful_, and I'm just…not. Can you believe I'm 22 years old and _still_ in the closet?"

"Actually, I can. But you've gotta at least remember the woman you're talking about. She's far too humble to let any of that cloud her judgment. Her entire view on you will be based on whatever shitstorm you stirred up all those years ago."

Tori frowned, "Was that supposed to make me feel better?"

"No. I'm not gonna sugarcoat it and say this is going to be easy, because it won't be."

"Are you done yet?"

Cat looked at her with raised eyebrows, "Point is, she's a different person. You're a different person. The world's a different place."

Tori snorted and took a sip of her wine, "This just in: Cat's a philosopher while drunk."

"Bite me. What I'm trying to say is this is a chance to start over for you guys, you know? Most important thing, from what Randy told me, is that it is glaringly obvious that you want this as much as she does. You can bet your ass she won't act like she wants it, but she does."

"Can I go to sleep?" Tori mumbled, already almost unconscious.

"You're insufferable."

"I'm cute too."

* * *

Randy was unwinding the tape from Jade's hands after a long day of training, giving her some time to wind down before she retired for the night.

"You did really well today. I'm proud of you."

She smiled at him, "Thanks. This just isn't something I can afford to lose."

"Believe me, I know. But just think, after you beat Zeno, you'll be fighting Caperi, and if you beat her, you'll be on your way to being the new champion. The best pound-for-pound female mixed martial artist in the world. Everything you've ever dreamed of."

"It just feels like I'm missing something. I mean, no matter how many fights I win, no matter how many unsurpassable things I beat into the ground, it just feels like something's missing."

"Like…" Randy grinned up at her, "A beautiful lady on your arm? You know, one to come to all your fights, cheer you on, give you a little smoochie smoochie when you win?"

Jade laughed and shook her head, "You're insane."

"That's it though, isn't it?"

She shrugged, "Maybe."

"Speaking of which…I was talking to Cat earlier, and she has a proposition for you."

"Does she now?"

"She wants you and Tori to see each other again."

"Why?" Jade asked in a surprisingly calm voice.

Randy shrugged and tossed the tape and gauze into the trashcan, "Because she's watched too many chick flicks and wants you to star in a fairy tale that she's directing."

"What's her idea?"

He rubbed his chin for a moment, "Something about her coming over tomorrow for dinner, as she was already planning to do, and bringing her."

Jade's eyes widened, "She can't come over tomorrow!"

"Why?" He asked.

"Randy, Mikey's going to be here tomorrow. His dad's dumping him on me because he's a piece of shit father, remember? I told you yesterday."

"She can meet him then!" His idea was met with a ferocious glare. "I mean, she's got no right to be mad about it. He's a part of your life; she'd just have to accept that. Besides, you gotta admit he's the cutest damn 4 year old in the world."

Jade growled in frustration, standing up and running her fingers through her hair angrily, "How cute he is, is fucking irrelevant! God dammit, I told that mother fucking piece of shit that Mikey was _not _going to be my responsibility!"

Randy stood up as well, grabbing Jade's shoulders, "Jade, it's one day. One very poorly planned day. You owe it to Mikey to take care of him on the off days his father can't."

"I can't raise a kid while in the midst of building up my MMA career. I wouldn't be any better than his dad!"

"It's only every once and a while. Come on, you've had it easy your whole life. You come from money, you never went to college, and you beat the hell out of people for a paycheck. It's time to step up and take responsibility, for Mikey, and for Tori."

"Whoever said I want Tori back?" Jade responded, crossing her arms.

Randy nearly howled in laughter, stepping away from her, "Right, next you're gonna tell me you don't want food. I'm not gonna force you into anything, just sleep on it. If you still don't want her to come tomorrow, say the word and I'll call it off."

* * *

The next morning, after returning from her usual morning run, Jade went to the kitchen for her breakfast. Randy was already sitting at the island, devouring a plate of eggs and sausage. He glanced over and spoke through a mouthful of food, "Made up your mind yet? Jeff's gonna be here in a bit to drop off Mikey."

Jade sighed and sat down with her own plate, "She can come over."

Randy nodded, nearly swallowing his food whole, "Cool. If you want to go take a quick shower, I can watch for him."

She finished her food in record time, pushing the plate away and standing up, "Don't let him leave. He and I need to talk."

* * *

**A/N: What a past. It seems things are starting to get better, however there will always be complications.**

**Now, the question remains...Who's Mikey?**


	7. We Meet Again

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

**A/N: After this chapter, I will try to make these longer. However I wanted to get this one out since I'm going to be busy the next few days, and I'm not entirely sure how often I'll get a chance to write.  
**

**Also, I noticed that random words or even parts of sentences get deleted for reasons unknown while editing. I've gone back through and tried to fix them all, but I may have missed some.**

* * *

**Jade's POV**

I finished up in the shower and got dressed for a day void of training, since there was going to be a curious little boy here all day, making it difficult to swear in frustration when I don't get something right. Once I got downstairs to the living area, with Cujo right by my side, I saw Jeff standing near the couch, looking annoyed, while Randy was entertaining Mikey.

As soon as he saw me he had the biggest smile on his face, wrestling out of Randy's grip and running towards me with his arms out, "Jay!"

I picked him up and hugged him, "Hey little man, how've you been?"

"Good," he responded with the generic child answer, still smiling brightly. "I missed you, Jay!"

"I missed you too buddy. Hey, I got some new gloves for you, just like you asked. You wanna go see them?"

He nodded excitedly, nearly jumping out of my arms and running towards the basement door. I nodded at Randy to go distract him while I talked to Jeff. As soon as they were both gone and the basement door closed, I looked to Jeff, "So what's the excuse today?"

The corner of Jeff's lip curled up in a contemptuous snarl, looking at Cujo who was sitting guard behind me, almost in fear. He quickly composed himself, "I have things to do. I figured Michael didn't want to sit through my business meetings or travel all day."

I scoffed and shook my head, "It's _Mikey_. You know that."

"Whatever. What do you want, Jade?"

"I just wanted to say that I want you to bring him here if you have plans, because I don't want him to have to deal with that shit if he doesn't have to."

Jeff shrugged, "Fine. Is that all you wanted?"

I took a deep breath to keep my anger under control, "Yeah. That's it. When are you picking him up?"

"Whenever I get here," he grumbled, not even bothering to turn around as he walked out the door.

"Fucking prick," I growled, locking the door behind him and heading towards the basement.

Mikey ran towards me as soon as I got to the bottom of the stairs, holding up his hands to show me his new gloves, "Look Jay! They're like yours!"

I smiled and knelt down to his level, "They sure are. I got them just for you. They're just like the ones I use for my fights."

"One day I'll be a fighter just like you," he smiled at me.

I looked at him closer, seeing the dark circles under his eyes and frowning, "When was the last time you slept, bud?"

He shrugged and rubbed his eyes, "I fell asleep on the couch last night but daddy made me get up early this morning so we could come here."

"How about a nap then, huh?"

"Okay," he agreed easily, something I knew he'd never do unless he was exhausted. "Can Cujie sleep with me?"

I cringed at the nickname for my otherwise incredibly badass dog but nodded anyway, moving to take his gloves off, "I'm sure he wouldn't mind. Come on, let's go get you in bed."

He held out his arms and I picked him up, carrying him up the two flights of stairs to the second floor, kicking open the door to one of the guest bedrooms, usually reserved for him. I set him down on the bed and grabbed a pair of pajamas I kept there for him, tossing them over to him so he could change into something comfortable while I closed the blinds to keep out the sunlight.

Mikey called to Cujo, patting the bed next to him. Cujo looked to me for confirmation before trotting over and settling himself comfortably next to him. I closed the door and sighed.

At some point I needed to smack Jeff upside the head with a brick.

* * *

**Tori's POV**

"I seriously think it's impossible at this point for you to look any gayer."

I rolled my eyes and put the finishing touches on my eyeliner, "I'm not_ trying_, I just love plaid, which happens to be an iconic trademark of lesbians. Purely coincidental."

Cat just scoffed and left the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror, happy with how well I managed to clean up. I didn't even smell like weed anymore after my shower and a couple spritzes of perfume. I went out to the living area of Cat's flat, where she was, and put on my shoes. She stopped to check a text and squealed, "Andre's making steaks for dinner, hell yes!"

"Is he a good chef?" I asked, tying my shoes and tucking the ends of my pant legs into them.

She nodded, "Yeah. He makes all of Jade's meals, which is a difficult job from what Beck said."

"Why's that?"

"Beck counts calories like a size negative model, it's insane. He said it's so they can make the most of her weight or something."

"So she stays in her weight class," I said, remembering when Jade told me about the weight classes in MMA and why they were so important.

Cat shrugged, "Something like that, but I guess it's so they know when to train and when to exercise or something. Anyway, you ready to go?"

I nodded and stood up, tucking my phone in my back pocket and following her out the door and to her car. About 20 minutes into the drive, my nerves were really acting up, and I could barely sit still. Cat looked over and grinned a bit, "You going to be okay?"

"I'm so nervous," I admitted.

"I know. But remember she agreed to this, it's not she's going to see you and kick you out."

"For some odd reason, that doesn't make me feel better."

She rolled her eyes and turned into an extremely fancy looking neighborhood, "Relax, okay? Everything's going to be fine."

I looked around the addition, seeing all the mansions lining the streets, every single one screaming "I have copious amounts of money." Cat drove to the end of one street and pulled into the driveway of a large stone and glass house. Another car was already sitting in the driveway, and I looked at Cat curiously, gesturing towards the car with my eyes.

"Randy's car, he's usually here."

I remembered Randy and was happy that I was able to see him again.

"Come on," Cat said, turning off the car, "Let's go."

I sighed and followed her up the walkway to the front door, which opened before we even got there. A dog I assumed was Cujo ran out to greet us. He licked Cat's hand once before looking to me, sniffing me thoroughly. I frowned, "I feel like I'm being judged."

Beck, who was standing at the now open door just laughed, "You're new, he's gotta memorize your scent."

Cat went inside and I followed close behind. I looked around in amazement; the house was incredibly light considering who owned it. A lot of the black leather furniture made up for the lack of darkness. To the left was a short hallway, which emitted a smell of food that made my mouth water. To the right of the entryway, there were a couple doors down a longer hallway, which led to a staircase. In the living area, there was seating that formed a sort of half square, all around a huge flatscreen TV. In the small open area between the couch and TV, I saw Randy and a young boy, quite tall but still young looking. His hair was dark, and he had light blue eyes, just like Jade.

Just…like…Jade…

My heart sank. I studied him closer as he laughed; trying to replicate the stance Randy was showing him. He looked _just_ like Jade.

"I didn't know Mikey was going to be here," Cat said to Beck, smiling at the little boy.

Beck shrugged, "His dad dropped him off this morning."

Cat finally noticed how I still hadn't moved and whispered to me, "Are you okay?"

"Who's he?" I couldn't help but ask.

"Mikey? He's Jade's brother. Well, half-brother."

It felt like a thousand pound weight was lifted off my heart, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Randy stood up, walking over to me and giving me a grin, "Long time no see, huh?"

I shrugged, "Guess so."

He laughed and pulled me into a hug, "It's nice to see you again."

Randy looked back at the now curious boy, patting his shoulder and steering him towards the kitchen, "Let's go see how Andre's doing with dinner, huh?"

Cat gave me a reassuring smile before she and Beck followed as well, leaving me alone in the living room with Cujo, who still seemed fascinated with me. Only a few seconds later, someone whistled from the kitchen, and he took off running, leaving me completely alone.

I took a deep breath, only to have my heart skip a few beats when I heard footsteps on the stairs. I looked to the right, and time seemed to slow as Jade rounded the corner. I always thought these scenes were so cliché in movies, but it really does feel as if time slows and your heart is about to explode when you see someone you haven't seen for so long. Someone you were so in love with, and quite possibly still could be.

Her style had barely changed since I last saw her, still in her default black jeans, but now with a dark grey button-up shirt, the sleeves rolled up to her elbows. Even without shoes on, she had a good 6 inches on me, something I didn't recall about her.

Jade's eyes met mine and I couldn't help the huge smile that overcame my face. She seemed to be standing only a few feet away in half a second's time. I threw caution to the wind and pulled her into a hug. It felt like hours before she hugged back, but in reality was probably barely more than a second. I buried my face in her neck and just cried, unable to retain any control over myself.

"I missed you so much."

Her grip on me tightened. At that point, I cared little about anything that wasn't her. I'd been deprived of the feeling of being in her arms for so long, too long, and it truly felt as if I'd reached nirvana feeling her body so close to mine again.

"I missed you too."

"Jade…" I whispered, pulling away only enough to be able to look into her eyes. I held her face in my hands, pressing my forehead against hers, repeating her name like a mantra. "I'm so sorry, Jade. I'm sorry for everything. I know you hate me for what I did but I swear I never wanted things to turn out like that."

She just stood there and looked at me for such a long time, it almost felt as if she were trying to memorize every detail of my eyes. As I looked at her, I noticed a small scar on the bridge of her nose, near her left eye. Without thinking, I lightly ran my thumb over it.

"I didn't dodge in time, punch broke my nose," she mumbled, shrugging as if it were as mundane as a paper cut.

Jade hugged me again, and I swore to myself that I'd never let her get away again. It didn't matter what life threw at me anymore, I knew what my constant was. We were both damaged so badly, but somehow, I knew it was nothing beyond repair.

"We need to talk about this…us, after dinner, okay?"

I nodded, glad she was giving me a chance to explain myself, even though I knew I wasn't deserving of it. She smiled and gave me an "after you" gesture towards the kitchen. As soon as we walked in, Mikey ran over to Jade, who picked him up effortlessly, walking over to the stove to talk to Beck, who seemed to be writing something in a notebook.

I stood next to Cat, who nudged me with her shoulder, a smug grin on her face. I blushed and whispered to her, "Shut up."

"I never said anything."

Randy and another man I figured was Andre returned to the kitchen from the patio just outside. Andre was carrying a tray of steaks while Randy went over to the refrigerator, which happened to be just behind Cat and I, to grab a few beverages.

"What would you ladies like to drink?" He asked us. "We've got beer, Pepsi, or water."

"Pepsi for both of us, please," Cat answered without hesitation, giving me a look that offered no room for argument.

He set down four beers and two Pepsis on the island countertop, opening all of the beers without the need of a bottle opener before grabbing two glasses from the cupboard and pushing them towards Cat and I along with the cans.

"Can you grab some apple juice for Mikey?" Jade asked him.

Randy went back to the fridge and grabbed a jug of apple juice along with a plastic cup with the SFC logo on it. He filled the cup about halfway with water and some ice, filling the rest with apple juice. Mikey ran over and waited for his cup to be handed to him, taking a big drink when it was.

Beck and Andre were discussing what sounded like what to give Jade for her meal, while Jade occasionally snickered at them.

"They should know by now that Jade always eats more than they give her," Randy whispered to us, an amused smile on his face.

The two finally gave up and gave Jade her steak along with a mixture of vegetables and a baked potato. Randy got the same, but both Beck and Andre offered over small portions of their steak for an extra plate that it seemed Jade was getting ready for Mikey, as the steak was cut into smaller, more manageable pieces. Cat and I split one steak, neither of us eating nearly enough to rationalize our own. The guys had gotten seated around the table near the sliding glass door, which led to the patio, Cat sat down next to Beck, while Mikey was sat between Jade and Randy, leaving the only available seat next to Jade.

I mouthed a simple "fuck you" to Cat, who just gave me her best innocent smile, dimples and all. Beck and Andre went back and forth asking me questions, I assume to get to know me better. Among them; "where do you work?" "I don't" and "where do you live?" "Florence."

They both looked at me like I was insane. Luckily Cat came to my defense, "The nice part of Florence."

"I didn't realize such a thing existed," Randy chuckled.

I scoffed, "It doesn't."

"Where do you live?" Randy asked Cat.

"Near University Park."

Beck grinned, "Though she pretty much spends all her free time in the fashion district."

"It feels like home," Cat shrugged.

I finally looked over at Jade, who'd almost completely devoured every bit of food on her plate, only a few stray green beans remaining. "I see you still eat as fast as always."

"I don't want it to get cold," she smirked.

"I thought it was 'cause you're addicted to food?"

Jade looked at Mikey, putting her forefinger over her lips in a shushing gesture, "Quiet, boy."

He nodded and pretended to zip his lips and throw away the key, only to look back at his food, stare at it for a moment, then look at Jade with wide eyes, as if he were saying "what have I done?" making us all burst out laughing.

* * *

**A/N: As I've probably mentioned before, I tend to write what I know, or at least include elements of what I know. Since I myself have a younger half-sibling with a near two decade age gap, I decided to add that in, as it'd be relatively easy for me to get down the personality and general attitude of Mikey. I've formulated an interesting back story for him, most of which took place after Tori left, and will be revealed in the next chapter.**

**The areas I mentioned do exist. University Park is between Florence and West Hollywood, where Jade currently resides. The Fashion District is exactly what it sounds like, and a place that someone like Cat would be elated to spend all of her free time in. I chose Florence for Tori based on average crime rates (in the specific category I was looking for) and its relative distance to where Cat lives.**

**Leave a review and let me know how this story is going so far.**


	8. The Talk

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

* * *

After dinner, Jade insisted we wait for a bit before having our 'talk'. It was well past 10 in the evening when there was an impatient knock on the front door, followed by the doorbell ringing. Mikey sat up from where he had fallen asleep in Jade's lap, rubbing his eyes tiredly and looking at her.

"Daddy's here, time to go home, okay?"

"I don't wanna," he mumbled, lying back down in her lap.

Jade sighed, "I know buddy, but you need to or daddy's not going to be happy."

She stood up, picking up the boy and carrying him over to the door, where a man I'd never seen before was standing. It was clear from the look the two exchanged that neither were at all fond of the other. I was curious who the man was, and why the two held such animosity toward each other.

"I'm honestly quite surprised Jade hasn't ripped his head off yet," Randy grumbled once both had gone back outside.

"Who is he?" I asked him.

Randy jerked his thumb towards the door, "Jeff? Just some prick Jade's mom married after the divorce."

I remembered consoling Jade for weeks after she got the announcement that her parents were splitting, around the time we were 15, but I'd never once heard of 'Jeff'. One question remained though. "Where's her mom?"

I immediately regretted asking, as everyone in the room seemed to take on an incredibly somber look. It seemed as if Randy was about to answer, but the front door reopened, and Jade walked inside. She looked at me expectantly, and with a little reassuring nudge from Cat, I got up and followed her lead, Cujo following as well. We went down the hallway I saw to the right when I walked in the house originally and came to a split staircase that went up, turned to the left, then the rest of the way to the second floor. The stairway opened up to a long corridor with multiple doors on both sides, but one set of double doors at the very end of the hallway.

"Your room?" I asked, pointing down to the set of doors.

She smirked, "I had to take the biggest room. Wait here, I need to get something from my room, but there's something I want to show you."

I did as she said and waited while she went down the hallway to her room. Only a few seconds later, she came back out, closing the door behind her and going back to one locked door near where I was standing, just to my right. This door in particular stood out slightly, as it had different wood grain to the rest of the single doors in the hallway. She picked out one key from the keychain she was holding and unlocked the door.

"Close your eyes."

I laughed a bit but did as she said. "I had this addition put on soon after I moved in. It's my space, which is why it's always locked."

She opened the door and I hear Cujo walk on inside. I felt her hand on my lower back, gently pushing me through the door. The light coming through my eyelids got brighter as she turned on the lights in the room.

"Okay," she whispered, her voice surprisingly close behind me. "Open them."

My eyes struggled to adjust to the change in light only for a moment before I was able to look around the large room. There were windows all along the far side of the room, showcasing something I hadn't noticed before; the fact the back of her house overlooked Hollywood. To add to the beauty of the skyline view, there were skylights lining the ceiling, giving a decent view of the stars overhead, if weather permitted, which it did tonight. A very comfortable seating arrangement, similar to the one in the living area, around the windows made it quite obvious this room was just for relaxation.

Jade went over to one end of the couch, stretching out and making herself comfortable, while Cujo did the same next to her, lying his head in her lap. I followed her silent invitation and sat down as well with a respectable amount of distance between us.

"So…what's the deal with Mikey?" I asked, likely too curious for my own good.

Jade sighed, focusing on the hand that was petting Cujo. "My mom married Jeff around the time I turned 18. I was never particularly fond of him, since he was nothing short of insufferable to be around. So I moved in with my dad, which practically crushed my mom's heart. But since I couldn't find it in myself to make her choose, and I didn't want Jeff bothering me during my training anymore, I just left. Soon after they got married, too soon, if you ask me, my mom announced that she was pregnant. Doctors told her left and right that the risk of complications in the birth was too severe, and urged her to abort the baby to preserve her own life. I begged her not to take the chance, but she just said to me "Jade, if I'm going to die, I want to die bringing life into this world." Her one dying wish was that I made sure Mikey was going to be okay. She also made it very clear that his name was going to be Michael Lee West, so he'd have the same last name as me, something that rubbed Jeff in all the wrong ways. She always had a tendency to call him Mikey, and said that would be her nickname for him if she lived through the birth. But, she didn't. She died in labor, but Mikey was just fine. No birth defects, illnesses, anything. Perfect. I had a lot of ill feelings toward him for a while, but considering I've been the only woman in his life thus far, he spent quite a while thinking I was his mother. I wasn't going to correct him, because I knew I wouldn't be able to handle the "where's my mom?" question, but eventually Jeff had enough and just blew up on him, yelled at him that I was his sister, not his mother, and that his mother was dead because of him. That was the turning point for me. Since then I've felt nothing but love toward him, and nothing but hate towards Jeff. Once I get my life stable enough for it, I'm going to take custody of him. Jeff's blowup happened when Mikey was only 2, and I doubt he remembers most of it, but he acts as if he doesn't like Jeff regardless."

I knew how much Jade loved her mom, and it hurt to know she didn't have her anymore. I frowned, not entirely sure what to say. Jade continued speaking though, "I've told Jeff multiple times that Mikey's his son, his responsibility, but it's become increasingly more obvious that he's not about to take any responsibility for him. It's up to me, I guess."

"I know you can handle it if you do have to take him in. Besides, think of it this way, he already loves you, and he loves what you do. It'd be an easy way for you two to relate and bond, probably a lot better than him and his father do."

She smiled a bit, "Enough about me though, what's been going on with you?"

I huffed, shaking my head, "The truth?"

"It'd be safe to assume that'd be the best way to go."

"Well, you remember when I dropped out, right?"

Jade shrugged, "I mean, all I really knew was that you suddenly stopped showing up."

"That, then. I stopped coming for multiple reasons, mostly stemming from the fact I was too depressed to get out of bed. As soon as the school system began contacting my parents about my questionable attendance, I dropped out. My parents weren't happy, at all. So I told them to give me their blessing to move out, and I'd be out of their hair. They said no, originally, so I upped the ante a bit. I let them find some weed in my room, left out in the open, mind you. My dad activated cop mode and searched my room, which is where he found the final nails in the coffin. Coke and," I coughed once nervously, "used condoms."

At that, I expected her to get pissed off and throw a fit or something. She just chuckled slightly behind a hand covering her mouth, "Go on."

I smiled and shook my head, "They let me move out after that. I just shuffled around between friends, who continuously introduced me to new drugs, around that time I'm pretty sure I was high more than sober, which was absolutely fine with me, kind of what I was going for."

"Why's that?"

"Have you ever heard the Tove Lo song _Habits_?"

She shook her head, "Nope."

I grabbed my phone from my pocket and looked for the lyrics, handing it to her. I watched the slight movements of her eyes as she read, her eyebrows furrowing the further she got. She handed my phone back, "Fair enough, I suppose. So can I get the story behind why Cat borrowed 50 grand from us?"

"I've had a…system…worked out with my dealer, boyfriend of sorts, and personal abuser, and I thought it was sufficient. Suddenly he gave me this ridiculously unobtainable number and said he wanted it within a month, and I panicked."

"That one morning Cat was losing her shit screaming at Beck about how you might be dead, why?"

I shrugged, looking out the window, "Cat knows about the relationship Steven and I had, and probably assumed he hurt me, rather than me hurting myself, which was the actual case."

"What did you do?" She asked quickly. From the tone of her voice, it was clear that she didn't actually know what happened.

"I had one of my uh…breakdowns, and looked at a needle full of heroin and thought "oh what a brilliant idea" and it wasn't, really."

Jade didn't take her eyes off of me for at least 30 seconds of tense silence. "Why are you doing this to yourself?"

"I deserve it," I answered without even thinking. "I don't deserve anything good after what I did to you."

"As much as I'd be inclined to agree with that, considering the mindset I had for a good 3 years, I want your side of things. To this day I still don't know why you left. I mean, was I _really_ that bad?"

I laughed in spite of myself, highly amused that through it all, she still had the heart to joke about it. I shook my head and picked my next words carefully, and to prove that I was being genuine, I made sure to look her in the eye as I spoke. "Jade, I understand that my words have zero to no credibility anymore, but if you're to believe anything I ever say, believe this: what we had was real. I meant it with my entire heart and soul every time I told you I loved you, and that last night we spent together was the best night of my life. Nothing, and I mean _nothing,_ that happened was your fault."

"So why did you leave?"

"This is a long shot, but do you possibly remember only a few minutes after we…finished," I cringed at my atrocious word choice, "that I got a text?"

Jade seemed just as amused by my wording, "Yeah, you looked at it then seemed off afterwards, what was it?"

"It was a text from my mother, god I still remember what it said. She told me how her good friend Lynn's daughter came out as a lesbian, and how embarrassed her mother was. That's fine, I never really knew them and it didn't affect me much. But she ended the text with "so glad my girls are normal xoxo" and I lost it."

Her face registered realization and she nodded, but stayed silent. I sighed, "I waited until you were asleep, got dressed, and left. I called my sister for a ride, and considering she picked me up from your house, and my hair all but screamed sex, she looked at me once and said "You got the text too, didn't you?" I told her I did, and I cried the whole way home. She stayed with me that night, but I just kept crying. I'm sure you remember that was a Saturday night, and the next day I just sulked in my bedroom. Come Monday, I got all my seating changed so I wasn't near you, in some hopes that suddenly I'd stop being in love with you, and be the perfect little straight girl my mother wanted. I tried so hard, but eventually seeing you almost every day was too much, and I couldn't do it anymore. That's when I stopped going, and eventually dropped out."

"And that was when you started doing drugs," she continued knowingly.

"How's that for a sob story?" I laughed humorlessly.

Jade shrugged, "I've heard better. I'm not going to say what you did was okay, but if it's any consolation, I at least get why you did it. I mean, I spent so long thinking you hated me. Originally I thought you just needed some time to yourself, but I sat on the side and waited for you to come back, but you never did."

The broken tone of her voice nearly crushed me. "Tell me though," she continued out of nowhere, catching me off-guard, "Was it worth it?"

"Leaving you?" She nodded. "No, not at all. Haven't gone a day without beating myself up over it, or letting someone else beat me up for it. My parents hate me anyway, so basically I ruined my life over nothing."

"So what made you come back?"

"It's impossible to say no to Cat. I didn't want to, honestly. I never wanted to bring up something that you could've been over, already moved on," I sighed and shook my head, "Had someone else."

She nearly snorted at that, "You say that as if I haven't tried. Believe me, I have. But it's so incredibly difficult to find a meaningful relationship when your subconscious compares every person you see to the only other person you actually had a connection with. Resorting to sex is pretty sleazy, but it was the only choice I had, really."

That statement made my heart ache, though I knew I was in no position to feel indignant. She had every right to do whatever she could to move on, I knew that, but the thought of her with someone else still hurt. I didn't realize how long I'd been silent until she spoke up again, "So if you don't like this guy, why are you still with him?"

"Getting away from him really isn't in the cards at this point. Even if he were to suddenly be fine with me leaving, there's still the fact I'm addicted to drugs, and any other dealer I know of is at least in some way associated with him."

"Why don't you quit?" She asked, looking at me seriously.

I shrugged and picked at a loose stitch on the inseam of my jeans. "I don't really know how to live without drugs at this point in time. It's scary to think about a life where I don't have those moments of complete euphoria, where I don't feel pain."

"What does it feel like? The high?"

It was a weird question coming from her. I'd gotten that question so many times from others, which was typical, hell, even Cat asked soon after we met. But from a professional athlete, it was completely out of left field. I bit my lip and decided to formulate something better than my usual answer, which involved endorsing the hell out of whatever product the person was interested in, simply to get them into the trade as well. Ultimately, to profit Steven.

"It's…comforting," I started, forcing myself to look at her as I spoke, as much as my anxiety willed me to look anywhere else. "The high isn't like people usually think, all giggles and stupid words. For me, the first time I ever got high, and probably one of the most intense highs I ever had due to my utter lack of tolerance for the drug. I was lying in a bed at a friend's house and she gave me the first injection of heroin. I lay back after that and closed my eyes. It was like I was sinking into the bed, there was nothing but comfort surrounding me. There were even brief moments when I felt like my body was moving on its own. Sometimes it was like I was dreaming while awake when I closed my eyes, seeing vivid recollections of things that made me happy. That part is my favorite, I think, because sometimes it feels so real."

"What kinds of things did you see?"

"Like I said, things that made me happy. More often than not, I found myself back in your bedroom, reading some book I'd picked up. I never can make out the words, but it seems like that book is everything until I hear you make some offhand comment about someone's stance, or a move they messed up, or something in regards to whatever fight you were watching at the time. The picture would clear up in my mind until I could _feel_ your fingers playing through my hair or your arm wrapped around me, and the usually left portion of your body against my back, since your dominant hand was always so busy with your phone or the remote or something." I chuckled as I remembered her overly passionate declaration of how she adored my company, but had needs, which mainly consisted of electronics. "Just those moments when I was at peace, mentally and physically."

She had a quiet smile as she looked back at me fondly, probably remembering those times as well. "So that's why you do it."

I nodded, "That was the intent originally, and sometimes even still, whenever I get a quiet moment. Otherwise, it's just to feed the addiction."

"What if I helped you quit?"

My brows furrowed in confusion, "How?"

Jade shrugged passively, "You could stay here, get away from Steven, live in a drug free environment and be safe."

"I couldn't ask you to-"

"You're not asking, I'm offering."

The offer was tempting, extremely tempting, but she didn't know what she was getting herself into. I shook my head, "I can't let you put yourself in danger like that."

She sat up, annoying Cujo enough that he trudged over to lie on the floor near the windows. Jade almost looked amused, "Out of the people who live here most of the time, any one of us is entirely capable of holding our own in a fight. There's not a whole lot for us to be afraid of."

I hated to say this, but I knew there probably wasn't any other way of deterring her. "I really doubt all the MMA in the world could stand against a group of men with no lack of firearms."

From the look on her face, I knew she assumed I was declining for an entirely different reason, as the rejection was clear as day. She quickly shook her head, "Just think about it."

I nodded, not wanting to do any further damage. Jade shifted the conversation to something easier, "Did you guys plan on staying here tonight?"

"Cat probably was, I just planned on going with whatever she did." I sighed and looked at my phone to see the time. It was clear that since we hadn't left by now, we weren't going home tonight. I looked up at Jade and spoke without even thinking, "What do you say we start over? Be friends, or whatever."

Jade raised an eyebrow, the corner of her mouth twitching in amusement at the incredibly awkward way I presented the question. She nodded, her smile turning into something more genuine, "I'd like that."


	9. Sensory Overload

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

**A/N: I swear I meant to get this posted weeks ago. I finally got ahold of a good stoner friend of mine (odd thing to say) and got some clearer info on weed in particular. But at any rate, here it is.  
**

* * *

"Tori…" I was nudged out of my sleep by someone whispering my name, multiple times. "Tori…"

I grunted and rolled over to face the wall, lying there for a fraction of a second before I realized the bed I was in felt different from the one I usually slept in, mainly because it was comfortable and didn't smell like smoke. After my mind cleared up enough to figure out my surroundings, I recognized Cat's voice as the one waking me up.

I ran my fingers through my hair tiredly and yawned, "Where am I?"

"Hell. You died. Satan decided to give you the comfortable bed for your first night."

I snorted, "That's entirely likely, but you're way too sweet to come to Hell with me."

She giggled and pulled on my arm, urging me to get up, "Come on, Andre made breakfast and it's to die for."

At that, I remembered the events of the previous night, in which I had reunited with Jade. I smiled and relented, getting out of bed and stretching extensively. "Beck said we shouldn't really be here today, so you're going to eat breakfast, and we'll go back to my place to get changed and then go shopping."

I picked my phone up off the nightstand and looked back at her, "Why can't we be here?"

"Jade's got her weigh-in tomorrow and she's 8 pounds over, so there's going to be, and I quote, "some Jenny Craig shit goin' on" all day."

I chuckled and followed her out of the room I was staying in, which, even being a guest bedroom, was ridiculously nice. The early morning light shone through the windows, illuminating the house in a way it wasn't last night, allowing me to observe it a lot closer. The room I had stayed in was near the lounge room I had noticed the previous night. Cat pointed down the hallway towards the double doors, "I assume Jade told you that's her room?"

"Yeah, we went in…" I stopped and looked around before pointing to the black door, "That room last night."

She nodded, "I haven't seen that room yet, no reason to I guess. Anyway, that's Andre's room, and that's Beck's room," she pointed towards the door nearest Jade's room on the right, and the one next to it, "Across the hall is Mikey's room, which you can probably figure out due to his name being painted on the door, and the room Randy always stays in is right next to it. There's 4 other guest bedrooms besides the one you were staying in, then there's Jade's special room which probably has a huge pentagram on the floor for her to summon Satan for tea."

I laughed and shook my head, "She likes coffee, not tea."

"Whatever," she mumbled a smile on her face. She led me out to the main room of the second floor, which I could now tell was set up almost like a bar. It didn't take me more than a second to figure out this was probably where they had all their parties. A bar accented the far wall, with 2 fairly large TVs on the walls, one with the Xbox consoles, and the other with PlayStations.

"Come look at this," Cat grabbed my arm and pulled me over to one where she pulled out one game, "There's another copy of this downstairs, but it's the SFC official game, which features pretty much everyone on the roster. Jade's in this one, and she loves to play as herself every time, it's hilarious."

I rolled my eyes, knowing Cat's claim was completely true, considering Jade's personality. "Seems like the parties would be really loud," I commented, noticing the stereo system up against the wall opposite the one with the bar.

"They are, but all of the bedrooms are soundproofed, can't hear the music from rooms where it matters, like Mikey's. Come on, let's go eat."

Cat and I made the long trek downstairs and to the kitchen, where Andre was standing near the stove with Beck. They both offered us a short greeting before turning back to what they were doing.

Randy was the more talkative of the three, smiling at us as he set out two plates of food for us, "How are you two beautiful ladies this morning?"

"Great, thanks Randy," Cat smiled back, sitting down and digging right in.

I sat down beside her and sighed happily, "I haven't slept that well in quite a while."

He finished up his own food and stuck the plate in the sink, sitting back down with us, "I heard you were going shopping today?"

"Yep, figured I'd give her a chance to get out some," Cat nudged me lightheartedly.

Andre set down a plate piled with enough eggs and sausage to feed a group of people, making both Cat and I chuckle, "How many people are you feeding?"

"Just one, despite what it looks like."

"She eats enough under normal circumstances," Randy answered our unspoken question, "But especially when she's got to cut the weight quickly."

"Isn't that a little counter-intuitive?" Cat asked.

He shrugged, "Typically. But on days like these, she has almost twice as much protein as normal to make sure she isn't burning muscle."

"She up yet?"

"Been up since dawn, should be back from her run soon," Randy said, grinning as only a second later, we heard the front door open and Cujo run inside. He was in the kitchen in no less than 2 seconds, sitting on the floor near two metal bowls. Andre tossed a couple pieces of sausage and some scrambled eggs into a dish for him.

I made the mistake of taking a sip of my orange juice right as Jade walked into the kitchen, still breathing heavily. When I saw that what she was wearing was a tight pair of shorts and a sports bra, I very charmingly started to choke on my drink.

She looked over almost as if she knew exactly what was going on in my head, a smirk firmly on her face, "Would've thought by now you learned how to eat."

Cat smacked my back a few times, trying to keep from laughing. I finally got myself under control and spoke to Jade, my voice hoarse from nearly hacking up a lung, "I'm fine."

"Sounds like it," she teased, siting down next to Randy and digging into her food.

"How much did you run?" Beck asked her.

Jade looked at him with a glare, probably at the fact he waited until she had a mouthful of food to ask. Instead of speaking, she held up 10 fingers, then put down 5 to signify 15.

He grunted, "I told you to run 10."

"She did run 10," Randy defended her, "Just with 5 extra. Anyway, it's not exactly a new thing that she isn't listening to you."

"_Jade West, I've told you numerous times to stop showing off! You're making the other children feel bad!"_ I quoted our old gym teacher in the best southern accent I could muster.

She must've picked up on the reference, because she was chuckling as well. She swallowed her mouthful of food and held up a finger, "My favorite was when we had to climb that rope wall, and I was like the 5th person back, and ended up just Tarzan-ing up that bitch in like 2 seconds. Mr. Reilly was not happy."

"You were his favorite student, but following rules has never been your strong suit."

"Speaking of which, he came to visit me down at the gym the other day, told me how impressed he was, blah blah blah. Pretty cool seeing him again though."

"Yeah?" I asked, taking a sip of my orange juice, "I've been wanting to see Mrs. Schulz again."

Jade looked curious, "Is that how you say her name? Never been able to get that. Reilly mentioned her once, I think they're friends. I'll ask him if he stops by again."

I smiled but Beck spoke up before I could say anything, "Jade, we're gonna head over to Baldwin Hills around 9 for some more endurance training, other than that we're meeting Kyle at Pierre's MMA Gym at 3."

"Sounds as strenuous as our activities, you know, walking around the District all day, super tiring. Anyway, Randy, do you have anything to do with that gym? You know since your last name is..."

"Pierre? Surprised it took you this long. Yeah, my father opened the gym when I was 3 years old."

"Is that how you two met?"

Randy nodded, "Sure is. Jade signed up when she got a referral from her Vice Principal. According to her, it was either that or a stretch in the Juvenile Detention Center. Of course as soon as she stepped into the place she found her calling. I saw her training one day and was incredibly impressed, been training her myself ever since."

Jade seemed to be too involved in her food to reply any further, so I picked up from there, "She's been doing this kind of thing since she was 5, officially. Of course there was that time when she was handing her teddy bear's ass to it..."

She gave me the scariest glare I'd ever seen, though it did nothing but make me laugh. "She's one of a kind, to be sure," Randy agreed.

* * *

"Okay so there's one thing I've always wanted to do," Cat spoke up as soon as we walked into my apartment to grab some more clothes for myself.

I tried to hide my grin, "I'll give you the chance to finish that sentence."

She groaned, following me into my bedroom, "I'm serious!"

"Alright, alright. What do you want to try?"

"Weed."

"Oh no," I stood and held up a hand, "I will _not_ let you get into the same shit I do."

Cat sighed, "What would change your mind? Because I'm fairly certain I won't be getting _addicted_."

I shrugged and opened up my closet to grab some shirts, "I'm gonna go straight up 50s housewife on your ass and say I want to _hear_ your boyfriend give you permission."

"Why?"

"Because Cat, if he says it's okay, if the others find out, then we have one vouching for us. If he doesn't know and they find out, you wanna stop to think how that'd look on me?" I shook my head at her deeper frown, "You're damn straight I'm being selfish. I just got Jade back, you'd be out of your mind to think I'd do anything to mess it up now."

"I understand where you're coming from," she mumbled, checking the time and pulling her phone out of her pocket.

I heard Beck's voice through the speaker while I was sorting out the buttons on one flannel shirt, _"Hey babe, what's up?"_

"Hey I've got a question for you, and please hear me out before you get upset."

I chuckled silently and gave her a thumbs up at her choice of words. She flipped me the bird.

"_Okay, what's on your mind?"_

"Would you be okay with me smoking weed with Tori tonight?"

He was silent for a long time, even the background noise stopped, and Cat just stood there holding her phone with an apprehensive look on her face.

"_Why?"_

It took every bit of my willpower not to laugh when his reply out of nowhere made Cat jump in surprise. "I just wanted to try it, to be honest. I've heard pretty much nothing but good things about it."

"_Alright. Call me in the morning?"_

"Wait, you're okay with it?"

I didn't know about Cat, but I was starting to get uneasy about the lack of background noise. I knew from experience that nearly every time she called him, there was _something_ going on in the background, but now, nothing.

"_From what she said, I'd guess Tori knows her way around drugs, so I figured she'd know how to take care of you if anything went wrong. Plus, I'm not going to be __**that guy**__. Why did you ask my permission anyway?"_

_Busted._

"Tori said she wasn't going to let me, or give me the means to, unless I had your permission. I guess so I have a second opinion and don't do something stupid and impulsive."

"_Fair enough. Well, will you be watching the weigh-in tomorrow?"_

He moved on fairly easy from the topic, and I just shrugged at her odd expression. I went over to the nightstand and grabbed the box I kept under it, opening the lid and grabbed a small bag of weed before closing it and returning the box.

"Yeah, what time is it on?" Cat was satisfied and moved on from the topic as well.

"_It starts at 7 but since Jade's on the main card she probably won't be on until 8-8:30."_

"We'll watch it, definitely."

"_Cool. I'll let you go, call me in the morning, okay?"_

Cat followed me back out into the living area where I grabbed a few extra things and stuffed them into my bag. She hung up and looked at me, "We ready to go then?"

I stopped, eyeing a couple wine glasses carelessly discarded on the kitchen counter, remembering one of the few nights in which Steven was actually nice, romantic, even.

"What's wrong?"

"This feels weird," I mumbled, moving on from the glasses and looking around my dingy apartment.

She looked confused, "What does?"

I shook my head, "This whole thing. Being happy. This is all I've known for the past few years, I've resigned to not being happy with my life. Suddenly everything took a 180 and things are almost perfect."

"Almost?" She asked, nudging me with her shoulder.

"I don't know how to leave it behind," I confessed, hanging my head, "I'm in deep and I don't know if I can even leave Steven without it blowing up in my face."

"I need you to do something for me," Cat whispered, making me look up at her, "You need to go to someone about this. I'll bet anything Jade will protect you until her dying breath, but she isn't the police."

I shook my head and stepped away from her, "I can't."

Her face fell, "Why?"

"He will _find me_ if I go to the police."

"If he's arrested he can't get to you."

I closed my eyes and didn't respond, simply mumbling a quiet, "Let's go."

* * *

"This feels so weird..." Cat muttered, handing the joint back to me.

"The best part is listening to music," I grinned, blowing some distorted smoke rings.

I stood up, heading over to the laptop near the TV, opening up my laptop to my playlist and starting the instrumental version of Coldplay's _Paradise_. "Just lay back and listen to this."

Cat did as she was told and relaxed, listening as the music began to fill the room from the speakers attached to the laptop. It only took about 30 seconds for Cat to whisper, "Wow. This is kind of incredible."

I sat back down next to her, putting my feet up on the coffee table, "This is pretty much how I spend every night. Surprisingly, it's not as fun as it seems."

"Tell me something."

"I assume you want to know something in particular," I mumbled, folding up a small piece of an old business card.

"In a perfect world, how does this story end?"

I sighed, "You know, when your life has no meaning for so long, it's difficult to think what you would do if you had a chance."

Cat looked at the now burnt out joint and sighed, tossing it into the ashtray and taking a sip of her wine, "Things are looking up though, aren't they?"

"_The future influences the present just as much as the past._ Honestly, I think that's what scares me."

"What's that? Nietzsche?"

I nodded, handing the newly rolled joint to her. She held it between her lips and I lit it, sitting back and watching the flame on the lighter.

"What is it about the future that holds you back?"

"The uncertainty. I'm terrified of what would happen if I left Steven, I have _no_ idea how to live without drugs, and Jade doesn't trust me."

Cat looked confused, "How do you know she doesn't trust you?"

"Come on now, if you were in her place, would you trust me?"

"No, probably not."

I pointed at her, "And that's why. I know any rational person wouldn't trust me right away, and I know I'll have to earn it. I just don't know how."

"Let's say, hypothetically, that she trusts you completely and everything will go perfectly, how would this play out?"

I sighed heavily and thought for a bit. I wasn't sure what it is I wanted. All I knew is that I didn't want to mess anything up. One thing I did think of, "I want to live on my own."

"Why would you want that? Especially with everything going on."

"I've never lived alone. It's always been with someone. I just want to know what it's like to live on my own, fending for myself, you know?"

Cat frowned, "I just don't think it's a good idea."

"I can't live in fear for the rest of my life."

She just grunted.

* * *

"What channel is it on?"

"175, Beck just texted and said they're next."

I tossed the remote at Cat, laughing as she didn't even notice until it hit her. I finished up pouring our drinks and sat back down next to her, watching two of the male fighters leave the stage.

"_**Next up we have our main event of the night. Ladies and gentlemen please welcome the challenger, Jessica Zeno!"**_

A woman walked up onto the stage followed by 2-3 men, her trainers, and went over to the scale at the center of the stage.

"Okay why is she taking her clothes off," Cat asked, the confusion on her face making me laugh.

"Clothes have weight, babe. She's making sure she fits in the weight range."

Cat's brows furrowed even more, "Why doesn't she just lose more weight?"

"I'm pretty sure you'd smack a bitch into next week if she said that to you."

"This is true, but irrelevant."

I laughed, "No but it's best to weigh as much as possible for the class as it helps you in fights. Body mass and all that."

"How do you know all this?" She asked, looking back at the TV.

"Jade used to tell me everything she knew about these fights," I mumbled, remembering all the times I'd just listen to her talk so passionately about the topic.

Cat just smiled and grabbed the remote, "You love to listen to people talk, don't you?"

I shrugged, "There's a lot you can learn, listening to her voice just makes it better."

She shook her head and turned up the volume as Zeno left the stage.

"_**And now, the former 2**__**nd**__** division champion, Jade West!"**_

We watched as Jade walked across the stage, flanked by Beck and Randy, stopping in front of the scale and doing the same as the woman before her, stripping down to her sports bra and underwear.

"I mean I'm just saying we may need a _Caution: Wet Floor_ sign in just a few minutes..."

"Bite me."

She had a smug little smile on her face, choosing not to say anything more. After confirming her weight as 134.5, Jade stepped back off the scale, quickly pulling on her jeans and boots before standing in front of her opponent, putting her hands up in a defensive stance for the cameras. Just a few seconds later both women took a step back from each other, shaking hands before parting ways.

"Beck said there will be a party on Sunday if/when Jade wins tomorrow night. He invited me..."

I looked over at her as soon as the camera changed from Jade walking off the stage, trying not to look as desperate as I felt over that statement.

She smiled, almost knowingly, "And Jade wants you to come."

Cat looked through her phone a second before showing it to me.

_**We're gonna have a party at Jade's place on Sunday night to celebrate her inevitable victory. You're invited, of course, and Jade wants to know if Tori can go as well?**_

"So will you?" Cat asked, giving me that smug smile again

"I can't believe you're even asking."

She just shrugged, "I needed to give Beck a definite answer. The party's gonna start around 6. He said Andre's gonna grill some burgers and the guys from the gym will probably build an enormous bonfire."

"Sounds fun."

Cat turned off the TV and finished up putting in an order online for a pizza before lying back, "I went to a party they threw about two weeks ago, pretty much the coolest things ever. I won't explain anything, I'll just let you see for yourself."

I smiled, "You know, things might be looking up for me."

* * *

**A/N: Next chapter will include the fight and party. I'll _attempt_ to post it in a timely manner. Apologies for the lateness on this one. Review and let me know what you thought.**

**Also, for the guest who criticized my portrayal of domestic abuse, I apologize if it wasn't accurate in your eyes, but I write what I know. If you would like to contact me personally via PM I will be happy to hear your suggestions on how to better depict it.**


	10. Stuck

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

**A/N: Real life sucks, huh? Finally got this one done and edited, so enjoy.**

* * *

"Hey Tori…"

I frowned and ignored her, focusing on my book.

"Tori..."

"NO!"

Cat almost looked offended, "You didn't even hear what I have to say!"

I sighed heavily and looked at her, "Alright, what do you want?"

"I wanna try X."

"Go fuck yourself."

I had zero patience for this bullshit at the moment, and I was pretty certain it was showing. I didn't really think I had any other option other than snapping at her, it wouldn't go through to her either way.

Cat laid down on the couch and groaned, "I mean, it's not like you don't have it, right?"

I got up and went to my kitchen to grab a drink, "Cat, I shouldn't even have done it, but I absolutely will not give you anything other than weed."

She followed me, still seeming adamant, "Come on, think about it, we could just do some X, have a little party, forget about things for a while..."

I turned around, getting right in her face, "Don't fucking test me. I refuse to be your token stoner friend who gives you whatever you want just because you asked for it. I'm quitting anyway, I don't want this anymore. Find someone else to give you shit that'll fuck up your life."

It was silent for a while, with me nearly glaring holes in her and her just standing still. A moment later she just cracked a small smile.

"Good, step one's complete, now, we toss them."

I stepped back and couldn't control the confusion on my face, "What?"

"You really think I'm the type? I was seeing how far your control went. I'm here to help you, remember?"

"You never cease to confuse the hell out of me," I mumbled, grabbing a Pepsi from the fridge and going back to the couch.

"It's my job. Anyway, we've got 3 hours til Jade's fight, what do you wanna do?"

I looked at my phone and bit my lip, "We could…Umm..."

"Let's go visit my friend," Cat proposed.

"Who's your friend?"

Cat took my question as confirmation and starting putting on her shoes, "His name's Dr. Matthew Anderson."

I raised an eyebrow and made no move to get ready myself.

She quickly noticed and shook her head, "He's got a PhD in psychology. I thought you two would get along well."

I thought about it for a brief moment before figuring it wouldn't hurt to talk to him. I put on my boots and grabbed a jacket from the closet by the door. "Let's go then."

* * *

Cat pulled into the parking lot of a large building on a college campus, turning off the car and motioning for me to follow her. We entered through the main entrance and went straight to the office. "Here to visit Dr. Anderson if he's available?" She said to the woman at the desk.

She glanced at a piece of paper on her desk, "He's still in the building but his last lecture ended a few hours ago. Do you know where his room is?"

Cat nodded, smiling as the woman handed us two visitor's passes, "Thank you."

She handed one of the passes to me and led me down one hallway, turning a few times before entering a room. It was designed like the usual lecture hall, and a man was sitting at the desk on the far end.

"Matt!" Cat called out to him, waving as he looked up and smiled.

He met us halfway and gave Cat a hug, "It's good to see you. What brings you here today?"

"I brought a friend to meet you. She has interests in literature, philosophy, and psychology, similar to you," she winked.

Dr. Anderson looked at me and offered a smile, extending his hand, "Very good to meet you. My name's Dr. Matthew Anderson, but you can call me Matt."

I smiled back, shaking his hand, "My name's Tori."

He looked at me carefully a moment before saying quietly, "Oh...You've got a lot going on, don't you? Why don't we sit and talk a bit, if you'd like?"

"Um..."

"Yes," Cat answered, ignoring me.

Matt pulled up two chairs to his desk and sat down, "You know Cat, you can't make someone talk if they don't want to."

"How about questions?" She proposed, looking at me for confirmation.

I nodded but didn't say anything. I was doing my best to stay calm, but was gonna give Cat an earful for the interrogation later.

"Okay," He sat back and crossed his ankle over his knee, "Let's start at the easiest part, shall we? If you could have any job in the world, what would it be?"

I bit my lip and thought about it carefully, "I'm not entirely sure yet. As you may have gathered from what Cat told you, I'd be interested in using my mind, not just some desk job."

"So you like things that make you think?"

I nodded.

Mat made a fist with one hand, resting his chin on it, "What's your highest level of official education?"

"Middle school."

"Would you like to go back to school?"

"Yes."

The questions continued on and on, until he must've sensed I was at my limit of sharing and he suggested we stop and go get something to eat. Cat checked the time on her phone and frowned, "I'm sorry Matt, but we've got something going on in about 45 minutes, can we take a rain check?"

He smiled, "Of course, just call me. You ladies have a good night, and it was a pleasure meeting you, Tori."

As soon as Cat and I got in the car, she abruptly announced, "I want some pizza."

"Should we order some?"

"I do believe it is necessary, yes."

* * *

"This pizza is pretty much heaven," Cat nearly moaned.

I laughed, "As much as I love pizza, I don't think I'll ever understand your fascination with it."

"It's a bachelorette's best friend."

"But you have a boyfriend."

She shook her head, her mouth still full of pizza, "I didn't a month ago. And you wanna know what I ate when I wasn't being a fucking vulture over Andre's cooking? Pizza!"

"_**Our next bout is to introduce the former second division champion to the new ranks. One look at this matchup says these women are quite similar, with two inches of height on Zeno and four years younger, Jade West is one of the younger fighters we've had."**_

"It's starting!"

"Yes, Cat, I can see that. Don't talk with your mouth full, it's impolite."

She just had a stupid little grin on her face.

"_**Zeno has it cut out for her tonight. West has been trained by the legendary fighter Randy Pierre, and is currently undefeated in her MMA record, with 9 wins, no losses, and no draws."**_

A song I couldn't recognize started playing and the cameras switched to a woman and 3-4 men, plus 3 security guards keeping the crowd away from her.

"_**First to the cage is the challenger in the blue corner, Jessica Zeno, who has a professional record of 6 wins, 3 losses, and 1 draw."**_

"And then next after this commercial break..." Cat mumbled. "They really know how to draw these out."

I huffed, sitting back and pulling my legs up to my chest, resting my chin on top.

As soon as Jessica was in the cage, I heard the sound of Nico Vega's _Beast_ as the cameras panned to Jade, Beck, Randy, Andre, and some other guy I hadn't seen before.

"Who's the curly haired one?"

Cat glanced up from her phone, "Oh, Robbie? He apparently trained with Jade when she was like, 19 or 20. Jade said he quit fighting cause he never could take a punch to the face and just settled for training her."

I watched as Jade went through the usual protocol of a search and vaseline on her eyebrows and cheeks before stepping into the cage. "What else has she been up to?"

"Well, I've known her for like, a month, maybe two, so I doubt I know more about her than you would."

"You've known her more recently," I sighed, looking back at the screen to see the cameras panning between the two fighters' trainers outside the cage.

Cat got up and refilled her wine glass, "Oh, she's funny when she's been drinking."

"Funny how?"

She laughed, "You know all the different types of drunks? The angry, the sad, the flirty, then there's just the funny. She's the funny drunk. Though to be fair, I've only seen her drunk once or twice, incredible tolerance for alcohol. I guess it's just the way her body works. Though don't get me wrong, she can be a real flirt."

"That so?" I mumbled, watching every movement Jade made on the screen.

"Yeah, kinda how I figured out she's not all vagiterian."

I nearly choked on my drink, wiping a bit off my chin and just laughing, "What the fuck did you just say?"

Cat shrugged, laughing as well, "Vagiterian, you know, gay. I'm surprised you haven't heard that one before."

"Slang like that doesn't flow well around my little group."

"Why's that?"

I tilted my glass around, stirring the soda, "It's just not common conversation – doesn't matter. Now, if you wanna talk slang for drugs, I've heard it all."

Before we even realized it, on the screen Jade was touching gloves with her opponent and the fight was underway. This didn't seem to bother Cat in the slightest, "Is there a lot of it?"

"What?" I asked, not really paying attention to her.

The other woman had charged at Jade without hesitation, throwing a couple sloppy punches, something Jade had told me they do to mess up their opponent, not actually harm them. Jade seemed to be anticipating the onslaught however, and took the hits easily, clinching the fight and keeping her busy while she set up her own attack.

"Drug slang, is there a lot of it?"

I nodded, "Yeah, a whole shit load. It's almost like they run on one bit of it then just accommodate whatever they slur in their highs. Yeah this is what I was sayin' but this is what came out of my mouth, so let's say this from now on."

Cat laughed, "You guys are out of your minds."

"Fucked right up, and it'd be hard to find a junkie that didn't own up to bein' whack. Some may tell you they can quit anytime, not actually addicted, but nah, they know when they're screwed." I sighed and shook my head, "Once you're in, you're done."

She looked over, her smile turning into something else, "You're talking about yourself, aren't you?"

I didn't answer. Looking back at the screen, I caught the final moments of the fight when Jade tripped up the other woman and trapped her arm, forcing her into an arm bar submission. I smiled a bit and got up, going to the kitchen and refilling my glass, this time with vodka in the mix. When I got back, Cat had already turned the TV off and was typing something on her phone.

"Don't suppose you got one of those for me?"

"Does it look like it?"

She cracked a grin and nodded, "You gonna tell me what you meant?"

I picked up a joint and held it between my lips, lighting the tip with an old lighter discarded onto the table. I managed to shake one light out of it before it was done, tossing it as close as I could get it to the trash can, but missing by a few inches. I leaned back and inhaled deeply, waiting until the smoke burned my mouth and my head was in a fog before exhaling.

"You know," I mumbled, looking over my perfectly rolled joint, "The funny thing about all this is no matter how much I want out of this, I'm probably never going to get away."

"What makes you say that?"

I chuckled, "Thing is, when you're in deep like this, the only way you get out is if you end up dead or nobody puts a hit out on you."

Cat plucked the joint from my hand and took a hit of her own, "So what you're telling me is...you're fucked."

"And not in the good way," I quipped, managing to get a smile out of her.

"Leave it to you."

Suddenly we heard a buzzing noise coming from the coffee table, my phone, to be exact. I sighed and picked it up, closing my eyes and cursing when I saw who it was. "Yeah?"

"_Got a package waiting for you behind the warehouse."_

I rubbed my eyes and exhaled heavily, "I can't drive right now, I'm off my fucking face."

"_It wasn't a suggestion. Go get it."_

"You got it, babe, but if I die in a wreck its on you."

He let out a small laugh, full of contempt, _"You'll be fine. To make it up to you, I'll bring something special back, what do you say?_

I got up and turned towards my room, motioning to Cat to stay put. "What are you offering?"

"_How about you don't worry about that. You've got a job, get it done."_

He hung up and I sighed, tossing the phone onto my bed. I dressed quickly and grabbed my jacket from its place by the door, "I'll be back in a bit."

"You shouldn't be driving," Cat called out.

I ignored her, closing and locking the door behind me and heading down to my car.

* * *

"Getting a bit personal, are we, Taylor?"

The man looked over and gave me a cocky grin, "Some business best stays in the shadows, don't you think?"

I checked behind me once more, leaning against the wall, "Right. What have you got for me?"

Taylor handed me a brown paper bag, which I immediately stuffed into my pocket. "Got back in touch with one of the old dealers, new shit comin' in. Steven said he's bringing more down but wanted you to distribute that while he was away."

"Never knew him to go up north for gear."

"Yeah, well, you'd be surprised how limited flights to Miami are right now. Besides, he had to take care of other business. Go on now."

My brows furrowed and I shook my head, "I can't get this shit out before he gets back."

"I wasn't asking, love. You owe me, you haven't forgotten so soon, have you?"

I gritted my teeth and looked away, "You're never going to let that go, are you?"

He shook his head, "No. No, I'll hang this one over your head for quite some time."

"What's it gonna take?"

"Tell you what, you do right by me, and I'll forget what I know."

"Just like that?"

Taylor shrugged and turned to walk away, "Far as you know."

I swore under my breath, turning back to my own car.

* * *

I toyed with the gear, thinking about exactly how screwed I was. After arriving home, Cat had given me one look before telling me when we'd be leaving and letting me go. She never asked questions, and for that I was grateful. I tossed the stuff under my bed and tried to go to sleep.

"_Tori why does this feel so...weird…?"_

"_I don't know, babe."_

"_It's that blue shit isn't it? It's...it's a hotshot."_

"_I swear I didn't know!"_

"_Oh shut up. I know this isn't you. This is what I get for talkin'. Grant an old friend a dying wish, would you?"_

"_What?"_

"_Fuckin' end him."_

"Tori! Come on, get out of bed!"

I sat up and rubbed my eyes, sighing heavily. Cat jumped on my bed and looked at me curiously, "Are you okay? You look kinda...tired."

I shook my head and got up, gathering an outfit from various parts of my room, "I'm fine, just a bad night."

"Tell you what, you go shower, and I'll do your makeup, okay?"

"If that'll make you feel better."

* * *

"Fuckin' a, that's a lot of people."

Cat grinned, "Are you surprised? She's popular."

She parked on the side of the road a ways from Jade's actual driveway, since there were about 30 other cars up the driveway and along the street.

"Party like it's a Sunday evening, right?"

"Praise Jesus," she laughed, hopping out of the car and meeting me on the other side to walk across the street.

When we got to the door, Beck was already standing there offering us two beers, "About time you guys got here!"

Cat took one and jokingly shoved him with her shoulder, "We're exactly on time."

"Come on then, they're about to light the fire!"

He led us over to the kitchen and then out the sliding glass door at the far end. We saw far too many people to count hanging around the grill, on the patio, and out in the yard around a massive pile of sticks and debris. Beck pointed in one direction before turning around to talk to Andre, who was tending to some hamburgers and hotdogs on the grill.

"There's Jade," Cat whispered to me, nodding in the same direction Beck had pointed.

Jade was looking as beautiful as always, wearing a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt with the sleeves cut off and the sides cut as well. She had her back to us, watching the guys building the fire, while another man stood next to her with his arm around her. He looked to be pretty muscular, but not too outrageously so. From the few times he looked Jade's way, he had an attractive face as well. I hated that I already felt jealous over him.

"Hey Jade!" Cat called out, giving me no option but to follow her the 25 or so yards to where Jade was standing.

She turned around, first noticing Cat, then smiling when she saw me. The man next to her turned around as well, whispering something to her that made her smack him upside the head.

"You bein' bad again, Marco?" Cat laughed.

"Me? No, never!"

Jade rolled her eyes and stepped forward to hug me, whispering to me, "I'm glad you came."

I just smiled back, knowing she could see the blush on my cheeks. A few guys yelling over by the almost-bonfire caught Jade and Marco's attention long enough for me to catch Cat's attention and nod over to Marco, silently asking her who he was. She just gave me a shit eating grin before asking him, "Hey Marco, where's your boyfriend?"

He turned back around momentarily, "He's been helping building the bonfire."

"It's like they're trying to make it as big as possible," Jade grunted.

"Bunch'a size queens, I'm telling you," Marco chuckled.

Cat smiled and tilted her head, "There's a bit of truth to every stereotype don't you think?"

"Jade!" One of the guys from the bonfire called over, "Come give us a hand would you?"

We followed her over to the pile and the same guy as before asked her in an accent I clearly recognized as Australian, "How'd you reckon we light this?"

"Empty boxes. Stick them in then light small bits on the outside, all around."

They proceeded to do exactly that, with four men lighting about 8 boxes all around the pile, waiting a few seconds before it erupted in flames. Jade just smirked and stepped back, "Told you."

We stood around watching the fire for a bit before I heard a familiar voice behind me that chilled my blood, "Hey Giggles, didn't expect to see you here."

_**Flashback**_

"_Tori, this is Deonte, he's a very good friend of mine."_

_I looked up at the well-built black man and just giggled, still pinned after a hit, "Hey there."_

"_What's up with giggles here? First time?"_

_Steven shook his head, "Nah, just what she does. Deonte here can get you anything you want, and you trust him with your life, you hear?"_

_ "He deals?"_

_ "I will if I get a decent offer. I'm more of a sort of enforcer."_

_ "Essentially he's the one that gets rid of the people who talk or get out of line."_

_ I smiled and shrugged, "I won't get on your bad side then."_

_**End of Flashback**_

My heart sank. "Deonte."

* * *

**A/N: Wait...Who was Taylor? Or that girl? And why is someone like Deonte hanging around Jade's parties? Guess we'll find out later...**

**It's my understanding that bonfires such as the one mentioned here would be illegal in the city, especially somewhere like Los Angeles. However while writing this I was reminded of a party I went to a few years back when they made a bonfire so large you couldn't be within 15 feet without the heat being too much. They would throw in anything that burned, one guy even threw in a shovel and one threw in a wooden chair.**

**Also, this chapter was written in honor of the Ronda Rousey's 14 second win over the previously undefeated Cat Zingano.**


	11. I Hate You

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

**A/N: Tori's affiliations with Steven and his gang are starting to come to light in the worst ways, forcing her into situations she'd do anything to be rid of.  
**

* * *

I hated the sick feeling in my gut when I saw him. He smiled at me as if we were old buddies, his eyes giving off the subtle hint to meet him halfway, as to keep a reasonable distance from the others. He hugged me when I got close enough, giving me an all around awful feeling. Deonte wasn't an affectionate man by any means, and certainly never towards me.

"You're one of the last people I expected to see here," He told me, his smile unwavering.

I had to think quickly. I knew he was still talking to Steven, and was still loyal to him. Steven had no idea who Jade was, or of my history with her, and I was terrified of what would happen if he found out. "Yeah, my friend Cat," I pointed over to her, "Is dating Beck. She invited me, and I had nothing better to do tonight."

Deonte raised his eyebrows slightly, "That's not what I've heard."

"And what have you heard?" I asked, not showing any signs of the fear that was slowly wrapping itself around my heart. One thing I'd picked up over the years is to never show a sign of weakness. It's silly, but it's always something that can be used against you.

"Word is you got a fresh set of gear."

I bit my lip to keep myself from sighing in relief that he brought up the drugs and not my relationship with Jade. I nodded, "Yeah, you heard right."

He nodded as well, "Well, listen, I've got a few guys lined up waiting for their fix. What do you say we trade favors?"

"What do you have in mind?"

"Information."

I furrowed my eyebrows, "What kind of information?"

He shifted his weight and smiled again, glancing behind me at where I assumed the others were still standing, "Seems like you've got a pretty solid line to Beck."

"Maybe," I responded, still unsure, "What's he got?"

"Tip off says he may know a little more than is...safe."

I crossed my arms, "Alright, quit pussyfooting around it. Tell me what you want to know."

"You got 50 grand from him in a very short amount of time. What does he know that prompted him to give it to you?"

Suddenly I heard Steven's voice in my head, "_Never give up what you know unless you're getting something in return. Information is invaluable, always remember that."_

"Who's to say you won't just hear me out then back out of the deal?"

He gave me another smile, one he would give to a good friend who had just said something stupid. He lowered his voice dangerously, "I'd suggest you trust me, or this won't turn out well for you."

I cursed to myself, sighing, "I told Cat I was in trouble with drug money and was afraid of what might happen if I didn't pay. I didn't give her any details, no names, nothing. I said it how it was. Since she's still paying off college debts, obviously she doesn't have much money either, so she called Beck. I highly doubt he knows any more than she does, which isn't enough to get anyone in trouble."

Deonte nodded, looking beyond me to the fire, not bothering to look me in the eye as he responded, "You know what happens when you talk. I'm sure I don't have to remind you."

The slight change in his posture was enough to tighten his shirt near his waist, showing the faint outline of the concealed gun he always carried. "You have nothing to worry about," I assured him.

"Be at the warehouse tomorrow night at 11, sharp. Bring what he gave you, don't bother cutting it until tomorrow night. Usual measurements, you know the drill. Happen to check how many fits were there?"

I recalled the previous night when I looked through what I was given, which included a couple dozen syringes, "About 24."

"Bring those too. I'll be there, don't be late." He walked off, going to speak to some other guys.

I sighed heavily and walked back over to where Cat and Jade were standing watching the fire. Both gave me confused looks. I just shook my head and smiled, "When are we eating?"

* * *

The last time I caught a glimpse at a clock it was around three in the morning, the party had thinned out significantly, with most driving home before getting too hammered to be able to. I found Jade sitting with Cat and Beck, who were trashed and making out, along with Randy, Marco, and Jake, the apparent boyfriend of Marco and the one with the Aussie accent. I watched as Jake stood up, keys in hand, heading for the door. Simply by the way he walked, I knew he drunk, and was curious why he was even attempting to drive, and why the others were letting him. My question was quickly answered when Marco and Randy jumped up after him, Randy grabbing onto him while Marco tried to get the keys out of his hand. Jake managed to wrestle out of Randy's grip and tried to push Marco aside, loudly exclaiming that he was perfectly capable of driving. In response to this, Marco dodged another attempt at a shove and decked him, knocking him unconscious.

Jade rolled her eyes, "Get him cleaned up and take him to bed. Marco, stay with him, you're drunk too."

In an impressive show of strength, he lifted up his unconscious boyfriend and took him upstairs. Randy had the same lighthearted smile as always and gestured for me to sit down, as he took back his place on the other side of Jade, who just took a sip of her beer with an amused smile. She took one look at my curious expression and answered my silent question, "It's an unspoken rule that you do whatever you need to to make sure nobody drives while inebriated. Which is why you just witnessed Marco lay out his own boyfriend."

"Kind of the reason parties are always at my place. Plenty of space for people to crash if they can't drive," Jade continued.

Jade's phone, which was on the table, lit up with a text notification. As she checked it, Randy elaborated, "It's also a rule that if you do drive home, you're to tell the host as soon as you arrive home safely, with proof. I think the funniest one was when Davey's girlfriend sent Jade a text letting her know he was home, with a picture of him completely unconscious backwards on the bed."

"I don't know, my favorite was when Paul tried to send a photo of his bed and accidentally sent a photo his ass," Jade started laughing hysterically.

I burst out laughing as well, "How the fuck did that happen?"

"He forgot the camera was on the front-facing one, and caught the mirror in the background letting me know that not only was he home, but naked as well."

"I still say it was intentional," Randy joked.

Jade shrugged, "If it were he would've sent something better."

Randy's eyebrows raised and he chuckled, tilting his near-empty bottle towards her, "Point taken."

Beck and Cat both got up and headed towards the stairs, leaving only Jade, Randy, and I along with two guys passed out on the couch. As soon as he finished his beer, he set down the bottle on the coffee table and stood up, stretching and offering hands to both Jade and I to help us up.

"I'm off to bed, I think you two should go as well."

Jade led me upstairs, past the other rec room at the top of the stairs, where at least 4 other people were crashed on the couches. She turned on the light of the only room with an open door. I assumed the rest were already occupied. I went into the room and took my keys, phone, and wallet out of my pockets, putting the items on the bedside table. I heard the door click shut behind me and glanced back, seeing Jade was still in the room. She was leaning on the door, her bottom lip trapped between her teeth and her eyes focused on nothing in particular.

"Who was he?"

I couldn't help my confusion at her question. With however many beers I had consumed – I lost count – my brain wasn't working quite the way it should have been. "What?"

She seemed irritated having to repeat the question, "When you first got here, the big muscular black guy you talked to, who was he?"

It started to click what she was asking, and what kind of answer she wanted. An answer I knew I wasn't supposed to give her. "I can't tell you."

"Yeah, you can."

I don't know what it was, be it the tone of her voice or the intensity in her eyes, something made me start talking, "He works for Steven's gang. I've known him for a long time."

"Why was he talking to you here?"

"Jade, I get that you're curious, but at least respect that I know how much is safe to share, and what information gets people killed."

"I'm not _curious_, I – fuck," she sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. In the blink of an eye she was standing right in front of me, her eyes gazing into my own with a look I hadn't seen in years. "I'm not curious, Tori. I'm _afraid_. I don't want you getting hurt. I've told you before I'd do anything to keep you safe. It's been who the fuck knows how long, but it's still true."

_**Flashback**_

"_You know what scares me?"_

_Jade tucked a few strands of hair behind my ear with a small smirk, "Quite a few things. You're afraid of the dark, spiders, clowns, ghosts, holes..."_

_I smacked her arm playfully, but couldn't keep from smiling, "That's not what I meant, though I am surprised you remembered."_

"_I'm offended that you think I'd forget anything about you. But okay, what scares you?"_

"_I'm scared that there will be a time when I can't have this whenever I want, as selfish as that sounds..." I frowned_ _at the awful way I worded the statement, but she just smiled at me._

"_What do you mean?"_

_I cuddled up closer to her, surrounding myself in her. Her scent, her warmth, her love. "I'm afraid that there might be a point where I won't be able to just lose myself in you. Just forgetting everything other than you even exists. You make me feel safe."_

_She just held onto me tighter, "You know I'd die to protect you."_

_**End of Flashback**_

"Why do you care?" I couldn't stop myself before the question slipped out.

Jade seemed unfazed by it, however, her jaw tightening, "What, you think just because you walked out on me in one of the most vulnerable moments of my life that I'd suddenly stop caring about you? Yeah, I fucking hated you for years, I hated you, I hated the way you _still_ made me feel, I hated the way I still heard your voice whispering to me at night, I hated the way I had nightmares more nights than not when I'd see your face again as you looked me in the eye and told me you never felt anything for me, how you didn't love me and there was never anything between us."

There were tears in her eyes and her voice was breaking, her fists balled up so tight the muscles in her arms were tensed. Her words sliced through me like a thousand knives, her pain as clear as day. I opened my mouth to speak but she just held up a finger, giving me an intense look, "I'm not finished!"

I nodded, wiping the tears already escaping the corners of my eyes.

"You know, I tried so fucking hard to forget you. I threw myself into my training, working so hard that I didn't have enough energy to think about anything else. But you know what? You still found a way to slip into my mind. I mastered so many disciplines, keeping myself busy, doing whatever I could to keep you off my mind. My trainer in Japan caught on to my intensity, my passion for the art, and knew there was something deeper driving me to train as hard as I did. He taught me a method of meditation to clear my mind of negative thoughts and my body of negative energy. Part of it was forgetting what made you so upset, and remembering what made you happy."

She wiped a single tear from the corner of her eye and smiled, a sad smile, "I still thought about you. I remembered what it felt like being with you, our late night conversations, the way you'd smile at me, how your body felt against mine when you cuddled with me at night or while we watched movies."

Jade stepped closer to me, her breathing heavy and her eyes gazing into my own, "You. You spark every emotion imaginable in me. When you left I forgot how to feel anything, and then I hated you, and then I missed you. And then Cat walks into my fucking house during my training and says your name and my heart bursts into fire, and suddenly that intense passion floods through me again and I remembered why I hated you so much. It wasn't because of what you did to me, not entirely. I hated you _so fucking_ much because I couldn't stand the fact I was still in love with you after everything you put me through! And you know what's even worse?"

I shook my head, too stunned to speak.

"Everything's made worse because I _still_ love you. I've been filled in with your story as of late, through hounding Cat for information. I hate the idea of another person being able to touch you the way I used to. And yeah, I'll fucking admit it, I wish I was the one that could be with you, but even that's fucked because when I think about being with you, it always ends with me remembering that the only time I ever had you, you walked away from me!"

I finally found my voice and took a step forward, the space left between us being miniscule. At that point we were both just screaming at each other, unloading all of our frustration, "I didn't have a fucking choice! I was fucking terrified, Jade! I thought my mom would disown me if she found out, I ran because I was so scared of losing so much, but you know what? My choice made me lose _everything_! I cried for days over you, missing you, still haunted by that look on your face. And you know why I said what I did? I was trying to make it easier, break the connection. I told you I never loved you and I told you that you never meant anything to me, but that couldn't be further from the truth. You were _everything_ to me, I loved you more than I thought was even possible, and it tore me apart! I turned to drugs just to try to forget you, but you were still all I thought about. Even while off my face on LSD, my hallucinations were nothing but you! You, your face, your scent, your voice, you were all around me! And you want to know what else? Every single time someone else touches me, I always imagine its you because the thought of being with anyone else makes me fucking sick!"

"You didn't have to leave me!" She shouted back, "We could have worked through it together, and saved ourselves all this pain. I would've been there for you, you know that!"

"Yeah, I do. I do now. I didn't know it then. I've regretted my choice every single day. I still love you, Jade, and I-mmph."

It took me a second to even realize why I wasn't able to speak any longer, but my still slightly inebriated brain began to process the two warm hands on either side of my neck, the two thumbs on my cheeks. Even more distinct was the exhilarating sensation of Jade's lips pressed against my own. There were butterflies the size of eagles having a rave in my stomach as I was reminded so clearly why I had an obsession with kissing Jade so many years ago. My hands quickly gripped her waist on the lowest bit of skin the cuts in her shirt allowed and I kissed her back with as much passion as she was giving me. Her kiss felt like a shot of pure heroin as her lips moved like another language spoken so eloquently against my own.

Much to my displeasure, she pulled back, gazing at me intently, her tongue darting out to lick her lips. She didn't step back or remove her hands, she simply looked at me as if she wasn't sure if she had crossed a line. I smiled softly, holding her just a bit tighter to ensure her that what she had done was perfectly okay.

"You don't know how long I've been waiting to do that," she whispered.

"Probably as long as I have," I smiled a bit wider, my thumbs stroking her waist, feeling the small bumps forming on her skin.

Jade smiled as well, one of her hands moving further towards my face, her thumb tracing along my lower lip, "So what happens now?"

"You know I hate plans," I reminded her. It only took a few seconds more before I gave up on holding back and hugged her, the considerable height difference allowing me to simply tuck my head under her chin and listen to her heartbeat, which sounded nearly as erratic as my own felt. Being in her arms again felt amazing, to say the least. "All I know is I never want to lose you again."

She sighed, running her fingers through my hair, "I want to be with you," she admitted, "Like we used to. But I don't want to rush into it."

I pulled back a bit to smile at her, "Whatever you want. Though I do have one request..."

"And what's that?" She asked, seeming curious.

I smiled wider, the same smile I used to give her when I'd tell her a cheesy joke or say something silly, "I want to cuddle with you, like, a lot."

Jade made a quiet humming noise, smiling, "I think that can be arranged."

She leaned down and kissed me again, and I could have sworn right then and there, with my heart going crazy and a huge smile on my face, that everything was going to be okay.

* * *

**A/N: But e****ven through the darkness surrounding her, she's reminded that there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Love and hate are emotions that just can't live without each other.  
**


	12. The Long Game

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

****A/N: Did someone ask for more Jori? No? Well you were thinking it, so take it anyway.  
****

****Also, SPOILER ALERT for the movie_ Playback_, an indie horror film that I personally quite enjoyed. ****

* * *

"Two months!"

Both Randy and Jade looked at Beck with confused looks. "What?" she asked, laughing.

Beck held up his cell phone with a grin, "Just got off the phone with Rick, you're fighting Caperi in two months, and when you win that, you're going straight for the championship."

Randy nudged his friend and smiled, "How's it feel, champ?"

"Pretty damn great," Jade replied, smiling back at him as he patted her shoulder.

"You're gonna have to train harder than ever," Andre reminded her, dumping about 10 pieces of french toast on each of the three's plates as well as his own.

By that time, she'd seen all of the others home and had finally sat down to eat her own breakfast. Though, at around 10 in the morning, it could almost be lunch.

Beck pointed his fork at the others, "To be fair," he swallowed what was already in his mouth, "It'd be an average day's work for her."

Randy nodded, "I'm all for keeping up the training, but if you work her harder then she's not going to be able to perform the way she should when the day comes."

Jade simply ignored them, devouring her breakfast at inhuman speeds.

"Caperi likes grappling, right? What can we do to counter that?" Andre asked the others.

Randy took a drink of his coffee, "Not much to do other than improve the skills she already has. I mean, she's mastered 4 disciplines, some more than once, but one thing I always taught her is there's always more room for improvement."

"I wouldn't be opposed to working on some more Judo or Jiu-Jitsu. As long as I can get her on the ground, she's finished," Jade commented after finishing her final piece of french toast, leaning back in her chair.

The other three exchanged looks and contemplated it. Beck finally spoke his mind, "I say go for Judo. From what I've seen, her strong suit is on her feet, as long as you can get her off them, you'd have it."

Both Andre and Randy nodded in agreement, as Randy added, "Plus, you'd be even with your skill in Jiu-Jitsu if you were to go for another rank in Judo."

Andre held up a hand, "Alright, but where would we go?"

"I doubt it would make a difference on the _where_, I'd guess just wherever had the nicest scenery," Beck replied, sipping his coffee.

Jade raised an eyebrow as she thought, "I don't feel like dealing with customs, isn't there a training center in New York?"

Randy nodded and handed her his phone, which was already opened to a page about a martial arts academy in New York, "I'd say it's a solid choice."

"So when should we go?" Andre asked, standing up and gathering their empty plates, washing them off in the sink.

The others got up as well and sat at the island with their coffee. Beck flipped through his notebook and announced, "Either tomorrow, or in three days. Other than that, probably Tuesday next week."

Randy looked at Jade expectantly. She simply shrugged and downed the last of her coffee, standing up to refill it "Why wait? Let's just fly out there tomorrow."

Andre nodded and grabbed his own phone, copying the number listed on the website Randy had pulled up.

"I'm just saying that they're like walking clouds. Gigantic, sentient, lovable, clouds."

"God almighty, you sound high as shit," Tori laughed.

All four looked towards the entrance to the kitchen, where the two women walked in, followed by Cujo, laughing about whatever they had been talking about. Jade managed to hide her smile behind her refilled coffee mug. Randy just chuckled, "I feel like I've missed a vital part of this conversation. What on Earth are you two on about?"

Cat frowned, sitting down next to Beck and taking a sip of his coffee, to which he just grinned, "Tori and I were talking about what to do today when Cujo walked in to say hi, so we started to talk about the cutest breeds of dogs."

Cujo trotted over and sat next to Jade, rubbing his head on her leg once, as if to say "I'm here."

Tori accepted the cup of coffee offered to her by Andre, standing next to where Jade was leaning on the counter, giving her a shy smile.

"I said a Golden Retriever, because obviously anything fluffy and cuddly is A-OK with me. But then Tori told me the dog she's always wanted was a Great Pyrenees. After googling this dog, I have decided it is the most adorable thing to grace this Earth, which surprisingly beat out two other adorable things."

"What was unfortunate enough to be beaten by a little puppy dog?" Randy laughed.

"Well first was Beck," Cat teased, prompting Beck to act aloof and run his fingers through his hair. "The second was a picture Tori showed me once."

At that, Tori immediately realized what Cat was referring to and shook her head, her hand covering her face, "Oh god, no."

Cat just smiled even wider, "Actually there were a couple photos."

Tori's face turned red in embarrassment, though Jade could see a slight smile hidden behind her hands, "Cat you're killing me."

She decided she had embarrassed her friend enough and elaborated on the initial subject, "But basically that's what you heard, me describing how perfect they are, and Tori telling me I sounded high."

"To be honest, you didn't exactly sound _sober_ with those comments," Beck pointed out.

"Oh come on," she whined, slapping the counter top with her hand, "Tell me they aren't the most adorable creatures you've ever seen!"

Randy tipped his mug at her, "Lady's got a point."

Andre butted into the conversation, as he was still looking through the website, asking Beck, "What time were you thinking?"

He looked confused for a moment before he realized what he was talking about, "Didn't really matter. Jade said she wouldn't mind catching the first flight out, it'd take about 6 hours or so for the whole process, so if we left at, say, 8 in the morning, we could be at the training facility by 2-3 in the afternoon."

"Wait, you guys are leaving?" Cat immediately asked the same thing both she and Tori were thinking.

Randy nodded, pointing over to Jade, "We decided she's going to go for another rank in Judo, so we were going to head to New York."

"Yeah, you guys can come if you'd like," Beck offered.

Tori said nothing as she quietly set down her coffee mug and left the kitchen. Jade and Cat exchanged a look, and Cat tilted her head slightly, silently telling Jade to go after her, figuring Tori would rather have Jade's company than her own.

"Hold off on those plans for now," Jade told Andre, leaving the kitchen as well. She went upstairs to the guest bedroom Tori had stayed in the previous night, finding her agitated, pacing back and forth in the room.

She closed the door and leaned against the wall, "You know," she started, managing to catch Tori off guard and make her jump, "I'd say I know a bit about you, and in my expert opinion, you're not happy that I'm planning to leave."

"No, not particularly," Tori admitted.

Jade walked closer to her and stopped her pacing, pulling her into a hug, "Come with us."

"I can't," Tori muttered into Jade's flannel shirt, "Steven wouldn't let me."

"I could kill him," Jade casually mumbled back, making Tori laugh.

Tori stood back a bit and smiled at her, "I don't doubt you could, I just don't think that's a very good idea."

"Why?"

"For obvious reasons," Tori giggled.

Jade's face remained serious, "Really, what would be the downside?"

Seeing she was actually serious, Tori replied, "For one, there would be quite a few people wanting to avenge him. Obviously, I'd be the first choice, and I'd end up getting hurt. If they find out it was you..." She stopped and decided not to elaborate, "It wouldn't end well."

"So how do we get you out?"

"I don't know, I've never known someone who succeeded." Tori struggled to maintain her composure as the memory of one particular moment hit her.

Jade noticed the change in her and sat her down on the bed, sitting across from her and holding her hands, "What happened?"

Tori bit her lip, not sure if it would be a good idea to admit to what she had done. But of all people, she felt Jade was the one she could trust the most.

She sighed heavily and began the painful story, "Two years ago I had a good friend, Alana. She was a druggie who preferred heroin over anything else. After about 8 months of dealing to her, she confessed that she wanted to quit. As most druggies do, she asked for one last hit before she went clean."

Jade listened quietly, her thumbs stroking the backs of Tori's hands. "I made the stupid mistake of telling Steven she was going to quit. Fuck, I never should have done that." She choked up a bit and had to wait a moment to compose herself before continuing, "He gave me something I'd never seen before, it was a light blue, and he said they called it _Ice_. I'd never heard of it, and he told me it was really good stuff if used in a particular dosage. I stupidly decided to trust him, and went over to her place to give it to her."

Tori stopped to wipe some tears from her eyes, "When we were getting the injection ready, she mentioned that she was glad this was all over, because she had told someone about her situation, and they had gone to authorities. There was a huge bust, and Steven's gang lost a lot of money and merchandise. He knew it was her, but he didn't tell me. At the time I thought nothing of it, and as I gave it to her, I told her that she was going to have "a parting hit." It was only a few seconds later when she asked me what it was, and I realized what I had just done."

She burst into tears, and Jade moved over to wrap her in her arms, whispering to her that it was okay, and not to cry. Tori just choked out, "I killed her," several times.

"I killed her, Jade. I trusted him and he tricked me into giving my best friend a fucking hotshot," she cried.

Jade continued to hold her for another 10 minutes as she cried. Finally Tori sat back a bit and sighed heavily, deciding that there was no reason not to tell Jade the whole truth. "There's one other guy who knows what happened other than Steven, the guy who gave it to him. He's been blackmailing me into doing his bidding, lest he force me to face the consequences of what I'd done. The guy you saw me talking to yesterday is one of the men they recruit to take care of their dirty work, like eliminating the ones who talk, or cause too much trouble. He wanted information on Beck, and bribed me with providing clients for some gear the other man gave me the night before yesterday."

"What did Beck have to offer?" Jade asked, now not only concerned for Tori, but Beck as well.

"I told Cat, Steven was giving me a month to get him 50 grand, with threats basically stating he'd kill me or sell me off as a sex slave if I didn't. Cat went to Beck and got the money from him, then gave it to me. I don't know how he did it, but Steven figured out it came from Beck, and threatened Cat when she came to check on me when I didn't respond to her texts or calls, the night I OD'd on heroin."

Jade nodded as she remembered that morning, when she was genuinely terrified that Tori was dead. Tori continued on, "I had absolutely taken enough to kill myself, though I didn't figure that out until later. Steven found me and gave me some Naloxone, which reverses the effects of an overdose. He did it so nobody would have to investigate my death, and essentially him. But anyway, when she came over, he explained to her in not so many words what he wanted from her, which was to basically get Beck to become his customer. Obviously that never happened, and Deonte was sent to resolve the situation."

"So wait," Jade held up a hand, "He wanted to deal to Beck?"

"Yeah, he figured since he's rich enough to give me 50 grand on the fly, he'd be a good client to have."

Jade's mind started to piece together a difficult picture, an idea becoming clearer. She smiled and leaned forward, running her fingers through Tori's hair and kissing her softly, "I'll figure something out."

Tori's eyes clearly expressed her desperation and fear, "Please don't get yourself hurt."

She didn't answer her, instead asking something else, "When is he going to be back?"

"Wednesday."

Jade nodded, her fingers tracing along Tori's jawline, "Want to stay here again tonight? They wanted me to have a few days off from training. We can postpone the trip until next week."

"Are you sure?"

"Would I ask if I wasn't?" She teased her.

Tori smiled and nodded, "I'd like that."

* * *

_**Later that night**_

"Okay that movie was fucked _right_ up!" Cat whined, finally coming out from her hiding place in Beck's shoulder.

"That was pretty weird," Andre admitted.

"What the fuck was that ending?!" Beck exclaimed.

"The CGI could've been better," Randy added.

"That was terrifying," Tori shuddered, still holding on to Jade's arm.

"I've gotta learn how to do that," Jade mused.

Cat pointed at her, "You would! You'd be the type to learn to suck your soul into a video tape and then get all possessed and kill your family!"

"No, I'd probably just kill you."

She looked offended, "You take that back!"

"Okay but who would you give your soul to?" Tori asked her.

Jade thought for a moment, "I'd probably continue the tradition of family lines and give it to Mikey. Yeah, your turn to be the devil."

"I think," Randy announced, standing up, "You need to go to bed before you think about this too much and get any ideas."

"Too late for that," Tori muttered.

After turning off the TV, they all made their way upstairs, heading to their separate rooms. Cujo followed Jade into her bedroom, as usual, and made himself comfortable in his dog bed. Jade went over to her large walk-in closet, grabbing herself a pair of dark grey sweatpants and a black tank top. She removed everything from the pockets of her jeans and put them away before tossing them and the rest of her outfit into the laundry basket in the corner of her closet. Lastly, she ducked into her bathroom to brush her teeth.

5 minutes later she was knocking on Tori's door. Upon entering the room, Tori was nowhere in sight, though the door to the en suite bathroom was closed. She mischievously decided to play an old joke on Tori, and hid in where she knew to be a blind spot for someone leaving the bathroom. About a minute later, Tori walked out of the bathroom dressed similarly to Jade. As she stood by the bed to put her phone on the charger, Jade used the incredible quickness she'd adapted over the years and rushed over to her, tackling her onto the bed, though careful not to hurt her.

Tori screamed in shock, clutching her heart as she glared up at the now smirking Jade, "Are you serious?!"

"I'm sorry, did I scare you?"

"Just a bit," Tori sighed, "God dammit, I remember when you used to do that to me. _All the time._"

Jade's smile widened and she leaned down to kiss her, partly as an apology, but mostly just because she wanted to. "Mmph," Tori moaned against her lips, attempting, through fighting herself and Jade, to back away from the kiss, "Tell me something."

"What would you like to know?" Jade asked, making herself comfortable next to Tori.

"When we were younger, you once told me about your sexuality, and how you were equally attracted to men and women. Is that still true?"

Jade hummed quietly in thought, "Yes and no."

Tori smiled, "And what does that mean?"

"Would you like for me to get personal?" Jade asked, smirking and raising her eyebrows, making Tori laugh and nod in confirmation.

"I guess it's situational, and whatever I feel like doing on a particular night, or if I had someone in mind. For me, I've never really hid the fact that I'm a dominant person, so if I'm looking for something..." she wracked her brain thinking of a word, but ended up just spitting out the best thing that came to mind, "Easy, I'd probably go for a woman, since in my experience they tend to be submissive. Not always the case, but usually. But if I'm looking for something a bit more exciting, I would go for a man."

She nodded slowly, "So you like someone who fights you for dominance?"

"I like versatility. I'm difficult to keep up with."

"Hmm, I don't recall having an issue keeping up with you previously..." Tori grinned, sliding over on top of Jade, locking the fingers of her right hand with those of Jade's left, holding their hands above her head.

Tori felt Jade's free hand on her waist, slowly moving upwards, as she smirked back, "I was wondering if you'd pick up on that..."

"Why'd you come to my room?" Tori asked, her lips ghosting over Jade's neck.

"There's something I wanted to talk to you about."

"So you didn't just come here to kiss me?" Tori frowned, giving her best sad expression.

Jade chuckled, "Well I'd be lying if I said that wasn't on the list, but there are more pressing matters at hand." Tori sat up a bit, lying more on Jade's side than her entire body. "While you and Cat were out, the guys and I discussed this little predicament you're in, and we've come up with a bit of a plan."

"Did you now?"

She nodded, "I'm sure Beck's got it somewhere – we made a list of all of the factors, and we think we've planned it out perfectly. You can look it over and hear me out, but I don't think we've missed a single thing."

Tori seemed skeptical, "What kind of plan is this?"

Jade chose the roundabout way of answering, "Do you remember in 7th grade when those girls were picking on you, and I came up with this ingenious plan to get back at them?"

Her face registered realization as she remembered, nodding. Jade just smirked and continued, "I hate plans as much as you do, but when it comes to this kind of thing, I will cover every single detail. This is a more advanced version of that plan."

"I'd be very interested in hearing about this perfect plan you've come up with. But for now..." She just smiled and leaned over and began kissing Jade once more.

Tori remembered Jade's plan back in 7th grade, and how perfectly everything played out, and especially how those girls never bothered her again. If there was one thing Jade was good at, it was devising master plans of revenge. Also she could kick some serious ass. And damn, she could kiss.

* * *

**A/N: Jade's dead set on victory, just like always. One look at her track record shows that when she wants to win, she wins, and wins big. Let's see how this plays out...**

**Nalaxone is a drug that is used to reverse the effects of things such as anesthesia, but in this case, it is used to reverse the effects of an opium overdose. This drug is what turned Tori's death sentence into nothing but a bad night.**

**And for vocabulary; I used this one in a previous chapter, but gear is basically heroin and the methods of consumption (syringes, typically), and a hotshot is a lethal dose of heroin, most often injected without knowledge or consent, as is with this case.**


	13. Blackouts, Shootouts, and Sellouts

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

****A/N: What am I doing? Who knows. Things have been really crazy as of late, but they're settling down, so I've had a lot more time and inspiration to write. I do apologize for the enormous gaps in the previous chapters.  
****

****This one may get heavy in some places. Be warned.****

* * *

**Tori's POV**

As I was lying back on the couch, resting, enjoying a joint and a good book, I heard footsteps outside my apartment in the hallway. Since I lived in a busy building, it wasn't surprising, however when I heard a key in the lock and the door opening, I knew he was back.

Steven walked inside the apartment, dumping his backpack and duffel bag near the end of the couch and taking off his jacket, throwing it over the back of the chair. He walked over and plucked the joint from my hand, taking a hit, kissing me, then handing it back. It was an unusual display of affection from him, but I was glad he was at least being pleasant today. He went back over to his backpack, opening one of the pockets and retrieving something, tossing it over to me, where it ended up landing on my stomach. "Promised I'd bring back something special, so I did."

I set down my book and looked at what he had thrown to me. I immediately recognized the little pink pills and my mouth fell open in shock, "Are you serious?"

Steven grinned and picked up his duffel bag, heading towards the bedroom, "Enjoy."

I quickly finished up the last of my joint and disposed of it in the ashtray. I held up the baggie and counted the pills, seeing 34 in total. Steven was suddenly back in the living room, "Hey, what happened to that gear I had delivered to you?"

"I sold it, just like you told me to," I answered passively.

His mood immediately took a complete 180. "I never fucking told you to sell it! I told you to pick it up, that's it!"

My heart sank, "But…"

He grumbled in frustration, "Who fucking told you to sell it?"

"Taylor did! He told me when I went to go pick it up that you were going to bring back more but wanted me to distribute what I was given."

"That son of a bitch, he's fucking dead!" Steven growled, stomping back into the bedroom and slamming the door.

I was confused, to say the least. I had no idea why Taylor would tell me to sell something that wasn't supposed to be sold. I looked back at the baggie of pills and set it down on the coffee table, hesitantly going to the bedroom, knocking on the door. "What do you want?"

I decided just to go in, remembering that he always told me not to be weak and a pushover. It was strange how much I relied on what this man had taught me, despite how much I hated him. "What's the deal?"

He shook his head as he looked through the contents of his duffel bag, "Got some fucking traitors, that's what." He stood up and looked at me as if he had just thought of something, "Deonte, has he spoken to you?"

"Yeah, he found me at a party and confronted me, saying that he was going to trade info for clients for the gear you'd given me." It was only after I finished speaking that I realized what I had confessed to.

"You went to a party?" _Shit._ "Goddammit, forget it, doesn't matter. What did he want to know?"

I was beyond confused at that point, and couldn't keep my thoughts straight enough to lie anymore, "He wanted to know what Beck knew, since apparently it's common knowledge that the 50 grand came from him."

Steven shook his head, "Those fucking traitors. I never told them to do this, nobody did!"

"What did you give me that I wasn't supposed to distribute?"

His jaw tightened, "They knew what it was. Taylor knew, and I know he told Deonte. How many people did you give it to?"

"There were 8 at the warehouse when I went. I sold everything you gave me, I thought that's what you wanted! I swear I didn't know you wanted to keep it!"

"Fuck me," he swore under his breath, "I know you had nothing to do with this little scheme of theirs, you're smarter than that. You know better. But to answer your questions, we've got at least 8 deaths on our hands, 'cause you sold them hotshots."

My eyes widened, "What?! No, that shit was grey, it wasn't the same-"

"Shut up," Steven cut me off, "What I gave to Alana was different, and I did it to keep us all safe. This batch was something else. I had a plan for it and those idiots just fucked it all up."

I just ignored the part about Alana, I didn't want to remember anymore. "Why would they do that?"

"Someone bought them off, that's the only way they'd double-cross me like that. Now I've just got to figure out who wanted those guys dead."

"What if they didn't even want them dead?" I proposed.

He looked at me as if I had just said the stupidest thing he'd ever heard, "What else would they gain?"

I shrugged, "You lost money, didn't you? Maybe their deaths were collateral damage, maybe their intent was something else entirely."

"You think someone's trying to take me down?"

I held up my hands, "I don't know. This is your problem to deal with."

"Who's party were you at?" _There it is._

"It was Beck's friend. There was a huge party with at least 50 people. No drugs, just alcohol."

"Jade." My blood ran cold. His back was to me, so he didn't see the color drain from my face at the name, though I entirely expected it, it still chilled me. He just continued on, "You can say her name. I know who she is, and I also know you've been over there quite frequently."

I took a silent deep breath to compose myself. "Yeah, I have."

His mind seemed to be running in all directions, "When you saw Deonte, did he talk to anyone else? Anyone you recognized?"

"No, just the guys that were there. I didn't know any of them."

"Beck...You said he was dating your friend, Cat?" I nodded. "What's your relationship with them? Why have you been over there so often?"

"Originally I just wanted something to do. It was only later on I figured out Jade was an old friend of mine. I saw an opportunity and acted on it."

His brows furrowed, "Opportunity?"

I shrugged as if it were no big deal, "I heard that you wanted Beck as a client, so I decided to do you one better and get both Beck and Jade."

"Beck never came to me with a deal," he stated.

"There's a difference between you and me, and the relationships we have with them. See, they trust me. I'm your link to them. Babe, I can get you _anything_ you want."

Steven seemed skeptical, "Why would they go along with that?"

I knew then it was time to pull out all the stops and go for it. I walked closer to him and smiled slyly, "Jade and I used to have a _thing_. She's got it bad for me, so you can imagine how easy it is to manipulate her. She'll do anything I ask."

"Anything?"

"Anything at all."

"Prove it to me," He said, his guard still up. "Show me what you can do. I want you to visit her tomorrow, and I want you to get me 25k _in cash_. Tell her whatever you need to, I just want the money."

The corner of my mouth pulled up into a smirk, my eyebrows raising as I spoke, "You got it."

He nodded, "Good. Now, what do you say we test out some of that good stuff I got for you?"

Steven packed up his bag again and set it to the side so the bed was clear, telling me just to lie down and he'd go grab it. I did as he said and he came back with the baggie and some vodka. He shut the door, grabbed the remotes to the TV and Blu-ray, took off his shoes and belt, tossing them aside and lied down next to me, handing me the baggie. He turned on both, switching to the blu-ray. "Since you're pretty tolerant, try 3, if it doesn't hit you like a freight train in a few seconds, we'll try a couple more."

"Sure you're not trying to kill me?" I joked, picking out 3 pills from the bag.

He shrugged, "I definitely could, but," he took the bag, retrieving 3 for himself, "That'd be a waste."

Steven went first, placing the 3 pills on his tongue and washing them back with a swig of vodka. He shook his head and exhaled heavily, handing the bottle to me. I did the same and started to feel the affects only 15 seconds later. "Try to think of something nice, this shit trips you out hard."

I didn't bother speaking, my mind was full of a thick fog and I could feel that same sensation in my body as every other time I'd gotten high. I took his advice, thinking of the one thing that did make me happy. I barely registered Steven turning on some music, a playlist we reserved specifically for getting high. It mostly consisted of instrumentals, as words always seemed to influence the hallucinations.

I blinked once and found myself in a familiar room, one dotted with posters of famous mixed martial artists, a computer desk to the right, a couch to the left, a bathroom just to the right of the TV set up against the stairs leading to the main floor. Next to me Jade was beginning to remove both her clothes and my own. I watched her, my mouth slightly agape as she settled herself on top of me, one hand on my left breast and her mouth all over my neck, littering it with remnants of her. Her hand moved from my breast, down my stomach, and between my legs. A moan escaped me as she fingered me so well. Her face was directly above mine, looking down at me with that same devilish smirk she liked to tease me with. Suddenly there was something inside of me, and the part of my mind that was supposed to register that this didn't make sense was completely offline. I didn't care what it was, all I could focus on was the pleasure she was giving me and her lips moving against my own. She pulled away from the kiss, looking down at me intensely, "You're mine," she whispered huskily.

* * *

I was awoken by a few stray beams of sunlight streaming through the cracks in the blinds. My eyes closed tightly, blocking it out, my hand reaching up to move the hair out of my face. I stood up shakily and went to the bathroom. It was only as I looked at myself in the mirror that I realized I was naked, my neck and chest covered in hickies.

My memory was blank, the last thing I remembered was Steven and I taking the ecstasy, and then, nothing. From my own appearance, it wasn't difficult to figure out what had happened after my blackout. I wasn't caught off guard, because I knew that's what happened to me on this particular drug. Usually, I was able to deduce the happenings of the previous night after a bit of thought, so I set my mind to remembering. I knew I had sex with someone, and I knew that more than likely it was Steven. I wracked my brain trying to remember if anything had happened afterward. I had no idea. Even as I went back into the bedroom and put on a pair of sweatpants and a tank top, I couldn't recall what had happened later. I surveyed the room carefully, but to me, it seemed that nothing more had happened. Since I never trusted him to be careful, and didn't remember any specifics, I went back into the bathroom and took a morning after pill.

From the silence in my apartment, I knew Steven was gone. I picked up my phone and sighed as I realized it was dead. I put it on the charger and left the room. In the living room, I found a note on the coffee table.

_**Remember what I told you to do today. I'll be back by 10.**_

I decided not to waste any time and grabbed a bottle of Gatorade, sipping it as I got dressed. I grabbed my keys and left the apartment, heading over to Jade's house.

Much to my displeasure, Jade wasn't home when I got there. Beck was, and I explained the situation, telling him what I needed. He told me to wait in the living area, and he left, coming back a few minutes later with an envelope. I thanked him and left.

My mind didn't register much more of the encounter, as it was still in a haze. For the life of me I couldn't even make out the details lying on my couch only a half hour later. Before I knew it, I had fallen asleep again.

* * *

"Tori, hey babe, wake up," Steven's voice snapped me into consciousness.

I groaned and sat up. My body ached and my head was killing me. "Fuck, can you get me some aspirin?" I asked.

He nodded and left, returning a moment later with two pills and some water. "You okay? Never seen this effect on you."

"Yeah, I'm fine. I think it was because I took it on an empty stomach."

"That'll mess you up for sure. Did you get what I asked for?"

I pointed to the table, though I had never checked the envelope or what was in it, so I was honest. "Jade wasn't there. That's what Beck gave me."

He checked the envelope, "I guess you do have these guys wrapped around your little finger. Well done, babe." It was silent for a moment longer before he gently patted the back of my head once, "I know what you need."

I didn't ask, though a moment later I heard him on the phone, ordering a pizza. My stomach growled at the thought. He hung up and sat next to me, patting my knee, "We'll get you something to eat and you'll feel better."

"What happened last night?" I couldn't help but ask.

"What do you mean?"

I shook my head, "I just don't remember what happened after we took the X."

"We had sex and then went to sleep, why?"

"I'm just not used to forgetting so much."

"We'll have to make sure you don't take it on an empty stomach again."

Steven checked his phone and had a curious look on his face, standing up and heading towards the bedroom. I had no idea what he was doing and didn't particularly care. My head was pounding. He came back and handed me my phone, "Has this been here all day?"

"Yeah, I think I forgot it on the charger when I left." I took the phone and turned it back on, surprised when I came across several notifications. About a dozen texts and calls were among them, mostly from Cat. I ignored the rest and looked at what she had sent. They were mostly asking me to contact her right away, so I got up and went to the bedroom, closing the door behind me. I called her number and she picked up after only two rings.

"_Hey, how are you doing?"_ She asked eagerly.

I grunted in response, a signal she knew meant that I wasn't much for talking. _"When you came by this morning Beck said you seemed really out of it. He said you were clearly stoned, but didn't understand why, since it was only 9 in the morning. But anyway, Jade wanted to know if she could have your number. Speaking of which, what's going on between you two?"_

Cat really knew how to fill in silences. I tried to answer all of her questions, "I probably was stoned. I don't think that's a good idea right now, and nothing you need to know about. Did I get everything?"

_"Yep, busy?"_

"Yeah, I'll try to call you tomorrow, okay?"

_"Sure, take care of yourself."_

I shook my head and just tried to keep them from my mind, I couldn't handle it. I went back out into the living room, where Steven was just bringing in the pizza. He picked out two slices and put them on a paper plate, offering it to me with a smile. I took it and sat down on the couch, "Hey, what do you want to drink?"

I turned on the TV, "Surprise me."

Steven sat down next to me a moment later with his own pizza as well as two drinks. He handed one to me before leaning back and putting his feet up on the coffee table. As I flipped through the guide, he pointed to the screen, "Stop, go back up two, there."

"The news?" I asked, confused.

He just grinned and stayed silent, watching the broadcast. About 2 minutes later they started on a new story.

_"This just in; a brutal gang shootout in a quiet suburb of southeastern Florence-Graham has come to an end, with 25 confirmed dead at the scene. At least 50 more are in the hospital, most in critical condition. Several homes of known gang members were torched to the ground, and firefighters are still fighting the blazes left behind. The cause for this violent outbreak is unknown, though it is speculated it was a fight over territory or dominance between the gangs Sicilian Brotherhood and Public Enemy Number 1. The shootout led to the discovery of a massive methamphetamine manufacturing site, with various other narcotics found, amounting to over three-quarters of a million dollars. We will report more as it becomes available. Residents of Florence-Graham are highly recommended to stay in their homes until this quiets down, and a curfew of 10 PM has been issued by the LAPD."_

"All in a days work," Steven muttered, a victorious smile on his face.

"You did this?" I asked, shocked.

Steven shrugged and grabbed two more pieces, "Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. Best part? They'll never know."

I was stunned. I couldn't believe in one single day Steven had done all of this. Though as I thought more about it, it made sense. The fight was coming to a head anyway, both sides were chomping at the bit to start the war, all it took was some provocation, one wrong move, one slip up. I knew it wasn't over either, this was just the beginning.

"Who was killed?"

"I wasn't there, so I don't know. I'll be heading over tomorrow to figure out what kind of damages we sustained, but heard word that Taylor was gunned down in an alley, let's hope it's true. I've been wanting him gone for a long time. Awfully convenient how this worked out, hm?"

I bit my lip and thought about it, "Why have you wanted him dead?"

Steven threw his empty plate into the kitchen like a frisbee, grabbing his drink and putting his arm over my shoulders, "I know he's been blackmailing you, there just wasn't a whole lot I could do. But I've finally been given enough incentive to start this war, so I'll just start plucking off the ones who aren't loyal, starting with those sellouts. Anyone who stays with me is guaranteed immunity."

"How do you know?"

"You underestimate me, babe. As long as you stay with me, you'll never get hurt."

I swallowed hard, but couldn't keep myself from asking, "What happens to those who turn on you?"

"Well, you saw those photos. That's what happens." He looked over at me and gave me a strange smile, "You know you're safe with me, right?"

I nodded. He kissed me and got up, "What are you feeling tonight?"

"Could I just get a hit of smack? I really don't feel like a full day blackout again."

Steven went back to the bedroom and I sighed heavily, putting my head in my hands. I was so conflicted, I couldn't even keep my thoughts straight. My mind was spinning, going through the events of the past few days. I was shocked, I was confused, and most of all, I was terrified. Steven came back and started to fix up a hit for me. I finished my last piece of pizza and sat back, waiting. A moment later, he had it ready. He injected it with expert precision and I exhaled, embracing the high. He fixed up another for himself, waiting a moment to light a joint as well before injecting his own hit. We floated on the high for who knows how long, going through at least three joints.

He managed to confuse me even more when he smiled at me, picking me up bridal style and carrying me to the bedroom. He kicked the door shut, lying me down on the bed and getting on top of me, kissing me in a way I hadn't experienced from him before. It was more passionate, romantic even.

"I love you," he whispered, shocking me into silence. He'd never once uttered those words to me, even under the most debilitating highs, he never came close. "I'll keep you safe. You're mine. "

I couldn't even formulate words anymore, my mind was just gone. Though through my intense high and all of the confusion ripping my brain apart, one thought managed to make itself painfully clear.

_Maybe Jade didn't think of everything after all._

* * *

**A/N: I really appreciate all the reviews, you guys give me the inspiration to keep writing. I'll definitely keep on this story and get these chapters out in a more timely manner. Until next time, let me know what you thought of this one.**


	14. The Best Weapon

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

****A/N: I would just like to take a moment to remember that when I originally planned out this idea, it was nothing but fluffy romance. I'm not sure what you guys would've thought of that, but personally I think this is more interesting. Just an odd thought.  
****

****Mentions of PTSD in this chapter, and most likely more going forward. ****

* * *

"Apparently they're considering bringing in the National Guard to neutralize this situation in Florence," Beck noted as he read one of the updates to a news article. "Have you heard anything more from Tori?"

Cat sighed, putting her phone down on the coffee table, "I haven't heard from her since Thursday night."

"Should we go check on her?" Andre asked.

Randy shook his head, "The whole city's basically on lock down. Roads are barricaded, shops are boarded up, it's a fucking war zone."

Beck scratched his head, "Where's all this going down anyway?"

"Reports said it started near South Gate, a basic gang showdown Thursday, but it's just escalated since then." Cat stated, dialing Tori's number again, "They said the gangs are tearing the city apart.

Tori finally answered the phone, _"What's up?"_

"Tori!" Cat shouted, standing up, alerting the rest of them, "We've been so worried about you. Are you okay?"

"_Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"_

"Because your city is basically being ravaged by gang wars?"

"_I'm safe, it's okay."_

Cat couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Are you out of your mind?! You need to get out of there!"

"_Cat, really, I'm fine. He's protecting me."_

"Who?"

"_Steven is."_

"Are you kidding me?! He wants you dead!"

"_Shut up!" _Tori snapped, shocking Cat. _"He loves me, he'll keep me safe."_

She pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration, deciding to just forget about the madness that Tori had just spoken, "Okay, you realize you haven't spoken to me in two days?"

Tori completely ignored her, _"Give the phone to Jade, I need to talk to her, privately."_

Despite how confused she was, Cat just walked over and handed the phone to Jade, tilting her head to tell her to go to the other room. Jade did just that and waited until she was in the kitchen before speaking, "Are you actually okay?"

"_Do you trust me?"_

Jade, even though severely annoyed and scared, decided trusting her was the best course of action, "Yes."

"_I need you to meet me at the corner of 4__th__ and Henderson, 10 PM. Bring money. Come alone."_

"What?" Jade just shook her head, "Never mind. How much?"

"_50." _Tori said quickly hanging up.

Jade cursed and barely restrained herself from crushing the phone or punching a hole through a wall. She walked back into the living area quickly and gave Cat her phone back, looking at her friends, "We need to rethink this. She's losing it."

"What's with her?" Cat threw her hands up in frustration, "Just a few days ago she was terrified and wanted to be as far from Steven as possible, now she's trusting him to keep her safe in the middle of a _war?!_"

Randy sat forward, his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped together, "We had to have missed something. This can't be right."

"She's wanting me to meet her at the actual _middle_ of this shootout, alone, completely unarmed, at night and with 50 grand? Does she _want_ me dead?!"

Beck shook his head, "No way. That's not her order. Remember when she needed 25k on Thursday? This is just that on a larger scale. They want you in the middle because you're being watched."

"Yeah, but how do we know she's not going to get caught in the crossfire?" Andre pointed out.

"They wouldn't waste her like that. Whether she sees them or not, she's going to have guards. They won't let anyone touch her until she stops being useful."

"How can we know that for sure though?" Cat asked.

Randy put his hand on her shoulder, "We don't. Whether or not she wants to walk into this is Jade's choice, not ours."

"Wait," Andre held up a hand, "Cat something you said stuck to me...you said she's almost completely turned around from just a few days ago? So since Steven's been back in town?" Cat nodded. "I think I know what we missed...Can you do us a solid and call your friend Matt? I think we need his help."

* * *

The next day, Matt arrived at Jade's home promptly at 5 PM just as Cat had asked of him. He was welcomed inside but as soon as he sat down he got right to business, "Why am I here Cat?"

Andre answered for her, "If I describe some symptoms to you, can you tell me what is going on?"

"I can try," Matt sighed, "Who is this regarding?"

"Tori," Cat answered.

He nodded as if he almost knew what was about to be asked. Andre continued anyway, counting off on his fingers, "Abusive relationship, starting to defend him, got angry at Cat when she spoke ill of him, decreased contact with loved ones, and an overall dramatic change in mood."

Matt sat up and addressed all of those present, "There's a mental condition that affects the victims of traumatic situations, be it hostages, abusive relationships, abuse from a parent, what have you, that alters the victim's mindset to believe that their captor means no harm, even going so far as to believe they care deeply for them. It's a coping mechanism, a way to make themselves believe things aren't as bad as they really are. Victims experiencing this will display a shift in mood and the way they converse with their loved ones, they will start to defend their captor, they'll become angry if someone says something bad about them or the relationship, they will especially become angry if reminded of their situation. The confusing part of this phenomenon is that it can manifest itself over days, months, even years. Or, in the proper circumstances, in only a few hours. From what you've told me, my professional opinion is that Tori is suffering from the onset of Stockholm Syndrome."

Everyone was silent after that. Nobody knew what to say, nobody knew what to do. It was a few moments before anyone spoke up, Randy asking the question on the forefront of everyone's minds.

"How do we save her?"

"Truthfully?" He asked, and Randy nodded. "You don't. All you can do is supply her the means to help herself."

"How could this have happened though?" Cat pleaded for more answers.

"I'd have to know more about the situation before I told you that. All I know is the information I got from her during our first meeting and what you've just told me."

She wasn't sure what to say, but Jade helped her just a moment later. She spoke to all but Matt, "Let us talk privately."

Though with some reluctance on Cat's end, they all left the room, going to the kitchen where they were out of earshot. Jade sat down on the edge of the coffee table and looked at Matt, "If I tell you everything you've got to help me."

Matt nodded, "I give you my word I'll do anything I can."

Jade accepted his word and started from the beginning, "We met in 6th grade and quickly became best friends. We relied on each other for everything, we meant the world to each other. We gradually got closer and closer as middle school went on, and by the end of it, we were dating. We had told each other that we loved each other, and even began planning a future together. For our first anniversary I took her out to a movie and then to dinner, afterward we went back to my house and had sex for the first time."

"Was this the first for both of you?"

"Yeah, she would've told me if she was with anyone else before me, though it's unlikely considering we were 16. But we left that night and pretty much burned every bridge trying to get rid of me, and I never knew why. She dropped out only a couple weeks later, and I didn't see her for six years. A few weeks ago we reconciled, and she told me she left because of something her mother said. She was scared and left for that reason. A few days ago we both decided we wanted to give our relationship one more shot, and I made it clear that I was there for her and I would do anything I could for her."

He rubbed his chin as he processed all of the information, recalling the few PTSD patients he had dealt with in his career. "From what you've told me, she's prone to making quick decisions, doing what she thinks is best in the moment. She's scared and confused, and she's resorting to what she thinks is best. Nothing she's doing is to spite you, I do believe she truly does love you, and is trying to protect you. The only thing you can do at this point is to remind her that you love her and you will do anything for her. The key is not to make her feel trapped. Never remind her of her situation and never speak about it unless she brings it up. I don't know much about Tori other than she's incredibly damaged, and she needs help. You guys are her only chance."

"The gang her boyfriend is affiliated with, they're trying to get money from me. They want me to go into the middle of Florence to deliver money to Tori."

"Then do it. As long as you cooperate, they'll keep you safe. I've dealt with ex-gang members, and they have a code of honor, as surprising as that may be. You'll be granted immunity as long as you give them what they ask of you. I hate to bring this all down on you, but you wanted me to be honest. Most likely, any choice you make will reflect directly on Tori, so be careful."

* * *

**Jade's POV**

The city was silent. Smoldering cars lined the streets, boarded up shops and homes made it clear that nobody felt safe anymore. A thick layer of smoke fell over the street as I walked silently, checking behind myself every once and a while, observing my surroundings. I crossed two more roads and it was getting harder to breathe, the smoke getting thicker.

Someone was behind me. I could hear them. My keen senses allowed me to hear every movement he made as he got closer and closer to me, the sound of the blade of a knife scraping against something metal – a zipper.

As the sign for Henderson Street came into view, I heard a loud gunshot coming from nearby, and the person behind me dropped to the ground. It was silent again, my pulse pounding in my ears. I struggled taking a deep breath and didn't turn around. The corner approached and I saw Tori standing in an alleyway, chewing on her thumbnail. I was careful and didn't move too quickly, knowing there was a target on my head if I made one wrong move.

She saw me and walked towards me. Her eyes had dark circles under them and she was shaky, but she was alive, and that was what mattered. As soon as she was close enough, she whispered two simple words, "Act obsessed."

"Are you okay? You look hurt. I've been so worried about you," I gushed, running my fingers through her hair and stroking her cheek.

Tori did her best to act disaffected, though it didn't slip by the way she ever so slightly leaned into my touch, "Did you bring what I asked for?"

I nodded and reached into my pocket, handing her the envelope. I did my best to ignore what she had handed back to me. "It's all there."

"Only the money?" She asked, and I nodded. "Good, I knew I could count on you."

"Anything you want, it's yours," I confirmed, starting to pick up on what she wanted me to say. This seemed to be the right thing, and she leaned forward to kiss me almost viciously, a clearly dominant gesture. I let her, savoring what I knew she was being allowed to give me.

"I love you," I reminded her, "I'll do anything for you, remember that."

She nodded, her distress clear as day as she backed up, "Go."

I left quickly, stuffing my hands back into my pockets and making my way towards my car. One more gunshot dropped another man following me, and for the rest of the journey back to my car, the streets were silent. I checked the back seat before driving off, trying to settle my heartbeat and catch my breath. I waited until I got to a bit of traffic and a red light before turning on the light in my car and retrieving the small paper from my pocket.

It was complete nonsense, there were letters on the paper, but in no intelligible order. I frowned and put it back in my pocket, continuing the drive to my house. The lights were still on in the living room and Cujo greeted me at the door. I went right into the living area where they all were and put the note down on the table, pacing back and forth. "She gave that to me. I have no idea what it means."

Beck picked it up and frowned, "It's like she just tossed down some scrabble letters. This makes absolutely no sense."

They all passed the note around, going from Beck, to Andre, to Cat, and finally to Randy, none of them able to figure it out.

"Why would she give you something like this? I mean, obviously she's trying to tell us something, but what?" Andre asked.

"It'd be more helpful if she didn't use some code," Cat grunted.

**No one's POV**

Though the comment was just made passively, something clicked in Jade's mind, and she darted towards the stairs, running up them and straight to her room. She quickly dug through a box in her closet before finding what she was looking for, bolting back downstairs, "Someone get me a pen and some paper."

Beck handed her his notebook he had nearby, and Jade grabbed the note, taking it to the kitchen. They all followed, very confused.

Jade was busy scribbling down something on the paper, looking between Tori's note and the piece of paper she had retrieved from her own room. One glance at the cipher Jade was using made Randy realize what she was doing, and told the others, "When they were younger they made up a code to use for passing notes in class, so nobody would know what they were saying to each other. If anyone else looks at the note, it just looks like pure nonsense. But when decoded..."

Jade pushed her paper forward, showing them the deciphered note. It was clear now.

"_**The best weapon against an enemy is another enemy."**_

"It's Nietzsche," Cat announced, recognizing the quote, "She's obsessed with his work."

Beck was still confused, "Okay, but what does it mean?"

Jade pointed to the paper, "What she means is she needs us to find an enemy to put up against Steven."

"But how would we do that?" Randy inquired.

"Tori said to me once that the only thing that can break a man's loyalty where she comes from is money," Cat told them.

Andre spoke up from where he was leaning on the counter, addressing Jade, "I suppose I don't have to remind you that one wrong move and you're going to lose your career."

Jade studied the note closely and shook her head, "I think you've made some misconceptions on what matters most to me."

Cat held up a hand, "If she's not even able to communicate with you without using a code and a quote from a philosopher, how's she ever going to be able to go to New York?"

"She won't," Beck replied.

"And we won't either," Jade added, standing up. "I'll train here and we'll just hope for the best."

Andre shook his head, moving to leave the room, "This is a bunch of fucking madness."

Randy tilted his head slightly to Beck, silently asking him to go after Andre. As soon as he left, Randy looked to Cat, "You know, I hate to put this burden on you, but out of all of us, you're probably the most likely to be able to visit Tori safely. Push comes to shove, we may need to rely on you to be our go between."

One look at Jade's broken expression and Cat knew what she needed to do. "Jade, whatever you need to say to her, write it down, then let me have that cipher. I'm going over there tomorrow. I have an idea."

* * *

If there was anything Cat was glad about, it was that Tori's building was a decent distance from the main areas of violence, so she was able to get through without too much difficulty. The true challenge presented itself when she got to Tori's apartment, as Steven answered the door. It was times like these that Cat was truly grateful she was able to act so well.

Cat put on a large smile, "Hey Steven, is Tori home?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I wanted to ask her if she wanted to go shopping with me tomorrow? Beck gave me a bit of money for the sale tomorrow, and I figured after all this craziness going on over here Tori would enjoy a nice girls' day."

Steven seemed weary, but let her in anyway. Tori was lounging on the couch with a book, as usual, though the book was now sitting on her chest so she could see Cat. "I didn't expect to see you here today."

She smiled and sat down on the chair near her friend, "There's a sale going on tomorrow and I wanted to know if you wanted to go with me? Just to get out a bit."

Tori didn't really like shopping, but something in Cat's expression told her that her best option was to just agree to it, "Okay, what time?"

"I thought we could go around 3, then grab some dinner before you went back home?"

"Where's this at?" Steven asked.

"It's in the Fashion District, near where I live. I was going to bring another friend, if that's okay?" Cat looked at Steven when she said that part.

Just as she expected, his muscles tensed and he became even more defensive, "Who?"

"Her name's Kaitlyn, she's a friend of mine from school, I thought she and Tori might get along pretty well."

He visibly relaxed when Cat didn't respond with Jade's name, and nodded his head, "Sounds fine to me, babe?"

Tori nodded as well, "Yeah, it sounds fun. Do you want me to meet you anywhere or did you want to pick me up?"

"I'll just come pick you up if that's okay?"

"No," Steven interrupted, "I'll take her."

Cat wanted to laugh at how perfectly Steven was playing into their plan, but restrained herself and looked over at Tori, "If you give me your phone I'll put in the address so you know where to go."

Tori glanced at Steven like she was asking permission before handing her phone to Cat. She watched curiously as Cat managed to position her body just so there was a small blind spot as she removed something from her pocket, holding it tightly in her hand. As the app was loading, she removed the cover from Tori's phone, looking at it curiously, "Where'd you get this?"

"I think I just picked it up when I bought the phone, it protects it just fine so I haven't gotten a new one," Tori responded curiously, though she realized what Cat was up to when she saw her slip a note into the case before putting it back on the phone.

"There we go," Cat announced a moment later, "Just meet me there at about 3 and we'll go on a spree."

Tori smiled and stood up to give Cat a hug, whispering to her, "Thank you."

Cat waved in a friendly manner to Steven as she left, keeping up the charade until she was out of sight. Back in the apartment, Steven reminded Tori, "This better just be a shopping trip."

She shrugged, "Are you kidding? Shopping is Cat's thing, she wouldn't joke about that. Besides, she's not nearly smart enough to have some diabolical plan. You have nothing to worry about."

Steven nodded and sat down next to her on the couch, "Yeah, besides, I'll have an eye on her at all times. It'll be fine."

Tori waited until Steven said he was going to bed before telling him she wanted to finish her book first and would come to bed later. He left and as soon as she was sure he was asleep, she took apart her phone case and retrieved the note. She used the copy of the cipher she had hidden on her phone to figure out what the note said, seeing it was in two parts. One part Jade's handwriting, and the second in Cat's.

_**We're working on it. I promise I'll do anything to keep you safe. Please remember who truly loves you.**_

_**-Jade**_

_**Before you come over tomorrow make sure you move anything important from your phone onto the computer – it may get broken.**_

_**-Cat**_

Tori wasn't sure what they were up to, but she had conflicting feelings about it all. She wasn't sure how to feel about the fact they were still dead set on taking Steven out, but the thing about the note that made her think the most was part of Jade's.

_Remember who truly loves you._

* * *

**A/N: It may be abundantly clear by this point that I am a personal fan of Nietzsche's work.  
**

**It seems both sides have got their hooks deep in Tori, but the question remains, who will come out on top? I'd like to know what you guys think Jade's little group has got up their sleeves this time...**


	15. Marzia

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

******A/N: This one's a little bit shorter, but I wanted to get something out as soon as I could. A few things caught me off guard in my personal life so I had to take a bit of time off to deal with that. But I'll keep updating this story as I'm able.  
******

* * *

"_You're lucky you got this far."_

"_You don't have any real skills – just money."_

"_You're a joke."_

"_You're just a kid who's in way over her head."_

"_You have no idea what you're in for."_

"_When the time comes, you'll choke."_

"Jade! Christ's sake, what are you doing?!"

I stopped, Randy's voice grounding me after it felt like I was in a trance. He had a tight hold on my fist, which he had stopped right before it hit the bag. My eyes shifted from our hands, to his face, where his mouth was open slightly, his eyebrows furrowed, and his nose scrunched up in the way it always did when he was upset with something.

He spoke again, calmer this time, "Take a deep breath and tell me what's bothering you."

I looked back at the punching bag I'd been beating up to let off some steam, only I noticed something else this time; blood. Blood was spattered all over where I'd been punching, and as I looked back, Randy showed me my own hands. The knuckles were covered in blood, and it was even dripping down and had gathered in a small pool below the bag.

I took a deep breath as he had instructed and examined my own hands, "I forgot gloves, I guess."

He retrieved a small towel and wrapped it around my hands, "You and I both know you're smarter than that. The only time you forget safety protocols is when you're angry."

I nodded once, acknowledging that he was right, "I was just thinking about the conference. The things Caperi said."

Randy seemed to understand now where my blind rage had come from. "She got under your skin, did she? Yeah, that's what she wanted. You may have noticed she picked at you from every angle there was. Wasn't personal, she doesn't know enough about you. But listen to me," he put one hand on my shoulder, the other on my chin, forcing me to look at him, "You cannot let her get under your skin like this. It's a tough time, I know that, but you can't let her win. Instead of directing your anger at that bag, you direct it at her. You show her why it's a terrible idea to play her tricks on you. You're better than this. Okay? Now get yourself cleaned up, the ladies are back."

He went back upstairs and I headed towards the bathroom in the basement. I cleaned up my hands and stood at the sink a moment, staring at myself in the mirror. I hated that I had let her pick me apart like that. I knew on that stage I hadn't showed an ounce of emotion, because that was a skill I'd perfected, but underneath the calm facade I was seething, chomping at the bit to get my hands on her. It wasn't often a rival made a fight so personal. I'd never had experience dealing with someone who made a game out of beating their opponent before they even stepped one foot in the cage.

But Randy was right. I knew he was and yet I couldn't shake the anger. I quickly bandaged up my hands, turned off the light, and went upstairs. I saw quite a few people sitting around the living area. Randy, Beck, Andre, Cat and her friend Kaitlyn I understood being there, but I also saw Marco, Jake, and Adrian. Marco and Jake were both easily 6 feet tall, with Marco being a lot more muscular than Jake, but Jake was more agile. Each had their own techniques in the cage, and being in different weight classes made it so they never fought one another. But Adrian was the one that struck me. He was the kid brother of one of the guys I worked out with, and I often took to training the kid myself. He was talented and pretty built for his age. Though I knew, based on the fact I'd taught him a lot myself, that he could hold his own in a fight, there was one thing about him that made me confused as to why he was here.

Adrian was only 16 years old.

I shut the basement door and asked before anything else could be said, "Why are Marco and Jake here? As a matter of fact, why the _fuck_ is Adrian here? He's just a kid!"

Randy answered as I sat down next to him, "Jake has medical experience, and I figure he may prove useful at some point. Marco came as moral support, and Adrian has connections that could help us."

When Randy looked at him with his eyebrows raised, prompting him to speak. Adrian did so, his voice a bit shaky and unsure, "I have a friend from school, he smokes weed a lot, and I know his dealer." He paused a moment, not positive if he should say, but when Marco nudged him with his elbow, he dropped a name I was all too familiar with, "A man named Steven. Sometimes his girlfriend, I think her name is Tori, deals for him. He said he knows both of them pretty well at this point."

"I take it nobody's told you why you're here," I stated.

He shook his head, "Marco just told me he needed my help, so I came. What's going on?"

"We'll fill you in briefly before Cat and Kaitlyn tell us what they've found," Andre said, addressing Adrian, "Basically, we know Tori. Jade has some old history with her, and Cat's a good friend of hers. Tori's stuck in an abusive relationship with seemingly no way out, but we've got a plan."

He motioned towards Cat, and she spoke up, "We met with Tori just has I had planned, and we found out a little more information than we were expecting."

I raised an eyebrow, looking to Kaitlyn, who picked up from there, "Everything worked out exactly the way we'd planned it, and I checked Tori's phone, confirming Cat's suspicions. Not only is her phone being tracked, but every single outgoing and incoming call and text is being recorded and sent somewhere else. Not to mention nearly everything else is being recorded; browser history, photos, apps, even the regions she has for the clocks and weather."

"Which means several things, the most obvious being everywhere Tori goes, Steven knows exactly where she was." Everyone seemed to have the same sinking feeling all at once as Cat said this, as I saw shifts in their expressions. "Steven knows where Jade lives, he knows where I live, and he knows the gym Jade works out at, because I had taken her there once."

Beck didn't hesitate for even a moment, "If he knows where you live, you can't stay at home anymore. It's not safe."

"He's right," Randy agreed. Somehow, Randy's confirmation made it all the more damning, since Randy was furthest from the type of person to overreact. "I'd go so far as to say she's not even safe going anywhere alone."

Cat was very clearly trying not to pay attention to that fact, "When we took her back after we had dinner, Steven made us stay and talk about what we had done, I guess just as one more way of confirming we had done what we said we would. While we were there, Kaitlyn wanted to carefully look around, just for anything obvious out of the ordinary."

"There were cameras in several different parts of the apartment. I don't know if they had audio as well, but even if they didn't, he knows that Cat has visited several times when Tori wasn't allowed to have people over. My best guess, taking this into account, is that Tori has no idea that every move she makes is being watched." Kaitlyn stopped, looking directly at me, "I hate to tell you this, but those notes she wrote you? He probably knows now, and if not already, will soon figure out where she's keeping that cipher. I don't think it's safe to communicate that way any longer."

I sighed and looked at Jake, changing the subject a bit, "Naloxone, you know of it?"

He nodded, his shaggy hair falling in his face slightly, "Yeah, I know about it."

"I need you to get me some, and show me how to use it. Can you do that?"

Jake hesitated, as if he were thinking, "I probably can. How soon do you need it?"

I shook my head, "I don't know, but I feel like we'll need it at some point. Better have it as soon as possible."

"What is Naloxone?" Beck asked the question most of the others were thinking.

I dodged the question for a moment, addressing Cat, "You know how Steven stopped Tori's heroin overdose?"

She seemed confused but nodded, "Yes, he wouldn't tell me how, though."

"Naloxone is a drug used to reverse the effects of opium, and opium overdoses. That's what he used. She's told me that he's killed people before using what they call hotshots, which are intentionally lethal hits of heroin, if he tries that on her, at least I'll have some hope of catching it before it's too late."

"You think he'll try to off her?" Jake asked.

I shrugged, "Can't ever be too careful." I looked over to Randy after that, "I assume all of this was your doing?"

Randy nodded, "I'm only involving those I think will be necessary. I hated dragging Adrian into this since he's just a kid, but his contacts are invaluable."

"What's the purpose of having those contacts?" Beck asked.

"If all else fails, Adrian's friend may be our only way to have contact with Tori."

Adrian confirmed Randy's thoughts, "My friend just bought from Tori yesterday, so she's still allowed to leave the house for business, I'd guess."

Almost two hours later I'd gotten the final text from Marco letting me know he and Jake were back at their place after taking Adrian home. Kaitlyn only had a 10 minute drive back to her apartment, so she was the first home.

I stood by the floor-to-ceiling windows in my private room, watching the hustle and bustle of the city below. My mind was racing, the thoughts running through so fast I never quite caught exactly what was bothering me. I heard the door open and close behind me, and knew it could only be one person. His presence comforted me.

He walked over to me and watched the lights alongside me, "When I was 18 years old spending a year in Italy with a few mates, I met a girl, Marzia." He drew out the name, adding a sort of sensuality to it. "She was quite the sight, most gorgeous woman I'd ever seen. I used the best pickup line I knew when I introduced myself, being "hi, my name's Randy," and struck up a conversation with her. We were at the beach so my mates were probably out in the water playing chicken with a shark, but I digress, she asked me what I was doing in Italy, since my accent was more fitting of my homeland of Manchester. I told her I was visiting, and that I mainly lived in America. She was fascinated, wanted to know all about American live, because she'd never left Europe. We ended up talking for almost an hour before my mates decided they wanted to hit up the bar for some food and drinks, so I invited her. She declined, saying she had to get home, but gave me her number."

Randy had a habit of launching into stories at the strangest of times, and I always loved hearing them, so this wasn't out of the ordinary. I was curious, however, where he was going with this particular story, as more times than not, he told the story for a reason.

"I ended up talking to her consistently for the next several months I was there, taking her out on dates, bringing her along to clubs, all that. When it came time for me to go back to the states, I'd asked her where our relationship was going to go from there. She told me that there was no chance we'd ever be able to see each other again, because she was already in an arranged marriage. I thought she'd lost it, because I was quite certain practices like that didn't happen in those kinds of places, but apparently it's just tradition for her family. She thanked me profusely for spending so much time with her and telling her so much about where I came from. I was confused, because we'd practically been dating for quite some time, even slept together numerous times. But she was very apologetic yet made sure I knew that we couldn't be together anymore. After that bomb, I didn't really have the heart to go through with my original plan of telling her I'd fallen in love with her."

I stayed quiet. I wasn't sure what to say, and even if I did, I could sense he wasn't finished.

"You've asked me several times why I haven't married, or even seriously dated anyone. Well, that's why. I've been so against the idea, so sure that if I got attached to someone like that again, something shitty would happen and I'd be left heartbroken. The reason I'm trying so hard to help you through this is the same, I don't want you to have to go through the heartbreak I did. At least not again. When Tori left you that first time I knew that look in your eyes because it was the same exact look I'd had for so long."

He put his arm across my shoulders, "You won't feel that pain again as long as I can do something about it."

I wasn't sure what it was, but something about the situation broke the calm demeanor I'd been keeping up. The lights of the city began to blur as my eyes teared up. I didn't bother trying to hold it back, as Randy was one of only two people in the world who'd ever seen me cry, and who I was okay with seeing me cry. I turned and hugged him, feeling comforted as he hugged me back.

"In a few weeks' time, you'll show Caperi who's boss. I don't know when all of this will come to a head, but when it does, you'll get your girl back, too. You always have a way of coming out on top, even when the odds are stacked against you. I doubt this time will be any different."

* * *

**A/N: As you may have noticed, this one is more focusing on the sort of relationship dynamic Jade and Randy have. There will be Jori soon, I promise you.**


	16. Plans B, C, and D

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

****A/N: So how about that new season of Orange is the new Black, huh? I absolutely did not binge watch the entire thing in one day, no way... But really, between watching all 3 seasons over and writing this, I've slept very little, so enjoy.  
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* * *

An unusually quiet and peaceful night fell over Southern Los Angeles. The last of the sun had fallen behind the horizon, and a calm darkness enveloped the neighborhood. A woman approached a warehouse, looking over her shoulder and walking around to the back.

Two young men are standing at the usual meeting spot, one with an unlit cigarette hanging loosely from his mouth, another tucked behind his ear. His grey wife beater under a dark green flannel shirt, ripped blue jeans, and beat up boots typical of her usual customers. The other seemed out of place, quite well dressed compared to his buddy, with his blue jeans and neat button up.

"Who's your buddy, Logan?" She asked, sizing the other boy up.

Logan tilted his head towards the more clean cut boy, his cigarette bobbing as he spoke, "Name's Adrian, wanted to meet you."

She nodded slowly, "That so?"

Adrian stepped forward slightly, holding out his hand, "You're Tori, yeah?"

"What's it to you?" She joked, shaking his hand.

"I have a message for you. Are you being watched?"

Tori raised an eyebrow curiously, the corner of her mouth twitching slightly. She retrieved the bag from her pocket, handing it to Logan and taking his money in return.

"I'm gonna go have a smoke," Logan mumbled, walking around the other side of the building.

Adrian waited for an answer, so Tori simply shook her head. "Not that I know of. What's this message?"

He pulled a small piece of paper from his pocket, handing it to her. He tucked his hands in his pockets and waited as she unfolded the paper and read it.

_There was a small kink in the plan, but we've got a backup, don't worry. Kaitlyn said your phone's being tracked, and there's surveillance inside your apartment, so be careful. Keep things up as usual until we get things worked out. I love you. Stay safe._

Tori looked back up at the boy and he asked, "You finished reading?"

She stood still, processing the words on the paper. He didn't more than a moment before plucking the paper from her hands, taking a lighter from his pocket and burning it. "That was all."

Tori looked at the smoldering ashes on the ground, not being able to find it in herself to be upset at what he'd done, "I suppose that was from who I think it was."

Adrian nodded, "They want me to be the messenger now, I guess."

"Watch yourself in these streets, you're too young to get caught up in this," Tori muttered, turning around and walking off opposite the direction Logan had gone.

* * *

"Basically what you have to do is get the needle, draw up 1cc out of the bottle, then inject it into the largest muscle you can. Shoulders, thighs, or ass are probably your best bet, whatever is the easiest to get to. After the injection keep up the breathing and if there's no response after 3 minutes, inject another dose."

"What happens if there's still no response?" Andre asked curiously.

Jake frowned, "You know mate I wasn't going to say it, but really, if after 6 minutes and 2 doses, if there's still no response, she's probably dead." He held up a hand, "But, on the plus side, since she's a long time addict, it'd take a massive amount to kill her, so really, the chances of getting to her too late are very slim."

"Is there anything else that would be good to know?"

He looked at Randy and thought for a few seconds before holding up a finger, "Yes, regardless of what happens, she's going to need professional medical aid, so be prepared to call 911. Whatever arrangements need to be made beforehand to assure her safety with others knowing, make sure you get those sorted, there will be very little time to act if it happens."

Jade sighed and left the room, heading to the kitchen to get herself a beer and let Cujo outside. As soon as she was out of earshot Jake muttered, "Honestly, I didn't wanna say this in front of her, but I feel you'd be able to stress it better without being so depressing about it. Jade needs to know that in the moment she's got to act quick, if she panics, the girl's probably going to die."

Randy checked his watch just as the doorbell rang, followed by 3 hard bangs on the front door. His brows furrowed as Jake said, "They're not supposed to be back yet."

All 3 of the guys looked towards the door, where, through the windows on either side, they could see 2 guys standing on the porch. "I've got a bad feeling about this..." Randy mumbled, heading to the door.

He opened the door, leaving the second glass door closed and locked. Both men were dressed in black and had hoods up "Can I help you gentlemen?"

One spoke up, "Is Jade home?"

"Why do you want to know?" Randy asked, staying calm. Behind his back, he signaled for the other two to stand off to the side. Andre did him one better and went over to the back door, letting Cujo inside and telling Jade what was going on. Jade sat down her beer and went out to the living area, while Andre stood back, keeping Cujo calm.

As Jade approached she heard a man's voice, "We'd like to speak to her, is all."

Since the front door opened so it blocked the hallway from the kitchen, Jade was out of sight, standing next to Jake, who was sending a text to Marco. He and Beck had left 20 minutes prior to escort Cat to her apartment and storage unit so she could grab a few things. They wouldn't be back for at least another 20 minutes, since the storage unit was on the other side of town.

Randy kept speaking to the men, "Just tell me and I'll be sure to pass on the message."

"No, we want to speak to her ourselves."

He decided to bluff them, just to see what kind of game they were playing, "She's resting, our friends left to get some dinner so I've been looking after her. She's injured, so she can't really come to the door. I'm sure you understand."

The more vocal of the two had a sick smile on his face, "We both know that's a lie." His buddy checked his phone, then whispered something to him, which made his smile widen. He didn't say anything further, but held eye contact with Randy as 5 other men walked up to the front porch from around the side of the house. Before Randy could react, the quiet one smashed a gloved fist into the glass, shattering it. He quickly reached through and unlocked the door, forcing it open and pushing Randy back.

Three surrounded Randy and both Jade and Jake lunged at the others, taking on two each. As he heard the commotion, Andre let Cujo loose and was right behind him. Cujo went right to his master's aid and jumped at one of the guys on Jade, his jaws clamping down on the man's arm hard enough that he released Jade, and Cujo quickly pulled the man to the ground. Meanwhile, Jade had gotten the upper hand on the guy on her back, trapping his arm and twisting around him, putting pressure on the hold until he screamed in agony, drowning out the sickening crack of his arm breaking. She threw him to the ground next to his buddy that Cujo had already incapacitated with a few bites to his legs. Jade saw Randy was still struggling with two of them and jumped on the back of one, locking him in a choke hold and keeping on a vicious amount of pressure until he fell to his knees and passed out. Randy took the opportunity to trip up the other with a judo takedown he and Jade had been working on earlier in the day, once he got the full mount on him, he threw one savage punch to his jaw, knocking him unconscious as well. Jake and Andre had gotten two of them down, and the last one, realizing he was outmatched, ran for the door, but was stopped by Marco, who'd just arrived with Beck and Cat. Marco, being the big guy he was, had no trouble keeping the man from leaving the house.

Jade grabbed him and twisted his arm, similar to the way she'd done with another, "You have two choices. You sit down and tell us who sent you, or we'll beat the shit out of you too."

The one that had been taken out by Cujo shouted at him not to say, but Cujo quickly silenced him with a vicious growl, sitting right next to him and staring him down. While her friends watched over the men lying on the ground, Jade raised her eyebrows and the man shook his head and refused to say anything further, just whimpering when Jade jerked his arm a bit.

Randy stepped towards him with an intense look on his face, "You do realize whoever sent you, sent you here to die, right? You have no reason to be loyal to them, they knew what danger they were putting you in."

He sighed, "Fine, it was Steven, alright? He wanted us to beat you guys up and deliver a message."

"What message?" Randy asked.

"All he said was to tell you "she's mine" but he wouldn't say anything else."

Jade's grip tightened and she snarled at him, "You go back and you let him see what we did to your buddies, and you let him know that he's going to get it a thousand times worse when I get my hands on him."

She shoved him away, "Get your friends and get the fuck out of my house."

"Cat already called the police," Beck announced.

Jade smirked and shrugged, "On second thought, take a seat. We'll have someone escort you out."

The man sat down against the wall and let his head fall back against it, looking dejected. They heard sirens in the distance and Jade left to go to the kitchen, coming back a moment later with her beer, sipping it as she sat on the back of the couch, keeping her eye on the pile of would-be gangsters and the door. Randy stepped outside to meet the cops before allowing them to come inside and assess the damages. The officers took one look at the men, then to Randy, and to Jade, before radioing in for backup and medical aid. One pointed at Cujo with a questioning look, and Jade whistled at him, pointing to the ground beside her. Cujo immediately obeyed and sat next to her, a show by both that he wasn't a danger and was obedient for his master.

They all gave their statements to police while they waited for the backup. Once the ambulances arrived, the men were quickly taken away to the hospital for their injuries. Just as the officers were about to leave, Jade stopped them.

"Do me a solid and don't ever let the press get wind of this, okay?"

The two nodded, bidding them all a goodnight and leaving. They sat down and were all silent for quite some time, none knowing what to say. After at least 10 minutes of sitting quietly, Randy's voice broke the silence, "I think we're going to have to change our plans a bit."

"We're gonna have to strike first," Jade confirmed.

"If you don't mind me asking, what was your plan originally?" Marco asked.

Randy sighed, "We were going to wait for him to make the first move. I guess technically he already did, but still. We'd wait til he made a direct advancement then strike back accordingly. We're still going to wait, but we'll be tactful in doing so."

"Until the time comes, I'll train as normal, but we'll be ready no matter what."

They decided to relax a bit and watch a movie. Only about 5 minutes in, Cat's phone rang.

* * *

On the other side of town, Tori was enjoying a joint and a book as Steven paced back and forth behind the couch. She'd asked him several times to calm down, but it had fallen on deaf ears. She simply let him worry about whatever while she kept reading. About 10 minutes later, his phone buzzed and he began frantically texting with someone, resuming his pacing whenever he was waiting for a response. After a while he stopped and calmed down, going to the bedroom.

Almost an hour since he'd been fretting over something, she'd finished her book and was getting ready for bed when she saw Steven's phone on the table. Curious as to what he'd been so pissy about, she checked the messages. Her blood ran cold as she read through a recounting of Steven's lackeys breaking into Jade's home to rough them up a bit. However, she kept reading and realized their plan had failed, and that there were "more than expected" and they were overpowered and subdued, eventually leading to several injuries and all of them being arrested. Then, she saw what one had been forced to say, that Jade had explicitly told him to tell Steven that essentially she was going to rip him to shreds when she got her hands on him.

Tori put down the phone and thought about it for a while. Steven was so intent on taking out Jade, but Jade wasn't so much focused on taking out Steven as she was on keeping Tori safe. She was confused and scared, because as of late, Steven had been acting like he loved her so much.

Suddenly, the bedroom door opened and Steven walked out, sitting down on the couch and picking up his phone, "Had to take a few calls. You want to watch a movie or something?"

She knew he had a disposable phone he used to make calls, so his excuse was entirely plausible. She nodded, watching him closely as he looked through the channels to find something to watch, deciding she wanted answers for herself. "You want some smack?"

He nodded, eventually settling on one channel that was playing an old rerun of CSI. Tori stood up and went to the kitchen, getting out the things she needed. There was something she'd never told Steven. A particular combination of drugs, at just the right amount, caused a reaction in him that she knew could be incredibly valuable. She'd been careful never to give him this concoction since she realized its true potential, but now, as she mixed the drugs, she knew this was the right moment. She drew up the hit into the needle and told him it was ready. Steven held out his arm as he sipped his beer and watched the show. Tori gave him the hit as usual, and waited about 10 minutes until she knew it had taken affect.

She knew she could ask him anything now, and he'd tell her the truth, because this specific combination of drugs made it so he was unable to lie, no matter what. The best part came when he'd wake up the next day and be unable to remember any of it. She decided to ask everything she wanted to know, spacing them out enough that he wouldn't see the ties between them, even if he was high.

"Steven," he grunted and his head rolled over to the side to look at her, "Do you love me?"

"No," he mumbled.

"Did you send your boys out tonight to attack Jade?"

"Yeah."

"What for?"

"See how well she could defend herself, seeing how many guys I need to send when I end this."

"So you're planning on killing her?"

"Yeah."

"When will you do it?"

"Dunno, we'll probably wait until she lets her guard down."

"What will you do with me then?"

"No idea. Probably keep you around for entertainment."

"Are there cameras in the apartment?"

"Yeah."

"Where at?"

"Living room. Bedroom. Bathroom." She felt sick at this.

"Are you tracking my phone?"

"Yeah."

"How are you going to take down Jade?"

"Weaken her. Kill her brother. Jump Randy, get him out of the way. Get you and Cat away, weaken Beck, take him out. Andre goes off on his own a lot, I'll take him out then. Once she's alone, we'll take her down. The best part is I'm gonna be able to look her in the eye and let her know I've won before I kill her."

Tori felt sick, legitimately physically ill to the point she ran to the bathroom to throw up. The scariest things came in that she'd never told Steven about Jade's brother, and yet he knew. She was also so scared that he'd thought everything through so thoroughly. She went to the bedroom and got dressed, grabbed a jacket and her phone, and left. Steven called out to her, but she simply told him she was going to get some food.

Tori ran down to her car, started it, and left. She knew she couldn't go to Jade's house, and decided to leave a trail for Steven to follow so he'd believe that she just went to get food. She went to the 24 hour fast food place nearby and parked, getting out and going to the payphone on the side of the building. She dialed Cat's number and waited.

"Hello?"

"It's me, Tori. Are you guys okay?"

"Tori? Yeah, we're fine. What's going on?"

"I don't have a ton of time, can you put Jade on the phone?"

"Yeah hold on a minute." There was a pause before she heard Jade's voice, "Tori, what's going on?"

Tori was relieved to hear Jade's voice, and spoke quickly, "Listen to me, I know what Steven's planning. I need you to come to the McDonald's on Rossdale, as quick as you can."

"I'll be there in 5 minutes," Jade said, hanging up.

She knew Steven wasn't anywhere near sober enough to send someone to watch her, so she was safe, at least for a while. The next 5 minutes felt like hours as she waited, checking her phone continuously. She heard the sound of a car hastily pulling into the parking lot in the back, and Tori looked over to see a very expensive looking matte black car. As soon as Jade got out, Tori saw the various cuts and bruises on the exposed skin, along with the beginnings of a black eye. She rushed over to where Tori was, hugging her tight.

"Are you okay?" Tori asked, looking at the injuries closer.

Jade shook her head, "I'm fine. What's going on?"

"I know Steven's plan. He's planning on killing you, but to weaken you first he's going to take out the people you love first, and the ones that can help protect you. He told me he's going to kill Randy, Beck, Andre, and Mikey." Jade's eyes widened at Mikey's name, but Tori continued speaking anyway. "I drugged him, he has no idea he told me this, but you need to keep everyone close to you and don't leave any one of them alone, no matter what."

"When's he going to strike?"

"I don't know, he said he'd wait til you let your guard down after this. I have to go, but please be careful, okay?"

She nodded and Tori turned to go back to her car. Jade stopped her, pulling her back and kissing her with an intensity that told her what words couldn't, that she would do anything to keep her safe, that she would die to protect her.

"I love you, don't ever forget that."

* * *

**A/N: I actually did some research on Naloxone and found the proper way to inject it, so if the situation ever arises, there it is. Though, from my own personal experience with regular injections, the shoulder is a very bad idea, but that very well could just be my certain medication. Anyway, things heated up a bit in this chapter, but it's only getting started.**


	17. Alliances

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

******A/N: I'm going on a trip this weekend and wanted to post this before I left. I hope you guys enjoy this one, leave a review and let me know what you thought.  
******

* * *

It was strange, how so many years later, I still knew the route to the house by heart. I'd only driven there a number of times after I'd gotten my license, but even so, every turn I made was something I didn't have to think about. I pulled into the driveway and sat in my car a moment, the engine off, but the music still playing. I sat in my car, staring at the house I used to know so well, a house that held so many memories. I tried to gather the courage to do what I needed to, but knowing I had no better option didn't settle my nerves any. I wasn't sure what they'd say when they saw me, nearly 6 years later.

I gave up contemplating the vast amount of what-ifs. As the sound of Blindsight's _Finding Reality_ faded from my speakers, I got out of my car, shutting the door and locking it. I put my keys and phone in my pocket and walked up to the front door, knocking and standing back. I only waited about 10 seconds before a woman opened the door, the surprise evident on her face.

"Jade? Come in, come in. I haven't seen you in so long!"

I stepped inside, the house looked the same as it did when it was practically my second home. She closed the door and quickly asked, "Can I get you anything? Some water or tea?"

I shook my head, "I'd like to speak to you and Mr. Vega, if that's possible?"

She seemed confused, but went towards the stairs anyway, calling up to Mr. Vega, "David, we have a vistor."

Mrs. Vega smiled at me and gestured towards one of the sofas, "Please, have a seat."

I sat down and waited. Only a moment later, he came downstairs, looking at me with the same look Mrs. Vega had given me. "Jade? I haven't seen you in years, how are you?"

I stood up and shook his hand as he offered his own, a gesture I remembered had won his favor the first time I had met him. He smiled and sat down next to his wife, "What brings you here? It's been so long, why, I thought I'd never see you after you and Tori stopped talking. You two were the greatest of friends."

I winced a bit, but said what I needed to, "About that, Tori and I met again recently, since her best friend is dating my roommate. But look, I can't and won't say anymore than I need to, but Tori's in trouble. My friends and I are doing everything we can to make her safe, but I need the law on my side as much as possible. Can you help me with that?"

Mr. Vega rubbed his chin for a moment, "What kind of help are you looking for? And what kind of danger is she in? We haven't spoken to her in ages."

"What I need is to know that I won't get pulled over if I'm speeding over to her place to help. I've got a meeting set up with James Holsten tomorrow evening to make sure we have someone to help us work through the inevitable charges she'll face. Right now she's in an abusive relationship with a man who's very high up in a gang. He beats her and from what Cat said, rapes her as well. She's seen the marks for herself, she knows it's really happening. Tori's addicted to drugs, which is part of the reason she can't leave the man, the other part is we're all certain the man will lash out on her and everyone she cares about. She even told me herself that he's planning on killing me, my friends, and my 4 year old brother."

Neither of them could hide the shock on their faces. They were silent for a long time until Mr. Vega spoke up, "Why is he specifically targeting you?"

I held back from giving him the full truth, "He knows I'll die to protect Tori, and my friends would die to protect me. If I'm out of the way, and my friends are out of the way, he'll get to keep her for himself."

He looked me in the eye, "I'll make you a deal. As long as you swear to me you will do everything you possibly can to save her, I'll make sure the police never intercept you, and I will do everything I can to make sure she serves as little time as possible, and, if he's still alive, I'll make sure he's first to get the needle."

I nodded, "You have my word."

He stood up, looking towards his wife, "Honey, can you get me some paper and a pen please?" She nodded and walked off to another room. He looked back to me, speaking quietly, "I know you two aren't just friends. I could see it in your eyes as clearly as I did 8 years ago, you two are in love. I respect that you won't tell us without her permission, but just know that I'll never go against you two, and I'll make sure my wife doesn't either."

I nodded, not sure what to say. Mrs. Vega came back into the room, handing the items to her husband. He asked me, "What's the plate number of your car?"

"There's a few, I kind of collect cars," I listed off 6 plate numbers, 4 of my own, as well as Cat and Randy's cars.

"Are you rich or something? I knew your parents were quite well off, but I didn't think it was this much." Mrs Vega teased.

I shrugged, "I make a lot of my own money."

"How so?" She asked curiously.

"Yes, do tell how you earn this much," David added.

"Do you remember how I was very into MMA when I was younger?" They nodded. "I fight professionally now, I'm signed to the SFC, and I'll be fighting for the championship in a few months."

They seemed impressed. David stood up, and I stood up as well, "It was nice to see you again, Jade. I hope we'll be seeing more of you, and I look forward to my daughter being in good hands again." He shook my hand and gave me a wink. I just smirked back.

Mrs Vega saw me out and both had even more impressed looks as they saw the car I was driving. I got in and started it up, pulling out of the driveway and starting on the route back to my house, satisfied with Mr. Vega's agreement to my request.

* * *

"Come on, it's only a bit further now," Randy called out to me, just as breathless as I was.

I hopped over a fallen tree trunk and caught up to him as he came to a stop near some large boulders. He nudged me and pointed off into the distance, "Look."

I looked to where he was pointing and grinned, "That's incredible."

From our vantage point, we could clearly see an incredible view of the Angeles National Forest. I hadn't even realized we'd come so far up the trail, but I was glad we did, "That's amazing."

"Let's sit and rest for a bit before we make the trip back down," Randy suggested, sitting down on one of the boulders.

I sat next to him and retied one of my shoes. "I wanted to talk to you," he said. "That's actually why I suggested we take this run."

"What, you couldn't tell me back in the city?"

"Well, it's not as picturesque back there. Plus, being surrounded by nature helps you think better, cleaner air, relaxing sounds. But there's something I've been thinking about."

I sat up and focused on the forest below, "What's that?"

"You know that note Tori gave you, where she said that she wanted us to find an enemy to put up against Steven?" I nodded. "The more I think about it, the more I'm thinking we got this all wrong."

I looked over at him, "What do you mean?"

He kicked a small pebble, "I was just thinking about it from Steven's perspective. Think about it, if you were him, would you fear the police or another gang? Would you fear an enemy you've beaten before?" I slowly began to understand what he was on about at that. "You'd laugh in their face, wouldn't you?"

"Yeah, but who could possibly pose a bigger threat to him than those two?"

"You would." I stopped, but he continued talking, "You wouldn't be concerned with someone you've beaten before, you know their tactics, you know their moves, but someone you've never gone up against? Someone with unorthodox moves, unpredictable tactics, you'd fear them, wouldn't you? He's never dealt with someone like you before, someone who's dangerous without weapons, because their own body is their weapon. But, it gets worse for him, because not only would he be outmatched if he didn't have a weapon, there's also someone close to him that's on your side. He's afraid of you, that's why he's so intent on taking you out."

I thought about what he said, realizing he was right. Steven was terrified of me, he knew I could take him down if he left me unchecked for too long. But, there was one other thing, "The only reason he'd be so afraid of me is because he knows he'll lose Tori to me. He knows."

"I'd be surprised if he didn't, with all the surveillance he's put on her. He just doesn't want her to know that he knows. Remember how Tori got very defensive over him that one day? He most likely began trying to convince her that he cares about her as well, to take one thing out of the equation, if only temporarily."

I sighed and stood up, "Let's head back."

* * *

"Look what I got," Steven announced as he walked into the apartment, holding up something.

I finished the paragraph I was on and glanced up, "You got more?"

He nodded, flicked the baggie once, then tossed it to me. I caught it and looked at it as he walked away. I couldn't control myself for more than 2 seconds before I opened the baggie and grabbed two pills, downing them with a sip of my water on the coffee table. "Fucker knows I can't resist," I mumbled to myself.

I could already feel the high coming on, and it was intense. I didn't know how I'd ever be able to stop doing drugs when it felt so damn good.

The next night Steven burst out of the bedroom and jumped over the back of the couch, landing on it and grabbing the remote, turning on the TV.

"What's with the dramatic entrance?" I grumbled, moving to get more comfortable now that he was taking up half the couch.

He shushed me and mumbled, "Look."

I looked at the TV and saw what looked to be the SFC. I put my book down and sat up, looking at the screen, watching as two fighters were standing in the cage after a fight, one talking to an interviewer and the other having his injuries tended to. A moment later, the screen switched to a title card, showing a brunette named Emily Caperi with her stats under her picture and name, and on the other side of the screen was Jade. I'd completely forgotten she fought tonight.

The screen was a blur as the two had their entrances, the announcers voice telling the audience the fighters stats was barely audible. The announcer left the cage, and the ref signaled for the two to tap gloves, but Jade did something I'd never seen her do before – she rejected it. She stared down the other woman with a look of intense ferocity, and even though such a gesture was considered offensive, the crowd cheered for her. I really wondered how much I'd missed.

The ref called out for the two to fight, and Emily charged straight at Jade, who easily sidestepped her, catching her in a head lock before she could circle out and tripping her up, wrestling her to the ground. Caperi desperately tried to fight her off, but Jade managed to trap her arm and rolled her into an arm-bar. She howled in pain, and tapped out only a few seconds later. Jade stood up while the ref helped up Caperi. She offered her hand in a handshake to Jade, but she just turned her back on her, jumping up onto the cage and hugging Randy. She sat on top of the cage and watched as one of Caperi's trainers made sure she was okay. The crowd cheered wildly for Jade.

She jumped down and Randy, Beck, and Andre joined her in the cage, while she and Caperi stood on either side of the ref. _"And the winner of this bout via first round submission is...Jade "The Panther" West!"_

The interviewer put his hand on Jade's shoulder, _"Well, West, first off, how do you feel about this fight?"_

"_Honestly? It's whatever. I respected Caperi as a fighter up until she used shady tactics to try to beat me before we ever fought."_

"_And is that why you refused to tap gloves or shake her hand after the fight?"_

"_Yeah, it is. High school bullying tactics aren't what win fights, or win respect, it's skill. She was just one obstacle in my way, and I'm gunning for the championship next."_

"_Best of luck to you, and congratulations on your win. 16 seconds, that's impressive."_

"What incredible talent," Steven drawled, turning off the TV.

I nodded numbly.

He stood up and walked away, "Someone has to beat her at some point though."


	18. Tell Me Something Sweet

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

********A/N: So this morning I heard the amazing news that the Supreme Court ruled gay marriage is LEGAL IN ALL 50 STATES! This incredible announcement gave me the motivation to finish up this chapter, so enjoy!  
********

* * *

_"All units in the vicinity of 4th Street North, we have a matte black Lamborghini driving recklessly at high speeds, 09 is giving chase. Over."_

_"04 to 09 what is the plate number?"_

_"Looks to be 'Panther', over."_

_"09 stop the chase, that vehicle is exempt."_

_"Sir?"_

_"Chief has declared that vehicle exempt, cease your chase immediately and let them pass."_

Randy turned off the police radio as Jade swerved around a few other cars, slowing down only to make a turn. "Are they still behind us?"

He shook his head, "No, they stopped chasing us, we're good."

Jade clenched her teeth and kept driving, trying her best to stay focused.

* * *

**Jade's POV**

The two detectives sitting across from me sorted a few papers, one man by the name of Detective Harrison preparing to write, the other, a woman named Detective Young, making sure the recording devices around the room were working properly. Detective Young gave me a look of sympathy. I fucking hated sympathy.

"Okay Jade, let's start from the beginning," she suggested in a soft tone, as if she were speaking to a small child.

I was tired of the way they were treating me, and my anger was already through the roof. I just ranted, stumbling over my words, talking faster than my brain could keep up with, "You can stop acting like I'm some fucking helpless victim! I'm not a victim, I refuse to be a fucking victim. But you want me to start from the beginning? Okay, sure, this fucker has been following me for _months_, okay? Two months ago his lackeys _broke into my house_, and attacked me and my friends. Seven guys, right, they busted in my fuckin' door and attacked me and my friends. That's where this started, the physical confrontations, but he's been on my ass longer than that. That, that, that watch you confiscated from me, the fitness tracker, I wear that everywhere, right, it tracks everything almost as well as Beck does. You know what this fuckin' prick did? He put a GPS tracker on it, right, he follows me everywhere."

"Slow down, please. You say _he_, you know who's doing this?"

"Steven Carson," I stated, "He's one of the higher-ups in the Sicilian Brotherhood, I'm sure you know the one."

Detective Harrison was furiously writing down the details of my statement. Young continued her questioning, "So you say the physical confrontations started when these seven men broke into your home?" I nodded. "And this fitness tracker you wear, it's on you all the time?"

"I take it off to shower, that's pretty much it. It's on me all the time."

"And he put a tracker on it?"

I nodded, throwing up my hands and sitting back, "Of course he fuckin' did. How else would he follow me everywhere? Oh, but you want to know how, don't you? I'll tell you how. It went missing two weeks ago while I was at the gym, Pierre's MMA Gym, if you want the name. I was training with Jacob King, he was one of the guys at my house when those guys broke in a couple months back, but we were working on some Jiu-Jitsu, ground fighting, and I had to take it off so it wasn't in the way. It went missing then. Two days later when we were back in the gym, when Randy and I went out to my car so we could head home, it was sitting on the roof of my car. We checked the surveillance footage, found the guy who did it, but couldn't see his face 'cause of the black hoodie he was wearing."

"We'll need those tapes as evidence, can you get those for us?"

"Ask Randy for 'em, they're his property."

She looked through a few other papers in my case file, "So moving on, you have a dog, a pit bull, Cujo?"

"Yeah, I got him when he was a puppy, very well behaved. He used to come with me on my runs everyday, but his paw was injured a few days ago, I don't know what happened, but the vet said he can't run with me for the next two weeks."

"How was his paw injured?"

I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed, then winced at the pain, "He stepped on a nail that was sticking out of my deck in the back of my house. There was absolutely no reason for a nail to be sticking out unless someone pulled it out."

"Do you think Steven was responsible for this incident as well?"

"Absolutely, no doubt about it."

She glanced over at her partner's notes, "Did anything occur between the time your dog's paw was injured and the attack this morning?"

"No, things were silent, normal."

Detective young handed me a piece of paper, a map, "Can you mark the route you took this morning for your run?"

I sat up, again wincing at the pain. I took the pen she gave me and looked at the map. I marked the location of my house first, then drew a line from my house around the path I took and then back, lastly I made on very large and angry circle along the path. I pushed the paper back to her, "That was the route I planned on taking."

"This circle you made, that's where they attacked you?" I nodded. "Can you walk us through what happened?"

_**Flashback**_

_I was angry, not only at the fact I was on another run without my dog, but also because of the traffic I'd forgotten to take into account before I left. I was nearly at the end of my run though. I made it through the entrance to my neighborhood and was on the street that connected to my own when I noticed the car following me. I ignored it for a while, at least until it was abundantly clear they were trailing me. I was careful, planning out an escape route before ever changing my pace. _

_I made up my mind and made a break for it, sprinting as fast as I could towards the large fence surrounding my house. When I was about 50 feet away from my house, another car came speeding around the corner, essentially trapping me. I cursed to myself and ran faster as several guys got out of both cars, all charging for me. I knew at that moment that I wouldn't be able to escape, they had me boxed in. I came to a stop with my back against a brick wall, effectively eliminating attack points. There were at least 8 guys, maybe 10, I had no chance._

"_Is this how you plan on getting me?!" I taunted them, "Outnumber me 10 to 1? Is that the only way you can win, huh? Come get me then, give me your best shot, you fucking pussies!"_

_They all attacked me, ripping me away from the wall and throwing me to the ground. It was a blur of pain from then on, kicks and punches striking every part of my body. I couldn't tell how long it went on for, my adrenaline was pumping, the only way I knew they were still hitting me was the blur around my eyes, the violent shakes of my body, and the occasional crack._

_I heard barking and shouting, the sounds came as if I were hearing them from underwater. The men around me ran off, getting in their cars and speeding away. Cujo licked my face, my arms, my legs, whining, not knowing what to do with himself. Someone picked me up and brought me into the house, laying me down on the couch. Cujo sat right next to me, his head nudging me, almost as a reminder that he was there for me. There was shuffling around me, footsteps frantically stomping around, voices speaking to me, and to others, but I couldn't make out what they were saying._

_I could hear sirens, the front door opening, people rushing around me. My body was moved around a bit more, and the next time I was able to open my eyes, I could see the inside of an ambulance. Two paramedics were sitting on either side of me, their hands a blur as they bandaged a few wounds, held pressure on others, speaking to me, words I didn't understand. One grabbed my left hand, saying something to me. I had no idea what he said, but my brain was able to process what he was getting at, and I squeezed his hand._

_The fog in my mind started to clear as the adrenaline stopped pumping through my veins, the pain overcame me. Their voices became clearer._

"_Jade West...23 years old, female, caucasion, blood type O positive..."_

_**End of Flashback**_

"And then that was where you lost consciousness?"

I nodded, "Lost too much blood. Adrenaline stopped. Shock would've set in if I hadn't been trained to stay calm no matter what."

"Do you know what any of these guys looked like?"

"No, I couldn't size up anything other than the numbers against me, and even that I'm not so sure of. They tracked my movements, made sure the coast was clear, made sure I was alone before they attacked. They weren't even trying to hurt me that bad."

She had a confused look on her face, "You say they weren't trying to hurt you?"

I shook my head, "No, if they wanted to kill me they would've done it. They didn't, they roughed me up. They were trying to make a statement, send a message. They want me to stand down."

"Why are these men after you?"

"Because I'm a threat. Steven's 'girlfriend', Victoria Vega, she and I have history. She wants away from him, to be with me, he's not going to let her go without a fight. He's dangerous, he hurts her, and she puts up with it because she's an addict, he has drugs, and that's what she needs."

"How does he hurt her?"

"Beats her, rapes her, whatever he feels like doing. To him she's just an object, a tool. He knows if left unchecked I'll bring his ass down, so he's trying to take me out before that happens. He's already planned out how he's going to kill all my friends, me, and my 4 year old brother. You know it takes one sick fuck to kill a kid just to get to someone else."

She seemed angered at the thought as well, "Your brother, does he live with you?"

"No, he lives with his dad, Jeffrey Davis. He was my mom's boyfriend."

"Was?"

"My mom's dead, labor complications. She knew she was going to die if she went through with the birth, but did it anyway. Jeff blames Mikey for her death. I've been working on getting full custody of him to keep him away from that fucker."

"Mikey, he's your half brother?" I nodded. "Who else has Steven threatened?"

"My trainers and roommates, Andre Harris, Beck Oliver, and Randy Pierre."

"These men live with you full time?"

"Andre and Beck do, Randy's at my house most days, but every once and a while he'll stay at his own place. He's put it up on for sale though, planning on moving in with me."

Detective Young stood up, "Thank you very much for your statement, you may pick up your belongings from the front desk and be on your way."

* * *

**Tori's POV**

I was tired, lazily lounging on the couch and flipping through the channels of the TV trying to find something interesting to watch. I figured, being as bored and tired as I already was, the news wouldn't be so bad to watch. I changed the channel and watched as they reported new statistics about the drought, and then another shooting as a result of the ongoing gang wars. The screen switched to _**BREAKING NEWS**__, _and the the news anchor switched to another story_._

"_An attack this morning in West Hollywood has left 23 year-old professional MMA fighter Jade West with some serious injuries. Sources say West was attacked at the tail-end of her morning run by several men dressed in black who outnumbered her and beat her nearly to the point of unconsciousness. The attackers were scared off when 45 year-old former MMA champion Randy Pierre and West's own loyal dog heard the commotion and ran outside. The original motive was thought to be related to West's upcoming fight for the women's bantamweight championship, but according to West's own statement, the motive is clear to her. The actual motive was not shared with the public, and the police have an ongoing investigation. We will continue to update on this story as details become available."_

I couldn't breathe. It was Steven, I knew it. I was terrified, not knowing how far he'd go. While in the midst of panicking, I felt incredibly sick, and was forced to run to the bathroom to throw up. I sat against the wall, fighting the urge to cry. I couldn't tell if I had been sick because of what happened to Jade, or something else. But I then remembered I'd been getting sick several times the past few days, and decided it was something else entirely.

The door to the apartment opened and Steven called out for me. I slowly got up and went out to the living room, "I might need to go to a doctor."

"Why?" He asked, not seeming concerned in the slightest.

"I've been getting sick so much these past few days, something's got to be wrong."

He gave me a strange look, something that almost looked like accomplishment. "You're fine, it'll stop soon."

I couldn't figure out what he meant by that, and didn't even try to understand. I sat down on the couch, fixing up a hit of heroin as he retreated to the bedroom. I took the hit and fell asleep a few minutes later, smoking a joint.

A few days later, I woke up late after another nap, no light streaming through the windows, the clock on the TV read 2:36 AM. I sat up groggily, blinking a few times. Something was sitting on the coffee table, a plastic bag. It wasn't there when I went to sleep, and I picked it up, opening it. My heart sank, I couldn't catch my breath, and I was nearly shaking in fear at the small box in the bag.

I didn't want to believe it, I didn't even want to think about it. I tossed it back onto the coffee table, sitting back and bringing my knees up to my chest, holding them close and trying to get my breathing under control. I sat there for what felt like ages, just trying to stay calm. I finally got up and checked all over the apartment, not seeing Steven anywhere.

I grabbed three pills from my stash, downing them as quickly as I could, doing everything I could to keep from having a full scale breakdown. I found my phone and dialed Cat's number, not even caring that it was 3 in the morning. She answered at the fourth ring, sounding like she'd just woken up. I believed it.

"_Tori? What's going on?"_

"Cat I'm losing my mind, I know it's so late and I'm sorry for waking you up but I need you," I let out in one single breath.

"_Slow down, sweetie. What's wrong?"_

It sounded as if she were getting out of bed, leaving a room and walking somewhere else. "I'm about to freak the fuck out, I can't breathe right, my heart's beating so fast, I'm so scared."

"_Are you hurt? Are you in danger? What's going on? Talk to me!"_

She sounded incredibly upset, but I didn't even know what to say. Words eluded me. "I don't know, Steven, he did something bad. I'm not hurt but Cat I'm so scared."

"_What did he do to you?"_ She asked in a firm tone, as if she were trying to hide the fact she was furious.

"I can't say," I let out as I started to cry. Something else crept into my mind, and I had to ask, partly from curiosity, partly just to have some distraction, "How's Jade doing?"

Cat sighed, probably irritated that she didn't know what was going on with me. But truthfully, I had no idea what to say to her. _"She's okay. Her injuries aren't anything she can't recover from. They've already got her walking normally, should be back to training in a few days. The injuries weren't nearly as bad as they thought originally, few fractured ribs and some cuts and bruises. Nothing major. She's pissed that it was already on the news, though."_

"I'm so sorry, if I had known he would do that I would've told you."

"_Nobody blames you, sweetie. Honestly, Jade's been worried about you."_

I could feel the drugs taking affect. I was fighting to keep my eyes open, I forced myself to stay conscious for a few more seconds, "Cat, I need you to do me a solid. Tell Jade I love her, please."

"_Of course. Are you okay?"_

"Passing out..." Was all I managed to get out before I fell unconscious.

* * *

**No one's POV**

Cat stayed on the phone a while longer after it had slipped from Tori's grasp, listening, comforted by the fact Tori was still breathing normally. She heard something else a few seconds later, a door opening and closing. Steven's voice was faint as he nudged Tori, seeing if she was awake. Cat stayed silent.

"Tori?" He asked her. He knew she was unconscious. He stepped into the bedroom, coming back out with a needle and a piece of cord they used for injections. Steven quickly prepared a hit of heroin, cutting a bit out of a baggie, and melting the light blue powder in a spoon, using the needle to draw it up. He tied the cord around her arm, injecting the needle into her arm, pulling it back a bit to make sure he was in a vein, then shooting it up into her arm.

His next words made Cat's blood run cold, "Now you'll be off my back. Sleep now, and don't ever wake up..."

Cat hung up the phone, running back into the bedroom and waking up Beck, "Get up! Tori's in trouble!"

As soon as Beck was awake, she ran down the hall to Randy's room, nearly breaking down the door, screaming at him as well, "Randy! Get up, Tori's in trouble, we've got to do something!"

Randy gained consciousness surprisingly fast, "You and Beck get dressed, we'll meet you downstairs, go!"

She did as he told her, running back into the bedroom and quickly getting dressed. She and Beck then ran downstairs and paced back and forth in the kitchen. Cat spoke up in a frantic tone, "Should we call 911?"

Beck shook his head, "Not yet, just wait."

Only a minute later, Randy, Jade, and Andre were downstairs. "What the fuck is going on?!" Jade shouted angrily.

"Tori called me about 10 minutes ago, she sounded so upset, terrified, she wouldn't tell me what was wrong but said she wasn't harmed. I guess she had taken some drugs before calling me because she passed out, and I stayed on the phone a while to make sure she was breathing okay, and then Steven came home. I'm about 99% sure he gave her a hotshot!"

Jade grabbed her jacket and put on her shoes, as Randy pulled something out of the fridge, looking to Beck and Cat, "Call 911, send them to Tori's address. What apartment is she in?"

"436."

At that, he bolted out to the garage. Jade moved to follow him, but was stopped by Cat, "She wanted me to tell you she loves you."

Jade nodded, "Thank you," and then she left, closing the door behind her. The last thing they heard was her car starting up and speeding off.

Jade drove as fast as possible, swerving in and out of traffic. Randy turned on the police radio Jade had in the car just for giggles, turning it up. About 2 minutes later, they heard sirens behind them, and blue and red lights were a ways behind them.

_"All units in the vicinity of 4th Street North, we have a matte black Lamborghini driving recklessly at high speeds, 09 is giving chase. Over."_

_"04 to 09 what is the plate number?"_

_"Looks to be 'Panther', over."_

_"09 stop the chase, that vehicle is exempt."_

_"Sir?"_

_"Chief has declared that vehicle exempt, cease your chase immediately and let them pass."_

Randy turned off the police radio as Jade swerved around a few other cars, slowing down only to make a turn. "Are they still behind us?"

He shook his head, "No, they stopped chasing us, we're good."

Jade clenched her teeth and kept driving, trying her best to stay focused.

They made it to Tori's apartment in record time, both jumping out of the car and running into the building, taking the stairs, as they both knew they could climb stairs faster than any elevator. "What floor is it?"

"Four," Randy told her, pulling open the fourth floor door and leading Jade down the hallway, stopping in front of apartment 436. "Have at it, you have a stronger kick than me."

He stepped back and Jade kicked the door as hard as she could near the knob and it flew open, "Look for him!" She shouted, taking the box from his hand. Jade saw Tori lying on the couch, the cord still around her arm. Randy went down the small hallway, checking each room as Jade knelt down next to the couch, opening the box and removing an alcohol pad. Jade pulled up one leg of the pajama pants Tori was wearing, ripping open the alcohol pad with her teeth and cleaned the area. Just as Randy announced the apartment was clear, Jade popped off the top of the small vial, using the syringe to draw up 1cc of the liquid. She took the needle and injected the medicine into her thigh.

They both heard sirens approaching the building. Jade put the needle on the table, "Put the cap on that, please." She moved up and continued with the rescue breathing like Jake had taught her.

Randy grabbed the syringe and the cap, recapping it and putting it back in the box. As he set it down, something on the table caught his eye, and he picked it up. A plastic bag from a drugstore. He looked inside and felt like he got punched in the chest, "Holy fuck..."

Tori seemed slightly responsive, coughing a few times and very weakly squeezing Jade's hand when she asked. Jade glanced over at Randy, curious as to what he was so shocked by. He held up the small box, and Jade had the exact same sinking feeling.

"What the fuck does she need a pregnancy test for?"

* * *

**A/N: Been a while since we had a cliffhanger... The title of this chapter comes from a lyric from the song _If it means a lot to you_ by A Day to Remember. The full line is "Tell me something sweet to get me by."**

**I will post the next chapter as soon as I can, until then, I'd like to hear what you guys think about Tori having a pregnancy test...**


	19. What Brought Us Here

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

********A/N: So we're slowing things down a bit, at least for a while...  
********

* * *

My body ached. There was an overwhelming pressure in my head. I tried like hell to open my eyes. The room was bright, I could see several machines next to the bed, an IV in the back of my hand, a heart rate monitor beeping steadily. I looked the other way, a large window allowed the sun to stream through, and a silhouette against it, a woman. Her arms were crossed, her posture straight. I could tell from the aura around her, the calm, the confidence, a sense of safety – it was Jade.

I attempted to say something to her, but I ended up just coughing quite violently. She turned around and stood next to the bed, smiling at me. I grinned sheepishly, "That was supposed to be one of my signature pickup lines, but it didn't work out to well."

"The execution was a little flat," she teased, reaching over me and pressing a button on a remote.

"What time is it?" I asked, stretching out a bit.

Jade glanced at her watch, "About 5."

The door to the room opened and a woman wearing a blue nurse's outfit walked in, smiling warmly at me, "Good evening, Miss Vega. It's nice to see you awake. How are you feeling?"

"You ever seen the movie Pulp Fiction? I feel like that kid, uh," I snapped my fingers a few times, "Marvin, that was his name. I feel like Marvin after Vincent shot him in the face."

Jade snorted, standing up straight and facing the window, hand over her mouth. The nurse seemed similarly amused as she checked a few of the machines, "You have a headache then?"

"Nah. Well, a bit. But more in the regard of it just being a really bad day. I imagine Marvin's day was pretty bad up to that point."

"I'd imagine so," she chuckled, "How are you feeling otherwise? Any soreness, shortness of breath, vertigo?"

I lay back and shook my head, "Not anything outstanding. My whole body's sore, but it's worse in my stomach."

Oddly, both the nurse and Jade seemed to sober up at that. She glanced at Jade, "Did you tell her?"

Jade shook her head, "No, I called you as soon as she woke up. I figured that would be your job."

The nurse nodded and looked to me, "Victoria, did you know you were pregnant?"

My heart sank. I weakly shook my head, not daring to say anything. I couldn't even bring myself to look at Jade.

"You were 2 months pregnant. There was a-"

"Stop. _Were?_"

She nodded, "The heroin overdose resulted in a miscarriage early this morning, about an hour after you arrived at the hospital."

I didn't say anything else. I stared ahead at the lavender colored wall, unwilling to meet the eyes or the nurse or Jade. She continued on, "The doctors were concerned at the state of your body when you arrived, um," she looked at Jade, questioningly.

I continued staring ahead, but reached over to take Jade's hand, silently letting the nurse know that she was going to stay. Jade squeezed my hand once to tell me she was there.

"Okay, well, among the signs of drug abuse, there were a few telltale signs of domestic abuse as well. Was someone abusing you?"

I huffed once, "You tell me."

"Was this pregnancy consensual?"

I tried, really, I did, I tried to take her seriously, but her questions were just ludicrous. "Really? You think I'd willingly have a child when I'm a drug addict? You think I'd let a kid grow up in the same environment I lived in? Sure, I don't doubt you've encountered people like that before, but let me tell you this; I'm not that person." I looked straight at her, "I would _never_ condemn a child to the same hell I lived in. Nobody deserves that. Steven, he got my favorite drug, a special brand of X, side effects include memory loss and essentially passing out. When I was conscious, he wore a condom. When I wasn't, well, you can probably imagine how much free reign he had."

The nurse had a sad look on her face, "The doctor will be in tomorrow morning to see how you're doing. He wanted you to stay the night so we could keep an eye on you and make sure you're okay. Is there anything you need?"

"I could use a good book," I mumbled.

"Randy grabbed one that was sitting on the coffee table, had a bookmark in it, so he figured that's what you were reading," Jade said, handing _Fahrenheit 451_ to me.

I smiled at her. "Miss Vega, I'll have to check your vitals real quick, and then you have a couple visitors waiting to see you."

I looked at her, confused, "Visitors?"

"Your parents."

"Fuck me." I glared at Jade, "You did this, didn't you?"

She shrugged, "I'd apologize, but I'm not sorry. They want to see you."

I sighed and held out my arm for the nurse, "Let's get this over with."

She took my vitals and headed for the door, "I'll be back in 2 hours to check them again."

Once she was gone, I looked to Jade just as she said, "If you don't want to see them, I'll tell them that they can come back another time."

"No, I want to see them. I just haven't talked to them in five years..."

Jade seemed surprised by that, but just nodded and went over to the door. I put the book down on the table next to me and brought my knees up to my chest, wincing slightly at the pain in my abdomen. My parents walked into the room, both looking sad as they saw me. They sat down on the small bench against the window.

"I'm going to go grab something from the cafeteria, anybody want anything?" Jade asked, looking between me and both of my parents.

"Get me a scotch on the rocks," My dad told her with a grin.

"I doubt they'll have that, but I'll check," she smirked, leaving and closing the door behind her.

I looked at my dad, "Since when have you two been buddies?"

He shrugged, "We used to be, at least until you two stopped talking. She's a great woman, can't imagine why you two ever stopped being friends."

He put an odd emphasis on friends, as if he didn't believe we were just friends. As a matter of fact, his entire demeanor hinted that he knew there was much more. My mom hinted at the exact same thing.

"She was always a delight to have around. It's truly a shame you two had that falling out."

I rolled my eyes, "Is there something I should know about?"

My dad was the first to drop the act, "We know."

I nodded and sighed, "So you found me out, huh?"

"The correlation between the last few events leading up to you dropping off the radar is obvious. It became very clear to us pretty quickly. Let me just say that I wish you would've talked to us before you did what you did. But, regardless, what's done is done, and it's time to focus on repairing the damage. Your mother and I have been worried sick about you, five years is a long time to not know if your daughter is even still alive."

My mom spoke to me in the most sincere voice I'd ever heard, "I could sit here and lie and tell you that I didn't mean what I said in that text, I could tell you that it's not what I meant, but truthfully, I meant exactly what I said. But I saw what it did to you. I saw how you couldn't even look me in the eye after that. I saw the looks Trina even gave me. When you started to become reclusive, Trina was even more nasty to me – she told me it was my fault."

I stayed silent, focusing on the IV in the back of my hand. "I could put two and two together quickly, but once I'd realized my mistake, it was already too late. You were gone. I can honestly say that letter you wrote us tore me apart, knowing I drove you to this. I've regretted what I said to you every single day since you left."

_**Flashback**_

_I sealed up the second envelope, wrote Trina's name on it, and set it down next to the one written for my parents. I turned back to my duffel bag and zipped up the main compartment. I put on Jade's hoodie, the one she'd left at my house a number of weeks ago. I felt bad for taking it, but I knew if I were to have any chance of holding myself together, I'd need some part of her with me, at least for a while. I grabbed my bag and the notes and headed downstairs._

_I laid the two notes down on the coffee table and retrieved my keys from my pocket. I removed my house key from the ring, and lay it down next to the notes. I was forced to wipe a few more stray tears as I opened the door and closed it behind myself. I tried the knob – locked. This was it. I turned and began walking down the street._

_**End of Flashback**_

I felt my eyes prick with tears as I remembered the last time I'd ever been in my house. My parents were silent, most likely waiting for me to say something. My brain was a mess, a mass of jumbled memories playing like a slide show. I saw my sister, and the look she gave me when she came to pick me up that night. I saw the look on my mother's face the first time I'd ever told her to leave me alone. I saw my father's broken expression when I told him that he was smothering me, after he'd only asked how my day was. I saw Jade and the look of anguish that haunts my dreams every night, when I told her to just leave me alone and forget about me.

"Do you remember when I was 11 years old, starting at a new school, with only one friend? I was terrified when Lauren and I figured out we only had one class together. But you know who was in every one of my classes except the one Lauren was in? It was Jade. I lied about how we met, we didn't just get to talking one day in class. Honestly, why would she have any reason to talk to me? She was one of the popular kids, a year older than me, everyone liked her. Why would she talk to that one nerdy kid?"

_**Flashback**_

"_Reading again, four-eyes?" Trevor sneered as kids were beginning to file into the classroom, taking the book from my hands._

"_Yes," I meekly replied, "Can I have my book back please?"_

_He shook his head, looking at the book, "What's the 'Great Gatesbye'?" He asked, pronouncing the name completely wrong._

"_Oh, you almost had it there, buddy. It's the 'Great Gatsby', though I'm sure you would've gotten it the first time if you ever bothered to pay attention in class," one of the really popular girls, Jade, cut in, surprising both of us.  
_

_She took the book from his hands and tilted her head away, "Get out of here, and quit picking on people."_

_Trevor scampered away, looking defeated. Jade handed the book back to me, giving me a charming smile, "You know," she sat down in the desk next to mine, "We've been in classes together for 2 months now and still haven't talked."_

"_You're always with your friends, so I never said anything. Plus you're one of the popular kids, and I'm not."_

_Jade shrugged, "People know me, I know people. That fact alone shouldn't make me unapproachable. I don't bite, promise."_

_I put the bookmark back in my book and set it down, "Okay then, I'm-"_

"_Tori," she said, smirking._

"_Yeah, how did you know?"_

"_I hear it six times a day, five days a week. I'd have to be deaf to not know it by now." The teacher walked into the room, closing the door and asked us to get out our notebooks. Jade glanced over at me again as she opened up her notebook, a comforting smile on her face, "Say hi every now and again, would you?"_

_**End of Flashback**_

"She was my best friend ever since then. She was the one person I felt comfortable talking to about anything. Ever since that first time she stood up for me, she's always felt safe to me. When you sent that text to me, I was only sixteen, and in love for the first time. Suddenly it's like that one safe place I had wasn't so safe anymore. I was terrified, and I left her in such a vulnerable moment, because I thought it was the right thing to do. I sacrificed one thing for stability somewhere else, but that one sacrifice tore everything down. Nothing felt safe anymore, nothing was okay. I gave up the one person that, no matter what, always made me feel okay. In turn, I lost everything that ever made me feel okay."

My parents were silent, neither looking up from the floor. I laughed, looking up and wiping my eyes, "You know, ever since I left I've done drugs on a daily basis, almost anything I could get my hands on. The funny thing, even when off my face, it never slipped my mind that my heart was broken. I never felt safe going to sleep, I just lived with it. I resigned myself to never feeling okay, never feeling safe, never feeling anything positive. My life was a fucking mess. My life _is_ a fucking mess. I mean, just look at me now. I'm in the hospital because my boyfriend tried to kill me."

"I did this to you," my mom finally choked out.

"No, mom, I did this to myself. I had a choice, and I chose wrong. This is nobody's fault but my own. All I want at this point is to repair the damage I've done to myself, and to move on with my life. I want to know that you're on my side this time."

My dad reached over and put his hand over my own, waiting until I looked at him to speak, "We're with you this time, no matter what."

I looked at my mom, and she nodded, "I can't lose my daughter again."

I smiled at them, happy that things were much different this time. My dad took it upon himself to lighten the mood, "Besides, I've always liked Jade. She was one person I could always count on to watch sports with me."

I laughed, "She does love her sports. I assume she's told you that she's fighting professionally now?"

"Yeah, she did. Your mother and I even watched a couple of her fights. She's really talented. Plus one of her trainers, Randy Pierre, he was my guy back in the day!"

"You know they're like, best friends, right? He lives with her now."

His jaw dropped, "I'd love to meet him. He's one hell of a dude."

The door to my room opened up and Jade walked in, a water bottle in one hand, and a plastic bag and a piece of paper in the other. She tossed the bag to my dad, "For some odd reason they didn't have any alcohol, however, they did have your second favorite thing."

He opened up the bag and pulled out a small bag of salt and vinegar chips. He smiled widely at her, "Good kid."

She handed the paper to me and moved the chair on the other side of the machines over a bit so she could sit down and see me better. I glanced at the paper, and it seemed to be a menu. "The nurse wanted me to give that to you, said they're going to be collecting dinner orders soon."

"What choices," I deadpanned as I looked at the 2 entree options, and a dozen or so side dish options.

"It'll be good to get some food in you, they had to pump your stomach to clear out the drugs and all that."

I frowned and looked over the paper, "What should I get?"

She stood up, standing next to my bed and put her hand on the back, looking over my shoulder at the choices. She pointed at one of the entrees, then two of the side dishes, "Get the chicken and rice with the broccoli and the assorted fruit. Get milk to drink with it."

"Why?" I asked as she sat back down.

"It'll fill you up and it's healthy for you. You could do with something healthy."

I frowned, setting the paper down, "I guess."

* * *

**Jade's POV**

It was about four hours later, after Tori had eaten her dinner, we'd said goodnight to her parents, and the nurse had taken her vitals again. It was dark outside, the lights in the room were turned down, and I was lying down on the hospital bed next to Tori, at her request.

"Sometimes I really wonder how we got here," she said, her eyes focused on our intertwined fingers. She spoke again before I could ask what she meant, "To this point, I mean. As far apart as we were for so long. We were so in love...I just can't believe how fast everything crumbled apart. I've been meaning to ask you...what were you thinking when you woke up that morning and I was gone?"

I kept my eyes trained on our hands as well, finally letting myself remember the day I tried so hard to forget. One of the best days of my life, followed by the worst. "It was...painful, to say the absolute least," I admitted, though I hadn't told her anything more than what she already knew.

_**Flashback**_

_I woke up late in the morning, and the first thing I did was look beside me, seeing an empty bed. I got up, smiling, and quickly threw on some clothes. I first looked in the bathroom – nothing. My next thought was that she'd gone upstairs for something, though as I looked through my bedroom as I headed towards the stairs, I saw that her clothes and shoes were gone. I climbed the stairs and called her name a few times. I turned right and looked in the kitchen, not seeing her. I walked further and looked to my left at the living room, still nothing. At that, I got worried. I began frantically running around the house, calling her name, but getting no response._

_I ran back down two flights of stairs, from the second floor down to the basement, grabbing my phone off the charger and calling Tori's phone. Nothing. I tried again, still nothing. I sent her a text and sat down on my bed. I sat there for an hour, calling her a few more times, a few more texts. A day later, dozens of calls, dozens of texts, all unanswered. The reality of the situation began to dawn on me and I realized she'd left me._

_**End of Flashback**_

"I was a mess. I didn't sleep right for a few weeks after that. Honestly though, the most painful part was what you said to me that week, after you'd gotten your seat changed in the classes we had together, when I finally confronted you about everything."

_**Flashback**_

_I left the school Friday afternoon, looking around, finally spotting her standing near a tree waiting for Trina to pick her up. I walked over to her as calmly as I could, standing in front of her and holding up my hands, "You feel like telling me what's going on now? Since you've pretty much written me out of your life completely. I think I deserve an explanation."_

_Her eyes seemed dead, "There's nothing to explain Jade. It's over, that's it."_

"_That's it?" I laughed humorlessly, "A year together, 5 of being best friends. That's it?"_

_Her expression never changed from being completely blank, "That's it. There's nothing between us."_

_I finally lost my cool, "Pretending like nothing ever happened isn't going to change anything!"_

"_No, but I can just try to forget you. It's basically the same thing."_

"_You're a fucking hypocrite! How do you expect me to just act like everything's fine? I fucking thought we had something!"_

_She turned away, "There's nothing, Jade. Just forget it."_

_I moved to stand in front of her again, "You can't ignore me forever!"_

_Tori wouldn't meet my eyes. She said nothing. Somehow, the silence was worse than hearing her proclaim how much she wanted to erase every part of me._

"_Just fucking talk to me, please. I don't even know what I did wrong. God fucking dammit, I miss you."_

_She stayed silent._

"_Why, Tori? Why are you doing this?"_

_She stared at the ground._

"_I thought you loved me..."_

_She turned away again. I didn't move._

"_I fucking loved you."_

_Silence._

"_You were everything to me," I whispered, dejected._

"_Were," was her only reply._

"_You broke my fucking heart."_

_Tori looked up, staring at me with those dead eyes. She reached into her pocket, handing something to me. "Just leave me alone, Jade. It's over."_

_I looked at what she handed me. It was the promise ring I'd given her six months prior. I nodded and stepped back. I bit my lip in an attempt to hold myself together, but one more second of that empty stare broke me. I took another step backward, whispering one last thing before walking away._

"_I hate you."_

_**End of Flashback**_

Tori didn't say anything after that. Nothing needed to be said, no words would rectify what had happened. She turned her body slightly and cuddled into me, similar to how she used to do when we laid in my bed watching something on TV. She said only three words, but with a tone that let me know she was being completely honest this time. It wasn't like the lies she had told me the very last time we spoke, it was genuine. I knew she meant exactly what she said.

"I love you."

* * *

**A/N: I decided to take a few steps back and put a few more pieces in the puzzle of how Tori and Jade got to this point in their lives. Also, this could serve as a bit of fluff before we get to a more angst ahead...**


	20. The Calm

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

********A/N: Okay, so if you don't particularly care why there was a large gap in uploads, go ahead and keep reading. Nothing's changed.  
********

********So two weeks ago on Sunday I tried to write this up and upload it before Monday morning, but obviously that did not get done. I had surgery Monday morning, and have been recovering since. I wasn't quite up to writing for the week afterward, and this week I've been distracted with a few other story ideas I had thought of. Regardless, I'm still focusing on this one and updates should be a bit better, albeit slightly sporadic, as usual. Anyway, read on.********

* * *

An hour or so after the doctor had given me the rundown of the extent of my injuries, a nurse gave Jade a few papers stapled together, as well as another separate form.

"Here are the directions for a diet for the next few weeks and some tips for helping her through her withdrawal. If you'll just sign here to agree that she was released into your care you'll be all ready to go."

Jade signed the paper and the nurse smiled, "I hope you'll be feeling better soon, Tori." Behind her, a man was standing in the hallway with a wheelchair.

"I have to ride in a wheelchair?"

"It's just procedure, honey."

Jade nudged me, "I mean I'll ride in it if you won't."

I frowned and sat down in the chair, "Alright, full speed ahead."

He wheeled me down to the elevators, then once we were on the main floor, over to the doors leading out of the hospital. Jade had gone ahead, taking the stairs so she could get down faster, and was already waiting by the time we got to the door. She gave me a small smile and held her hand out to me. I took it and she helped me up.

"Have a nice day," the male nurse said as he walked off with the wheelchair.

"Venturing out into the wasteland again, exciting, isn't it?"

I shrugged and walked with her out of the hospital, though neither of us made any move to let go of each other's hand. "It's a little bit scary, honestly."

We walked about 15 feet to a matte black, very expensive looking car. She stopped by the passenger door and turned towards me, kissing my forehead, "You'll be safe now, I promise."

Jade opened the door for me, which I almost laughed when it opened vertically, instead of horizontally. "Nice car you've got here."

She helped me into the seat and closed the door, walking around to the driver's side and getting in, "What else would you do with near limitless money? Indulge in aesthetics, right?"

"To each their own, I suppose. Personally, I would've bought commercial amounts of heroin."

To my surprise, she laughed at that. She put the key in the ignition and started the car. "Who needs heroin when you've got someone like me? Hell, I'm just as addictive."

"Don't have to tell me that, I know better than anyone."

Jade looked at me as she waited at the exit to be able to get out. She held her hand out to me, and once I took it, she kissed the back of my hand, "You know I'll do anything for you."

I sighed and looked down at our hands, "The withdrawal is going to kick in soon. I doubt you'll like me much then."

She pulled out into the street as she saw her opening, "What's that bullshit they say at weddings? In sickness and in health?"

"Are you insinuating you want to marry me?"

She snorted, just as I expected. "Fuck no."

_**Flashback**_

_"Do you think we'll ever get married?"_

_She barely thought about the question before answering, "No."_

_I lay my book down on my stomach and looked up at her. Since my head was already lying in her lap, it wasn't too difficult, "Are you saying that you don't want to marry me, or you don't think we'll get to that point?"_

_She shrugged, her fingers playing through my hair, "I hate the idea of marriage. To me it just seems like a trap, no way out even if you wanted to. I don't ever want to feel like I'm forced into being with you, even if that's all I want. I just want to be with you, I don't need a piece of paper or a ring to prove my love for you."_

_I looked down and smiled as I twirled the ring around my finger a few times. She noticed this and snorted, "That's different."_

_"How so?"_

_"It's a promise."_

_"So is marriage."_

_"After a while, marriage becomes an obligation. Love can't always keep you together. I mean, look what happened to my parents."_

_"Look at mine."_

_"Do you actually want to marry me?"_

_"No, I hate marriage just as much as you do. It's just fun messing with you."_

_She frowned, "I know where you sleep."_

_"Uhuh, safe in my girlfriend's arms, that's where I sleep."_

_**End of Flashback**_

I sighed, "You know what makes me sad?"

"Who is it? I'll kill 'em."

"Remind me later and I'll make a list for you. But it's not a person right now. It makes me sad how I haven't slept with you in over 6 years."

Jade was quiet as she stared ahead at the road. She didn't seem angry or upset, just like she was deep in thought. It wasn't hard to guess what she was thinking about. She didn't say anything, and I stayed quiet as well. 15 or so minutes later we arrived back at her house. A few extra cars were in the driveway, and one I recognized as Cat's. She pulled into the large garage, and when I got out, I looked to the left and saw about 3 other cars sitting in the garage. I didn't comment, and followed her up to a couple stairs leading to a door, which opened up into a small hallway with a coat closet on one side. Directly across from it was the entrance to the kitchen, and I couldn't figure out why, in the times that I'd been there, had never actually looked the other way.

We walked into the living room, where Randy, Beck, Andre, Marco, and Jake were watching a fight on TV. Beck glanced back at me, "Cat's upstairs, she's got some stuff for you."

I nodded and we walked past them, once we got to the stairs, I attempted to take the first one, but pain caused me to fall backwards. Jade immediately caught me and just had a smirk on her face, "Still falling for me, I see."

"Bite me," I mumbled.

She shrugged and picked me up bridal style, "Ask nicely and I might."

Jade carried me up the stairs, a smirk plastered on her face as I just pouted. She set me down at the top as Cat walked out of her and Beck's bedroom. She smiled at me and hugged me, "You're looking good, all things considered."

"That feels like an insult," I mumbled.

"Only if you want it to be. Come on, I got you some clean clothes."

I sighed, "I need the stuff from my apartment..."

"We can go get it," Jade offered.

I shook my head, "No, it's not safe."

Jade had an odd look on her face, "Get cleaned up."

She walked off and Cat ushered me into the bedroom, "Take a nice shower and wash off all of that icky stuff. Andre's going to make dinner soon."

She left a neatly folded stack of clothes on the counter and left me to my business. I stripped out of my clothes and looked at myself in the mirror. I ran my fingers over the various fading bruises on my body, my mind flashing to how I got every single one. A push, a slap, a grab.

I stepped into the large shower and turned on the water. I stood under the shower of hot water for a few minutes, the water relaxing me. Even when I took showers at my apartment, I never felt clean. I washed my hair and my body at least 3 times before sitting down on the floor of the shower, letting the water run over me. I brought my knees up to my chest and just sat there. I think I was crying, but I couldn't be sure.

Cat knocked on the bathroom door, "Hey sweetie, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just relaxing for a while," I shouted back. I sat for a few more minutes and then got up and shut off the water. I got out of the shower and dried off, then put on the clothes Cat had given me. I was happy she gave me some that I would like, being a pair of grey sweatpants and a black t-shirt. It was only after I'd gotten the clothes on that I realized what was on the shirt. _DON'T BLINK #14SECONDS _was on the front. On the back was _JADE 'THE PANTHER' WEST. _The cuff of the sleeve read _WOMEN'S BANTAMWEIGHT CHAMPION._

I smiled and shook my head, it was just like Cat to give me a shirt like this. I quickly brushed through my hair and dried it off again, then brushed it again, finally satisfied. I left the bathroom and saw Cat lying on the bed, using her laptop. She had a grin as she saw my shirt, "Figured you might like that."

"I do. I'm really hungry though," I said, rubbing my stomach.

She got up and headed for the door, "Come on, Andre should almost be done with dinner by now."

At the top of the stairs we could hear shouting. Cat helped me down the stairs, and we entered the living room to see the guys and Jade were watching another fight, what looked like a rerun.

"It's fight night, so they're warming up by watching old fights. I think it starts in..."

"Half an hour!" Randy finished for her.

"Half an hour," Cat grinned. She tilted her head towards the kitchen, and I followed her down the hall. The mouthwatering aroma of food assaulted us suddenly, and my stomach growled loudly.

Cat walked into the kitchen and stood near the stove where Andre was working, "How's dinner going?"

"Well, it's going. Almost finished I think," he turned off the burners and pointed toward the cupboard, "Could one of you get out some plates and silverware?"

Cat grabbed eight plates and I got out eight sets of silverware. Andre began loading up the plates with food, tossing a few scraps of meat and some vegetables into Cujo's dish, who immediately started devouring it. The others came into the kitchen and started claiming plates. Jade stood behind me for a short moment, one hand on my waist, as the other put a small white pill on the side of my plate. "Take that, it'll knock out the withdrawal no problem."

I was skeptical, but took it anyway, eager to have any help I could get. Plus, if Jade said it worked, I trusted her. They all grabbed beers from the fridge and went back out to the living room. I followed behind Cat. After she sat down next to Beck, I realized they'd all left room right next to Jade. I fought the urge to roll my eyes and sat down next to her.

Jade glanced at me and grinned, "Nice shirt."

I did roll my eyes this time, but didn't respond as Randy changed the channel and turned it up as the first fight was starting. It seemed like within 5 to 10 minutes everyone besides Cat and I were already finished eating and sitting back, drinking their beers.

"Kid needs to learn to guard," Marco commented on the fight, as they were ground fighting at the moment in what looked to be a featherweight bout.

"He's not the best at Jiu-Jitsu, doubt he's had much training at all. His forte is clinch fighting. He can throw some wicked brutal knees," Randy pointed out.

I finished up my food, sat back, and soon found myself leaning into Jade. She seemed to notice this as well and put her arm over my shoulders. I felt comforted by her, and stayed as close as I could. It felt really nice just to have a relaxing night, feeling safe.

Well, as relaxing as it could be, considering the people around me yelling at the TV as if the fighters could hear them.

My head was resting on Jade's shoulder, her arm had moved sort of across my chest by that point. It was about three hours later that the last fight had ended, and they switched the channel to the news to see how the story of Jade being jumped had developed, as Randy had read that there would be an update tonight.

A few minutes later the news switched to said story.

_"As you may remember a few days ago professional MMA fighter Jade West was jumped while out on her morning run, only a few feet from her West Hollywood home. Earlier this evening she was seen escorting a young woman out of the Los Angeles Medical center as the two held hands. An interesting display of affection before the two entered the car hints that the highly sought after 23 year old judoka has someone else in her sights."_

The screen switched to a photo of Jade kissing my forehead outside the hospital.

_"Who exactly this woman is is currently unknown, but sources have claimed she's been around West for a few weeks now. I'm sure fans will be curious to know who this mystery woman is."_

Jade got out her cell and turned on Twitter notifications, then set it down on the table. In only a few seconds, the phone started vibrating furiously as notification after notification came through. Randy and Beck both did the same thing, and their phones started firing off notifications as well.

"People are itching for some drama, eh?" Jake laughed.

"I almost feel like toying with them a bit..." Randy said, a sly grin on his face.

Jade glanced at me, and I just shrugged.

About 20 minutes later Cat sent out a tweet with a photo of her and Beck smiling, with Randy and Andre sitting next to them. In the background, Jade can clearly be seen kissing me, but due to how her body is positioned, it's impossible to see who I am. She added the caption: "My friends and I would just like to say, JadeWestMMA is ABSOLUTELY not seeing anyone...#MysteryWoman"

She made sure to add the trending hash tag following the news announcement, so everyone who'd already used it could see it. Jade also retweeted it so it was on her page as well.

"I really shouldn't be so amused by this," Randy laughed.

Cat yawned through her laugh, "As great as that is, I think it's bedtime."

Beck tapped Jade's shoulder and moved towards the basement, "Let's gets your stats written down before we go."

She grunted and followed him into the basement, while the rest of us went upstairs. Marco, Jake, and Andre moved right into their rooms, but I stood near Cat's bedroom door with her and Randy.

"Wonder where she's wanting you to sleep," Cat thought out loud.

Randy nodded towards the guest bedroom, "Most likely in there."

She seemed confused, "Why wouldn't she want to sleep with her?"

"It's not that, trust me. It's just, Jade's room is _her_ space. I'm the only other person allowed in there and that's only in dire emergencies. I doubt at this point in time that she's ready to open up her space like that."

I sighed and nodded, "You're right. I'm going to sleep, I'm exhausted."

Cat stepped forward and gave me a hug, "See you in the morning sweetie."

"You ladies have a good night," Randy called out as he disappeared into his bedroom.

I went into the guest bedroom I usually stayed in and, since I had no belongings to speak of, just turned off the light and crawled into bed. I grabbed one of the pillows and hugged it tight.

It felt weird being safe again. If felt awful to have my system completely flushed of the drugs I'd relied on for so long. It felt great to be around my friends again – the good ones. But, it felt absolutely incredible being able to lie down and cuddle with Jade for over 2 hours while they watched Fight Night. It felt just like it did all those years ago.

I don't think she realized just how accurate her joke was. She is addicting.

I was nearly asleep when I heard the door creak open. I stayed still, my eyes closed. It was silent for a few seconds, and then footsteps walking towards my bed. I felt a warm hand on my arm, and I could tell it was Jade.

I feel like at some point it should be concerning how many different ways you can identify one specific person.

The weight of the hand on my arm changed slightly, and then I felt a kiss on my cheek that sent a chill down my body. I couldn't help but smile.

"Soon."

That was the only thing she said before the exited the room. I couldn't figure out what she meant by that. What was soon? The question bothered me more than it probably should have. It was on my mind at least until I fell asleep.

_Soon._

* * *

**A/N: Just pretend there's a symbol in front of Jade's Twitter name, FF won't let me add one. The shirt Cat had given Tori is based on a shirt I own for Ronda Rousey. The wording is the same, though changed slightly to fit Jade's fighter profile. It's a fantastic shirt. Also, I tried to remember the exact procedure for discharge from a hospital, but considering it's been a few years since my extended stays, it may be off a bit.  
**


	21. Temptations

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

**A/N: So this one is a _lot_ longer than I'd planned, but I don't think it'd be as interesting if I'd cut anything out. I hope it's not too much to read.  
**

* * *

When I woke up, sunlight was barely peeking through the curtains. I sat up in bed and put my head in my hands. I felt calm and rather refreshed, at least until I opened my eyes a bit and looked at my left arm, the slight bruising reminding me of what I'd tried so hard to keep my mind off of. Before I even realized how my mind was reeling, my breathing became labored and I felt a sinking feeling in my gut. Somehow, I knew if I didn't get some help soon I'd be in trouble.

What a fucking fantastic way to start a morning.

I struggled to get out of bed and opened the door. I was shaking and crying uncontrollably, so much so that I barely heard the voices around me. I had no idea how many there were. I leaned back into the wall and slid to the ground. Someone knelt down in front of me, a large hand on my forearm. He was speaking to me, but I couldn't understand him. I felt lightheaded, I had no idea how long I sat there completely losing my shit until the man in front of me stood up and I immediately recognized Jade taking his place.

She put her hand on my cheek, "Hey, hey, hey, look at me. I'm here, baby, it's okay."

I wrapped my arms around her and buried my face in her neck. She shifted around a bit and suddenly picked me up. She carried me to another room and kicked the door shut. She let me stand on my own, and I just sat down on the floor. She opened and closed a cupboard, then turned on the water. Jade knelt down in front of me again and held out another white pill and a glass of water.

"Take this, it'll make you feel better."

I tried to control my breathing enough to take the pill, finally able to get it down without choking. She took the glass back and dumped it out in the sink, then sat down next to me against the counter. I moved as close to her as I could, and in response, she held me tight. I cried into her shoulder for, I don't even know how long, but she never walked away. Jade stayed with me even after I'd calmed down.

"How am I going to get my stuff from the apartment?" I asked quietly.

She hummed and ran her fingers through my hair again, "Well, we'll walk in, we'll take it, and we'll walk back out."

"We?" I looked up at her.

Jade looked back at me, "I told you I wouldn't let him hurt you again, and I meant it."

"I don't want him to hurt you, either."

She smiled and stood up, offering her hand to me. I took it and she helped me stand up. She made no move to back up, even though we were almost touching.

"As long as I have you, I'll be okay."

I looked up at her. She looked calm, her eyes told me that what she was saying was genuine. I slid my arms around her back and hugged her, she reciprocated immediately. I just stood there and hugged her, and it made me feel so much better.

"What happened to me?" I tried to ask calmly, but it came out as more of a sob.

She held me a bit tighter and rubbed my back, her voice calmer than mine was, "Panic attack. Just part of the withdrawal. It'll get better."

"Promise?" I wasn't sure why I asked, I knew the withdrawal didn't last forever.

"Have I ever lied to you?" Was her simple response.

I pulled back slightly to look at her, "Yeah, there was that one time when you swore Jackson would win and he didn't."

Jade frowned, seeming more upset about the fact she was wrong rather than the fact that she had 'lied', "I didn't expect him to be so atrocious that night."

"I love you, Jade. So much. I'm sorry...for everything..."

"Do you remember what I told you years ago? After those few weeks that you were so obsessively flirting with everything that breathed?"

_**Flashback**_

_I smiled at the guy in front of me as his bus pulled up to the curb._

_"Nice talking to you, Tori. See you around, I hope."_

_"Yeah," I responded, waving at him._

_I turned around to see Jade leaning against the side of the building, her arms crossed and a scowl on her face. She looked none too happy. I immediately felt guilty and walked towards her like a scolded puppy. She just raised her eyebrows as I approached, as if asking for an explanation._

_"We were just talking..." was all I could think of._

_She looked unimpressed, "Uhuh, just talking, to the, what, 25th person in three weeks? You know if you aren't happy with me, no one's forcing you to stay."_

_"No, Jade, I am, I swear. I'm sorry, I just wanted to have a bit of fun," I stepped towards her, but she sidestepped away from me._

_"Look, I'm not going to force you to lean either way. You think about it and let me know if you want to have 'fun' with all these people or if you want to be faithful to me. It's your choice."_

_"I'm sorry, Jade," I whispered._

_"Sorry doesn't mean anything unless what you're sorry about changes."_

_I stayed quiet. She stepped forward and kissed my forehead, whispering one more thing before walking off toward the parking lot, "I love you."_

**_End of Flashback_**

"Sorry doesn't mean anything unless what you're sorry about changes," I replied.

She just nodded.

"What do you want to change?"

Jade moved her hand up to my face, tucking a few strands of hair behind my ear, "Only as much as you want to. I told you I'd never force you into anything."

"I want you, I want to be with you," I blurted out before I could stop myself. I quickly tried to clarify, "I mean...I want to be yours. I don't want to waste anymore time."

She smiled, "I haven't even taken you on a date yet."

I shrugged, "I wouldn't have anything to wear even if you did."

"Which reminds me, you want to go get your stuff today?"

I sighed and thought about it for a moment, "I guess so..."

"Come on, we can eat lunch and then we'll head over."

I stopped, "Lunch?"

She had an amused smirk on her face, "It's noon, babe."

"When did we go to bed?" I asked, then I remembered something else, "Wait, did you come into my room last night?"

She made no attempt to deny it, but also didn't seem too interested in elaborating, "Yeah."

I didn't ask any more questions about it, instead asking something else, "What's for lunch?"

"Your favorite, actually." I didn't say anything, instead waiting to see if she actually said my favorite lunch food. "Cheese toasties and little smokies, there's also tomato soup but it's not the classic kind, per sé, little bit healthier."

I smiled, "I don't give a shit. It's been way too long since I've had good food, I'm hungry."

She opened the bathroom door, "I think you'll be happy to know that you'll never go hungry here."

I followed her downstairs, managing to go down the steps without help. "Hey, do you mind if other people go with us to your apartment?"

I shrugged, "I suppose not. Why?"

"How much stuff do you have to get?"

"I'm not sure. All of my clothes, makeup, books..."

We walked into the kitchen and saw that Andre had already laid out a plate of food for me, as well as a bowl of soup. My stomach growled loudly, and I immediately sat down and began eating. I hadn't even noticed Jade left and Beck had entered until I was on my second sandwich.

"Where'd Jade go?" I asked them, as they seemed to be arguing over a piece of cardboard.

Beck glanced up for a moment, "She's on the phone, I think."

They went right back to talking, and I picked out that they were talking about what Jade had eaten, and were writing it down. I finished the rest of my food and put the dishes in the sink. Just as I walked out into the living room and sat down on the couch next to Cat, Cujo started barking when there was a knock on the door.

"I guess the beefcakes are here," she quipped.

I looked back towards the door as Beck opened it up. Five guys, including Marco and Jake, walked inside. One glance at the men made it clear as to why Cat referred to them as 'beefcakes.' Only a moment later, Jade came up the stairs, followed closely by Randy.

Jade chuckled, "Didn't expect you guys to get here so soon."

One of the guys jerked his thumb backward, "We were just down at the gym, not a long drive."

"Right, um," Jade glanced at me and then pointed to the guys one-by-one, "Alright, Tori, this is Ryan, Andrew, and Tyler. Guys, this is Tori. Now, is everyone ready to go?"

Ryan, a tall guy with very light, almost white, short blonde hair clapped his hands once, "Hell yeah. I'm ready to kick some ass."

"We're just moving furniture, man," Tyler, a shorter but more muscular guy, replied as he slapped Ryan's back.

Beck walked into the room and put his hand on Jade's shoulder, "We've still got a bit of work to do tonight, but we can finish it in about an hour. Remember, tomorrow we've got that meeting with Mr. Holsten."

The name sounded eerily familiar to me, and I couldn't help but ask, "Holsten? James Holsten? The lawyer?"

Most eyes were on me at that point, and Randy asked, "You know him?"

I just laughed and nodded, "Know him? He worked his ass off for over 8 months trying to bust Steven, but couldn't due to a mishandling of evidence."

"So he knows you," Jade stated.

I shrugged, "He wanted me to be a witness in the first trial, but I couldn't do it. But have you told him exactly who he's working with?"

"No, we explained the basic situation and what we needed from him. I don't think he knows names quite yet," Randy explained, still seeming curious.

"I'll tell you this, then, once you tell him who he's working against, he will do everything he possibly can to put Steven in jail for the rest of his life." I stopped and thought about it, realizing my own fate as well, "And most likely me, too."

Andrew held up one hand, "I doubt you'll get more than a few years and a couple thousand dollar fine for simple possession and/or use."

I nodded and stood up, "Maybe, if that were the only thing I was guilty of."

"Alright, let's get moving," Jade announced, walking toward the door leading to the garage, "Marco, Ryan, just follow me. I'll drive nice and slow for you."

"Hey, my truck can be pretty fast!" Ryan tried to argue, but Jade was already out in the garage.

Cat stood up as well and gave me a 'you first' gesture toward the garage. I headed that way, but asked her, "You're coming too?"

"Well duh, someone's gotta help with clothes and all that," she replied with a smile.

Out in the garage, I saw the Lamborghini Jade usually drove was empty, and she was sitting in the larger black car next to it with the passenger door already open. Jade glanced over as we approached, "Just flip the seat forward."

I did as she said and Cat slid into the backseat, and I sat down in the passenger seat. "What kind of car is this?" I asked as she seemed to be messing with her phone.

Music started playing and she put the phone into a holder attached to the windshield, "Saleen Mustang, 2015 model."

"Wait I've got a question of my own," Cat piped up as Jade shifted the car into reverse and backed out of the driveway, "What song is this?"

"It's called _Change_ by Churchill," Jade told her.

I glanced behind us and saw two pickup trucks following, one black and one red. We were silent for the next 10 minutes or so, until Cat whined, "I hate this song, can we listen to a new one?"

Jade huffed and removed the phone from the holder and handed it to me, "Find a new song, please."

I unlocked the phone and looked through the music for a while until I found a song I knew Cat liked. She squealed loudly in excitement and began to sing along to the song. Just as I was handing the phone back to Jade, it vibrated with a text notification from 'Mallory.' I just ignored it and put the phone back in the holder. As soon as we entered my old neighborhood, I felt apprehensive. I got more and more nervous the closer we got to my apartment building.

Jade pulled into the parking lot of the building and turned off her car, the pickups following us parking on either side of her. "Ready?" She asked me.

"Ready as I'll ever be," I sighed.

We got out of the car and saw that all of the other guys, including Randy, were gathered around the bed of the black truck. They picked up, what seemed to be, collapsed cardboard boxes. Jade stood next to me and took my hand, tilting her head toward the building. I took a deep breath and walked to the side door I always used. The stairs were just inside the door, so we went up the four flights up to my floor and walked down the hall. I stopped in front of the door and realized the mistake, "I don't have a key."

Cat brushed past me with her keys in hand and unlocked the door, a grin on her face, "You gave me a key, remember?"

I shrugged, "I forgot."

Jade guided me back a bit further away from the door as the two biggest guys, being Marco and Andrew, opened up the door and went inside. Jade and Cat stood out in the hall with me as the six guys surveyed the apartment, finally giving us the all clear. I went inside and looked around. It seemed normal, as if Steven were only out for an errand or something. I sighed thought for a moment about where to start.

"Any books you find are going to be mine, same with makeup and most of the movies. Most everything else belongs to him," I told them.

"Where do you keep the books?" Tyler asked, beginning to set up one of the boxes.

I pointed down the short hallway, "In the room on the right is the 'office', most of the books and things like that will be in there."

Jade picked up one of the boxes as well, "If you and Cat want to go sort through your clothes, I'll get the makeup and all that."

Cat went down the hallway to the bedroom, and I followed closely behind. I wanted to spend the least amount of time possible in that apartment, so I went right to work quickly digging out all of my stuff from the closet and dresser, tossing it all on the bed. Cat was meticulously folding and packing away every piece of clothing, separating the different types into different boxes.

It took us about 10 minutes to pack away all of the clothes, as Cat wrote what was in each box on the side and set them in the hallway once they were filled. Once that was done, we dug through the nightstand and under the bed to find anything else. She pulled out a box and looked at me, "I'm guessing this is your pick-me-up box?"

I glanced over and saw she was holding the 'personal use' box of various drugs we kept under the bed. "Yeah, I think it's best if we just leave that."

She nodded and moved to put the lid back on, but stopped and pulled out a small bag, "What the fuck?"

I walked over and my heart sank into my stomach when I saw it. On the side of the baggie was written in Steven's handwriting 'FOR TORI' and the contents consisted of a light blue powder. I immediately grabbed the bag out of her hand, shoved it in the box, put the lid back on, and pushed it under the bed. Cat seemed startled, but I couldn't even find the words to explain my actions. I just weakly told her, "That should be the last of the stuff from this room."

Cat nodded and folded up the last box and left the room. My heart was racing as I walked over to my side of the bed and opened the drawer of the nightstand. I looked back to the door one last time to make sure nobody was watching, and reached inside. I pulled the little bag off of the top of the drawer where it was taped and put it in my pocket, closing the drawer and joining them back out in the living area.

"So is that everything?" Jade asked me, wrapping her arm around my shoulders.

"I think so," I responded in the calmest voice I could manage.

She seemed to pick up on the fact that I was a bit rattled and quickly told the guys to take the boxes down to the trucks. "Are you okay?" She whispered to me as they left the apartment.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I looked towards the kitchen, "Oh, there's one last thing."

I walked over and opened one cupboard and pulled out my favorite mug, a plain white mug with a mustache on the rim. Both Cat and Jade seemed amused by this. We left the apartment and went back down to the parking lot, where the guys had already loaded all of the boxes into the trucks and were just talking. Once they saw us they hopped into the trucks, and Jade, Cat, and I got into the Mustang. Jade started up the music again and began the drive back to her house.

I was satisfied that we'd gotten in and out without any problems, and was glad I at least had my stuff again. Back at the house, they made short work of carrying all of the boxes up to the guest room I was staying in. After they'd done that, everyone but Cat and I went down to the basement, I assume to do the training Beck was talking about.

"You want to start putting stuff away?" Cat asked me just after taking the mug from me and putting it in one of the cupboards in the kitchen.

I shrugged, "I think a lot of it needs to be washed first, since most everything smells like weed."

"Well, we'll get it washed then. Come on," she said. I followed her down the hallway, where just before we got to the stairs, she opened a door to a laundry room and grabbed a few clothes baskets. We went upstairs and started removing the clothes from the boxes and putting them in the baskets to be washed. After we'd finished, there were about three or four loads that had to be done to get through it all. I helped carry the baskets downstairs, then as Cat was starting the first load, I sat out in the living room.

She joined me a moment later and we relaxed watching some TV for an hour or so until everyone came back upstairs. Andre and Beck went right over to the kitchen to start making dinner, while the others, minus Jade, went upstairs. She was breathing heavily and looked a bit sweaty, but stopped to talk to us, "I think most of us are going to shower while Andre gets dinner ready. So if you guys want to just hang around a bit longer dinner will be ready in about 45 minutes."

We both nodded and she went upstairs as well, and we both laughed a bit as Cujo followed right behind her.

"That dog is like her shadow," Cat commented.

"Yep," I agreed, looking through the TV guide to find something interesting to watch. I found a show that was just starting called _Over My Dead Body_, and being the morbid person I was, I decided to check it out. Cat seemed disgusted at first, but once the host explained the show, she seemed interested. Apparently, it was about abused people, women in particular, who are forced into a 'kill or be killed' situation.

That particular episode seemed to be about a single mother who was being abused by her boyfriend, up until they'd broken up and he began stalking her. At the final confrontation, he attacked her and she talked about how she knew if she didn't kill him, he'd kill her and her baby. I found the episode to be way too relatable for my tastes, however Cat seemed to enjoy it. Throughout the episode, a few of the guys had come downstairs and went to the kitchen. At the end, I turned off the TV and went to the kitchen.

The sliding glass door out to the patio was open slightly, and Andre was working out on the grill. Ryan grabbed two more beers out of the fridge and popped both open, handing them to us. He held up his in a toast and grinned at us. He had a very friendly smile, to be sure.

Andre came back inside with two large platters filled with food. Everyone crowded around the island in the kitchen, grabbing plates and filling them with food. I stood back and watched in amusement as the argued over certain things. Suddenly, I felt two hands on my waist and before I could react, Jade leaned forward and bit my earlobe. I couldn't control the chill that went down my spine, as I was equally turned on and pissed off that she remembered one of my biggest weaknesses.

I quickly turned around and glared at her, as she just laughed and seemed to be way too amused at my reaction. "You little bitch!" I growled at her, pointing a finger at her.

She put her hands up in a surrender gesture and just kept laughing as she went over to the island and grabbed two plates. I decided just to stay calm and get my food, sitting down next to her at the table. I let her think she'd won, but two could play that game. We ate dinner and went around telling stories, laughing and generally having a good time. Once we'd all finished eating, we went to the living room and Jade set up Netflix to watch a movie. They settled on a movie titled _Let the Right One In_.

The movie was in Swedish, I realized after I'd googled it. Due to the general macabre nature of the movie, I could see why Jade liked it. Near the end of the movie, everyone seemed really into it. I glanced over at Jade, who was intently focused on the movie. I grinned to myself and very slowly moved my hand over to her thigh, holding it there for a moment so if she realized I'd done it, she'd think that was all I planned to do.

I knew I couldn't exploit her biggest weakness with so many people around us, but I did know another, more discreet one. I moved my hand more toward the inside of her leg and pressed down on an incredibly sensitive part of her inner thigh that I very clearly remembered drove her absolutely insane years ago.

The affect seemed to be the same now, as her hand immediately moved to her mouth to stifle any noises she involuntarily made. She gave me an evil glare, and I just held a victorious grin as I kept my eyes on the TV.

After the movie was over, they all seemed exhausted and went upstairs to sleep. Cat went to the laundry room and grabbed the final load out of the drier and handed me the basket, "There you go, you should have something of your own to wear to bed tonight.

"Thanks Cat, I really appreciate it."

She smiled and nodded, "Let's go to bed, it's late."

I was right behind her going up the stairs, and we split off to our separate rooms. I put the clothes basket on the floor and sifted through all four of them to find something comfortable to wear. I took the bag from the pocket of the sweatpants I'd been wearing and put it in the drawer of the nightstand next to the bed. I changed my clothes, then grabbed my toothbrush and toothpaste from one of the boxes and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Afterward, I took out my contact case and solution and removed my contacts for the first time in about a week, which felt great. I put on my glasses and settled down in bed with Fahrenheit_ 451_ and began reading.

Around the time the main character Montag went to the house of Faber, an English professor, I stopped and looked over to the night stand, opening the drawer and taking out the little bag. I stared at the little pink pills, a wide range of emotions flooding through me. I was angry at myself for bringing them back, but also incredibly tempted to take them. I was even more angry at myself when I took the time to count exactly how many there were. Suddenly, the door to my room opened and Jade walked in. I quickly put the book mark back in the book, tucking the bag inside it as well, and set it down on the nightstand. I composed myself and let a smug grin sit on my face as I looked at her, "Yes?"

She said nothing, but calmly walked over to the bed, laid down next to me, and kissed me. I was caught off guard, but kissed her back anyway. I recognized in the way she was kissing me, she was filled with too many emotions than she knew what to do with. There were only a handful of times she'd ever kissed me like this, but I still remembered what it meant. Her angry kisses, sad kisses, happy kisses, just-because kisses, they were all distinct in their own ways. This particular kiss told me that she didn't have the words to convey how she was feeling, and expressed it in the only way she knew how. With her hands staying around my face or my waist, her body just slightly above mine, and her lips only kissing my own, I began to understand what she was trying to tell me. I realized what she meant the previous night when all she said to me was "soon."

I put a hand on her shoulder and pulled away slightly, waiting until she looked at me before I spoke, "Jade, I need you to listen to me. I want to be with you. I want you to be mine, and I want to be yours. I want to go back to that level of intimacy we only got to experience once, but there's no rush. I understand that you're not ready, and that's okay. You won't force me into anything, and I won't force you either. Whether or not I can be with you like that won't change anything. I'm not going anywhere unless you want me to. I won't leave you again."

Jade nodded slowly and kissed me one more time, "I love you."

I smiled at her, "I love you more."

She smiled back and stood up, "Goodnight, Tori."

"Night champ," I responded, grabbing my book as she left the room and shut the door.

I waited for a few seconds and opened the book, taking the bag out and putting it back in the nightstand. I read for about 15 more minutes until I got tired. I put the book back down on the nightstand and turned out the light. I was content and calm enough to resist the urge, at least for now.

* * *

**A/N: The song _Change_ by Churchill is one of my favorites, and I think it's just a fantastic song and worth a listen if you haven't heard it already. _Over My Dead Body_ is a show on ID (Investigation Discovery) that I watched pretty frequently during my recovery. I'm not sure if the episode I outlined actually exists, but I essentially just made that one up. _Let the Right One In_ is a Swedish vampire film, based on old-school notions of vampires, and I think it's a brilliant movie, however quite gory in some places. As with most vampire films, I wouldn't recommend watching if blood makes you squeamish, but it's a great movie nonetheless. Lastly, I forgot to mention this previously, but _Fahrenheit 451 _is a novel by Ray Bradbury, a book I quite enjoyed.**


	22. Choices

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

********A/N: Finally finished this chapter after a bit of writer's block.  
********

* * *

"Hey, Cat, I need you to do me a favor."

She looked over at me and raised an eyebrow as I sat down next to her at the island, where she was doing something on her laptop, "Does it involve shopping? Cause I'll be all over that."

I shrugged, "Actually, it does. Listen, the lawyer is going to come today and I think it's best if Tori stays out of the house for it. With all the shit she's already dealing with, I don't think it'd be good for her."

Cat closed her laptop, "So, what, you want me to take her shopping all day?"

I reached into my pocket, took out my wallet, and removed my credit card from one of the slots. I handed it to her, "Yes. You can go anywhere, do anything. Just keep her occupied. Can you do that?"

"Could we just head to Vegas and go to Chippendale's?"

"If that's what you want to do, go for it. I want pictures though," I winked at her.

My phone started ringing, and I retrieved it from my pocket, only to groan at the caller ID. I put it on speaker and sighed, "What's up?"

Jeff seemed just as uninterested in talking to me, _"I wanted to let you know that I'll be relocating due to work by the 30th."_

I looked over at the calendar next to the fridge, seeing the end of the month was about two weeks away. I closed my eyes, "What does this mean?"

"_It means, either you take Michael now, or you fly out to Orlando whenever you want to see him."_

"I can't even begin to imagine why I've got this thought in my head that you relocated on purpose," I snarled at him.

He seemed disaffected, _"Well, you wouldn't be wrong. I've got no interest in staying in the Valley anymore."_

I pinched the bridge of my nose, "So your first choice is just to pack up and run away? Taking your son away from everything he knows? I doubt you'll even come back to visit my mom's grave. You're a piece of shit, Jeff. I'm taking my brother and I don't ever want to see you again."

"_Yeah, well, if we're being honest here, you're no better. You could have taken him long ago. I never wanted the fucking kid after he took my wife from me. I'll bring him over later with the necessary documents. It's up to you to finalize everything. After that, I don't want to see or hear from either one of you ever again."_

He hung up at that, and it took every bit of restraint I had not to throw the phone against the wall. I set my phone down and put my head in my hands.

"Why didn't you let him go?" I'd almost forgotten Cat was even there until she spoke.

I looked over, "What?"

She set her mug down on the counter, "Mikey. Why didn't you just let him move to Orlando with Jeff?"

I shook my head, "I don't trust Jeff with him the way it is. I wouldn't even be able to sleep if he was on the other side of the country. I mean, you heard how much he likes Mikey just now."

"I get that he's a human piece of garbage, but there's got to be something else that worries you so much."

I said nothing as I picked up my phone, unlocked it, and looked through the pictures to find one in particular. I handed her the phone and let her see why I didn't trust him. She gasped, but didn't say anything either.

"If you saw someone doing that to someone you loved, you'd be fixing to rip their head off too, wouldn't you?"

She nodded, "Amongst other things...When did this happen?"

I took my phone back, "About a year ago. Mikey was only three."

"How come he never went to court over this?"

"Because I'm a fucking idiot," I mumbled, lying my head down on the counter. "Have you ever looked close enough at him to see that little scar above his left eye?"

Her brows furrowed, "I think so. I always thought he had fallen or something."

I shook my head, "Nope. Two years old, Jeff backhanded him while wearing a ring."

"Can I help you kill him?"

"No, I'd like to have the honors. You can help hide the body though. But really, only Randy knows about this, and I want it to stay that way."

"Why don't you take him to court over it?"

"It wouldn't be worth it. He's giving me custody anyway, so it'll all be over. I don't want Mikey to have to deal with any more than he has to." I sighed and got up, "You really don't know how badly I regret not stepping in sooner. I could have saved him from all this. I could have done what my mom had wanted me to do in the first place."

She stood up as well and put her hand on my back, "What's done is done, all you can do now is move forward. Regardless of what's been done and what hasn't, I'm sure your mom would still be proud of you for getting this far. At 19, you weren't ready to take care of a kid, especially not in the state of mind you were in."

"I guess so," I mumbled, looking out of the windows in the back of the kitchen toward my backyard. A thought occurred to me, and I looked back at the calendar. I shook my head when I realized exactly what Jeff was avoiding by leaving so soon. "I don't know why I expected any different."

"Expected any different of what?" I heard Tori ask as she walked into the kitchen.

I glanced over at her. She looked like she'd just woken up, still dressed in a pair of light grey sweatpants and a black tank top. I didn't answer her question. I couldn't. "Mikey's going to be living with us from now on."

She seemed confused, "You got custody?"

I shrugged, "Kind of."

"Do I want to know?"

"No, probably not."

Cat thankfully took the attention away from me as she asked Tori, "Do you want some coffee?"

"Can I put whiskey in it?"

She got Tori's mug out of the cabinet for her and poured her some coffee, "No, because we're going shopping today."

Tori sat down at the counter and frowned, "I'm offended that you think I can't function while slightly inebriated."

"Yes, it's an art you've perfected, but this is important."

She put her mug down, "Why are you wanting to go today anyway? Weren't we supposed to meet with Mr. Holsten later?"

"I figured you didn't want to be around for that," I mumbled, putting my hands in my pockets.

Tori stood up and walked over to me, putting her hands on my shoulders, "All of that aside, what's the matter?"

I should have known she'd be the first person to see through my facade. I shook my head, "It's complicated."

"Is it?" She moved closer and wrapped her arms around my neck, "Or are you just making it more complicated than it needs to be?"

"Jeff is moving to Orlando in less than two weeks. He told me either I can take Mikey now or go down there whenever I want to see him."

I felt her fingers playing with my hair, "So, what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to take him. I have no idea how to raise a kid, but at least I won't abuse him."

"He abuses Mikey?"

I nodded, "He's hurt him pretty bad, several times. Physically and emotionally."

I didn't know why I was telling anyone this. I'd sworn to myself I wouldn't make it common knowledge, however much it infuriated me.

"Listen to me," she said, tilting my chin up enough to look at her, "You've been there for me when I know I didn't deserve it. Now it's my turn to be there for you. I'll help you in any way I can. I'm here for you, okay?"

"I don't suppose you'd be willing to go shopping with Cat all day."

She shrugged, "No, I want to stay here. James will either be very happy or very pissed that I'm here, but either way I think it'd be best. But I will eventually go with Cat so she doesn't suffer some sort of withdrawal."

I laughed in spite of my bad mood, "She probably would, too."

* * *

A few hours later, after we'd managed to squeeze in an extra 60 minute workout and everyone had gotten showered, all of the permanent residents of my house were lounging in the living area. We had the highlights of a fight the previous weekend playing, and Cat and Tori were still upstairs.

A noise outside stirred Cujo from his nap lying next to me. He got off the couch, stretched, then tapped my leg with his nose. I knew what it meant and got up, "Pause that, would you?"

Andre picked up the remote off of the coffee table and paused the video as I walked over to the door. I opened it up as Mr. Holsten was just getting to the porch.

"Hello, miss West," he gave me a friendly smile and shook my hand, then looked down at Cujo and pat his head, "and hello to you too."

He'd taken a real liking to Cujo the first time he'd come over, at least after he realized that he wouldn't get hurt by him. I stepped to the side, allowing him to come inside, closing the door after he did. He exchanged greetings with the guys and sat down in a chair. He set his briefcase down on the coffee table, "Now, last I knew, you were concerned about criminal charges that would befall a friend of yours, correct?"

I nodded, "It seems obvious to us that she'll be looking at a decent amount of time, given all that she's guilty of."

"Yes...I think it best if we discussed exactly all she's done then. It would give me a feel for what I'll be looking at. I expect every detail that you know of in every crime she's committed, so I'm not blindsided by anything while we're in court."

I glanced over at Beck, "Can you go get them?"

He got up and walked off. I looked back at the lawyer, "Mr. Holsten-"

"Just call me James," he smiled.

"James, there's a massive pile of things she's done, there would be a lot to sort through and take note of, and I just want to make sure you're prepared for all that."

He almost seemed amused, "I'd be unprepared if I didn't know everything. I'm used to lots of tiny details, and more often than not, those tiny details are what make or break a case. It's important to have everything out on the table."

James had a very matter-of-fact way of speaking. From the first time I'd met him, he was honest and knew what he was doing, which was a very good thing for us. A moment later, I heard footsteps coming down the hall. He glanced over my shoulder, and a look of shock came over his features. I couldn't quite tell if he was displeased or satisfied with who he saw, just that she was not who he was expecting.

"Well..." He cleared his throat and looked back at me, "I'd say there's two ways this could end."

Tori sat down next to me, and Cat next to her. Beck and Andre left the room and went to the kitchen. I just raised an eyebrow.

James studied Tori a moment before speaking, "I'm sure you remember me, Victoria."

"I remember you trying to take Steven down, but to be completely honest, I don't remember a lot other than that."

He nodded slowly, "I assume then that either you've repressed the memories or they were wiped somehow, because that wasn't the only thing we discussed."

She seemed confused, "I've overdosed a few times since then, I guess it affected my memory."

"What did you mean when you said there were two ways this could end?" I asked him.

"I worked with Victoria and Steven, oh, 8 months ago, probably. Mr. Carson was being investigated over the death of a young man from another gang, and Victoria was a suspect in another death."

I glanced over at Tori, seeing she was desperately trying to hold herself together. Cat seemed to be fighting with herself just to stay quiet, Randy's face showed no emotion. I held Tori's hand, knowing I had to stay strong for her.

"From the look on your face, I'd guess you remember that."

Tori swallowed hard and spoke without looking up from her lap, "How could I forget killing my best friend?"

I squeezed her hand and spoke to James, "What are the two ways this could end?"

"I told Victoria the first time we met that either she'd face the consequences of her crimes, or she'd be acquitted, as is with most trials. However, her chances are higher this time around because, for one, the death of Alana Toby falls under the category of involuntary manslaughter, at best. She did die at Victoria's hands, that much is true, however Victoria had no way of knowing. A lot of the crimes that were committed were not of her conscious doing. She was either coerced, blackmailed, or bribed into doing them."

"So what do we have to do to make sure she isn't found guilty of all of this?"

He clasped his hands together, "I've worked with a number of celebrities, who've committed a wide variety of crimes, and I'll be honest, there's been one constant in what helps them serve the least amount of time possible. Given what's happened in Victoria's life, her state of mind when all of these horrible things happened, even her age, all of it could affect how the jury sees these crimes. If she is found guilty, a massive media uproar could force the case to be reopened. I've seen it happen before."

"Joey Aldrich," Randy finally said. "Convicted of third degree murder, 30 years in prison. His fans rallying behind him forced a reopening of the case, and his conviction was bumped down to involuntary manslaughter, no time in prison, no fine, and was even compensated for the time he did serve, all because someone had laced his drink with hallucinogens without his consent."

James nodded, "He's right. Victoria herself isn't a celebrity, but..." He looked at me, "You are. What, with your championship fight coming up, the waves you've been making in women's MMA, you're all over every media source there is. I'm sure, if you were up to it, a simple publicizing of your relationship would get people on your side. However far you want to take it after that is your choice."

* * *

James left two hours later, after we'd discussed Tori's crimes in excruciating detail. Tori seemed absolutely mentally and emotionally drained after being forced to recount everything she would've rather forgotten. Cat and Randy both went to the kitchen, and after sitting silently for a few moments, Tori took my hand and led me toward the stairs.

I followed her without a word, allowing her to lead me upstairs and to the guest bedroom she was staying in. She closed the door and looked at me. The look in her eyes broke my heart. "I'm scared, Jade."

I took her face in my hands, "Everything's going to be okay. This will all be over soon."

"You don't understand!" She shook her head and grabbed onto my wrists. Her voice was calmer the second time around, "You don't understand. I'm an addict, Jade. My desires, my need for these drugs, it's not just going to go away. It'll stay with me for a long time." Tears formed at the corners of her eyes and her grip on my wrists tightened, "I'm scared that I'll give in. I don't want to go back to being the person I used to be. I can't."

"You're wrong," I muttered, "I do understand. I know what it's like and I won't let you go back to it. I'll do anything I can to help you."

She seemed confused, "What are you talking about?"

I shook my head, "Don't worry about it. I'm okay now and you'll be okay soon."

Tori looked as if she wanted to argue further, but just closed her eyes tight so the tears at the corners broke free. She ignored them and leaned forward to kiss me.

* * *

**No one's POV**

Back in the kitchen, Andre was getting some food ready to be grilled. He'd declared it seafood night, so he had some salmon and shrimp marinating, while Beck was preparing some vegetables. Randy and Cat were sitting at the bar "supervising" while sipping a couple beers. Both were winding down from the emotional roller coaster of hearing about Tori's crimes.

"You know, I'm thinking after all that Tori may need another one of those pills," Randy said to Andre and Beck.

Andre pointed over to one of the cabinets, "The bottle's in there."

"Reminds me," Cat spoke up as Randy went over to the cabinet, "What _have _you been giving her? This withdrawal should be kicking her ass, but she's had, what, one breakdown?"

Randy retrieved the bottle he wanted and tossed it over to Cat. She read the label out loud, her brows furrowed, "Naproxen?"

He grinned and sat back down next to her, "You may know it better by its over the counter name, Aleve."

"How the fuck is something like that working for her?"

"It's mind over matter. See, with heroin addiction, about 90% of the addiction is psychological. That means that the withdrawal is psychological as well. If you make her think you're giving her some sort of miracle pill, then the withdrawal isn't so bad. It's only as bad as she lets it get."

She seemed impressed, "That's pretty damn brilliant. How'd you think of that?"

He shrugged and finished up the final bit of his beer, "I didn't. Jade did."

"How'd she think of it?"

"You'd have to ask her," Randy replied while he grabbed another beer out of the fridge.

Just before he sat back down, they heard a loud knock on the front door. The four all seemed equally confused, and Randy checked his watch before muttering, "Let's hope to whatever higher power there is that this isn't another fuckin' break in."

He set his beer down on the counter and headed toward the front door, with Cat close behind him, more curious than anything. He looked through the peephole and mumbled, "Jesus Christ," though he had a smile on his face.

Randy opened the door, and Cat saw a guy standing on the porch. She could immediately tell he was quite attractive, and looked like the most stereotypical bad boy. He had on dark washed jeans, black boots, a dark red Henley with a few buttons undone and a black leather jacket. His dark brown hair was in a sort of messy pompadour and nearly everything about him told Cat that girls were falling for him left right and center. There was also something about his style that reminded her of Jade.

The guy walked inside and Randy immediately shook his hand and gave him a hug, "Nathan! It's great to see you, mate, how've you been?"

Nathan shrugged and gave him a smile as he closed the door, "No complaints, really. I was just on my way back from a friend's and decided to stop by."

"Andre's just getting dinner ready, you can stay if you'd like. I'm sure there's enough to go around."

He gave Randy a smirk, "Even after the little beast gets to it? Where's she at anyway?"

"She went upstairs a while ago, but-" He stopped when he heard her coming down the stairs, looking back at Nathan with a grin, "She's back now."

Nathan nudged Randy and took off his jacket, laying it over the back of the couch, then hid behind the couch, out of view of the stairs, and made a shushing gesture at Cat. Randy gave Cat a mischievous smile and whispered, "Play along."

Cat was a bit confused but did as he said. As Jade and Tori approached, Randy looked at Cat and gestured with his eyes toward Tori. She figured he wanted her to get Tori away from Jade for a moment.

"Hey Tori, come here a second, I wanna show you something," Cat called out to her while taking her phone out of her pocket.

Tori raised an eyebrow, but walked over to Cat to look at her phone. She meant to pull something up, but before she could even get it unlocked, she saw Nathan had moved around the couch and was behind Jade. Tori saw this just as Cat did, but didn't say anything, figuring there wasn't any real danger, since Randy was trying to not look amused, and because she recognized the guy.

Nathan lunged at an unsuspecting Jade, grabbing her around the waist and attempting to pick her up. Her lightning quick reflexes prevented it, as she put up a guard against it. She realized who was attacking her, and decided to hip toss him, though managing to have him land on his feet. He still stumbled a bit and steadied himself on the back of the couch. All of this happening in a matter of about three seconds.

The two exchanged a look and Nathan smiled widely, "Come here, you little shit."

Jade smiled back at him and hugged him. He jokingly shoved her away when she reached up to mess up his hair, "Hey now, not the hair!"

"Oh, shut up. You were the one who tried to attack me!" She shot back.

"I was giving you a hug!" He tried to defend himself.

She rolled her eyes, "That's a bad idea, especially with all this shit lately. You're lucky I didn't break your arm."

Nathan ignored the comment and pushed up his sleeves and crossed his arms, "Yeah, what's all that noise been about?"

"It's a long story, man. It's been pretty rough."

He nodded and glanced over at Tori, reaching out to tap her arm with his fist, "Haven't seen you in a while. You causin' trouble?"

Tori shrugged, "Inadvertently, yeah."

"She's not the problem," Jade told him, while moving to stand next to Tori. She put her arm over her shoulders, "It's just been who she affiliated herself with. Jeff's also been a bigger bitch than usual."

"What's he up to now?"

"He called this morning and told me he's moving to pension-ville, basically said I'm taking custody of Mikey unless I want to fly down there every time I wanna see him."

Nathan laughed and nodded, "Sounds like him."

"Yeah, well anyway, you wanna stay for dinner? I think it'll be ready soon," Jade offered.

"Well, if you insist. I wouldn't mind some more of Andre's cooking. What's on the menu tonight?"

"Seafood!"

He, Jade, and Tori headed toward the kitchen, with Cat and Randy close behind. Cat glanced over, "So...who is he?"

Randy chuckled, "Nathan is Jade's cousin, which is why they look and act so similar. He's the only child of Jade's mom's sister."

Cat huffed and shook her head, "Jade's family has some really good genes."

* * *

**A/N: I know someone who was addicted to heroin, and the way their friend got them off of it was by tricking them with Naproxen. It's the prescription form of Aleve, therefore slightly stronger, but not too much so. It's true that heroin addiction is almost entirely psychological, and I've based Tori's actions and such on how the withdrawal usually affects a person.**


	23. Worth Dying For

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

********A/N: Yes, it's been a long time, I know. I did my best on this chapter either way, so I hope you guys enjoy.  
********

* * *

I stared at the contact page for a long time. Cujo was already asleep on the couch next to me, pretty exhausted after Nate and I had played fetch with him til he refused to chase the ball anymore. I glanced at the time once more and figured, since it was about 9 in New York, that I shouldn't wait any longer if I wanted to catch him before he crashed. I hit the call button and put the phone on speaker. I listened to the ringing for a few seconds, then he picked up.

"Well, good evening sweetheart. How are you?" He greeted me very happily.

I smiled a bit hearing his voice again, "Hey dad, It's not a bad time, is it?"

I heard some rustling around as he replied, "Not at all. I've just been working on some paperwork. What's on your mind? Has it got anything to do with all of that noise the media has been making about you?"

I couldn't help but laugh, "Actually, no. Though, about that, I figured you should know that for once, the media isn't making the story any bigger than it actually is. Shit's getting real over here, I'll say that much."

"Seems that way, doesn't it? To be perfectly honest though, I never thought I'd see Tori again."

I figured he'd seen the photos already, and I sighed, "Me either. I'm absolutely stoked to have her back in my life, don't get me wrong, but it's such a bad time for all of this shit to be hitting the fan."

"What else is going on?"

He seemed genuinely concerned, and I just told him the truth. "Jeff is skipping town and moving to Orlando. He slapped me with an ultimatum this morning that either I can take custody of Mikey now, or fly down there whenever I want to see him."

My dad paused, "You _did_ take him, didn't you?"

I was quick to ease his concern, "I told him I would. The way he spoke to me, his wording, he doesn't give a shit about Mikey. I mean, I've told you before what he does to him."

He grunted, "I recall. He's a real piece of work."

I snorted, "Tell me about it. Problem is, I've got no fucking idea how to raise a kid. I'm terrified. I mean, what if I mess up? I can't raise him and be certain he'll turn out okay! He's turning 5 soon, yeah, but when he gets older I have no idea what I'm doing, dad. I can't believe mom left me to deal with all this shit. It feels like I got tossed into the ocean and I don't even know which way is up. Why'd she leave me like that?"

The words tumbled out before I was able to consciously stop any of them. My dad let out a sharp exhale, "Whoa, slow down there tiger. Take a deep breath and let's back up a bit, okay? Listen to me, what's done is done, getting angry or sad over your mother isn't going to bring her back, you know that. She wanted you to take care of Mikey because you're the only one who can."

I stood up and walked over to the windows. I rested my forearm on it and leaned forward to look out toward the lights of the city. "Why did she leave me, dad?"

"She never wanted you to know," he responded quietly after a short pause.

I was caught off guard, "Never wanted me to know what?"

He sighed heavily, his voice lowering into a more somber tone. "Jade, your mother was going to die either way. Whether or not she had Mikey wouldn't have changed anything."

I was too confused for words. I stood up straight, "What are you talking about?"

"Your mother's heart was failing, Jade. She never told you, she never told anyone except me. She didn't want anyone to know, especially not you. I just feel it's only fair that you understand the circumstances." He stopped a moment, and I didn't speak. I couldn't. "They realized it when you were 17, and the waiting list for a transplant was longer than her expected life span. That's why she rushed into the marriage and pregnancy with Jeff. She never really cared for him other than a friend, but he was hot for her. She knew her days were numbered and decided to hide it the best way she could. She used up the last of her days making it so you'd never have to be alone."

I tried to stay calm and be strong, but his words sliced right through my defenses. I couldn't control the tears that started to fall. Somehow, it hurt even more knowing that I would've lost her anyway. But at the same time, I had no words for the way I felt knowing that the only thing she thought of was me.

"She loved you more than anything, Jade. You were her world. Mikey was her way of making sure you always had a part of her with you. I know it's scary, and it'll be hard. But you owe it to her to stay strong and raise him like she wanted you to. That was her dying wish. It's up to you to fulfill that wish."

I struggled to keep my voice even, "What do I do?"

"I'll tell you this; whenever you feel an action deserves a consequence, but you're not sure what to do, think back to your childhood. I'd wager most anything that boy does will be something you've done at one point or another. Use the way your mother and I raised you as a platform, then change it to your liking. It sounds odd, but things will just come to you after a while."

I wiped my tears away and sighed in an attempt to regain composure, "Okay."

I could hear the smile in his voice, "You'll figure it out, I know you will. But listen, I know you like to tackle things on your own, you've always been like that. Either you face it head on by yourself, or you don't face it at all. I need you to remember you're not alone in this. If you need help, ask for it. This isn't one of your octagon fights, it's not you versus one enemy. Asking for help is okay, keep that in mind."

I nodded, "I'll try."

"And one last thing, about Tori."

"What about her?" I asked, unsure where he was going with that topic.

"When I was a young man, my father taught me something that I think would do you well. He told me that our past influences our future, something everyone's heard. His advice to me was to take my past experiences and learn from them. That's all you do. You learn from them. If you dwell on them, they'll do nothing but cause you pain. If you learn from them and let them go, your future will be much brighter."

I put my free hand in my pocket and turned around to look at my dog, upside down and asleep, as usual. "Why are you telling me this?"

He laughed once, as if amused that I didn't see what he meant. "She was in love with you, and you were in love with her. A relationship like that doesn't just deteriorate for silly reasons. Anyone can hold a grudge over something someone's younger, less intelligent self did, it takes a strong person to forgive and move on." He paused a moment, "You're a strong person, Jade."

I stayed quiet, unsure of what to say. He spoke again a moment later, "I'll be back in LA by the 30th. I look forward to seeing you again, and Tori as well."

I tried not to think about it, I didn't want the thoughts to plague my mind again. "I love you, dad."

"I love you too. It's gonna be okay."

* * *

**Tori's POV**

The club scene was strange to be in again. The pulsing music, loud voices, air thick with the smell of alcohol. It was especially strange seeing familiar faces and having no desire to talk to them, or even be near them. I even felt rather safe, with the ten or fifteen professional fighters nearby, some sitting in the booths, some sitting on the tables, others just standing around. They were all at least on their second drink, some even completely wasted by the time it hit 2 in the morning. Last call was on, and Jade and Beck had gone to the bar to get a final round of shots. They'd been invited out last minute to hang out with some of the people they trained with, and we all felt the distraction would be good.

Cat slid into the booth next to me, surprisingly less inebriated than I expected. I nudged her arm, "I expected you to indulge a little more."

She shrugged, "I figured I'd save my liver the trouble until Nate's party."

"That's tomorrow night, isn't it?" I asked as I glanced at my beer and chugged the last of it when I realized there was s some left.

"Yeah, then I think Jeff's bringing Mikey over on Sunday."

I sat back, "Gonna be a busy weekend, I guess."

"Who are they talking to?" Cat suddenly asked.

I was confused and followed her line of sight. Jade and Beck were still at the bar, and talking to someone we couldn't see due to a large column blocking the view. Both of us, being too curious to resist, stood up and walked over enough that we could see. As soon as we did, we both froze.

Steven was leaning on the bar, his charming smile present, as he chatted casually with them. It was then I realized that they had no idea what Steven looked like, and they had no idea who they were actually talking to. Cat managed to snap out of it faster than I could and sprinted the 10 or so feet to Randy, nearly shouting at him to do something.

Randy, in his usual calm and collected manner, said something to her that I didn't hear as he stood up. He also spoke to a few of the other guys, who stood up as well. He then walked over to Jade, whispering something to her. I didn't see what else happened, because the three guys escorted Cat and I out of the bar, not really giving us much room to argue. We stood next to Marco's pickup truck, and a minute later, he came out and unlocked it.

"Listen," Marco started as he sat down in the bed of the truck, "Randy needed you guys out of there so Steven didn't see you. Chances are he's already seen you, but it takes out the chance if he hasn't. He's gonna get Jade and Beck out of there, and we'll just hope it ends there."

I nodded slowly and watched the corner that they would have to walk around to get to the parking lot. The guys didn't seem interested, Marco was still sipping a beer, one was smoking a cigarette, and the other two were just talking casually. Cat seemed just as on edge as I was though. It felt like hours, but in reality was only about a minute until all of the other people we were with, as well as Jade, Randy, and Beck walked out of the bar. We watched them walk towards us, most breaking off and walking across the parking lot, while the others headed straight for Marco's truck, and Jade's car parked next to it.

Jade unlocked her car, and Beck unlocked his. Cat left my side to go get in the passenger seat of Beck's car. I was about to step back and get in Jade's, when I saw a man walk around the corner. My years being conditioned to the streets made me realize two things.

One, he was headed straight for us, and two, he was reaching for a gun tucked in his pants.

I knew it was too late to do anything. It didn't matter if I yelled or ran for anyone, there was nothing I could do to prevent the inevitable. The worst part was when I recognized the man about to kill one of us was the very same man who once was my protector. The same man who saved my life more than once.

I saw no amount of restraint in Deonte's eyes. I knew he was going to see his job through. He walked quickly, still unnoticed by anyone other than me. However, one thing I noticed, was that he had not seen me, or at least acted like he hadn't.

I suppose it made sense, as in the dark, I looked just about the same as any of the other five women that were in our group. But because of this, I could tell exactly who he was heading for.

_**Flashback**_

"_But- she- I...what was I supposed to do?"_

"_Oh my god," she tossed her cigarette to the ground and pushed me against the brick wall behind me, her eyes on fire, "It is __**not**__ your job to play superhero for everyone. You may not have noticed, but you're living with gangs now, okay? People get shot, it fuckin' happens. You better get it out of your head right now that you can save the fuckin' world, because you can't. The only person you need to take care of is yourself. Get that through your head and you'll survive. That's what matters."_

_She grunted and backed up, grabbing the bottle of beer she'd set down on the pavement and took a swig of it. One glance back at me, and she handed me the beer, "You need it more than I do."_

_I knocked it back and drank everything that was left. I tossed it to the side and listened as it rolled down the alley toward the dumpsters. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her box of smokes and a lighter. She grabbed two, stuck one between her lips, and handed the other to me. "Come on, we should get out of here."_

_I took it and followed her out of the alley and down the street. She lit hers, then handed the lighter to me. I gave it back once mine was lit as well. I still couldn't find it in myself to speak anymore after what I'd witnessed. She didn't seem to mind._

"_In case you're ever in that situation again, and you feel it necessary to play superhero," she paused and inhaled deeply and blew it out toward the night sky. "Run in the opposite direction. Make noise. You have a chance of getting the gun turned on you, but it gives them time to react and possibly get themselves out of danger. It's a damn stupid thing to do, so don't fuckin' try it unless you wouldn't be able to sleep if they were dead. Just remember, there aren't many people in the world worth dying for."_

"_What makes someone worth dying for?" I asked quietly._

_She flicked some ashes off of her cigarette, "If you have to ask yourself that question, they're not worth it."_

_**End of Flashback**_

I did the only thing I could. I ran as fast as I could until I was almost to the corner of the building. I turned back as Deonte was raising the gun.

"Deonte!" I yelled as loud as I could. His head whipped around, and he pointed the gun at me. The others took notice of him. The two guys who'd been talking behind Marco's truck saw the gun and ran for him, tackling him before he could react. Randy looked down at Deonte, then back at me with a look of fear. I didn't understand why.

At least, not until I felt the arms wrap around my midsection and pull me backwards. I had no idea who it was, but I knew he was dragging me toward a car parked on the other side of the street. I did everything I could to get away from him, but it was no use. He was so much stronger. The car door opened, then slammed shut again, and I fell to the ground.

I looked up and saw a blur of black, and then the man's head was slammed into the driver's side window, shattering it on impact. He slumped to the ground, the side of his head a bloody mess. I finally did recognize him as one of the "soldiers" of Steven's gang, though I never really knew his name, I did know he was barely over the age of 18.

Jade was standing over him and the only thing standing in the way of her most likely beating him to death was Randy. I stood up a bit shakily, my heart still racing and adrenaline still pumping. I could see back in the parking lot that they had Deonte completely disarmed and pretty much at their mercy. I glanced down at the unconscious boy again and exhaled heavily, "Fuck me."

I heard sirens in the distance but I still couldn't breathe right. I didn't really think anyone other than me understood how close we were to someone being killed. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw movement in an alley a little further down the road. I looked over and saw Steven standing with two or three other guys I didn't recognize. Some twisted, demented part of me felt like rubbing the failure in his face a little more. I made myself feel slightly better by seeing it as calming Jade down a bit more.

I reached out and grabbed Jade's arm. I pulled her over to me and kissed her, not giving her much room for argument. Some part of me felt kissing her was necessary. Maybe as a sort of extra bit of reassurance that she was okay. Maybe as more comfort for me knowing that their plan had failed, and we were still okay. Maybe it was just so Steven could see he didn't have that hold on me anymore.

No matter the reason, it calmed my nerves a bit, and I could tell Jade was slightly less ready to beat someone to death. I could almost feel the hatred in his eyes as he watched us, but I couldn't bring myself to care. I wasn't going to let him take charge of my life anymore. I couldn't.

It was surreal. The mob of professional mixed martial artists detaining a man who'd killed more than he could count, the kid barely old enough to vote who'd had his head smashed through a car window, the man who'd more or less held me captive for years standing by helplessly. My view of the world had been flipped upside down in less than a month, and suddenly, it wasn't that man that seemed invincible.

It was the woman standing in front of me. The one person I felt it'd be worth dying for.

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**A/N: Things have been less than ideal lately, and I haven't had much motivation or desire to write as a result. However, I will not be abandoning this story, and I hope you guys can forgive some gaps in updates. I very much appreciate all the support and reviews you all have left, it means a lot.**


	24. Serenity

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

********A/N: Stay tuned for the A/N at the end for a small announcement.  
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**Tori's POV**

"So...I've got to ask, since you've known Jade such a long time. Is everyone in her family ridiculously attractive?"

I laughed and nodded, "Pretty much. Her mother was gorgeous, as were both of her mother's sisters. They obviously got it from their parents, who were pretty good looking back in the day. You know Nate, he was an only child and the oldest of the five cousins. The other three cousins were from the youngest sister, two boys and a girl. They're..." I stopped and compared the ages they were when I knew them to how old they'd be now, "14, 17 and 21 I _think_. And Nate is probably about 25."

"Is her dad handsome too?" She asked.

I shrugged, "He's alright, not unattractive, but not near the same as her mom. He wasn't blessed with the same genes."

Cat appeared to be thinking, "What drew her parents together?"

I got up off of my bed and grabbed my laptop out of a box, "Jade is a lot like her mom. She never took her own looks into consideration when thinking of a potential partner, or really in anything. She was incredibly humble and had a heart of gold. I honestly couldn't think of one person who didn't like her. They just divorced because they fell out of love, I guess. I'm not sure of the whole thing, you'd be better off asking her."

"She and Nate are pretty close?" She guessed, probably by the way the two bickered and laughed like siblings.

I smiled and sat back down, "Yeah, it's always been like that. Her mom was really close with her older sister, so Jade and Nathan were around each other a lot. Jade told me he recently bought a really nice house on a lake near the Angeles forest."

"What does he do?"

"He's an actor and model."

She hesitated, "Has he had any major roles? I don't recall seeing him before."

I told her the same thing Jade told me to help me realize I'd seen him several times, "He played the recurring role of Jessica's boyfriend in season 2 and 3 of In the City."

Her mouth dropped open, "That was him?! I remember watching season two when it aired and gushing over him with Monica."

I laughed, "Yeah, he grew out his hair a bit more for the movie he's working on right now."

"One of the big ones that have been all over?"

I nodded, "He's playing the brother of the main character in that new chick flick."

"That's kind of impressive." She glanced at my laptop, "What are you doing?"

I opened up the photo I'd been digging around in my email for, "This is a family photo from 2007, when Jade was 15." I pointed out each person as I told her who they were, "This is Jade and her parents. This is Oliva, her mom's oldest sister, the one she was closest with, as well as Nathan and her husband, I think his name is Andrew. Alyssa is the youngest, her husband's name is Jacob, and her kids are Chloe, Amelia, and Jacob Jr, youngest to oldest. These are her grandparents."

She studied the photo for quite a while, "Yeah, that family has some incredible genes. The sisters really are gorgeous. What was her mom's name?"

"Natasha," I replied as I looked through a few other photos.

"I guess they even have attractive names," she joked.

I smiled, "As attractive and honestly, as rich as they all were, I've never met such humble people. Jade was never really as private as I was about our relationship, and since her family is so close, pretty much everyone knew about me. Which meant I was invited to pretty much any family event that Jade went to. Holidays, birthdays, anything. They treated me like family. It was really nice being with them, because they never judged anyone that didn't deserve to be judged. There was always a positive aura around them."

"So wait, they treated you like family even though you were, what, 13?"

"Actually I met them when I was 12, but yeah. I guess it was because I was such good friends with Jade for so long. I spent a lot of time at her house, so her parents knew all about me, and therefore so did the rest of the family."

Cat leaned back on the wall, "Why were you secretive when she wasn't?"

I shrugged, "Why do you do anything stupid as a kid?"

"Touche."

"Long story short, I guess I figured her family was better about it because of how accepting they were of everyone. My family was never like that, so there was a part of me that knew it wouldn't turn out the same way. So they only knew her as my best friend."

She nodded understandingly, "So I have to ask...what was it like the first time you met her parents?"

_**Flashback**_

_It was the first time I'd ever been to her house. I was 11 and she was 12. I'd ridden the bus with her, and it had dropped us off in one of the richer neighborhoods in the city. I followed Jade through the gates to the neighborhood, and down the street a ways. She walked down the driveway to a fairly large house. There were beautifully maintained gardens around the light post next to the driveway and under the large picture windows to the right of the front door. According to Jade, her mother planted and maintained the gardens almost entirely by herself, with some help from her husband and family when they stopped by._

_She unlocked the door, and we stepped inside. The first thing I saw was the large staircase immediately in front of the door. It went up about halfway, then turned to the left and up the rest of the way. From the main floor, I could see up into the second due to the staircase being a sort of balcony. To the right was a sort of sitting room. A piano sat in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows, which Jade told me her mother liked to play. To the left was an office. The short hallway led to the kitchen, with a large living area to the left, and a dinning room that connected to the lounge on the right._

_We got a snack from the kitchen and went to the living area and watched some TV. It was about an hour and a half before her mother arrived home. She walked in through the door connecting the garage to the house, which was just off to the side of the living area, and hung up her coat. She turned toward us and smiled widely._

"_Tori! I'm so glad I could finally meet you. I've heard so much about you."_

_I smiled shyly back at her and offered a meek, "Hi."_

_She didn't seem put off by my quiet nature in the slightest and immediately offered, "Won't you stay for dinner? I'd love to get to know you more. My husband will be home in, oh, a half hour or so, I'm sure he'd enjoy meeting you as well."_

_I nodded, "Sure, I'll stay."_

_She smiled again, "Well, I'll go get changed and get dinner ready."_

_As soon as she was out of earshot, Jade muttered, "Don't say I didn't warn you."_

"_It's exactly how you said it would happen. That kind of predictability tells me this occurs often."_

_Jade shrugged, "Not exactly. That's just the type of person she is."_

_A little over half an hour later, her father arrived home and offered a similar hello, albeit a bit more toned down. Over dinner, which was wonderfully prepared, they asked quite a few questions, and eventually I warmed up to them enough that I could give real replies. By the time my dad picked me up, they'd gotten to know me as much as I got to know them._

_**End of Flashback**_

"Part of me felt like the most outstanding thing about the first time I met them was coming to terms with the fact that not every rich or good looking person was rude to everyone else."

"What about the rest of her family? What was that like?"

"Honestly, it was about the same. They asked less questions, mostly because they already knew a ton about me." I opened up another email with quite a few attached photos, "I have some of the pictures from middle school, if you want to see."

She jumped at the chance and moved to sit next to me, "Let's see them!"

The first one was sixth grade, when we were standing outside before the doors opened. We always stood with a certain group of people, and this picture was when Jade and another one of our friends, Alicia, were talking about an assignment. "I remember taking this one because I thought she looked cute."

Cat seemed amused. I continued through the photos, telling her what was going on and why I took them. It was only after looking through the pictures with a new frame of mind that I could see how our relationship dynamic changed ever so slowly through the years. We looked through hundreds of photos over the time in middle school. I stopped on one of my favorites.

"This was when we were waiting for our bus in front of the school. Similar to how we waited for the doors to open before school, there were people we hung out with while waiting for the buses, though this group was larger. We'd sit around these concrete benches, even up on the wall, and just talk and fuck around for the 15-20 minutes we waited. This one was after we had a conversation about how that day Jade and I would look great on one of those promo posters for a romance movie. So we decided to pose like that."

The photo showed that pose, in which we both looked at the camera, but faced each other. Her hand was on my waist, and mine was on her shoulder.

"You two really pull off the look too," she laughed.

I just smiled and continued looking through the photos. There were a couple dozen more before they transitioned into our high school time, and a few more until it got to when we started dating. It seemed Cat particularly enjoyed the photos of us being cute. By the time we finished looking through all of the pictures, we realized we needed to get ready for the party. Cat left to go to the room she shared with Beck to get changed, and came back afterward. We just continued the conversation while doing our makeup and hair.

"How'd you two get to dating anyway?"

"You know how you read those stories or watch the movies where friendly touches get longer and they happen more frequently. Or how you start looking at them differently without even realizing it until they catch you. How hugs that used to be strictly platonic start to make your heart skip a beat. How you do whatever you can to be around them as much as possible. When you start to get jealous over the people who are attracted to them, rather than cheer for them. It was like that. It honestly happened so gradually between us that I truly have no idea when it began."

She huffed, "The kind of things fairy tales are made of. I always wished I had a relationship like that. Trust me, I wouldn't trade Beck for anything, but it just seems so exciting."

"I liked it, because we never went through the awkward phase of getting to know each other. I never had to tell my girlfriend my hopes and dreams, my interests or my fears, I never told her about my family and I never told her about my life because she already knew everything."

"Are you still in love with her?"

I sighed, "More than ever. Unlike a lot of the relationships like that, I had time to experience life without her, I could see how the world was when she wasn't around. Granted the world I did see wasn't that great, I could still tell there wasn't another person that would be better for me. No other person I've met was able to make me feel the way she does."

"So how come you aren't official yet?"

"I'm head over heels in love with her, and she knows that, but that's not a declaration she's made to me. I imagine there's still things she needs to work through, and that's okay. Either way, she mentioned that this party could serve as a date if I was into that."

She nodded in a sort of understanding, "Sate my curiosity, tell me about the first time you kissed."

I laughed, mostly to myself, and couldn't help but mess with her, "The first time was a dare, and it was approximately two years before we actually started dating."

"So you guys are the type to have a first whatever, and then wait a shit load of time for a second?"

I had to pause to process the fact that she was actually right. "Oh my god."

"Mind blown, bitch." She put the cap back on her mascara and walked back into the bedroom, "Question remains is when you two decide you wanna get freaky in bed again."

I frowned and glared at her through the mirror.

"You're wondering the same thing. You know I'm right."

"Why do you think I'm glaring at you?"

"Because I'm pretty."

I snorted and finished up what I was doing before going back into the bedroom. We walked downstairs to see Jade sitting on the back of the couch using her phone, while only about five feet away, Beck and Andre seemed to almost be fighting. We both glanced at Randy curiously.

"Beck claimed he was stronger."

"I don't understand why they're trying to fight here when they can just dead lift in the basement," Jade muttered.

Also in the room were Marco, Jake, Andre's girlfriend Layla, who I'd met last night, and another woman I'd never seen before. She had dark blonde hair and had the same sort of build, which made me figure she probably trained with her. I also noticed that Jade had the same sort of outfit I did, being jeans and a t-shirt with the sleeves cut off, however hers was cut a bit more than I was, and she was wearing boots rather than converse.

They got a little too close to the wall and bumped a picture on the wall. Without looking up from her phone, Jade declared, "If you two break anything in my house I will break you."

"You're so hot when you take charge like that," the blonde said.

Jade laughed, "You must have to change your panties every time you watch one of my fights then, huh?"

"Sounds like you've got some competition," Cat teased me.

The blonde snorted, "Don't be silly. I doubt anyone other than her could possibly hold Jade's attention for more than ten minutes."

"I take it you've never had a quickie," Cat replied quickly.

"Not when Jade has endurance workouts three days out of every week, honey."

"So are you doubting Jade's ability to get things done in less than ten minutes or suggesting that it'd be more rewarding to continue past ten minutes?"

"Both of you shut up before I have to start drinking before we even get to the party!" Jade shouted at them.

The blonde just smirked and made a pleased hum.

Jade glared over at her, "Blow me."

"Present it," she responded without missing a beat.

Randy glanced at his watch, "Oh look at the time, it appears to be beer o'clock."

Marco nudged Jade with his shoulder, "Listen, I'm not very fluent in Woman, but I think Mal wants in your pants."

"I know, and it's going to happen...wait, let me check my calendar," she paused and looked at her phone for a moment, then continued, "The twelfth of never."

"Ouch," Jake muttered.

"I think we should get going before someone gets hurt," Randy announced.

Everyone headed toward the door and started figuring out who was riding with who, while Jade simply put her phone in her pocket, looked at me, nodded toward the door to the garage, and we left before anyone had even realized. She opened the garage door and got in the driver's seat of the Mustang. I sat down in the passenger seat while she put her phone in the holder on the windshield. After I'd gotten settled, she pulled out of the driveway, carefully but quickly maneuvering around the cars already parked.

Once she got onto the street she just chuckled, "They expected me to wait until they left."

I shook my head and restrained myself for all of three seconds before I asked, "So who's the blonde?"

"Mallory, one of my trainers," she answered easily. "Don't mind the way she acts, it's just how she is."

"I could have sworn she was actually attracted to you."

She chuckled, "Nah. She wouldn't even want it if I made a move. She's got a thing for Randy anyway."

She stopped at a red light to turn on the music on her phone. She glanced over at me as the sound of Lorde's _400 Lux_ started playing. I looked back, raising my eyebrows. She leaned over and kissed me. It was slow and deliberate. She was trying to prove a point.

"You're the only one I want."

Jade took my hand and held it over the center console, at least until she had to continue driving again. It was silent other than the music playing and the wind rushing by the open windows. I had always seen a certain serenity in driving at night with the windows open and music playing. I suppose being in the car with Jade only made it better. It was already dark outside, being just after 9 o'clock. Ever so slowly, the busy city streets faded into empty country roads. The forests grew thicker, the sky became clearer, and the only lights were the headlights of the truck a ways behind us. It had been a while since I was able to take a drive at night, and I missed it quite a lot. I knew Jade loved it as much as I did, considering we used to do it as often as we possibly could when we were younger.

I could tell she was probably thinking of the same thing, as she had a small smile on her face as she stared at the road ahead. We'd driven on a single road for about ten minutes before she slowed down and turned down a driveway, marked by a glow in the dark strip of paint around a tree trunk. The driveway itself was quite long and had loads of trees on both sides. It started to become a bit brighter, and I could see a house in the distance.

A few dozen cars were parked in the grass on either side of the driveway, and we could hear a methodical thumping of loud music. Jade parked next to another car and turned off the music. "In case you were wondering, his closest neighbor is about two miles away."

"Isn't he ever afraid of someone breaking in or something?"

She just chuckled, "I highly doubt it."

We got out of the car, and she leaned against the back bumper. I followed her lead, and she wrapped her arm around my waist. Two trucks pulled into the driveway and one parked on the same side as us, and the other on the opposite side. Randy, Andre, Mallory, and Layla got out of the one on our side, and Marco, Jake, Beck, and Cat got out of the other. We all followed Jade's lead around the back of house on a stone path. The back was where most of the light was coming from, and where it seemed most of the people were. There was a lake behind his house, with a dock going out to the water. A couple people were in the water, and others were in the pool and hot tub closer to the house. I could smell food, which mostly seemed to be coming from someone using the grill. A few others were gathered around a pretty large bonfire.

The house seemed to be mostly glass and wood. The back seemed to be more glass than wood, though. Two doors stood open, allowing people to come and go freely. I also noticed a large amount of dogs running around, at least a dozen or so.

Cat was first to ask about them though, "What's with all the dogs?"

"Nate usually lets people bring their dogs to the parties if they're well behaved. He's got a few of his own."

"I'd guess that's why he's not afraid of someone breaking in," I guessed.

She nodded just as a pit bull that looked eerily similar to Cujo ran up to her. She smiled and knelt down to pet the dog, "Hey Lulu, I missed you, girl!"

The dog rubbed against her excitedly before running off again. She stood back up and told us, "If you were ever curious where I got Cujo, that's his mom. His dad should be around here somewhere."

"Why didn't you bring him?" I asked.

Jade just shrugged but never really answered.

"What kind of dogs does he have?" Cat asked while a few from our group broke off.

The rest of us walked up to the patio while Jade told her, "He's got two Pits, three German Shepherds, two Great Danes, and a Goldie that he has all the time. He breeds the Pits and the Shepherds, so he has puppies every once and a while. Like today."

Her eyes widened and she immediately got excited, "Where are the puppies?"

"Hey! What part of 'come early' did you not understand?!" I suddenly heard Nate shout.

Jade glanced over at her approaching cousin, "The 'early' part."

He rolled his eyes and gave her a hug, "I'm glad you showed up. Did you still want to see the pups?"

She nodded, and he motioned for us to follow him. We walked through the open doors to a very large lounge room, which could also be seen by a balcony above. He went up the stairs and to a door a little ways down the hall. He stepped aside so we could walk in. Before I even saw anything I could hear barking from several excited puppies. Once I was inside I saw six in total, all German Shepherds and all adorable.

"They're eight weeks old now, so over the next few weeks they'll be getting adopted. Two have already been claimed, though."

Over the next few hours, we ate some of the food that was grilled, had a few drinks, and talked to tons of people. I met quite a few people throughout the night, and all in all, it was very relaxing. It was around midnight when I was on my third beer, Jade on her second, and we were sitting on top of one of the picnic tables watching a couple of the guys wrestle. They'd decided to clear a small area to wrestle, and quite a few other people were watching.

They eventually stopped, and I'd missed the majority of the conversation, up until I heard someone say, "Yeah, but one of the most impressive things are handstand push ups."

I recognized the guy as Tyler, one of the guys who'd helped get my stuff from my old apartment. Beck, who was standing nearby, decided to tell them, "Jade can do those."

A few of them looked over at Jade, "Let's see it then!"

She shook her head and laughed, "God no."

A chorus of "Come on" and "Do it" made her roll her eyes.

"Alright! Fine, I'll do it," she finally gave in.

She stood up and handed me her bottle of beer, and muttered with a country accent, "Hold my beer, ya'll watch this."

Jade got up onto the picnic table and quickly got into a handstand position, and once she steadied herself, she did three pushups. She then stood back up and held her hands up, "Now clap for me, you motherfuckers."

A lot of them laughed and clapped before going back to what they were doing. She sat back down next to me and sipped her beer as if she hadn't done one of the most impressive things I'd seen since I watched someone blow six smoke rings in a row. She looked over at me and just smirked, "I don't give a shit what they think. I did that for you."

I rolled my eyes, "Whatever."

Jade laughed and leaned closer to me. We sat around a while longer until I picked up a very familiar scent.

Marijuana.

I couldn't help but look around to try to figure out where it was coming from. Jade noticed me looking around and asked, "You smell it too, don't you?"

"How did you know?" I asked.

She shrugged, "I smelled it on you the first few times we met."

I felt a little embarrassed at that, and bowed my head. She just wrapped her arm around me, "Don't feel bad about it. Shit happens."

Part of me felt like if I didn't get away from it soon, I'd want to find who was smoking it just so I could ask for some. I didn't want to. I looked at Jade, "Can we go?"

She finished the last of her beer in one quick drink and stood up, "Let's go."

"Do you need to tell anyone?" I asked after finishing mine.

She shook her head and tossed both of our bottles into the recycle bin sitting out back. She led me back around the side of the house and to her car. Before leaving, she typed out a text, sent it, then set her phone up in the holder, started music, and drove down the driveway to the street.

The drive back offered more of the crisp night air, unpolluted by the city, the calm of darkness, and comfort of Jade's presence. She seemed to drive a bit slower to enjoy more of the night. I glanced at the time, and saw it was around two in the morning. Just like before, only reversed, the empty country roads faded into busy city streets. She sped up once we got into the city, and after another 15 or 20 minutes, we got back to her house.

It was empty, as expected, and Cujo greeted us at the door. We both stopped to take off our shoes and socks, she got him some fresh water, and then we went upstairs. I stopped at my door, and before I could go in Jade said, "Why don't you sleep with me tonight?"

I hesitated and turned around. She just smiled back at me.

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**A/N: As a sort of apology for the slow updates lately, the next chapter will be out tomorrow night, unless some kind of disaster strikes. Stay tuned for that, and until then, let me know what you thought of this one.**

_**400 Lux**_** has been one of my favorite songs as of late, and I had to add it in. The house Jade lived in when she was younger, I based off of a house someone in my family used to own. I knew the layout fairly well so it was easy to pinpoint exactly where things were. As for the photos and memories Tori had of their younger days, I based off of memories I had of my own friends years ago.**


	25. Pleasure and Pain

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

********A/N: As promised, here's the next chapter. Keep in mind throughout this that the _italics_ are flashbacks without the usual indications. Hope you guys enjoy.  
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She had an odd look on her face, as if she wasn't sure what to make of my offer. I just tilted my head toward my door and walked that way. I'd let her follow if she wanted. The only thing I really heard behind me was Cujo's panting and his tail occasionally hitting the wall. When I got to the door, I turned around and saw she was only a few feet behind me.

"Stay," I told Cujo. He let out a huff, but sat down anyway.

I unlocked my door and held it open for her, "After you."

"_After you."_

"_I have to be honest, I find it a little silly that you're treating this as if it's the first time I've ever been in your room," Tori teased._

She walked into the room, and I turned on the lights. I watched as she looked around my room. I closed the door and tried to keep from laughing when I heard Cujo headbutt the door before walking off.

"I'll be honest, I wouldn't have pinned you for having a room like this. It's so..." she looked around, and her eyes stopped on me, "Open."

I shrugged and looked around my room, particularly at the floor-to-ceiling windows on opposite ends of the room, which she seemed to be referring to, "They give me a good view of sunrises and sunsets. The sunrise is usually what wakes me up in the morning."

"Sunrises have always annoyed me so much these past few years. Same with sunsets...Actually just the sun in general," she stopped next to the bed. She ran her fingers over the bed sheets and stopped at the pillow case.

I walked toward her, "You haven't been enjoying it enough."

"Not when it's caused more pain than it was worth. Things are different now, though," she replied, almost carefully.

I stopped in front of her and slid my arms around her waist, "You know, as I've gotten older and things have changed, I've learned to appreciate the small things. Sometimes, Cujo jumping onto my bed at night and laying his head on my back is the only thing that manages to make me smile in a day. I suppose I've taken the smaller victories as if they were bigger ones. I want to show you how I see the world, how beautiful it actually is."

Her hands rested on my arms, "And how would you do that?"

"For one, I'm taking you up to a few of my favorite hiking spots. I want to show you some of the coolest places I've ever been in the world. I want you to watch the sunsets with me. Lots of things, actually. I guess the easiest place for me to start is going back to how things were when there was nothing I ever hid from you. Which is why you're in my room right now."

"I have this sneaking suspicion in my mind that letting me into your private space isn't the only incentive you have to let me in here."

I smiled, "You've always been smarter than you ever give yourself credit for."

"Either that or I just know you like the back of my hand."

"I'm not the same person I used to be."

She leaned a bit closer, "Neither am I. But that doesn't mean I've forgotten the important things."

A smirk slowly spread across my face, "I'd be curious to see how much you remember."

"I would be too," she whispered.

_"I have to admit...this is a little scary. I've never done anything like this before"_

_"Don't worry," I whispered, "I haven't either."_

I leaned forward and kissed her. She smiled against my lips and kissed me back. I pushed her backward until her back was pressed against the wall. She moved her hands to either side of my neck, while I had one against the wall and the other on her waist.

"_Jade...what do I...I don't know what do to."_

"_Do what feels natural. Anything you're comfortable with."_

_Her stuttering betrayed all of the nervousness she was feeling, and I could see it clear as day, "Is...is- is it okay?"_

"_Anything's okay."_

_She gripped my arms tightly. In the back of my mind, I questioned if this was the best time. "Do you trust me?"_

"_Yes," she responded without missing a beat._

"_Just tell me to stop if you don't like what I'm doing."_

I slowly moved my hand to the hem of her shirt and dragged it upward. I let her have plenty of time to decline, but she just moved forward slightly and raised her arms up so I could take it off. I tossed it onto the floor behind me and put my hand back on her waist.

"Uh-uh," she muttered and shook her head, "You too."

I couldn't help but smirk, but did as she requested and took off my shirt as well. After I'd tossed it aside, she pushed me back a bit. The only thing she appeared to be doing was studying every single detail of my torso.

"Like what you see?"

She smiled a bit, "I guess I should have figured your bra would be black and lacy. But I always thought you were attractive when we were younger. It's only gotten better. I have to admire perfection."

"I take it you look in the mirror pretty often then," I teased as I leaned forward to kiss her neck.

"Bite me," she mumbled in an attempt to sound irritated.

I only took her up on the offer, and bit a particularly sensitive part of her neck. She exhaled deeply and ran her fingers through my hair. I kissed back up the side of her neck to her ear.

"So," she mumbled, "You have endurance training three times a week?"

I smirked, "I'm guessing you want a demonstration?"

"Maybe a little," she giggled, "Though if you have faith in your ability to make it last longer than twenty minutes then maybe I should go first, considering I'll probably just pass out after you're through."

"That's putting a lot of pressure on me."

She grinned almost devilishly and pushed me down on the bed. She straddled my waist and just sat there a moment, staring down at me. I raised an eyebrow, but she spoke before I could.

"So when did you get the belly button piercing?" She asked, running her finger over the stud.

I shrugged, "Few years ago."

"Do you have your nipples pierced too?" She teased.

"Why don't you find out?"

She easily called my bluff and reached behind me to unhook my bra. I held eye contact with her, at least until she tossed my bra on the floor. She looked down to find out that I didn't actually have them pierced.

She frowned, "Why'd you say it like that if they weren't?"

"It adds a sense of anticipation."

"That didn't play out."

"I don't think that's what you should be focusing on," I reminded her. I wrapped my hand around the back of her neck and pulled her down to me. She kissed me slowly and deeply, her hands memorizing every inch of my torso. Her lips moved from my own to my neck, and then further down to my chest. I closed my eyes and focused on what she was doing to me.

"_I feel like I should go first...just so I'm not comparing everything I do to what do you did, you know?"_

_I smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, "Whatever makes you most comfortable."_

I hummed happily when she bit my left nipple quite roughly.

"_Did I hurt you?"_

"_No, god no," I laughed, "That felt good."_

She seemed impatient in moving down my body, though she did stop to play with the piercing in my belly button with her tongue, which was something I never even realized felt good. She quickly unbuckled my belt and tossed it to the floor, unbuttoning my pants while sucking on a particularly sensitive spot on my stomach.

That hickey will be fun to explain during training tomorrow.

As my pants and underwear hit the floor, a sense of anticipation flowed through me. After a few seconds, I still felt nothing different. I opened my eyes to see her staring at me from between my legs, a devilish smirk on her face.

"Do you want a fucking invitation?!" I snapped, impatient.

"Beg me."

I glared at her, "I will _eat_ you."

Her smirk only widened, "I sure hope so."

On second thought, maybe that wasn't the best thing to say. Hindsight is 20/20 after all.

"Only you," I muttered.

_After she'd taken control, I could sense a new found feeling of power that she was experiencing. I'd be lying if I said it didn't turn me on._

"_Tell me what you want me to do," she whispered huskily._

"Tell me what you want me to do." It was like déjà vu as she spoke.

"Make me feel good," I breathed, showing a bit more desperation than I intended. "Make me feel the way only you can." I caught her eye, "Make me cum."

She licked her lips, "Good girl."

I clenched my teeth, "You fucking bi-ohh," my sentence was interrupted by a moan I had no control over. I closed my eyes and focused on her lips wrapped around my clit. She sucked hard, her tongue darting forward to massage it. She didn't seem to be interested in wasting any time.

In less than sixty seconds, I was already close. When the part of my brain that continued working remembered that I'd been too preoccupied to have any _me_ time for quite a while, it made sense. The fact it was the love of my life only intensified things. I ran my fingers through her hair and held her close to me, though she showed no interest in moving either way.

Just when I was about to go over the edge, she stopped. I felt her lips move to my inner thighs, kissing and licking the sensitive skin. I groaned loudly, and she just giggled.

She fucking _giggled_.

She bit down, softly, but just hard enough to make me really feel it. I moaned in spite of myself at the sensation.

"I have to admit," she mumbled, "Having someone as powerful as you at my mercy is really hot."

"I'm stronger than you, which means if you don't make me cum I will torture you for hours," I growled.

"Ohh, promise?" She teased.

I sighed heavily, "You're killing me."

She shifted slightly, and I felt her fingers tracing my outer lips. "I know, and I love it," she responded, positioned just right so that the breath from her words ghosted across my center.

The hold I had on her hair despite the desperation I felt let her know that, contrary to what my words expressed, I enjoyed what she was doing. She'd know anyway.

"_You like it when I tease you like this?"_

_I breathed hard, unintentionally moaning out my answer, "Yes."_

It crossed my mind that the only person in the world who knew that I didn't want control all the time was her. It added a certain aspect of intimacy to the whole situation, on top of everything else. I intended on keeping it that way.

She slid two fingers inside me in the same moment that she went back to sucking on my clit. The sudden burst of pleasure made me let out a quiet moan. Her pleased hum only made things better. She showed no signs of stopping as she quickly brought me to the edge. One more lick and a little extra pressure added by her fingers let loose the building pleasure. I grabbed onto the sheets and tensed as first few waves washed over me.

I exhaled heavily, my grip on the sheets loosening and my muscles relaxing.

"_Did- did you..."_

_I nodded, completely out of breath, not quite able to form a coherent sentence._

"_But- you..." I had to admit, her concern was adorable._

"_I've never been very vocal. It's okay," I managed, smiling at her._

She laid down next to me, her head resting on her left hand, a satisfied grin firmly on her face. I groaned but smiled in spite of myself. "Only you can make me feel that way," I muttered, putting my hands on my face.

"I'd like to do it kind of often if that's okay with you. I really like how your muscles tense when you come," I glanced at her and she shrugged, "It's sexy."

"I think it's your turn now."

She rolled over off the edge of the bed and stood up, "Okay, but I need to use the bathroom first."

"Have fun," I called after her.

She popped her head around the corner and winked, "I think your bed's where the fun is at, babe."

I chuckled, then pretty much snorted when she loudly exclaimed, "Oh my god is this one of those waterfall showers?!"

A minute or so later, she left the bathroom and settled right back down in my bed. I turned over onto my side and kissed her. I intended on drawing her pleasure out as long as I possibly could, and I knew that in the back of her mind, she was entirely aware of that fact. I easily unhooked her bra and pulled it off, tossing it behind me onto the floor with everything else. Her pants were next. I unbuttoned them and unzipped them before she said, "Let me. I actually painted these on."

I laughed and allowed her to slowly peel off the tight jeans and discard them on the floor. "It's like that feeling when you take off your bra after a long day," she teased.

"_I guess it's my turn now."_

"_Don't sound so excited," I deadpanned. I smiled at her anyway, "Just relax and enjoy. Tell me if you don't like what I'm doing."_

"_I don't like what you're doing."_

_I looked at her confused, "I haven't done anything though."_

_She grinned, "Exactly."_

_I just rolled my eyes._

I kissed her. Slow then fast, hard then soft, just enjoying one of my favorite things. I took the time to appreciate every movement she made and every sensation of her lips moving against mine in a way I hadn't properly been able to in the past couple weeks.

I wasn't sure exactly how long I spent on that, but eventually I became restless and eager to go further. I moved down to her neck, pushing her down onto her back. I felt her hand on the back of my head as I slowly made my way down her neck. I used my free hand to drag my fingers down her stomach, grabbing onto the edge of her panties and pulling them down. They eventually ended up on the floor as well.

She gripped my arm, silently expressing the desperation I knew she felt. I sucked and licked her nipple, knowing she wasn't as much into biting as I was, as I began to tease her with my fingers. Her nails dug into my arm now, but it only made me smirk. I slid my fingers down through her center, letting two linger right on the edge. I moved up a bit so I could watch her. Her eyes were closed and her mouth parted slightly.

I leaned down to kiss her just as I slid my fingers inside her, causing her to moan into the kiss. I wanted more, and quickly moved down between her legs.

"_Ohh, do that again," she whispered._

_I repeated the action I'd essentially done on accident, gripping her thigh a bit roughly._

"_Yeah," she moaned, "I like that."_

I pushed her leg up a bit, giving myself more room, and also allowing an easier position to grab ahold of her thigh, my thumb pressing against the sensitive skin near her center. In response, I felt her nails dig into my shoulder. I licked around, slowly, spreading around the moisture seeping from her hole. I dragged my tongue from bottom to top in one deep motion, my lips closing around her clit at the top.

"Oh fuck," she mumbled. I just smirked and reached up with my free hand, threading my fingers through hers. I only focused on three things; the pleasure I was giving her, the noises she made in response, and the feeling of her hand in my hair. I could hear her breathing getting quicker and more uneven as she got closer and closer.

"_Jade...oh- oh, I'm so close, Jade. Yes, just like that," she breathed. I was fairly certain at that point that she wasn't even aware of what she was saying, and that was fine with me. I felt her body tense up, and I knew she was almost there._

"Oh Jade," she moaned as her entire body tensed. The feeling of her grip on my hair tightening, the sound of her moans, and the spasms rocking her body prompted me to continue.

I didn't stop or slow down, but kept at the same pace until the same process repeated itself and she was met with another intense orgasm. Even as her nails dug into my forearm and she all but screamed my name, I didn't stop. I brought her right to the edge one last time before replacing my mouth with my fingers and moving up so I could see her face.

She dug her nails deep into my back, and I was so wrapped up in making her feel better than she ever had that I didn't even realize how much it actually hurt. I made her come one more time, this one just built up by the intensity of the ones before it. Her body tensed, and she shook, and after ten or fifteen seconds, she relaxed.

I kissed her, and she kissed me back with the energy she had left, which didn't seem to be much. When I pulled back, she laughed and groaned, "Damn."

I smirked and kissed her neck. Her hands ran across my back, softer this time, feeling the damage she'd done.

"Are you okay?" She asked, sounding concerned.

I nodded slowly, feeling the exhaustion starting to set in, "I'm just tired."

She pulled me closer, "Me too."

_We cuddled up close together as I felt sleep beginning to take over. I only focused on her body against mine, feeling the comfort it offered. Just before I faded into unconsciousness, I heard two short buzzes from the nightstand._

I reached back and flipped the switch on the lamp next to my bed, which turned off the main lights completely. She settled down with her back against my front, and held the hand of the arm I had wrapped around her. Part of me felt an even more dreadful sense of déjà vu, though I was determined not to let my fears ruin anything. I felt confident she'd be there when I woke up in the morning.

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**A/N: The line Tori says, "Tell me what you want me to do," is actually verbatim from _Wentworth_ (which is amazing, and worth checking out if you have Netflix or live in Australia or use the internet in general). I loved the line in the show and it popped into my mind when I was writing this. The line is from the opening scene in episode 5 of season 1 (explicit, be warned).**


	26. Visions of Grandeur

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

********A/N: I recently watched Black Swan, and while I still believe it is a fantastic film, it still messed with my mind a considerable amount. If you haven't seen it yet, there may be some spoilers ahead.  
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"Why isn't Tori in her room?"

Randy glanced over at Cat, who had just entered the kitchen. He shrugged and set down his cup of tea, "I'd imagine the same reason Cujo was in my room last night."

"But he always sleeps in her room, doesn't he? Unless..." The pieces slowly started to fall together in Cat's mind.

He just smirked and sipped his tea, "Now you're getting it."

She filled up a mug with coffee and sat down next to him, "Isn't it weird for you?"

"Not really, no. I mean, for anyone you've been close to for a long time, it's odd, in a way. I've known Jade since she was six years old. She's a grown ass woman now, she can make her own decisions. But really, she's not much of a stranger to promiscuity. It's not like this something new for me to process."

"What do you mean?"

He tilted his head and put the cup down on the counter, "Okay, to cope with difficult situations, Tori turned to drugs, right?" She nodded. "Jade's thing was to either train until she passed out from exhaustion or move from person to person until she was able to forget for even a moment why she wasn't happy. Think of it as a form of substance abuse."

"But she's been training harder the past week or two than she has in the weeks before."

Randy nodded, "It's got nothing to do with Tori or even the situation she's in with Steven."

Cat seemed confused, "Something's got to be pushing her to do that though."

"Yeah. It happens every year around this time. She trains extra long hours without many break days because she doesn't want to break the 'rule' her mother put in place."

"What rule?"

"Before she passed, she told Jade that she was only allowed to be sad and mourn her one day a year, simply because she didn't want to be the reason why Jade was sad. Mikey was born October 2nd, which subsequently means that's the day her mother died. Her mother didn't want her to be sad on Mikey's birthday, so to keep her mind off of it, she keeps herself busy."

Cat seemed a bit lost for words, and just stared down at the coffee in her mug. Randy finished the last of his tea and pushed the cup away, "She's also been planning a party for Mikey. Her dad is coming into town to see him, and his maternal grandparents are flying in from Seattle. Last I knew, his aunts were planning on coming as well, but it's a sort of big deal, considering he's never met any of them before."

"Speaking of which, isn't Jeff bringing him over today?"

"Yeah, I imagine she'll be down soon enough."

She still seemed curious, "Wait, did you say something to her?"

"About Tori? Not exactly. I mean, some of the guys who train with us know the story, so they've been on her about it. Not necessarily the intimacy part, just to not treat her like one of her opponents, watching every move she makes to see what she'll do next, you know?"

"She's been doing that?"

He nodded, "Definitely. Even if she didn't realize it, in the back of her mind she's been trying to work out what her next move would be. Have you ever watched her fights and seen her dodge strikes as if she were Neo in the Matrix? That's why. She has an inherent skill for figuring out what her opponent will do next even when they don't know. Which is the reason that anyone who fights her has to switch up their entire fighting style just to have a chance against her."

"I didn't realize she was able to do that," Cat laughed.

"I could show you some of the better examples if you want."

She shrugged and stood up, "Sure."

He put his cup in the sink and went to the living room. While Cat settled down on the couch, he set up the TV to play the videos from a flash drive already in the Blu-ray player. He picked out one and sat down, "This was her fight against Carrie Andrews, her third fight in the entry division. She was...19 at the time, I believe. At this time nobody really knew just how dangerous she was, and took her two straight victories as a stroke of luck. See, whenever someone wants to point out her perception abilities, this is the one they go to, and you'll see why."

The video began playing, and Cat saw Jade crouched in her corner, something she'd recognized she did just before the fight started. The referee told them the rules, they tapped gloves, and backed up. As soon as the fight began, Carrie charged toward her, and in a split second she was on the ground. Randy paused the video and played it back in slow motion, since he knew Cat probably had no idea what just happened.

"This is what they call a Hane Makikomi, or a spring wrap-around throw. She'd actually just learned the move a week prior, but still executed it almost perfectly."

After the throw, the referee prevented her from attacking any further in favor of making sure she was still conscious. She stood up and seemed ready to go at it again. Carrie made another move toward Jade, looking to trade strikes. She threw five punches, all of which were dodged. On the very last one, Carrie stumbled when a particularly vicious strike missed, and as soon as she got her barrings, Jade's foot connected with the side of her head, knocking her unconscious just long enough for a technical knockout.

"The thing people love to point out about this fight, is that not _once_ did Carrie actually hit Jade with a punch or kick. She never hit her, and by the time Jade walked out of the octagon, she wasn't even sweating."

Cat furrowed her eyebrows, "But why? Was Carrie a bad fighter?"

"Not in the slightest. Jade just had her scouted very well."

"So what's the point of showing me this? I mean, it's very fun watching her kick ass, but why?"

"I feel it's important for someone's allies to know exactly what they're capable of. In case things do get too bad, we could always count on Jade having a plan B."

"Okay, for curiosity's sake, why did the guys at the gym want Jade to change the way she was acting toward Tori?"

He turned off the TV, "They knew as well as I did that she needed to let go and live in the moment. One past mistake doesn't condemn your entire future, and that's what I've been trying to get through that thick skull of hers."

"So, rather than encouraging your buddy to bed the sexy lady, it was more of a life lesson?"

He chuckled, "You could say that."

Cat shifted more to look at him, "You know, this all has made me wonder. Why doesn't someone like you have a wife?"

"Someone like me?" Randy asked, more to dodge the question rather than for curiosity's sake.

"Don't play stupid, you'd have to be blind not to see that you're a catch. What's preventing you from finding someone?"

He sighed, "I met and fell in love with someone previously, only to have them ripped from my grasp."

"So you're teaching Jade the same lessons you seem to be ignoring for yourself?"

"I guess I am."

She shrugged, "Maybe now that she's got everything she's wanted, perhaps it'd be time to focus on yourself?"

"Who's to say I want to find someone?"

"Everyone wants someone. It's human nature. Maybe," she reached over and tapped his nose with her finger, "It's time to let go and live in the moment."

He smiled a bit, "I suppose you're right."

"So?"

"So what?"

She smiled widely, "So who've you got in mind?"

"I have to pick someone now?"

"No...but usually when someone urges you to make a move or focus on dating, someone pops into your head."

Randy looked down at his hands and thought about it. "Perhaps...I do have one in mind."

Cat's smile grew radiant, "Tell me about her."

"If I do, you'll have to keep your mouth shut about it. I know you like to gossip."

"Not a word."

He huffed, "Someone that's been training Jade since she was...19 or 20 I believe. She's quite good at judo, but mainly she works with Beck to put together schedules and regimes for her training."

"She's talented. Is she pretty?"

"She's gorgeous. She's got dark blonde hair, hazel eyes, quite the sight."

She figured out quickly who he was talking about now, "You mean Mallory?"

Randy chuckled, "A little bit, yeah. How'd you know it was her rather than someone else with blonde hair and hazel eyes?"

"Please, as much as she tries to flirt with Jade, she was making eyes at you all night." Cat seemed elated to be on such a subject. She was eager to keep up the questions, "Why haven't you asked her out yet?"

"I suppose I ignored the signs in favor of keeping the relationship she had with Jade solid. I didn't want to be the reason for a falling out or things of the like."

"You know, Tori's been sort of on edge over Mallory, says she sees her texting Jade a lot, plus the little show last night probably didn't help."

He shook his head, "She's a bit out of Jade's age range. She just texts her a lot to keep her up to date with training and workout regimes. Honestly, the majority of the texts probably go to her and Beck. Not to say she and Mal aren't good friends, it's just usually things of that sort that they text about."

"So you're going to ask her out, right?"

Randy rolled his eyes and stood up, "Maybe."

Cat followed him back to the kitchen and put her mug in the sink as well. She stopped to check a text that had just come in, when they heard the very loud sound of Cujo running down the stairs, the entire length of the hallway, and into the kitchen. Cat watched in amazement as he proceeded to flip the lock on the door with his nose, push the handle up, and open the door. He then nudged it closed behind himself.

"I guess he needed to pee," Randy said.

"Did that dog just..."

"Yep. One of the tricks Jade taught him how to do."

She raised her eyebrows, "That seems dangerous."

He shrugged, "He only does it when he _really_ needs to go outside, or if someone isn't around to let him out. She also taught him how to get her a beer from the fridge."

"She doesn't drink that often, does she?"

He shook his head, "Not anymore, no."

"Not anymore?"

Randy acted as if he hadn't meant to say what he did, but accepted his slip of the tongue, "She used to."

"What, she was an alcoholic?"

"More or less. It actually started just before she turned 21 and lasted a year or so. I was never able to make her kick the habit, but a call from her father ended it pretty quickly. Even today I still have no idea what he said to her."

"Where does he live anyway?"

He walked over and opened the door for Cujo, "New York City. He moved there a month or so after Jade got her own place."

Beck entered the kitchen, notebook in hand, and Randy told him, "I think we may have to reschedule today's training."

He shook his head, "Already done. I had stuff planned for this morning before Mikey got here, but there's not enough time for it now. I guess she drank too much or something.

"Yeah, or something," Cat couldn't help but say.

Randy smirked but didn't say anything. Beck tossed the notebook onto the counter, "Either way, Andre should be back from the store in a few minutes. When did Jeff say he'd be here?"

Randy glanced at his watch, "His flight leaves at five, so I'd imagine he'd be here pretty much anytime now."

"Are they up yet?" Cat asked.

"Tori is, I think. I'd imagine Jade is too, considering it's two in the afternoon."

Cujo ran out of the kitchen, returning a few moments later at Tori's heels. "You guys having a party in here?" She teased.

Cat nodded, "Yes, B.Y.O.B."

"Can't be bothered," Tori muttered, pouring herself a cup of coffee.

"Is Jade up yet?" Randy asked her.

Tori nodded and took a large drink of the coffee, not seeming as interested in answering his questions as she did in the coffee. Just then Andre walked in from the door leading from the garage, "You guys want to help carry in all this stuff?"

"Yeah," Randy mumbled, continuing to type something on his phone, "Give me a moment."

Jade was the next to enter the kitchen, not seeming to notice Andre standing in the small foyer. She glanced at the cup of coffee Tori had, took it, and downed the rest of it.

"Really?" Tori asked.

"You weren't drinking that, were you?"

"Not anymore!"

Jade shrugged, "Good."

Randy looked up and saw Andre had a mischievous grin on his face. He knew well enough that he was going to try to scare Jade as she seemed preoccupied by her phone. He took all of four silent steps toward her turned back before Jade calmly announced, "Andre, if you take one more step I will break your arm."

"Panthers are known for a keen sense of hearing," Tori informed them as she poured a second cup of coffee for herself.

"I've also heard they like to choke their prey to death," Randy added casually.

Beck, crossed his arms, "To be fair, the majority of Jade's victories have been via submission."

Andre backed up to the door, "I'm just gonna..."

Randy walked past Jade and nudged her, "Come on, we gotta help him get the groceries inside."

They left, and Beck stayed inside to write a few more things in his notebook. A thought occurred to Cat, and she had to ask him, "So...how come Jade hasn't been flipping shit over the fact she was talking to Steven Friday night?"

He glanced up for a moment, and then continued writing, "Because she doesn't know."

Even Tori seemed to be caught off-guard by that, "What do you mean she doesn't know?"

"By that I mean Randy never told her, only that it was time to go. As for the guy who almost shot her, for all she knows, it's an isolated incident. She still has no idea that she was actually face-to-face with the guy who essentially tortured you, and we'll count that as a blessing."

"But...why?" Cat wondered.

"Because," he closed the notebook and tucked the pencil in the loops, "If Randy were to come up to us, tell her the man she was talking to was Steven, there's probably a 99% chance she would have beat him to death with her bare hands then and there, and I'm not exaggerating in the slightest. While that would be amusing to watch, there would be no legal way to keep her from going to prison for murder. As for why she still doesn't know, well, we don't want her going all Death Sentence on him, that would also be bad."

"For those that haven't seen the movie," Cat muttered, "Explain."

He sighed, "Knowing her, she will track him down to the ends of the earth if given a reason to do so. That's why we haven't told her everything that's been going on. There's a reason that crime detectives aren't allowed to work a case if they're close to the victim or suspect, because there's liable to be a lapse in judgment. If Jade knew as much as we do, well, things would go very very badly."

Tori stopped sipping her coffee, setting the cup down, "What else has been happening?"

"Ask Randy, he's the one who knows the most."

Cat frowned, "Why him?"

"He's the one that is most likely to keep a level head no matter what happens. If things went badly and you were involved, I'd lose my shit, and Andre is much too hot blooded to stay calm if anything went down."

"Wouldn't the premise be the same if it were Jade? Randy would be chomping at the bit to get his hands on them, no?" Tori suggested.

"While it's true that Randy would get angry and want revenge, he's more of the calculating type. He'd wait for an opportunity. The same would be true with Jade, but it's much more likely that she would stop giving a shit about anything other than tearing him apart limb from limb."

Cat shuddered, "That's an image for nightmares."

The three walked back inside, holding about ten bags each. After they'd finished putting everything away, all of two minutes passed until a car honked in the driveway. Beck and Andre stayed in the kitchen to work out a menu plan, while Jade and Randy went out to meet Jeff. Cat and Tori stayed on the porch, while Tori continued sipping her coffee. Jade approached the SUV just as Jeff got out.

"His stuff is in the back," he muttered.

The two removed five cardboard boxes from the back of his truck, stacking them up in the driveway, while Jeff just watched. Once they'd finished unloading the boxes, Jade opened the back passenger seat to see her quite tired looking brother. She unbuckled him from his car seat, then removed the seat from Jeff's car. Mikey reached back in the car and grabbed a small backpack before standing behind his sister.

Jeff came around from the other side of the car and looked at his son sadly. "Take care of him," he told Jade.

As much as she wanted to make a snide reply, she figured it best not to say anything. He knelt down and gave Mikey a hug, then stood up and handed Jade a large manilla envelope.

"This has all of the stuff you'll need to change his information, and a few other things." With that, he got in his truck and left without elaborating on the 'other things'. Jade couldn't help but notice the way Mikey watched his father drive off while looking like he wanted to cry. He turned around and looked up at her, then down at his backpack as he unzipped it. He pulled out a small piece of paper and handed it to Jade.

She crouched down and took it from him, on closer inspection, she realized it was a photo. She turned it over as he said, "Daddy said that was what mom looked like. Is it?"

Jade pressed her lips tight together and held a hand over her mouth as she looked at a photo of her mother, "Yeah...that's mom."

"She looks like you," Mikey mumbled. He seemed uninterested in saying anything else and just picked up his backpack and headed toward the house. Randy and Jade carried all of his stuff inside and put it up in his room, while Mikey just put his small backpack down next to his bed. He seemed to want to stay in his room, so they gave him some space.

Back downstairs, Andre tossed a plastic bag in Jade's direction as she walked in the kitchen. She looked inside and pulled out a DVD case, smiling when she saw what it was.

"You mentioned you wanted to see it, so I figured we could watch it tonight."

Jade held up the case for Tori to see, who just rolled her eyes, "That's the one about the ballet dancers, right?"

"Black Swan?" Cat guessed. "I heard that movie was one hell of a trip."

"I had a friend that watched it while on acid, said she's never been so scared in her entire life," Tori chuckled.

Jade made it final, "We're watching it tonight."

Tori leaned on the counter, "Should I get the acid?"

"Switching topics, Jade, you need to fit in at least 45 minutes of training today. Whether you do it before dinner or after is up to you," Beck announced.

She crossed her arms, "What do I need to do?"

He looked through his notebook quickly, "You were supposed to work on endurance today, but since we're a bit tight on time, some high intensity stuff should suffice. Hundred burpees will work."

"I already had my third endurance workout this week, but okay," she muttered and left the room.

Beck furrowed his eyebrows, "She only did two this week though?" He looked around at Randy trying to hide his smirk, Tori's hand over her face, and Cat's hand over her mouth to keep from laughing and finally realized what she meant. "Oh."

They all heard Jade's all too amused laughter from down the hall.

"To be fair, about an hour of sex burns almost equal the amount of calories as an hour of burpees. Give or take a few calories," Andre informed them.

Cat looked at Tori, "Care to share if it would be equal?"

"Bye," Tori grumbled as she turned and left the kitchen.

* * *

"What have we learned here today?"

"That your taste in movies is fucked up," Cat mumbled.

Tori moved one arm from where they were crossed, and pointed at the screen, "I think the idea is that the "young, virginal girl" always becomes corrupted by the end of the movie through her desire to be like the seemingly more successful, more talented, and carefree darker counterpart. She gets a taste of what freedom is like and becomes addicted to the visions of grandeur if she changes, and in her transformation into what she believes is perfection, she loses sight of what made her perfect in the first place as her mind slowly breaks down."

When they all just looked at her, speechless, she shrugged and sipped her beer, "But what do I know? I'm just a recovering drug addict."

Cat was the first to speak, "That was depressing."

"Mila Kunis is pretty fuckin' hot though, gotta admit," Randy quickly switched to a lighter note.

Jade opened her mouth to speak, but stopped herself. It didn't escape Tori's notice, "No, say it. I know what you're thinking."

"She is hot."

A loud banging on the front door interrupted any further conversation. Cujo was the first to his feet as he began barking, Randy was the second, with Jade being right behind him. He walked to the door and opened it as Jade turned on the porch light, illuminating the figure standing in front of the door. With his black hooded sweatshirt, faded blue jeans, and a wild look in his eye, he was among the last things on their lists of things they'd like to see standing on their porch at midnight. Cujo stopped barking, but remained on alert.

"Can I help you?" Randy asked him.

"Where's Tori at?" The man asked in a rushed tone.

Tori recognized the voice, stood up, and looked toward the door. She rolled her eyes, "Relax, it's Jed. He couldn't hurt anyone unless stupidity actually caused you pain."

She walked over to the door and opened it without hesitation. Instead of inviting him inside, she went outside and closed the door behind her. Jade and Randy exchanged a look, but trusted that Tori knew him better than they did.

Outside, Jed rubbed his hands together nervously as he continuously looked all around him. He nodded quickly in the direction of the house, "Your friends aren't gonna hurt me, are they?"

"Not unless you try to hurt me first. What the fuck are you doing here at midnight?"

"I'm skippin' town, and I figured there was some shit you should know first, since I don't think any of the other boys are gonna warn you, or at least they don't know, I guess. The boys are scared, none of 'em want to break no rules or get on his bad side. It's fuckin' crazy-"

Tori snapped her fingers, "Jed, focus. What's going on?"

Jed shook his head, as if to clear his mind. From the way he almost stumbled, and his eyes blinked rapidly, she could tell he was high, which wasn't exactly a surprise. "Steve, he's..." He put his hand on his forehead and tried to steady his vision. "He's- fuck. He's causin' a real mess back home. Charlie wanted me to pass on a message to you. He needs you to come by his place as soon as you can. Steve's tryin' to split the boys in half, he's gonna challenge Charlie. You gotta help him, the boys are losin' their shit."

"Jed, this isn't my problem. I can't dive back into this shit when I only just got out."

He put his hands on her arms, "You gotta help, Tor. You know him better than any of us, nobody else stands a chance against him without this breaking out into a fuckin' free for all!"

Tori remained calm, "I suggest you get your hands off me before one of them comes out here and breaks them." Jed immediately threw his hands down by his sides. "I can't help you, Jed. I'm sorry."

"He's gonna kill Mike."

She stopped and looked at him. She knew he couldn't lie worth anything, and she saw no hint of him being anything but truthful. "What?"

"He's been talkin' about killin' the kid. That's what started this. Some of the boys, they don't stand for no kid-killin'. They turned on him, told Charlie. The boys are choosin' sides, fixin' to go to war or some shit. I don't want none of this, but they wanted me to warn you, ask you to visit Charlie. The kid's in danger, can't ever leave him alone."

"Jed, I swear to god, if you're lying to me-"

"Ask Charlie yourself if you don't believe me. You never deserved any of this shit, and a little fuckin' kid don't either. You ain't much older than a kid anyhow. If you don't wanna do it for me, do it for your brothers. Do it for Alana."

Tori clenched her teeth together, her fists balling up tight. "I'll do what I can. Now get out of here, the boys don't take kindly to a snitch."

He pulled his sleeves tighter over his hands, "Believe me man, I know. Good luck."

He walked off, and Tori ran her fingers through her hair. She closed her eyes and sighed. As much as she hoped, in the back of her mind she knew better than to think she could suddenly up and walk away. She wondered just how deep they would drag her back into things, and if Jade would even be able to save her this time.

She finally realized the truth to the claim that nobody ever truly walks away from the gang. Her visions of grandeur in a beautiful life with Jade would have to be put on hold, simply just to avoid the death of people she cared about.

What a fucking fairy tale, right?

* * *

**A/N: I have the majority of the next couple chapters written up, it's just a matter of filling in blank spaces and editing. I had meant to post this last night, however circumstances did not permit. Hope you guys enjoyed. I'd be curious to know where you guys think this story will go next.**


	27. Ultimatum

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

****A/N: This one is a little bit shorter than usual. I can imagine things will be a bit hazy for a while, but they'll clear up soon enough...  
****

* * *

I laid there in Jade's arms an eternity as a million things raged through my mind. At least it felt that long.

She'd given up on asking me what was wrong and just played with my hair as I starred out the windows lining the wall. I didn't want to ask for her help. I didn't want to just leave and hope for the best. I wanted to fall asleep and wake up in a world where nothing would be wrong.

"Jade."

She hummed quietly.

"If I told you I needed to go visit an old friend, would you want to go with me, or stay here?"

"Where are we going?" She asked, almost tiredly.

I suppose that's one way to answer. I rolled over to look at her, "Jed told me that Charlie needs to talk to me. Charlie is basically the only man that has more power than Steven. Apparently the gang is being split in half right now, and they need me to take Steven out before it gets too bad."

The expression on her face was unreadable. "So...we're going to see Charlie?"

I nodded and stood up, "I don't really have a choice."

She got up as well, "You're not alone."

"Get dressed then," I said as I turned around. I traced a finger down her jawline and grabbed her chin with my thumb and forefinger. I kissed her, hard, and bit her lip as I pulled away, "And look sexy."

Jade licked her lips and nodded slowly as I walked out of the room. I went to the guest bedroom to quickly change my clothes, brush my hair, and reapply some makeup. As I met her in the hallway, I could tell the only differences in our outfits were my hooded jacket under my leather jacket, my jeans were dark wash, rather than black, and she had on boots while I had on a pair of high top black and white Vans.

Downstairs, she grabbed a set of keys from the ring by the door, "Would you like to drive or should I?"

I took the keys, figuring it'd probably be best if I drove there, "Which car are we taking?"

She opened the door and pointed to an older looking black car. Just from the look of it, I could tell it would fit in well. It was only after I got in the car that I realized it was almost two in the morning. I turned the car on and pulled out of the garage, "Hope they're still sober enough to talk."

The drive was silent, as I had no interest in talking, and she didn't seem to either. Once I got into Florence, I sped up and ran every light, green or red. Out of my peripheral vision, Jade glanced at me a few times, as if wondering what the hell I was doing, but she never asked. I guess she assumed I knew what I was doing. Only one "cop" tried to pull me over, but gave up on the chase as I made no move to stop. After he'd gone down a different road, she finally got too curious to resist.

"What was that about?"

"Cops in Florence _rarely_ pull you over for speeding or running reds. I've always been told to do both, no matter how far I was going. If a "cop" tries to pull me over, lead it for about six blocks and if it doesn't break off, call 911 and make sure it's actually a cop before stopping."

"I'd guess fake cops are pretty common then."

I nodded, "You never want to know what happens when you stop for a fake one."

For the next three minutes it took to get to Charlie's, we were quiet. I stopped on the street, turned the car off, and looked at her, "I need you to keep in mind that whoever is going to be in that house has killed someone before. You need to know when to react and when to keep your cool, and I trust with your "people skills" you'll know the difference. In the interest of full disclosure, the chances of me accepting a joint are quite high, but I won't touch anything harder, and I need you to be okay with that."

"Are we ready then?"

I nodded and got out of the car. I had to admit that there was a part of me that was really nervous about showing Jade exactly how bad my life was – or still is. I guess I figured she'd find out either way. I knocked on the door and stood back. A few seconds passed and one of Charlie's henchmen so to speak answered the door. He saw who I was, but gave an uncertain look toward Jade.

"You gonna let me in or what?"

Charlie's voice could be heard from inside the house, "Open the door, you dipshit!"

I tried to keep from laughing as the guy opened the door wider for us to come in. I walked down the small hallway to the living room Charlie always liked to stay in. I could see about six other guys with him, not counting the one who'd answered the door. Charlie stood up, walked over to me, and kissed my forehead.

Right, forgot to warn her about that too.

"Who's your friend?" He asked only after his little show of power.

"My girlfriend."

He smirked and glanced back at Jade, who appeared to be totally calm. He spoke with a voice that didn't hint at any remorse, "Sorry, Steven never did like it when I did that either."

She raised an eyebrow, "Bit too irresistible isn't she?"

"Quite." He seemed pleased with her reaction, and turned around to pick up a half empty beer bottle from the table. "So, I'd imagine the only reason you'd ever consider coming back here would be to answer my request for your presence."

"Believe me, if the circumstances were any different I wouldn't be here. I guess you always feel like you owe something back to the family that gave you so much."

Charlie sat down and lit a joint, "You remember Trish, yeah?" I nodded. "She always thought of you as a little sister. I need you to remember what she always told you."

_**Flashback**_

"_I just always feel like there was something I could do to help them. Nobody deserves getting gunned down in the street."_

_She blew her smoke up toward the sky, "Sometimes there's just no saving someone. When you're on the fast track to self-destruction, you'd be more likely to take down anyone who tried to help with you, rather than them actually doing anything for you."_

_I looked down at the ground and sighed. Trish handed me the last of her joint. I allowed it to cloud my mind as much as the little bit could. She continued to stare down the street, "Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is give a shit. You can't save the world, and the world can't save you. I guess knowing there's someone who gives a shit whether you live or die is what makes life worth the torment. Take care of yourself, but never lose sight of the simple things in life. Give a shit. That's all people ever expect from you. They don't expect a goddamn superhero."_

_**End of Flashback**_

"If only things were that easy. I could get you to give me a pat on the back, offer good luck, then be off on your merry way. But things have come to a head these past few days. Steven's out of control, getting even more power hungry. It's gonna be dangerous for the brothers who stayed with him."

"Why do you think I'm here?"

He crossed his ankle over his knee, "Well you know as well as we do that you're the only one who's able to take him out before anyone else gets hurt. No way you could live with someone that long and not know their tactics. Plus...well, you know just as well as we do that you don't really have a choice in the matter." He pointed toward the empty couch, "But have a seat, let's chat a bit."

I frowned, but sat down anyway. He then asked Jade, "Tell me about yourself."

"That's the fighter, man," one of the others, Daniel, mumbled around his cigarette.

"I appreciate your input, Dan, but I don't believe anyone asked you," Charlie told him calmly.

A few of the other boys just laughed. Jade simply responded, "He's not wrong."

"I know," he replied, "I've seen you before. I'm sure most of the boys here have. When Steven's never ending bitching is always about the same person, you get curious. You have skill, you're dangerous. I can see why he saw you as a threat."

Jade shrugged, "I thrive on people being afraid of me."

Another, who was barely sober enough to be conscious, muttered, "She's that one that made that one chick tap out in like 15 seconds."

"14," Jade corrected him.

"My bad, princess."

"I could give you a demonstration, if you'd like."

He tried to stand up, "Yeah, you and me right now!"

"Don't fuckin' hurt yourself, Pete. Sit your ass down and shut up. She'd break you in half in two seconds," Charlie commanded him.

Pete huffed but didn't say anything else. Charlie looked back at Jade and I, "So my guess is you two are fixin' to take Steven out."

"What's our time limit?" Jade asked as she rubbed her hands together.

"I'd imagine as soon as you can would be best."

"Well, see, my little brother's birthday is this week, and I'm not about to cancel his party or anything."

Charlie cracked open another beer, "Yeah? How old is the boy going to be?"

She almost smiled, "He'll be five."

"He could be your son at that age."

"If he were, I wouldn't be where I'm at today."

He shifted in his seat and leaned on his hand, "In your training or career?"

"Both, probably."

"You train often then?"

At the smell of smoke, I glanced over and saw Andy lighting up a joint. I held out my hand and grinned at him. He hesitated, and I waved my fingers in a "give it to me" motion. He huffed and handed it to me. I clicked my tongue, "Thanks sweetie."

Meanwhile, Jade answered Charlie's question. "Almost everyday. I have training regimes set up every week by my trainers to fill any gaps in skills."

"Fairly dedicated to your art then?" He guessed.

She nodded. He wiped a little condensation off of the edge of the bottle, then rubbed his fingers together, "You travel?"

"Pretty often, yeah. More times than not it's to go to a specialized trainer to work on a certain skill."

"Has little Mikey ever traveled? Ever left the deserts of California to see snow in the winter?"

"As far as I know, he's never been far out of the Valley."

He watched the smoke flow out of my mouth and up toward the ceiling, "Then give the kid the best birthday party he could ever want, take Steven out of the equation, and go somewhere nice for the winter. I think it'd be in your best interest to get the hell outta dodge before those loyal to him figure things out. There will be reprisals, and I doubt you'll want to be around for that."

"And Tori?" I looked at him, "If you'd like, I can get some of your favorite as a sort of...payment."

I thought about it a moment, "How much is he worth to you?"

Charlie stared at me for a few seconds, then spoke, "How's a quarter million sound?"

I licked my lips, glanced at Jade, then back at him, "I'll get back to you on that."

He nodded, "Sure. That was all I needed from you."

I gave the remainder of the joint to Andy, which was barely more than the filter now, and stood up. Jade was right behind me as I walked out of the house, but when I glanced back halfway across the yard, she was still in the doorway as Charlie whispered something in her ear as his eyes were on me. He then closed the door after her, and she met me by the car. I handed her the keys and got in the passenger seat. As she sat down in the driver's seat, I looked at her with my eyebrows raised. She knew what I wanted, but just shook her head.

I blinked a few times, my mind cloudy. I reached out and held her hand after she started the car. I held it the entire drive back to her house, and neither of us spoke. Just as we walked in the small entry hall, I grabbed her arm. She looked at me, and I told her, "I have to be honest with you."

A single raised eyebrow was her only answer. I looked down at the floor, then forced myself to look at her as I mumbled shamefully, "When we went to get my stuff from my apartment, I brought back a small bag of my favorite pills."

I couldn't read her expression at all. It was entirely blank. She nodded, turned, and walked down the hallway toward the stairs. Even though she never said anything, I knew she expected me to follow her. She stopped at the door to the guest bedroom I stayed in. I opened the door and walked over to the nightstand. I picked up the book I'd finished a few days prior, opened to the split pages, and pulled out the baggie of pink pills. I closed the book and handed the bag to her.

"So..." She looked at the contents of the bag, turning over a couple times as if to get a good view of them, "You'd take these...and then what?"

"I'd wait anywhere from two to fifteen minutes, the high would kick in, my brain would almost feel like it's full of concrete, but in a sort of good way."

She raised an eyebrow, "What then?"

I put my hands in my pockets, "With those, the main side effects are being hornier than all hell and losing the majority or all of the memories from the time the high kicked in to the time it wore off, depending on how much I took. Plus, if I do it right, they can produce some pretty wicked hallucinations. They're better when they're good."

"So you'd take these, have sex, then forget anything ever happened?"

My cheeks burned with shame at her question. I just nodded slowly, "More times than not. I'd remember bits and pieces if I didn't take much, but that would also make the hallucinations a little more cloudy. The more I took, the clearer they'd be, and sometimes it was pretty easy to control them."

"Why did you bring them back?"

The way she looked at me with her few inches of height advantage over me made me feel like a scolded child. I tried not to focus on the intensity in her eyes. "I guess I just didn't want to give it up."

She stayed silent for a few seconds, then turned and walked toward the door, "Come on."

I followed her to her room, and she didn't speak until she had closed the door, "Guest bedroom isn't very soundproof."

I figured one of two things would happen; she'd either scream at me so loud that she'd wake up everyone if the room weren't soundproof, or she'd make _me_ scream so loud that I'd wake up everyone. Part of me hoped it was the latter, but the other part of me knew better. She turned around to face me, and it took every bit of willpower I had not to crumble under her gaze.

She spoke with an eerily calm voice that chilled my blood. "I doubt I have to explain to you why I don't _ever_ want drugs in my house. In case I do, I'll tell you. I have an almost five year old brother who has absolutely no business being around any of this shady shit. I have a career in professional mixed martial arts, which means if I am in any way caught with drugs, I'll most likely lose my job, and all of my dreams will come crashing down around me. I love you, but I _will not_ risk everything I've worked so hard for just so you can feed your habits. I stayed quiet as you smoked your joint because I can respect the fact that you're not in the best state of mind to be dealing with all of this, but that's all I'm willing to tolerate." She handed the bag to me and crossed her arms, "It's your choice. I'm not going to force you either way, but you need to understand, your choice is final."

Somehow, the fact she never even slightly raised her voice unnerved me even more. I knew she was serious, and I knew she'd stay true to her word. I could see my choices clearly.

If I chose the drugs, I'd be diving head first back into hell, but I'd still have my highs and my feelings of immortality.

If I chose her, I'd have to learn to face the world without an easy escape from it all, but I'd have her and the safety of her life.

I looked back and forth between her and the bag of pills. Twenty-seven pills, approximately eight nights of getting high. I sighed and allowed my eyes to focus on hers. She stayed still and calm, offering no attempt to sway me either way. In the back of my mind I knew this discipline of hers that allowed her to stay completely calm for such a long period of time would cause some grief in the future.

I opened up the bag, walked over to the bathroom, dumped every single pill into the toilet, and flushed it. I couldn't help but frown as I watched them disappear. I sighed and closed my eyes. I felt Jade's arms wind around my waist as she pulled me closer to her. I leaned against her and tried to focus on anything other than how terrified I was.

"As much as I want to," she mumbled, "_I _don't intend on killing Steven."

The way she said it made it sound like she wouldn't be the one to kill him, but someone else would. "What do you plan on doing then?"

She didn't offer much of an explanation, "I guess you'll find out."

I sighed, "You scare me."

Her laughter didn't help the matter any, but I could hear the amusement in her voice, "I know."

* * *

**A/N: Dear oh dear, what could she be planning? I guess we'll find out when Tori does.**


	28. Power

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

**********A/N: I couldn't quite find the right words to make this as long as the chapters usually are, and I figured I'd put it off long enough.  
**********

* * *

A bright light and a sort of heat on my face was what I woke up to. I opened my eyes slowly and blinked a few times, trying to block out the sunlight in my face. I rolled over to allow my eyes to adjust to the brightness. Jade was gone, as was her phone, which had been sitting on the nightstand. Due to a lack of any sort of alarm clock or even just a clock, I had no idea what time it was. I groaned and stretched and managed to drag myself out of bed. Despite the sun assaulting my eyes first thing after I woke up, I could see how Jade thought it was more calming to be woken up by the sun rather than an alarm clock.

Since we had already moved most of my stuff from the guest bedroom into Jade's, I grabbed some clean clothes from her – rather enormous – walk in closet so I could shower. About a half hour later, after I'd showered, gotten dressed, put on makeup, and mostly dried my hair, I left the bedroom and went downstairs. It was only as I was about halfway down the stairs that I remembered today was Mikey's birthday, and Jade's family would be coming.

"Look who finally decided to get out of bed!" Cat called out as I entered the kitchen.

"Bite me," I mumbled.

She grinned and pointed to the counter, "That's Jade's job. Anyway, she got your new phone this morning."

I picked it up and saw it was the same as hers, only white instead of black. I looked back up at Cat, "Where is she anyway?"

"She went to meet her dad at the airport. I think her aunt will be here in like, 15 or 20 minutes."

I sighed and sat on one of the bar stools, "I'm a little scared to see them again. Part of me feels like I shouldn't even be here."

She sat down next to me, "Well, I've got no relation to Mikey in any way shape or form, but you can bet your ass I'm staying anyway. Besides, if her family is as great as you made them out to be, I'm sure they'd be thrilled to see you, regardless of what's happened in the past. I mean, my guess is they'd only have a problem with you if Jade did, and that doesn't really seem to be the case."

I huffed. Cat patted my back, "Don't think about it too much, you might hurt yourself."

I snorted and shook my head. About 15 minutes later, I was sitting at the island with Cat watching Andre cut up some vegetables when Cujo started barking just before there was a knock at the door. Beck and Randy both left the kitchen, and a moment later, I heard Alyssa's voice, but couldn't hear what she was saying over the music Randy had turned on. Beck came back into the kitchen carrying a few bags, Alyssa had a rectangular box, and Olivia was empty-handed.

Olivia noticed me first and immediately smiled, holding out her arms. I stood up and gave her a hug. "Look at you! All grown up now!"

"Time tends to do that," I responded before I really thought it through.

She just laughed, "I'm glad to see your sense of humor hasn't changed any."

Alyssa set the box down on the counter and hugged me as well, "I'm so glad to see you, Tori."

I smiled, "You too."

The two offered greetings to Cat and Andre just before Randy entered the kitchen and said, "We got all of those boxes inside, so that should be everything."

"Thank you, Randy. Mother and daddy should be here in a few minutes, they'll probably have a few things as well," Olivia told him.

He looked at Alyssa, "How did the cake turn out?"

She seemed proud, "I think it looks perfect. I made it just how he asked me to."

"What did he want?" I asked.

Randy seemed amused, "When she called, she asked Mikey if he had a favorite superhero or anything that he wanted the cake to resemble. He said he did have a favorite superhero, so she asked who it was. I'll just show you," He lifted the lid of the box off to show us the cake.

It was two-tiered, the icing black with white stripes in a cage pattern around the bottom edge. Drawn in red and blue icing was the SFC logo on the top of the first tier, as well as _Happy Birthday Mikey_ written in the same font, and on the very top of the cake, there was a pure black panther figurine coiled in a hunting stance.

"If you were ever curious who his favorite superhero was," Randy said as he leaned on the counter and crossed his arms.

Cat let out an "aww", and I just smiled, "That's adorable."

"Jade doesn't know yet, we were going to surprise her," Alyssa told us.

I glanced over as Alyssa's three kids walked into the kitchen. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Cat giving a weird look to one of them, though I didn't realize which one until Chloe gave her the same look. They both seemed unsure of the other, and it was enough to draw the attention of a few others in the room.

"You..." Chloe paused, "You were were that girl that got like, the first perfect score Mrs. Lewis ever gave out, weren't you?"

A smile slowly spread across Cat's face, "I knew you looked familiar."

Chloe looked at her mother, "You remember how I was talking to you about that project we did last year where we had to do a complete makeover based on a single word, and how there was one girl who got the first perfect score the teacher had given out in her 15 years of teaching? That'd be her."

Cat almost seemed embarrassed. I nudged her, "So what was your word?"

"Power."

"I have to admit, it tripped me up. When I think of power, I think of expensive clothing, top of the line stuff, you know, things that would show your stature."

"I guess when I thought of power, stature took a back seat in favor of attributes like confidence, intelligence, and practicality. You don't get to the top of the food chain by having money or influence."

As she described what the felt power meant, I couldn't help but think what she described sounded like Jade. I could definitely see where she was coming from in how she felt about the word.

Cujo began barking once more, his tail loudly hitting the walls as he almost danced around the door leading to the garage. Randy picked out a piece of bell pepper Andre had already cut up, "His human is back."

The door opened and Mikey ran inside, with Jade's father close behind him. He slowed down a bit as he walked into the kitchen and saw so many people he'd never seen before, but climbed up onto a bar stool and looked at his cake with a huge smile on his face.

"You did an excellent job on the cake, Alyssa," Mr. West praised her.

She smiled, "Thank you, Adam, I'm pretty proud of it."

Jade walked inside a moment later as Cujo danced around her feet, nudging her hands with his nose and rubbing himself on her legs. The first thing it seemed she noticed was Mikey sitting at the island, and of course, she noticed the cake right after. She stopped walking, and just stared at it, as if she didn't know what to make of it. Her aunt left little room for questions.

"He wanted the cake to be based on his favorite superhero."

"It's you, Jay!" Mikey exclaimed, the radiant smile still on his face.

Jade finally smiled and messed up his hair. I could see she was trying to hide just how emotional it made her. "I do like that panther though, that's pretty cool."

"Isn't it? It's not edible, but it still looks pretty neat," Alyssa told her.

There was another knock on the front door, and someone who was already in the living room opened up the door. Alyssa looked back, "Is that mom and dad?"

Mr. West stepped back to look and shook his head, "No, that'd be Mr. and Mrs. Davis."

Mikey jumped down from his bar stool and ran to greet them. At the odd looks, Jade simply said, "Just because his father is a piece of shit doesn't mean everyone in his family is. Mikey loves them."

45 minutes or so passed as Mikey got to know the family he was never allowed to meet, and his paternal grandparents got to know the rest of the family. As many people as there were, I noticed one person in particular was absent. I found Randy where he was sitting atop the railing along the edge of the deck watching the family play in the yard.

"So where's Nate?"

"Should be here soon. Jade mentioned he'd be a bit late. Had to get his present ready."

I stood next to him and watched as Mikey begged and pleaded for Jade to "make him tall", and she eventually caved.

"Remember you have to stay still. Are you ready?" He nodded enthusiastically.

She picked him up and put him on her shoulders, then grabbed his feet and pushed him upward so he was standing on her hands. While those that had seen just how strong and fast Jade was were simply amused at the display, those who weren't completely aware let out a few different variations of "oh dear." I think the smile on his face put them a little more at ease.

Randy pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked it, "Guess Nate's here." He hopped down and walked over to Jade to tell her. She quickly let him down and said, "One of your presents just got here, do you wanna know what it is?"

He nodded enthusiastically. "Alright, close your eyes and we'll bring it out."

Mikey closed his eyes and Jade jogged back inside to meet Nate. Randy knelt down to Mikey's height and asked, "Can you see anything? Are you peeking?"

"No!" Mikey immediately responded.

Randy held up one finger, "Okay how many fingers am I holding up?"

"12?"

"I don't even have 12 fingers, you loon!"

Mikey giggled and began jumping up and down, "Can I open my eyes yet?"

"Patience."

I looked back at the house just as Jade and Nate were walking back outside. In Nate's arms was a little German Shepherd puppy. A few people covered their mouths, most likely to keep from letting out a loud "aww." I just smiled as Nate crouched down and said, "Alright little buddy, you can look."

Mikey put his hands down at looked at Nate, then down at the puppy he was holding. He smiled widely, but seemed hesitant as he reached out to pet the dog. The puppy licked his hand, and he patted its head. "It's soft."

Nate smiled back at him, "He's two months old, just a little guy. He's yours if you want him."

He looked at Jade with an adorably hopeful expression, "Can I?"

"He's yours, little man."

"Here, sit down," Nate told him. He immediately sat down in the grass, and Nathan put the puppy down. He sniffed Mikey for a few seconds, licked his hand, then climbed into his lap and laid down. Mikey seemed too shocked to do anything other than smile and occasionally run his hand over the dog's fur.

"What are you gonna name him?"

"What's this all about?" I whispered to Randy.

He smiled a bit and shrugged, "She's hoping this dog will do the same for him as Cujo did for her."

"What do you mean?"

Randy just shook his head, "You'll find out eventually."

I wasn't entirely sure if he meant it to sound cryptic, or if that was just the way he said things, but I was curious as to what he was talking about either way. I saw Jade was standing a ways back with a small smile on her face, Cujo sitting by her side looking anxious, his tail wagging furiously, but he stayed put. After trying, and unsuccessfully, trying to get a name out of the kid, Nate suggested they let Cujo meet the little guy. He picked up the puppy and set him on the ground.

Jade said something to Cujo that I didn't hear, and at the speed of light he ran over to the puppy. I was a little impressed how much confidence she had in her dog to stay back about ten feet or so and trust he wouldn't try anything on the little one. As soon as he got to the puppy, he laid down in the grass, as if he wanted to get to his height, and sniffed him. The puppy showed the first spark of playfulness and started barking while running around Cujo as fast as his little legs could carry him.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Olivia walk over to Jade and whisper something to her. She didn't say anything back, but just nodded.

Hours later, after Mikey had been introduced to everyone that he hadn't met yet and opened all of his presents, most people were packing up to leave. His grandparents had already exchanged phone numbers after talking about taking a trip to the San Francisco botanical gardens. Cat and Chloe had also gotten each others' numbers, vowing to go shopping sometime. The two Jacobs had spent quite a bit of time in the basement with Randy in Jade, since both were pretty into MMA and wanted to see her setup. The only person I noticed who didn't seem to be talking to someone constantly was Amelia, and while noticing this, I could see her looking at me quite a lot. I wasn't entirely sure if I wanted to know why.

Still, as most people were preoccupied, she approached me as I was just watching everyone from the corner of the room while sipping a beer.

She immediately seemed a little scared to talk to me, "Hey...so, do you think you could help me with something?"

I raised an eyebrow, "Depends what it is."

"Well, I'm doing a project for school about drug addiction. What causes it, what the consequences are, what it's like...things like that."

It wasn't hard to guess what she wanted from me. "And you want me to fill in those blanks?"

Amelia just sort of smiled sheepishly. The first thing I thought when I saw that smile was that it looked exactly like the smile Jade used to give me when she knew she did something wrong. I shook my head.

"When is this project due?"

She bit her lip, "It's supposed to be some big deal for a final grade. We were supposed to work on a whole essay and presentation for the end of the year, we got our assignments a week or so ago."

I nodded, "Alright, well, since we're in the middle of a pretty nasty shit storm right now, and I kind of have to focus on not going to jail for my drug problems, if you can fill in everything else in the meantime, I'll answer any questions you have when this is over. Sound good?"

She nodded enthusiastically, "Thank you so much Tori."

Amelia walked off toward the direction of her mother. I had tried to stay on the sidelines as everyone gave each other hugs as they prepared to leave, but eventually, Olivia walked up to me and said the same thing she did ten years ago.

"You may not be blood, but you're still family." I smiled and she gave me a hug. Jade's grandparents also gave me hugs, with her grandma commenting on how beautiful I was.

I'd be lying if I said the compliment didn't make me blush.

After everyone had left, Jade told Mikey it was time to go to bed, so he and his puppy, who was eventually named Ace, followed her upstairs. I came up a few minutes later to see Jade still standing outside his door. I stopped next to her and looked over her shoulder. Ace was already asleep on a dog bed in the corner, and Mikey was asleep in his bed as he held onto a stuffed animal. It was only after looking closely that I realized the stuffed animal was a panther.

"He says I'm his superhero," she whispered.

"You're mine, too," I told her as I wrapped my arms around her.

She sighed, "I'm not a superhero. I don't have any special powers, I'm just a human."

"Yeah...well, so is Batman."

She smiled a bit but shook her head.

"Superheroes don't always have powers," I mumbled, running my fingers through her hair, "They just save you. You saved him from always being afraid of someone he was supposed to trust, you made him feel safe and loved. You did the same for me. Don't ever think that what you did wasn't a big deal. You made a difference, you changed the way both of us saw the world. It means more than you'll ever know."

* * *

**A/N: If you hadn't already noticed, I couldn't help but toss in three different Batman references in this story. I actually didn't notice all three until I was proofreading...but still. This chapter was a little lighter as a sort of security blanket for the chapters to come.**


	29. Game Over

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

****A/N: I had to rewrite most of this, so it took a little longer than usual, but here it is! I hope you guys enjoy, and the next chapter will be out very soon.  
****

* * *

It was a four days after Mikey's birthday when things started to get worse.

I was lounging in the living room reading a book, while Cat was working on her laptop, and Mikey was watching cartoons. Jade and Randy had been having lots of "private" conversations for a few days, but especially that day. It was getting late and was already dark outside when there was a knock on the front door. Jade rushed in from the kitchen and went outside without hesitation. It was only about thirty seconds until she came back inside and went back to the kitchen, where Randy was.

I glanced at Cat, who seemed confused as well. "What that was about?"

She shrugged, "Hell if I know."

It seemed calm for a day or so after that, but Jade still didn't talk to anyone but Randy much at all. She seemed dismissive of most everyone else and generally in a sour mood. I was starting to get scared, worried in spite of myself that she was beginning to regret letting me back into her life. As much as I tried to ignore it and continue with my life, it became glaringly obvious that there wasn't much else to my life, so there wasn't a whole lot to distract me. I'd talked to Cat about it quite a bit, and we were both stumped.

One night, after a full day of the same old sour mood, I was lying in bed reading when she came in the room. I watched as she got ready for bed. I picked my phone up off of the nightstand and sent a text to Cat.

_**Still in a bad mood...think I should talk to her?**_

A minute or so later, her reply came through.

_**Go for it. Nothing will change if you don't. I asked Beck, he's got no idea**_

I put my book and phone down and stood up. By the look on her face, I could see she was lost in her own thoughts. I just hoped the same tactics I used years ago to calm her down still worked. I hesitated until she seemed to stop and think about something. I grabbed her arm and pulled her into a hug. She resisted at first, but quickly relaxed into the hug.

"Do you wanna tell me what's been bothering you or would you like me to continue worrying?"

She sighed. I realized then that even her sigh sounded exhausted. "I didn't mean to make you worry."

I stood back a little, "I had it stuck in my mind that you were regretting being in a relationship with me again or something."

It was then that a perfect storm of several factors collided to make it so there was nothing I could do to stop all of my worries and fears tumbling out at once, and her neither having the words nor the strength to stop me herself.

"I know this is a situation you never wanted to be in. I never wanted to put you in this position. When Cat first came to me and told me that she essentially had a way for me to reunite with someone I loved so much, you don't understand how badly I wanted to tell her no. I wanted to forget she ever told me, stop talking to her, and stay away from you. I didn't want to put you through this, you never deserved any of it. I still have these thoughts in my head that things would be so much better if I was back in my shitty apartment with bruises on my skin and heroin in my veins. You'd be here, taking care of your brother who needs you, and working on the dreams you've always had. I didn't want you in the middle of this. I knew it would happen but I still couldn't stay away from you. It was stupid, and I was such an idiot, but Cat's words gave me a taste of what I had tried so hard to forget, and I couldn't control myself. I'm so sorry, Jade. I never wanted to do this to you."

She was caught off guard, and to be completely honest, I was too. From the look on her face, it took her a few seconds to even process everything that had just come out of my mouth. She ran her fingers through her hair and almost laughed as she held up a hand, "Okay, let's get one thing straight right now. If you had gone through with what you originally wanted to and just declined Cat's offer, I would have found out about you anyway, and I would have tracked you down myself. Alright? This isn't all on you. I'm a fucking idiot in this situation too, but at least we can be idiots together, hey?" Jade shook her head and gestured with her hands as she spoke, "Listen, this whole thing is a big fucking mistake, okay? It's stupid as all hell for me to get into this kind of situation when I have so much to lose."

I rubbed my eyes to try to keep the tears away, "I know this is stupid. I know it's a mistake, but I just hope the mistake is worth it."

"Worth it? If you weren't worth it, I never would've let you live with me in the first place. You're worth risking my life and career for, though as long as I have my way, which I usually do, I'll keep my life, career, and you. I'm sorry for being distant and just a general bitch lately, but my mind has been all over the place trying to figure things out and bring everything together." She continued on getting ready for bed as she told me, "Speaking of which, we're leaving after dinner tomorrow night."

I could swear I was getting whiplash just from our conversation. "What? Where are we going?"

"Nevada."

I ran my fingers through my hair and walked back over to the bed to lay down, "For what reason in particular?"

"Where's your sense of adventure?" She asked as she began to change clothes.

I shamelessly watched every move she made as I told her, "Kind of disappeared when I stopped being a drifter."

She walked back and forth from the bathroom to the closet in only a bra and panties, but I definitely wasn't complaining. "You were a drifter?"

I nodded and leaned back into the incredibly soft pillows, "Yeah. I only really moved back to LA about a year ago. I was all over the country, really." I closed my eyes, simply because I was becoming exhausted, as much as I wanted to continue to stare at her like a creep. "All the big cities. Spent most of my time on the east coast. Chicago, New York City, Brooklyn, Boston, Atlantic City, Jersey City, Miami..."

"What was your favorite?"

"New York, by far. Aspiring Broadway actors and singers, people from all walks of life. Shit, with all the diversity, abnormal is the new normal. You'd be surprised just how many big shots over there have a soft spot for drugs."

"I doubt it."

I chuckled, "It's true, what they say. That city never fuckin' sleeps. Everywhere you go, taxis, street performers, bright lights. Everywhere. Any time of day. Did you know that with all the restaurants and shit there that you can eat somewhere new every day and never visit the same place twice?"

"Sounds pretty cool. I've never actually been there."

"Doesn't your dad live there?"

"Yeah," she mumbled, "He's always come here to visit though."

I smiled as I remembered a particularly funny incident, "There was one time, I was out with a friend and we'd been bar hopping all night, ended up on the subway at like, four or five in the morning. No idea where we were or how to get back to our hotel. Asked three different police officers, nothing. Asked one homeless guy, told us exactly where we were and exactly where to go. That's where I learned a big life lesson, if you're ever lost in a big city, just ask the homeless people. They know their shit."

"I guess I never thought about that."

"The projects of New York were fuckin' crazy. Worse than Florence, if you could believe such a thing. Not as many gangs, but you can bet your ass anyone's ready to pop a cap in your ass, Marcellus Wallace style."

"Why'd you go there?"

I shrugged and slid under the blankets, "Well, when you don't really have a home, you go wherever the life is. I remember driving from Tampa to New Orleans in just one night with a couple people just cause we were all sick of the city."

"Seems like you had friends wherever you went."

"Not really. It's just sort of a mutual understanding between drifters that none of you really have a home, so you stick together. Things are always easier when you aren't alone."

"Did you ever keep in contact with any of them?"

"A few. I had the numbers of a couple, but I've lost them over the years. One came to LA with me when I moved back from Atlantic City."

"What happened to them?"

"I ended up giving her a hotshot and killing her."

She was silent for a few seconds before finally muttering, "Sorry."

I shook my head and rolled over onto my side to see her coming out of the bathroom. "You didn't know it was her."

"It still kind of sucks that it happened."

"Shit happens. Sooner or later Steven will pay for what he did to her."

She glanced over, "My guess is that it'll be sooner, rather than later."

I rested my head on my hand, "What makes you think that?"

"I've got a few tricks up my sleeve."

"But you're naked."

She looked down, "I've got underwear on, it's fine. Anyway, the sleeves are metaphorical. The plans, however, aren't."

"Can I ask what these plans are?"

"You ever heard the saying that two people can keep a secret if one of them is dead?"

I smiled, "Yes, often, actually. But I don't think that applies here because I'm fairly certain Randy knows your plan and I doubt you'll ever kill me."

"Well, yeah, he's been helping me get everything ready. But you're right, I'd never kill you." She slid into bed next to me and pulled me into her arms. "I'd never even hurt you. Everything will be okay."

I laid my head on her shoulder, "How do you know?"

"If there's one thing I've learned, it's that you have to change your entire arsenal depending on the opponent you're facing. A lot of the time, in my fights, it all comes down to being stronger and faster. Sometimes, I just have to wear them down, other times, I have to outsmart them. In the case of Steven, I just have to be faster, smarter, and have more patience than he does. Think of me as a predator lying in wait for my prey."

I smiled a bit, "I still find it amusing that there was a time when you denied the resemblance you had to a panther."

"The idea grew on me."

"You just accepted the truth."

She just grunted.

* * *

I was pretty certain that Mikey was the happiest he'd ever been in his life as he was surrounded by eight playful dogs. The smile on his face was contagious to anyone who looked at him. Cat and I both tried to focus more on him, rather than the battle plans going on in the kitchen. Neither of us could really keep up with the terminology anyway. We just sat on the railing of the deck, sipped beers, and watched this adorable little kid play with a bunch of dogs.

"You know," Cat held the bottle in her lap, "As happy as this kid seems, I find it a little funny that the entire reason these dogs are here is to guard this house like it's fuckin' Fort Knox."

I jerked my thumb back toward the house, "With the fifteen professional fighters inside, it seems like it's a little higher security than that."

"Do you have any idea what they're actually planning?"

I shrugged, "All Jade told me is that we're making a straight trip to Nevada. Henderson, I think."

"Isn't that like a few miles outside of Vegas?" I nodded. "So their plan is to beat the drug lord with prostitutes and casinos?"

"That could be what they're planning, for all I know. I guess I'm just trusting that with all this insanity, Jade knows what she's getting into."

She ran her fingers through her hair, "Beck mentioned something about Steven tracking Jade. Like, on purpose. I wonder if she's trying to lead him out into the sticks to beat him to a bloody pulp. Maybe wrestle a bear while she's out there just for giggles."

I laughed, "I could see her doing that. Though to be honest, I can't see Steven running into that sort of situation by himself, or even doing it himself at all."

"It's kind of scary when you stop to realize this is kind of the final showdown. Someone's going down tonight, I guess it's just a matter of who."

I nodded and looked beyond the yard to the city, where we could see the sun starting to set in the distance, "I'm blind as a fuckin' bat in this situation, I just hope Jade can see well enough for the both of us."

"Just got to remember, she makes a career out of predicting her opponents moves."

"Scares the shit out me sometimes," I muttered around the rim of my beer.

The door opened behind us, and Jade called out, "Come on, babe, we've got to head out."

Cat got up with me and hugged me, "Promise me you won't die."

"I fuckin' hope not," I laughed.

I walked toward Jade to see she just had an amused smile on her face. "You're the only person I know who would smile in a situation like this."

"I can still appreciate you being cute, can't I?" She teased. "It doesn't really matter anyway, I can already taste victory."

"You're pretty confident in this plan of yours, aren't you?" I asked as I walked inside.

Jade smirked, "I'd say at this point, the odds are 80-20. So yeah, I'm pretty confident."

I grabbed another beer out of the fridge and wove my way through the several very large men toward the garage. As we got in the car, I told her, "I've honestly never felt that short, but my god."

She laughed and started up the car, "Those guys make _me_ seem short, and I'm not short."

"You're not that tall, I only have to stand on my tippy-toes to kiss you."

"Thank god we can put that step ladder away," she deadpanned.

It was beginning to get pretty dark outside when we got out of the neighborhood. "So were you ever going on telling me what your plan was? Or was I just going to be along for the ride and hope for the best?"

At a stoplight, she pulled her phone out of her pocket and set it up on the windshield holder. After she'd started some music, she took off her watch, changed the display screen on it, and handed it to me. It just seemed to show a small map, with a dot for where we were, and a dot just south of downtown. I glanced at her, "What's this supposed to mean?"

She pointed at where we were, then at the other dot, "This is us. This watch has a tracker in it, and Steven's tracking us."

"Have you lost your goddamn mind?"

"No. Well, not yet anyway. See, he's tracking us, and I'm tracking him, but he doesn't know that."

I scratched my head, "So...what does this mean?"

"I...employed…someone close to him to put a tracker in something he kept with him all the time, while also giving him something to track me, and tipping him off that we were leaving town – alone. The tip only got to him about 20 minutes ago, which means he didn't have time to scrounge together a decent army to follow us without risking losing the trail. At best, he's got two or three lackeys with him. I'm tracking him to make sure he follows, while also making sure he'll be right behind us every step of the way."

I knew from experience that the only thing that would change a man's loyalty in the gang was the offer of money or power. In the case of money, lots of it. Even though she'd explained most of her plan, it still left more questions than answers. "I don't even know what to ask at this point. I'm still confused as fuck."

She smirked and put the watch back on, "All your questions will be answered by the end of the night. For now, just relax, we've got a long drive ahead."

I did as she said and relaxed, and soon enough, fell asleep. By the time I woke up, it was pitch black outside, and we seemed to be driving on a deserted road, the only lights coming from Jade's headlights. She had one hand on the wheel, the other using her phone, and she seemed to pay little to no attention to the road. I stretched and yawned, "Where are we?"

"Last sign I saw was Sloan, so we're pretty close now."

"Damn, I was asleep a long time," I mumbled.

She just sort of grinned, "You're cute when you sleep."

I couldn't help but blush. "Can I ask you something?"

"Other than what you just asked?" I frowned. "Go ahead."

I stretched my arms out again, "When you gave Mikey the puppy, Randy told me that the reason you did was because you were hoping he'd do the same for him as Cujo did for you. What did he mean?"

She put her phone down and looked out at the road ahead. "Just before I got Cujo, I ran into a lot of trouble. I wasn't doing very well mentally, and it got bad enough that Randy eventually broke down and called my dad, begging him to help."

I bit my lip as I remembered a conversation we had some number of weeks ago. I had made a spur of the moment comment about how she didn't understand addiction. "You told me you understood addiction more than I knew. That had something to do with it, didn't it?"

"I had gone to a psychiatrist about a year and a half after my mom died, mostly because Randy had pulled enough strings to make it so I couldn't train anywhere until I did. Long story short, the doc gave me a couple different medications that I eventually ended up abusing pretty badly. There was one that completely shut down all of my emotions for a while, and another I'd take before bed for sleep, but it wasn't long until I figured out that it made me higher than a fuckin' kite, and I was addicted within only two or three days."

She paused and took a deep breath before continuing. "I managed to hide it enough to keep getting refills from the doctor. He was careless, and didn't realize that the one was only supposed to be short term, and I ended up taking it for almost two years, abusing it the entire time. Randy noticed the change in my mood first. I stopped caring, I was out of it, I actually showed up to the gym high one morning, though I was pretty good at hiding it that time, claiming I was just feeling sick. Once I turned 21, I began drinking. It got worse and worse over the next few months, increasingly bad as I began mixing the alcohol with these medicines. I think the final straw for Randy was when I was especially sloppy during training one day, so he picked up my water bottle and sniffed it and realized I'd filled it with alcohol. He didn't say anything, but that night, while off my face on those medications, I walked to his room. To be completely honest, I don't remember why I did it, and it was almost like I couldn't do anything, like someone was manipulating my body for me. I looked at him and I told him, I still remember the exact words, I said, "Randy, I think I've lost my mind. I need help. I'm scared. Don't let me die. I don't want to die." He looked at me, just fuckin' baffled, and finally asked me what I was talking about, but I just turned around and walked back to my room."

Jade ran her fingers through her hair. "He called my dad the next morning. Just before I was about to take the medication again, my dad called me. To this day I'm pretty sure the only people who actually know what he said to me that night is him and I. His words really got to me, and after I got off the phone with him, I took all of the medication I had and gave it to Randy. He got rid of it all, and there was a period of about six to eight months where we had no alcohol in the house, and he kept the few medications we had left in a locked box. The withdrawal I had from those drugs kicked my fucking ass. I was in so much pain, couldn't sleep, couldn't function for at least a week, but it didn't really calm down completely until about three weeks later. I'll tell you, insomnia is one of the worst things a professional fighter can face in terms of health. Because of all that shit, I nearly lost two fights. I think the only thing that actually kept me on top was my mind – being able to predict and outsmart my opponents. Obviously broken bones, torn ligaments, shit like that is worse, but mentally? Insomnia fucking breaks you down."

"You don't have to tell me that. Insomnia and I have been very well acquainted throughout the years."

She reached over and took my hand, rubbing the back of it with her thumb. "For a while I still had urges to get back on the medications, especially during the withdrawal period. Randy eventually started giving me another medication, limit of twice a day, and only as long as the withdrawal continued. It worked wonders, and if you're curious, it's what we gave you, too. But he always told me to call my dad if the urges got bad, because he and I both knew one conversation with my dad would make them go away. After I started to get better, Nate came to visit and brought this tiny little pit bull puppy. He told me he was the last of his litter, and nobody wanted him because he was so small and weak. He said that the puppy needed help, and so did I. I helped that little puppy get through the hard times in his life, and he helped me through mine. I don't think I'd be where I am now without him. I know Mikey is having a hard time, losing both of his parents, and I'm just hoping Ace will help him through everything like Cujo did for me."

"I didn't realize that's where he came from. I just thought you got him from Nate just as company."

"No, Nate just wanted to help me. Cujo turned out just fine, and so did I, so I guess everything worked out the way it was supposed to."

The deserted street faded into the city as we passed Paradise and approached Henderson. From the map on my phone, I could see Jade was heading toward a wooded area only about five minutes away. It was just past midnight now. I glanced at Jade's watch to see the other dot just behind us. Jade sped up and stopped in an empty parking lot on the edge of the woods. We were in the middle of nowhere, the only light from a single streetlight a few yards away, and surrounded by woods on all sides. She turned the car off and looked at me intensely, "I need you to listen to me. Whatever you do, stay behind me. No matter what, okay?"

"Why?" I couldn't help but ask.

"Because if this goes south, I need to make sure you're okay. Please, trust me."

My confidence was crumbling, but it didn't seem like hers was. "I'm scared, Jade."

She leaned over and kissed me, hard. "I love you."

I followed her out of the car where she stopped just behind it and looked toward the way we came in. Just a few seconds later, a car pulled in. It came to a stop between us and the woods, and three men got out. Steven was one of them.

They slammed the car doors shut and gave us shit-eating grins. Steven was the first to speak as he leaned on the side of the car and crossed his arms, "So this was your plan all along, huh West? Just run away? You're an idiot if you think I'd let you get away just like that. I guess you never thought I'd track you this far, did you?"

I found it a bit strange that he didn't comment on how odd it was that Jade would just stop in a random dimly lit parking lot, but I couldn't really tell what either one of them were really thinking. All three of them pulled out guns. All three were aimed directly at Jade. Even still, there wasn't a single hint of emotion on Jade's face. She was calm, silent. Her head still high, her eyes still on Steven's. She didn't move a single muscle as she stared him down. I figured she'd either made peace with the fact she was going to die, or she didn't expect him to pull the trigger. It didn't deter him any, and he had his finger on the trigger anyway, as did the other two.

Three guns cocked simultaneously as Steven said, "Game's over, West. You lost. I'm the champion now."


	30. Demons

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

****A/N: Long weekend ahead, so the next update will probably be around Monday.  
****

* * *

Several flashlights lit up from the forest behind them as a booming voice shouted, "LVPD, drop your weapons and put your hands on your head!"

They jumped and turned around quickly. A dozen or so police officers walked slowly out from the woods, all shining flashlights in their faces, and all pointing guns directly at them. The same officer said once more, "Drop your fucking weapons and put your hands on your head."

The two men with Steven did as the officers said and dropped their weapons. Steven didn't. Before I realized what happened, Jade pushed me hard enough that I fell to the ground, and half a second later, there was a gunshot, three more followed immediately after. A single thought thundered through my head.

_He fucking shot her. She's dead._

I heard a man speaking into a radio, "Shots fired, requesting immediate medical assistance."

I managed to look over and see Steven slumped against the car with three bullet wounds scattered in his torso, a pistol hanging limply from his hand. Someone held their hand out to me to help me up, and as much as I expected it to be one of the officers, I realized it was Jade. I stared at her in confusion, my eyes scanning every bit of her that I could see to figure out where she was hit. I didn't see anything. I hesitantly took her hand and stood up, while the officers cuffed the two other guys and tried to figure out if Steven was even alive. One walked up to Jade while holstering his gun and asked, "Are you okay?"

She didn't have a chance to respond before another shouted, "She just dodged a fucking bullet!"

I looked at her in amazement, but she still seemed just as calm as when she was staring down Steven. She actually seemed more concerned with whether or not she hurt me when she pushed me aside than with the fact she had just been shot at.

"Are you okay? I didn't mean to push you that hard," she asked apologetically.

I had no words. She dodges a bullet and then asks _me_ if _I'm_ okay?

"And here I thought every time you went full Matrix and dodged a punch that it was impressive. I'm disappointed we were the only ones to witness that," another called out.

It took about ten minutes for an ambulance to arrive. The officers were doing what they could to keep Steven alive, though just barely. While they loaded him into the ambulance, one of the men pulled Jade aside to get a statement, while another comforted me. The whole slew of emotions that had run through me in only a minute's time really drained me mentally. I finally managed to ask him, "What happened?"

He looked down at me and cleared his throat, "Well, after two of the men dropped their weapons, the other turned around and fired. It was a very well aimed shot, and had she not moved, it would've hit Miss West in the chest, likely killing her. She seemed to anticipate this and pushed you aside then dodged out of the way. Those reflexes of hers are really something."

"Yeah," I mumbled, looking over at her, "They are."

It was hard for me to stomach just how close I came to losing her again. It happened so fast, faster than I could even comprehend. Yet, she managed to do the unthinkable. I wasn't quite sure how to feel.

The ambulance left and soon after, the cops left as well, leaving Jade and I alone in the dark parking lot. She looked over at me and asked again, "Are you okay?"

"You just almost died and you're asking me if I'm okay?"

She shrugged, almost nervously, and muttered, "That doesn't mean I'll stop caring about your safety."

It's official. She's a fucking lunatic. I shook my head and pushed her against the side of the car. I tangled my fingers in her hair as I kissed her. She responded just as passionately as I did, and I felt like, to a certain degree, we were both unsure of what to think or say. I got lost in her, I needed to, I did everything I could to make it so every sense I had was nothing but her. Every other time when I was overwhelmed like this, my solution was to numb the pain with drugs or alcohol. I didn't want that again, I didn't want to lose everything again.

The taste of her lips and the feeling of her hands on my waist made me just as high.

She eventually pulled away and held up a hand, "Hold on, before I forget."

She then ran to the other end of the parking lot and pulled out her phone, using the flashlight to look into the trees. I guess she found what she was looking for and took something out of her pocket and began digging at the tree. A minute or so later, she walked back and held up a bent and almost floral looking bullet, "In case people don't believe me."

I smiled and rolled my eyes, "Let's go home."

The ride home was quiet as Jade held my hand most of the way. I enjoyed the serenity of night time drives with Jade, despite all of the hell we'd just been through. Most of the drive was through dark and deserted roads, open fields and forests for miles. Even though I wasn't even driving, the monotony of the road was making me sleepy. Jade looked exhausted, but kept her eyes open. Two hours eventually passed and Jade stopped in the parking lot of a little diner. Only a few other cars were in the lot, which didn't surprise me, considering it was past three in the morning. She looked over at me, "Food?"

I nodded slowly. We got out of the car and walked into the diner. We sat down in a booth next to the window that looked out to Jade's car, and I looked around to see a couple people at a couple different tables. It was pretty quiet. A man, who could have only been around thirty came to our table. A close look at his face told me he was exhausted and didn't want to be there, but still smiled at us, "Good evening, my name's Trent. What can I get for you ladies to drink?"

"Coffee for me, please," Jade told him.

"Coffee for me as well."

He nodded and left. Jade glanced through the menu and asked, "What are you hungry for?"

I couldn't help but smile at her and say something that I knew sparked a memory for her, "I could go for some chicken strips."

_**Flashback**_

"_I swear if you girls eat any more chicken strips, you'll turn into chickens!"_

_I gave Mrs West a huge smile, "That'd be awesome!"_

_Jade took another big bite of the chicken and raised her arms in a sort of chicken wing way. I just laughed and nudged her, "The transformation is starting!"_

"_Oh dear, I'll have to take your uniform to the alteration shop so it can fit your new chicken body."_

_She swallowed the food and shook her head quickly, "No! I don't want to be a chicken, they can't fly!"_

"_THAT'S your biggest concern?"_

_Jade shrugged and looked at me, "If I must be turned into a bird, I want to be able to fly. Is that too much to ask?"_

_**End of Flashback**_

She smiled and reached over the table to hold my hand. The guy came back and set the cups down for us, "Would either of you like anything to eat?"

"Chicken strips and fries for both of us, please."

"Side of sour cream as well," I added, smiling.

He quickly wrote it down and left. I looked at her, "So, was this what you planned?"

She seemed a bit caught off guard by the question and just looked at me, confused. "Him walking right into that trap...it doesn't seem like him to do this. Being so careless..."

Jade sighed and easily fell into the story, "This wasn't a spur of the moment thing. I didn't just up and decide to lead him right into a trap for no particular reason. I've been planning this for a long time, slowly laying the groundwork for this. Do you remember how I told you that sometimes, to win, you have to focus on the long game?" I nodded. "This is what I was talking about. Every little hiccup in the plan you thought we had? It was all intentional. Beck and Andre both had it in their minds that I was completely oblivious to all that was going on, but in reality, I was in the center of it all. Now that he's in custody, I'm completely fine with saying I played him like a puppet. He did everything I wanted him to, because I gave him all the reason in the world. He thought he was winning, but he was never ahead in the first place."

I couldn't help but furrow my eyebrows, "So everything that's happened since we reunited was...planned?"

She shrugged, "More or less."

"So you planned for him to drug me, get me pregnant, then attempt to kill me with a hotshot?"

There was an odd look on her face at that, as if she could have lived her entire life without ever hearing that sentence. I didn't blame her. "Not necessarily, but I knew it would happen, it was just a matter of when. That's why I prepared in advance."

"What was the purpose of leading him to Nevada for all this? Why not just do it back in LA?"

"James told me he at least has charges in California, Oregon, Nevada, and Arizona, which means, by law, he can be tried and convicted in any one of those states. You see, just a few months ago, California decided the death penalty was unconstitutional, and since Steven is facing more than enough charges for him to be put out for the firing squad, we decided to take him to the nearest place that wouldn't have any issues with giving him the needle and tossing him into the fiery pits of hell where he belongs. Though it probably would've been easier if the cops had shot him dead tonight." She paused, then added, "Plus, his gang doesn't reach as far as Vegas. So he's alone."

"But the backlash Charlie told us about..."

"Won't happen," Jade replied confidently, "See, Steven will throw as many people under the bus as he can to avoid the inevitable. With all of his old associates pissed at him for double crossing them, there won't be any attention on us."

"But why?"

"Why what?"

"Why would you do all this? Go to such great lengths to get him out of the picture?"

She held my hand a little tighter, "I was protecting the people I love. He threatened my friends, my brother, the woman I love. That kind of thing is inexcusable in my book, and he had to pay. He wanted to keep you for himself, but I think you'll find panthers are among the most territorial animals in the world. I lost you once, I'll be damned if I lose you a second time."

A thought occurred to me, and I asked, "That night at the bar, when Deonte attacked us?"

"I had only gotten the tip off after we got there, but I didn't know when or how it would happen, so there wasn't a whole lot I could do. As for talking to Steven directly? I knew exactly who I was talking to, it was just Beck that didn't know."

"They always said they didn't want you to know everything because they thought you'd lose your cool too easily."

She frowned a bit, "Yeah, that kind of offended me a bit. I think you got a pretty good demonstration tonight just how well I'm able to control myself. Trust me, when I really want to, I won't show any emotion at all. I play a pretty damn good statue too."

"I saw that."

"I don't know how many of my fights or weigh-ins or anything you've seen, but on my very first fight, at the weigh-in, the chick was insulting me a _lot_, so afterward, Randy took me to Japan to train with a man that taught me how to control myself better. I won't bore you with the details, but he taught me about controlling my heart rate in stressful situations, which subsequently cuts down on fidgeting, nervous eye movements, and posture that projects any sort of submissiveness." She smirked, "I still remember, on the very last day, to test what I'd learned, he had me meditate in this circle. When I started, I had no idea what he really had in mind, and all he told me was that no matter what, I needed to stay completely calm, stare straight ahead, and not move a single muscle. So I knew he was gonna do something to test me. This guy then went behind me and I heard the flick of a lighter, and the rocks all around me lit on fire. So here I was, literally in a circle of fire, and when I did exactly as he said, he told me that I was ready to face anything life threw at me."

I had to ask, "How close was the fire?"

Jade thought a moment, "Well, at its closest point, the heat actually hurt, so it was pretty close. It wasn't close enough to light my clothes on fire or anything."

I just sort of laughed, "I find it truly amusing how much things have changed in only six years."

"What do you mean?"

"When I dated you the first time, yeah, you were a rich and talented kid. But I just think it's funny how in only six years, you became a millionaire, mastered a plethora of disciplines, became undefeated in your dream career, fell off the deep end into addiction, overcame it, and you're still a fucking amazing person."

She just shrugged and blushed a bit, the exact same way she reacted whenever I complimented her, even years ago. I just snorted, "And still as humble as ever."

"Look, I was born and bred to be humble. My parents never dealt with any ego trips, they shut that shit right down. Yeah, they helped build up my confidence and always made me feel great about myself, but they never let it get to my head. The guys I train with, and that gym, it never matters who the fuck you are. They don't care how much money you have, how much talent you have, how many belts you've got or even what your record is. You put up or shut up every single day, no fucking around."

"So that keeps you grounded?"

Jade just nodded, "Yeah, it does. Don't get me wrong, those guys are the first to tell me how great I am after a good fight or a long day at the gym, but the praise is always earned. There are no handouts."

Trent came back to our table holding two baskets of chicken strips, setting them down in front of us. I looked back at him, "The sour cream?"

He mouthed "fuck" and held up his hands, "I'm sorry, I'll be right back with it."

A minute later, he was back and apologized again, "I'm sorry, it's been a long night."

"Why are you working so late?" Jade asked him.

"I've been working three jobs trying to save up enough to make sure my son has a good Christmas."

"Three jobs? Doesn't his mother have a job?"

He seemed sad and looked as if he had to force himself not to break down, "She's...not with us anymore."

Jade nodded slowly. He didn't realize just how much she sympathized with his situation. She just smiled, "Thank you."

Trent seemed a bit confused, and she clarified, "For being positive in spite of it all. It's what your son needs."

"I'm doing everything I can to make sure he has what he needs."

"Just remember that he still needs you, too, and sometimes that's the best gift you can give him."

He smiled, genuinely, and looked as if he wanted to cry, "You're right."

She nodded and he walked off. I looked at her, but she didn't say anything and began eating. After I'd barely finished my first, she was already finished eating all three and the fries, and was just sitting back sipping her coffee. Trent left the receipt with us and while I ate, Jade got out her credit card and set it on the table, then picked up a napkin and began writing. He came by and grabbed her card, then returned with it a few minutes later.

After I'd finished, I picked up the napkin to read what she wrote.

_I lost my mother when I was 18, she died giving birth to my brother. I wasn't a little kid, but she still meant the world to me. It hurts like hell to lose someone you love, and I'd like to tell you that it gets easier, but it doesn't, you just learn what it's like to live in a world without them. The worst thing you can do is forget about her. Show your son pictures, tell him stories, tell him all about the woman you knew. Keep her alive through memories. Your son is lucky to still have a father that cares so much, just remember that nothing is worth giving up time with someone you love._

_Stay strong, The Panther_

It was incredibly heartfelt, and I knew that she meant every word. I glanced at the receipt and saw she had left a solid hundred-thousand dollar tip. The shock from seeing how easily she'd give away so much quickly dissipated when it occurred to me that she did it because she knew the pain he was feeling. She finished the last of her coffee and stood up, offering her hand to me. I took it and as we left, I realized she was leaving before he found it, before he could refuse it. Just before getting in the car, I glanced back through the window to where we had been sitting to see Trent holding up a piece of paper, a balled up fist over his mouth. His eyes moved to us, to Jade. She smiled at him and then got in the car. Due to how close the car was to the window, I knew he could read her license plate. I wondered just how long it would be until he realized exactly who she was.

I slid into the passenger seat and stayed quiet until we'd gotten back onto the road.

"Why?"

"Nobody deserves to go through something like that and then suffer even more. As much as I piss away money on stupid things, I'd rather give it to people like him. People who give a shit about their kid and would give the world just to see them smile. Mikey deserves a father like him, not that piece of garbage who bailed as soon as things got bad." The reality of everything seemed to slowly set in, and she added, "I almost fucking died tonight. Mikey would've had nobody. Just...in that one second, everything could have been over. Everything could've changed just like that. That man is still alive, his son is still alive, but he had to put aside just how torn up he was inside to worry about money just so his son didn't suffer any more than he already had to. That kind of selflessness is what we need more of in the world."

I didn't ask anymore questions. I could almost hear all of the thoughts raging through her head. I just watched the monotony of the roads for the next two hours. As we entered Los Angeles, it made me think of the busy streets of downtown Manhattan. I was glad to see familiar scenery, and after another twenty minutes or so, we arrived back at her house.

Seven dogs greeted us at the door, wagging their tails excitedly. We quietly crept past the several people scattered around on the couches and upstairs to her room. Cujo made himself comfortable in his dog bed while I just collapsed on the bed and passed out.

* * *

"_New York has always confused me."_

_She groaned loudly and put her arm over my shoulders, handing me the joint, "Here, take a hit, and don't get so philosophical that you hurt yourself."_

_I rolled my eyes and inhaled the smoke, blowing it up toward the tall ceiling. I stared out at the busy streets of Manhattan, all of the apartment buildings with massive floor-to-ceiling windows displaying all of the nothingness inside. "It's just kind of silly how all of the money you shell out toward apartments in this city goes to more and more emptiness."_

"_It's stupid because with all that money they could easily be hitting the smack in a moderate-to-shit hotel like us!"_

_She leaned heavily on me as she sipped vodka straight from the bottle and looked at the city. "Don't think too much about it. We're leaving in the morning."_

"_Atlantic?"_

"_Just Brooklyn. Atlantic next week."_

"_Shit, as close as Brooklyn is, we could just stay here."_

_She plucked the joint from my fingers, "We could, but I found some friends we can stay with for a few days. Said they got this new stuff...supposed to be really good."_

"_What's the catch?"_

"_Usual, probably. I couldn't care less, I just need somethin' good."_

* * *

"_Stop looking at me like I've lost my mind."_

"_You have!"_

"_It'll be fine! Just trust me, okay? He's cool, I swear."_

"_Oh, yeah, powerful gang leader, super chill dude."_

_She put her hands on either side of my face, "Relax. Charlie's cool. He'll take care of you as long as you're on his side. Nothing to worry about."_

_I sighed, "I hate being back in this city."_

"_C'est la vie. Let's go."_

_She opened the door and led the way inside. Several men were gathered around a living area, most looking like the typical thugs. Two stood out to me, one being a bit better dressed than the rest, and generally a more wealthy appearance, while the other was quite handsome, giving me a smirk that made my heart skip a beat._

"_Charlie!" She shouted, running over to the wealthy looking man and hugging him._

_He smiled and hugged her back, "I missed you, kid. How was the east coast?"_

"_It was fun, but it's nothing compared to home."_

_Charlie looked at me, "What's your name, sweetheart?"_

"_Tori."_

_He gestured to the men in the room, naming them off for me, finally stopping at the man next to him, "And this is Steven, my right-hand man."_

_I smiled nervously at him, his confident smirk still firmly on his face as he looked at me._

"_What about you Tori? What's your preference?"_

_I swallowed hard and forced myself to look away from him, "I like the east coast better."_

_He titled his head, "Why's that?"_

"_I don't like this city. It has too many bad memories for me."_

_Charlie spoke in almost a fatherly voice, "People giving you trouble? I can take care of that."_

_I shook my head, "No...just...a lot of the places in this city have memories of someone I'd just like to forget about."_

_He nodded understandingly, "Well, there's nothing you can do to block out those memories, but rather than avoiding them, make new ones. Find someone new and overwrite those bad memories with good ones. Life sucks and shit happens, just gotta keep on movin'."_

_I couldn't help but look back at Steven, who just winked at me._

* * *

I woke up, the room was brightly lit by the sunlight streaming through the windows, and I felt calm. I had woken up on my back and was looking at the ceiling. I was about to get out of bed when it occurred to me that I couldn't move. I tried to turn my head, wiggle a finger, say a single word, but nothing happened. Fear started to overcome me and suddenly I heard his voice.

"_I'm back..."_ He drawled, his voice sickeningly sweet. _"Did you miss me?"_

I couldn't see him, but I heard his voice clear as day. A pressure at the end of the bed slowly grew closer to me until I was able to see his face. He had an evil, Cheshire cat grin on his face. The weight of his body on mine was as real as the way he looked or the sound of his voice. His hand was on my throat, slowly gripping it tighter and tighter until I couldn't breathe. Even though I couldn't breathe, I could still smell his cologne. It made me sick.

I tried so hard to move or scream or do anything, but I there was nothing I could do. I was so certain I was going to die. My breathing became heavier and I managed a slight whimper as his hand grasped my throat so tightly I was getting light-headed.

And then it stopped. He was gone, his scent, the weight on my chest, the hand on my throat. It was all gone, instead replaced with a very concerned looking pit bull who nudged me continuously until I moved. He licked my face, as if to make sure I was okay, and then did the exact same to Jade to wake her up.

I sat up and looked around the room, fully expecting to see him still standing somewhere, but the room was empty. The sunlight still flowing through the windows and the calm silence of Jade's bedroom was all I could sense. From behind me, I heard Jade nearly growl at her dog, asking him what he was doing, but he didn't stop until she fully woke up.

I wanted to turn around and tell her I was okay and that it was just a bad dream. But I wasn't okay. I was fucking terrified. I hadn't felt that sort of fear in so long. I had gone to bed feeling safe, knowing he was in custody five hours away and couldn't get me anymore. I was alone in bed with Jade. She could protect me. She was supposed to.

But she didn't, because she couldn't.

I just laid there and prayed to the god I didn't believe in to help me battle the demons in my mind in hopes that this wouldn't be the next battle I'd have to fight.


	31. Nightmares

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

****A/N: I had meant to post this a week ago, but unfortunately I had an incredibly busy weekend, so I couldn't post last Monday like I'd planned to, then I managed to catch a cold from someone, so that was cool too.  
****

* * *

After only seven days since Steven's arrest, things were getting much, much worse. The nightmares plagued Tori every single time she fell asleep, depriving Jade of her much needed rest after Mallory and Beck had changed her schedule to make up for lost time. The exhaustion was quickly catching up to Jade, as she also had to contend with the nightmares that came to Mikey most nights. As she trained all day, and only slept a few hours a night, Randy began to notice the decline in her mental health, and had put a stop to the workouts. Unfortunately, as much as the training wore her out, without it, she was forced to deal with everything else that she much rather would've avoided as long as possible.

Tori began to withdraw into herself, not even having half her usual personality. Cat tried to get her to open up, but it was always in vain. She was tired all of the time, and had resorted to staying up all night reading, only falling asleep when her body just couldn't handle anymore. She slept about three hours every few days. It was clear to most everyone that she was on the very edge of relapsing into her old habits.

Mikey still seemed down about losing his father, spending most of his time in his room with Ace, playing with his toys or just sleeping. Jade tried to get him to spend time with other family members, but he never seemed any happier anywhere else, only a little more anxious. When his nightmares struck, he'd begin crying loudly once he woke up, and Ace would have to bark loud enough to get Cujo's attention so he could wake up Jade.

Jade did everything she could to make them feel better, but she knew this was a fight she couldn't win on her own. She couldn't battle the demons in their minds, as much as she wanted to. The sleep deprivation was waning on her. The fact neither of them seemed interested in saying much to anyone hurt even more.

Things got to be too much for Jade to handle, when Tori and Mikey both inadvertently hurt her bad enough that she left, only coming back at around seven the next morning.

While training in the basement, Mikey had come down to watch his sister. It was rare, as he didn't usually have much interest in leaving his room. Jade paused the drills to take a drink of water, and had reached over to mess up Mikey's hair, something she often did as a form of hello. Mikey seemed caught off guard by it, and flinched away from her. It made her stop immediately and retract her hand. He looked up at her with such heartbroken eyes, as if silently begging her not to be angry with him. She just turned away and continued the drills, trying like hell not to think about it.

Later that night after dinner, Jade leaned over to kiss Tori, and in doing so, had moved her hand toward her cheek. As Tori seemed to be lost in thought, the action seemed to have the exact opposite affect as Jade had intended, and Tori flinched away from her as well. Same as she did earlier, Jade retracted her hand and stepped back. Tori looked as if she wanted to apologize, but Jade had already turned around and was halfway out the door.

Randy stood nearby, having witnessed both events, and feeling terrible for his friend. Tori looked crushed as she watched Jade leave, entirely blaming it on herself. Her eyes moved to Randy, silently asking him why.

"Mikey did the same thing this morning," he crossed his arms and leaned against the counter, "Both of you have actually been doing it pretty frequently, just never so close together."

She opened her mouth to respond, but she had no idea what to say. Randy watched her for a few minutes as Cat attempted to console her. He wanted to do something, but only thought of a few possibilities, one standing out amongst the rest. He knew it was a terrible idea, but in comparison, it wasn't as bad as the other options. He had no idea when Jade would come back, but he hoped she wouldn't attempt to kill him if she found out.

Randy left the kitchen and came back a few minutes later. He walked up to Tori and held up a hand, "Listen to me very carefully," he looked her in the eye as if to show her he was dead serious, "If you take this, you need to go directly to bed, okay? No showers, no reading, nothing. Bed. Immediately. Take Cujo right upstairs and get in bed. Don't get up for _anything_. Whatever you need to do before bed, do it before you take this. Do you understand?"

He spoke slowly and calmly, repeating himself to drive the point home. She hesitated and looked at the pill in his hand, then nodded. Randy then took Cat's hand and put the pill in it, then closed it into a fist, "Do not give this to her until she's in bed. Jade can be angry at me later for allowing you into her room. I need you both to understand that staying awake after taking this will end badly, but if you go directly to sleep, you very well could sleep through the nightmares."

At that, Tori was immediately sold, but she was still unsure of exactly what he was giving her. As cautious as he was about it, she had a sneaking suspicion this was one of the medications Jade was on. A massive part of her had terrible feelings about taking a drug that had so thoroughly fucked up Jade, but a smaller, yet more dominant part of her mind had an incredible desire to feel the weightlessness of a high once again.

"You're sure about this?" Cat asked him.

He nodded, "Do exactly as I told you and she should be fine."

As exhausted as she was, Tori figured she may as well go to sleep right then. With Cujo just behind them, she and Cat went upstairs to the double doors at the end of the hall. "I never actually thought I'd be in Jade's bedroom," Cat muttered.

Tori didn't say anything as she opened the doors and walked inside. Cat sat down in a chair near the west windows, watching the sunset as Tori got ready for a shower. Similar to what she had done weeks before, Tori looked at her body as the water was running. Instead of bruises from being abused, there were bruises left behind from Jade's attempts to make her feel better. She felt horrible from flinching away from Jade when all she'd ever done was try to help. She just hoped that, at least at some point, Jade would understand that she wasn't afraid of her.

She showered quickly, got dressed, and left the bathroom. She walked over to Cat and held out her hand for the pill, but Cat shook her head and pointed to the bed, "Lay down first."

Tori did as she said and laid down in bed, and only after she got all situated, Cat handed her the pill and a glass of water. She took the pill and washed it down with the water. Cat moved to leave, but Tori grabbed her arm, "Stay, please. Just for a while."

She sat down next to the bed and rested her head on her arms, which she laid down on the bed next to Tori. Tori sighed and sunk into the pillow, "I don't know why this is happening to me. I just want it to stop."

Cat gently ran her fingers up and down Tori's arm, "In all honesty, for a few seconds you thought Jade had been shot, and you also had to look at Steven's bullet ridden body. I'd guess that's a little traumatizing for anyone. Though personally I'd like to see him dead."

"I think that's the problem," Tori muttered. "I wasn't happy to think that he was dead. It didn't even make me feel better and I don't know why."

"He only ever abused you though, didn't he?"

Tori shook her head, "No, he didn't. Really, that was only the case in the final few months."

"What was it like before?"

"I'll trust that you won't pass on this information to anyone." Cat nodded. "For the longest time, I was actually in love with him. When I first moved back to LA, I hated the city because everything always made me think of Jade. After a while, everything made me think of Steven. Most things still make me think of Steven, actually."

Cat stayed silent for a few moments, and then asked, "Do you think he was ever really in love with you?"

Tori just looked sad, which made the answer pretty clear to Cat. "It didn't hurt me too much...I'd sort of already convinced myself that I wasn't worthy of being loved by anyone again. I still have trouble accepting the fact that Jade actually gives a shit about me."

"Sweetie, you can't beat yourself up for the rest of your life over something you did when you were still young and stupid."

"I'm still young and stupid."

"Younger and more stupid, then. Really though, Tor, Jade is head over heels for you. You mean the fucking world to her, and that is the only reason that she left tonight. As much as she loves you and Mikey, it hurt her that you'd flinch away from her. I guess she hasn't thought that you weren't really flinching away from her, just the memory of someone who used to hurt you."

"I'm not afraid of her. She makes me feel safe."

Cat moved a few hairs away from her face, "As tough and scary as she may be on the outside, she wears her heart on her sleeve. Even I can figure out what she's feeling sometimes. You just have to-"

Tori suddenly reached out and grabbed Cat's wrist, stopping her mid sentence, "Cat, I'm getting high."

It took her a moment to actually realize what she meant, "The medication?"

"I can feel it. It's strong," she blinked a few times, "Why the fuck haven't I had this before?"

"As much as you've tried I'm actually kind of surprised."

"I can see why Jade got addicted to this."

Cat wanted to ask what she meant, but Tori had fallen asleep only seconds after finishing her sentence. She stood up and walked toward the door. She looked back just before closing it to see Cujo curl up behind her and rest his chin on her back.

By the time Jade got back home, Randy was just finishing up making some coffee. He looked over as she walked in, "Welcome back. You can sleep, there won't be any training today."

She just nodded slowly, tiredly, in acknowledgment. She put her keys away and headed straight upstairs to her room, fully expecting to see Tori laying awake reading or just staring out of the windows. Tori was asleep, Cujo still curled up next to her. He raised his head as if to show her that he knew she was there, but he didn't get up.

Jade wasn't quite sure what to think about it, but was too tired to really wonder anyway. She quickly got undressed and slid into bed, Cujo finally moving only to make room for her.

* * *

At Randy's insistence, Cat ended up calling Matt and asking him to come over to attempt to figure out what was happening, and what to do. As soon as he arrived, it was clear that he'd been mulling it over for quite some time, as he had a briefcase full of various papers, brochures, and books. He dove right into it as soon as he walked into the kitchen.

"Sleep paralysis." He set his briefcase down on the counter, "It's a phenomenon that occurs most often when someone had an extended period of sleep deprivation, a massive disturbance in their circadian rhythm, or are under a considerable amount of stress. It's fairly common and generally thought to affect every person at least once in their lifetime. However severe it is depends on several different factors."

"The last time you were here you said it was Stockholm," Jade pointed out.

"I'll be honest with you," Matt sighed, "I was so certain she was suffering from Stockholm, the way she was acting, it looked so clear. The symptoms are still there, but I've been thinking about it more and more, writing things down, trying to figure out what could be going on in her mind. I have theories, but it's hard to say for sure. What I do know is that certain aspects of Stockholm are still present, they are just more closely attributed to other disorders."

Jade looked desperate, "Matt, _anything_ you can offer us will help. We've got nothing to go on right now."

He clasped his hands together and paused a moment, trying to find the right words. "There's a defense mechanism hardwired into our brains, it's a shadow of what it was thousands of years ago, but the premise is still the same. Essentially, if something traumatic enough to hinder our survival would happen, our subconscious would block out the memory, so we can't actively remember it, however, it will still affect how our mind words. Even without remembering when or how or why, that repressed memory will affect the way we think and behave. As awful as these past few weeks were for her, what she's facing right now couldn't have been triggered by just these past few weeks. I'd be willing to bet there have been several other incidents that have been so horrific that her mind refuses to remember what they are, and these night terrors and sleep paralysis episodes she's battling are because of those repressed memories."

Cat shifted her weight nervously, "From what she's said, the past few years have been terrible for her. If that's only the tip of the iceberg..."

Jade didn't show any interest in stopping to ponder what could have happened. "What can we do?"

"There's no definitive way to unlock those memories, but instances of controlled hypnosis has proven beneficial in the past to figure out what's going on in a person's mind. If you'd be willing, I could refer you to one of those specialists. I will warn you though, attempting to retrieve those lost memories could force her to remember them, which very well could end quite badly. After all, there is a reason her mind won't let her remember."

"What are our other choices?" Randy asked.

Matt tilted his head a bit, "She could be medicated, maybe to the point of a medical induced coma just to get her body the rest it needs, or she could attempt to just deal with it."

"So what you're saying is we don't really have any other choices?"

"Yes."

"What does the Stockholm have to do with it?" Cat asked.

"Well, if she did experience something especially traumatic, it's not at all uncommon to find solace in a particular person or thing. She may have seen him as a savior of sorts, and therefore would defend him if her mind had regressed back to the point that he was her safe place. In a moment of mental turmoil, she likely reverted to survival instincts, rather than really thinking through things logically."

Randy seemed to be the only one willing to ask the hardest question, "Say we go through with the hypnosis, what's the worst case scenario?"

Matt looked unsure of answering the question, but told him anyway, "Absolute worst case scenario, would probably be a case that happened about five or six years ago. A woman attempted to retrieve the repressed memories, and they were far worse than anyone could have imagined, and she was driven to insanity. Psychosis set in, her insomnia got to be so bad that she'd lie awake most every day, only sleeping for an hour or so a week. She refused to eat, her body began to shut down, she was plagued with auditory and visual hallucinations, and she eventually ended up committing suicide."

Nobody was expecting the brutal honesty of his statement, and the mental image he'd put in their minds made Jade physically ill.

He was quick to try to rectify the horror he'd caused, "Please do keep in mind that a reaction such as that would be highly unlikely, and was only triggered by a plethora of factors. If I had to guess, the reaction from Tori would be along the lines of an increase in intensity of her night terrors for a short time, she may lose her appetite for a while and possibly become slightly more withdrawn, but it won't be anything permanent. Things will have to get worse before they get better. Keep in mind that she still has a strong will to live, and as long as you give her a reason to keep fighting, she will."

Randy tapped Matt's shoulder, silently telling him to stand up. He then took him out to the living room, out of earshot of the others. He spoke quietly in an attempt to prevent Jade in particular from hearing.

"Give it to me straight so I know what to expect, what could her mind possibly be repressing?"

Matt scratched his chin, "It's hard to say. Based on what she _does_ remember, it would likely be some sort of sexual abuse or witnessing a particularly violent event. However, given that she remembers the abuse from her boyfriend and seeing people get beaten and murdered, it's either got nothing to do with violence of that type, or it's so horrible that what she remembers just pales in comparison."

"Christ's sake," Randy muttered as he tried not to think about it, "Alright, thanks for telling me."

* * *

"No, Tori, I can't give it to you every night. You know as well as I do that the more you take, the less it'll do for you."

Tori ran her fingers through her hair and looked behind herself for the fourth time to see if Jade had come home yet, "What do I do then?"

"There's nothing you _can_ do, really. Just hope for the best."

"Hope for the best and still have to deal with these attacks, and then have to feel like shit because Jade gets no sleep again."

"It's not preferable, but there's really nothing we can do. This isn't going to go away overnight and it's just something we'd have to deal with, at least for now. Your appointment is in a week, all that's left to do is wait."

She sat down on one of the bar stools, "I've been thinking about that."

He crossed his arms, "Do you not want to do it?"

"I don't really think I have a choice, it's just...I don't know if I _want_ to remember. I do remember some pretty fucked up shit, if it's worse, I think it's best to stay repressed, you know?"

He nodded, "I think that's fair. Just keep in mind, this hypnosis thing will most likely put us one step further in the right direction."

"I know, but it just seems like a terrible idea to attempt to remember things that were so horrific my subconscious forced me to forget."

"You have to remember, those memories can't hurt you. They can scare you, but those dreams can't hurt you."

Tori shook her head, "They can, though. When the attacks come, I can't breathe, the weight on my chest is so real, I can smell him...it's like he's just right there."

"In sleep paralysis, your body is asleep, but your mind is awake. When you think you can't breathe, just remember that you breathe just fine when you're sleeping. Stay as calm as you can, breathe evenly and slowly, and that won't affect you. Memories can always trigger the senses, smelling him or hearing his voice, it's just a figment of your imagination. Believe me, if he were actually in that bedroom, with Jade right there, it'd be less than ten seconds before she'd be beating him so badly he'd probably never even walk again, if he did survive. As long as she has a say in it, he won't ever hurt you again. Focus on the fact that he's not really there."

"Do you actually think she'd do that?"

He raised an eyebrow, "Beat him up? Definitely. Really, she's trained extensively in controlling her emotions and staying calm, but if he was right there and hurting you, she wouldn't think twice about throwing that all out the window."

Tori wasn't quite sure what to say, but Randy seemed to have enough words for the both of them, "It's only been six or seven years since you saw her last. Back then, yeah, she was a very talented kid, she was and still is a prodigy. But in those six years she's trained like you wouldn't even believe. Of course, that little seventeen year old was a force to be reckoned with, and she'd fiercely protect what she cares about. But I'll be honest with you, it scares me sometimes, because there's not a single doubt in my mind that, if provoked, she would easily and without hesitation beat a person to death. She is very dangerous, and as much as she's trained, there are certain things that will set her off. Someone hurting you or Mikey, for example. That...well, that'd be the end of it. It worries me."

"You think she's dangerous?"

"Absolutely. She's one of those people that you'd shit yourself if you were alone in a dark alley with. I'll tell you this though, she's very dangerous, but not to you. She wouldn't ever hurt you."

She almost felt a sort of amusement toward that, "Is that your professional opinion?"

He shrugged and smiled, "Professional and personal. I know for certain that all of the skills she has would go toward protecting you, rather than hurting you."

"Can I ask you something? I trust that it'll stay between us."

"What's on your mind?"

Tori swallowed and hesitated. She didn't want to ask, she wasn't even sure she wanted to know the answer. A deeper sense of morbid curiosity won over in the end, and she asked, "What happened after I left?"

"After you left six years ago?" She nodded. Randy looked as unwilling to answer as she did to ask. He answered anyway, "I assume you don't want me to sugarcoat it, so I won't. She held out hope that you would come back for longer than she probably should have. She tried to stay positive. She threw herself into her training, I'd guess so she didn't have to think about how you probably wouldn't end up coming back. She always had this image in her mind of you just showing up on her doorstep one day. Everything got so much worse when her mom died. She just went off the deep end."

"So...not everything was my fault?"

Randy almost wanted to laugh, "Not at all. You meant a lot to her, but the relationship she had with her mother, it couldn't be replaced. She was devastated when you left, but when her mom died, it's like she forgot how to function. In a way, you leaving made things worse, but nobody could have known. Everything that happened was just a series of extremely unfortunate events. It's not your fault, and really, she only ever blamed you once she got to the anger stage. She never really meant it. She blamed herself more than anything."

"Why?"

"Look, this is sort of confidential information, but I feel like you deserve to know, so maybe you can ease her mind a little bit. She never really told me this until she was nineteen or so, but the reason she would sleep around so much wasn't so much a coping mechanism as it was something to feed her ego. She'd do it for the comments like "oh you're great at this" and so forth. The circumstances surrounding you leaving made her think there was something wrong with her. Still, she's expressed a lot of...regret with that situation. I'm not implying you should be doing anything, but, if you do, it'd be of your own accord. I don't really want her even knowing we had this conversation."

"What conversation?" She asked, feigning confusion.

He smiled, "Thank you."

They were both silent for a while as Randy refilled a water bottle. Tori seemed to find the words she was looking for and spoke as she starred at her hands, "I still feel guilty for everything. I learned my lesson the first time about leaving, but I still can't shake this guilt I have for tossing Jade right into the middle of this whole mess. I was thinking a lot about these repressed memories Matt thinks I have, and as much as I don't want to know what they are, it scares me even more to think that Jade will know too."

"What's bad about that?"

"Think about it," she looked up at him, "If someone you cared about had gone through something that horrific, it'd tear you apart to have that image in your head of what they went through. I never wanted to reunite with Jade because, as much as my mind may have blocked out, what I do remember was absolute hell. I never wanted her to know what I went through, I never wanted her to have even the smallest thought that what happened to me was her fault. I know her, you know her, we both know how easily she can assume the worst. She has this awful tendency to paint this vivid pictures in her mind of things, and I don't want one of those to be about the hell I was in."

Randy sighed and sat down next to her, "Listen, you can't stop that. It's inevitable. She'll paint this horrific picture her mind, she'll seethe in her own anger for days, maybe weeks or months, she may plot to break into prison just to castrate him with her bare hands, but that'd be the end of it. She knows better, as much as she wants to set the world on fire for what happened to you, she won't. There's nothing you can do to prevent her mind from racing. All you can really do is just make sure that she always knows that you're still here, that you're alive, that you're okay. That's all she needs."

"It still makes me feel like trash."

"There's no reason to feel like garbage for something you had no control over. Believe me when I say that she never stopped loving you. I highly doubt anything would change that. It's not for lack of trying, there's just some things you can't ever let go of. I know your mind is a mess, and it would be even more so during the trial and likely the inevitable execution of someone you used to love, but it'll get better. The storm will pass and things will be alright again."

Tori looked over at him, her brows furrowed, "Wait...how did you know? Did Cat tell you?"

He just chuckled, "No, nobody told me. It was pretty clear to see on my own."

She squeezed her hands together, "Does Jade know?"

"Probably not. Her mind was a little too preoccupied to notice, I think. Though, if she does know, or would find out, she would have no justifiable reason to be upset over it. I doubt she would be, she just doesn't work that way."

"Yeah," Tori smiled a bit, "She's more of the type to mark her territory and fiercely defend it rather than pick a fight with the ones she stole it from."

"I wouldn't say stole, so much as reclaim." He stood up and patted her back, "Go take a shower and relax. She should be home soon."

She went upstairs and showered, then stood outside the bathroom door for about ten seconds, completely naked, and muttered to herself, "Getting dressed is so much effort."

She laid face down on the bed, but only really managed to pull the blankets halfway up her legs as she buried her head in the pillow. She laid there for a few minutes, almost falling asleep, when the door opened. Cujo trotted inside and immediately curled up in his bed. The door closed, and it was silent for a few moments.

"Is this supposed to be a hint or were you actually just too lazy to put on clothes?"

Tori laughed into the pillow and turned her head slightly so Jade could hear her, "You know me too well."

She rolled over onto her back just as Jade was crawling toward her on the bed. She kissed her lips once, then down to her jaw and then her neck.

"Jade, are you okay?"

She didn't answer, instead opting to continue kissing Tori's neck as if her life depended on it.

"Jade, as- ohh, as much as I love this, it almost feels like you're marking your territory."

"I am," she mumbled against the sensitive flesh of Tori's neck.

She reached up to put her hand on the back of Jade's head, "But why? Do you think I cheated on you or something?"

At that, Jade immediately stopped and looked at her with the most crushed expression, "Did you?"

Tori frowned, "I'm actually a little bit offended that you really think I would."

"I don't-" Jade realized her mistake at that point, and laid her head on Tori's shoulder, "I'm not thinking clearly right now."

"That's kind of obvious. Why though?"

She leaned on the arm that was already next to Tori's face, her fingers playing in her hair, "Randy said something that bothered me."

"You're gonna have to give me more than that, babe."

"He told me that the reason he's been giving you those pills were to ease you off of the addiction a little less suddenly because he was certain the more I wouldn't let you have it, the closer you'd be to leaving me for it."

"I mean, he's right, to a degree," Jade's face fell. Tori put her hands on either side of her face, "To a degree! Sweetheart, as long as I was on drugs and as frequently, it's hard as fuck to let go of them just all of a sudden. I love you, so fucking much, and as much as I'd have the urge to leave you to go back to drugs, there's still a massive and more dominant part of my mind that tells me I have everything I need already. With you. Yes, the pills will help me to deal with things until they calm down, but once they do, and these nightmares stop, I'm done taking them. You mean more than the drugs do. You always will."

Jade actually looked genuinely scared and spoke with the one tone that nobody but Tori ever really heard, "I don't want to lose you again."

Tori pulled her down enough to kiss her, "You won't, okay? Just get that thought out of your head, because it won't happen. You're stuck with me. Trust me, I'm just as scared of losing you. You have so much more going for you, you could easily continue on without me."

"No, I couldn't." She rested her forehead against Tori's, "I wouldn't be the same if I lost you again. It would crush me."

"Then it's settled. Neither of us leave, and we both get to keep our sanity."

Jade smiled a little bit, "I have to be honest. There's always been this incredibly dark and negative part of my mind that tries to tell me the only reason you've wanted me was for my money or power or fame."

Tori looked entirely unimpressed, "Jade, honey, I would still love you if you lived in a cardboard box, and that box was the only thing you actually owned. I would still love you if you couldn't even win a fight against a stuffed animal. I would still love you if not a single person in the world knew your name. The only thing that might impact how I feel about you is your skill in martial arts, and only because watching you fight or train is sexy as hell. I love _you_, Jade. It has always been just you, nothing else matters. I wouldn't even trade you for all the ecstasy in the world, and that's my favorite fucking drug, okay? That shit was what I lived for. Eventually, it would run out and I wouldn't have anything left. With you, every single night I can fall asleep in your arms and know that you'll always be there for me. Nothing is worth losing you. I need you to understand that, please."

A tear ran down Jade's cheek as she smiled, blushing profusely at the overload of compliments. She went back to giving all her attention to Tori's neck, though this time slightly less urgently. Tori just sort of sighed, "You and I both know that at this point in time, I'm entirely incapable of continuing after you're through."

"I know," she breathed.

She just huffed, though both knew she wasn't actually annoyed. "At least take your shirt off, I like watching the muscles in your back."

Jade just snorted.

* * *

**A/N: A little bit of filler here, more to come. Let me know how this one was.**


	32. Good and Evil

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

****A/N: I've been incredibly busy lately and haven't had lots of time to write. I've fully outlined the remainder of this story in hopes it will be much easier to get updates out quicker. Please let me know how this is going so far; reviews are always appreciated.  
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* * *

Her name was Tammy and honestly she only looked old enough to be my mother. She had bright eyes and a warm smile. I had respect for anyone who listened to everyone's problems day in and day out and still had the strength to smile at someone new. Her room was a perfect mix of uplifting brightness and comforting darkness. The first appointment I had with her was just so she could get to know me, while on the second, we delved into deeper problems. There was just something about her that allowed me to open up easier than I would have otherwise.

She was a listener, and would sit and let me talk for as long as I had the words to do so. She would never stop to judge anything I said. Even as I told her about my colorful history with drugs and violence she seemed to understand. I left no detail out as I told her all about how things got to be as bad as they were, and before I left, she gave me one task.

"Before you come and see me again next week, I want you to make a list of every single place in the world you can think of that gives you bad thoughts. It doesn't matter how near or far, if it holds bad memories for you, write it down."

"What will I do with the list?"

"I'll tell you that next week. I don't want my answer to influence what you write down."

So that leads me to now, as I sat in the corner of the large couch in front of the wall of picture windows, a notebook in my lap, a pen in my hand. Cujo was curled up on the floor near the windows, most likely asleep. The sun was setting, and I knew I had some time before I was supposed to do anything else. I looked at the blank sheet of paper and thought about it.

A few places stood out immediately, and I quickly wrote them down. I thought harder about it after that, and by the time I'd exhausted every possibility, the list covered two full sheets of paper. The sun had gone down completely, Cujo was now laying on his back, and almost and hour must have passed. I looked over my list and saw that the furthest place I had listed was from the one time I'd ever left the country. Granted, the one time I left the country kept me in foreign territory for almost six months, but it was still the only time I'd passed through American customs.

I closed the notebook and picked up my phone to see that it was just past nine. I knew Jade would probably be putting Mikey to bed soon. I left the room, watching where Cujo went just to see where Jade was. He checked Jade's bedroom, then Mikey's, then Randy's, and then came to the conclusion that she wasn't upstairs at all. Once we got downstairs he went straight to the kitchen, where I could hear several voices. I figured that's where they all were.

I didn't have much desire to talk to them, so I turned and opened the door to the basement. I turned the light on and went down the stairs. I'd never spent a lot of time down in the basement, so it was a little new to be down there, especially with no one else present. The walls were painted just like the gym she worked out at, red with blue and black horizontal stripes, and the floor was covered in the same sort of foam that lined the octagons she fought in. I walked toward the far wall, where dozens of photos hung. Some were of her showing off her newest belt, some of her training when she was young. Others seemed to be more recent ones of her training with several different people. Further down the wall there was one of her in a sparring stance against an older looking Asian man.

_**Jade West taining with Judo master Hiroshi Kano.**_

_**Kyoto, Japan, March 23, 2012**_

The most recent seemed to be from earlier this year, showing her accepting a four-striped black belt from a man.

_**Jade West accepting her fourth dan belt in Jujutsu from master Kaito Maki.**_

_**Mutsu, Japan, June 30, 2015**_

I realized she must have completed that only a couple months before we met again. Next to group of about 15 photos, showing each time she'd won a professional fight, was a set of belts in shadow boxes. The date each was earned was engraved in a small plaque at the bottom of each. Beyond those were various photos that seemed to be from all over the world. One in particular caught my eye. It showed a very beautiful landscape covered in snow in the background, while the camera was focused on Jade and another man. She was on his back and they were both smiling widely. He was definitely pretty handsome, with shaggy blonde hair partially hidden by a maroon colored beanie and striking blue eyes.

_**Jade and Lukas snowboarding**_

_**Oslo, Norway, January 5, 2015**_

There were a few others of the same man, most in a similar snowy landscape, with a few others being inside a very warm and comfortable looking cabin. All of the photos seemed to be from three different time periods. One in January of this year, and another in late December of 2014, and another from November of 2013.

"I miss him."

I jumped at the sound of her voice and turned around to see a small, mischievous smirk on her face. I huffed and put my hand over my heart, "Why do you do that to me?"

She wrapped her arms around me from behind, "Because it's amusing." She looked up at the photos and pointed to one. It was taken inside the same cabin, though in the background I could see several windows lining a wall, with a set of french doors in the middle. The room was quite exquisitely decorated for Christmas, with a large tree in the corner and several presents under it. A large fireplace was lit with what looked to be an actual fire, rather than an artificial one, and there seemed to be six or seven people in the house that I could see. "This was Christmas of 2014. I had first met Lukas the year before, but decided to come back again and spend Christmas with his family. Things are a little different over there, for sure."

I leaned back into her, "What's it like?"

"You know how here it's really common to see people dressed up to go out to dinner or to clubs or whatever?" I nodded. "It doesn't happen there. They never really put on a mask for people, they're just modest and pretty laid back people. Casual clothes wherever you go, it's not expected for you to say please or thank you, there's no need for anyone to make small talk or anything like that. They're sort of reserved and aloof toward most everyone, only opening up to those close to them. People like Lukas, who are just like human puppies, they're nice to everyone and will talk to you as long as you want them to. Even he seems pretty content with silence though."

"What about Christmas?"

She smiled a little, as if remembering something. "Over there, the biggest day is Christmas Eve. Everything's normal up until dinner time when bells ring, like the ones you hear here from churches and all that, and that's sort of when everyone goes home, has dinner with family, and then opens presents after. Typically Christmas day is spent with family up until a certain point, and then things continue as normal. You spend time with family while they're in town, which for them means within an hour's drive of you."

I looked through all of the photos, the earliest one from Norway didn't have Lukas in it at all. "So where'd you meet him and who is he?"

"We went to Norway for a sort of vacation. I'd just won a pretty big fight and we were celebrating. Second day in we went to a gym there, just to check everything out. I ended up finding this sort of dodge trainer, and it was only after trying it out that I realized they kept scores on it, and I'd beaten the top score. Turns out the guy who held first place before me was there at the time and had seen it. Long story short, the guy was Lukas, and he challenged me to a fight. Unlike here, there's not a lot of stigma surrounding men and women fighting in athletics. Obviously they have their own separate teams, but it's pretty common to spar with anyone. He's a pretty well known fighter there, and a very decorated judoka. I'm pretty sure Randy still has the video of that fight, but it was a stalemate for the most part. He'd dodge most everything I threw at him, and vise versa. After deciding that there wouldn't be a winner unless one of us genuinely hurt the other, we got to talking and became really good friends."

Jade paused and pointed at another photo, the one of her and Lukas after snowboarding, "We'd snowboard a lot. We went hiking through the mountains or went for a run almost everyday. Again, unlike here, it's common and usually expected for someone to be physically fit and active, so we fit in pretty well. It was relaxing and fun to be there, which is why I've gone back every year since then."

"What about this year?"

"I was going to ask you about that. We had already planned to go, and you're more than welcome as well, if you'd like."

I thought about it, and asked, "Is Lukas okay with me being there?"

She stopped holding onto me to take her phone out of her pocket, searching through it a moment before showing it to me. It was a text conversation between her and Lukas. She'd asked if it was okay to bring others with her, and he had responded enthusiastically.

_**Of course, I'd love to meet your family and friends, just remember to pack warm clothes! It's so cold this year, people are starting to put away their short pants!**_

"I'd guess short pants means shorts?" I asked.

She smiled and nodded, "So what do you think?"

I shrugged, "I think it'd be fun, though I'm not exactly the most fit person in the world."

"Don't worry about it, it's not a big deal. We just won't take you hiking through the mountains."

"I'm still getting used to eating real food for every meal," I told Cat.

"It's fucking great isn't it? I never realized lasagna could taste this good."

I looked over at her plate and saw she was only as far as I was, about three quarters of the way through what was on our plates. Meanwhile, everyone else had been done for at least ten minutes.

Andre noticed what she had said and asked, "Are you complimenting my cooking or have you just never had real food?"

"Both, actually. I almost wanna say this lasagna is better than sex."

I put my hand over my mouth, as Andre smiled widely and nudged Beck, "You think she just likes my food or..."

"Don't even finish that," Beck warned him.

"You not letting things to finish may be the problem here."

He glared at Jade, who just looked entirely too amused. Cat pointed her fork at me, "Back me up here, this is better than sex isn't it?"

"Yeah, how about you take some heat now?" Beck told her.

I took another bite of the food and made a show of thinking about it before finally telling her, "His food is fantastic, but there really isn't a comparison."

Cat looked at me for a few seconds, licked her lips, then tilted her head and looked at Jade with a smile that was somewhere between seductive and joking. I grabbed the hand of the arm Jade had laid over my shoulders and held a finger up to Cat, "No, she's mine."

She gave me a sort of look that told me she wanted to hear more, and knowing her, _lots_ more. Beck seemed as if he wanted to argue the point further, though still didn't look insulted in the slightest. I guessed they had a tendency to joke with each other like that quite often and were relishing the opportunity to do so while Mikey was already in bed.

Over on the counter, Jade's phone began to ring, and she got up to answer it. She looked at who it was, then put the phone on speaker and set it down on the table between her, Randy, Beck, and Andre. Randy leaned forward a bit to see who it was, "Hey mate, how are you?"

A man on the other end replied, "Not too bad. Have I got all of you?"

"Yep, what's up?" Jade asked.

"Listen, uh," he paused and I could hear a faint sound of people talking in the background, "Chris wanted me to give you guys a call and pass on two messages, both pretty big news. I'll start with the biggest piece first; you're familiar with the MMAD, I assume?"

Randy's face lit up, "Familiar? I won that!"

Jade turned to Cat and I and whispered, more to Cat than me, since I already knew, "Mixed Martial Artist of the Decade."

The man laughed, "Believe me, man, I know it. I'd give you all the praise in the world but you got all of it when you won. The reason I'm bringing it up is because, as I'm sure you know, the competition will be starting up here in a couple months and I'm happy to say that you're in the running."

She looked happier than Randy did when it was mentioned, "That's fuckin' great! What do I have to do?"

"If you followed it last time, it's the same as it was before. There will be 20 nominees for each category, being male and female, and it's a single elimination bracket. Win your fight, move on to the next. The contest will span about six months, as it always does. But the thing is, this contest will not give you any leeway in your SFC fights. Those will continue on as normal, and it's up to you to decide if the risk is worth the reward."

All three guys seemed unsure at that point, each looking as if they wanted to tell her no, but there was no stopping her. "I'll do it," she told him confidently.

"I assume each and every one of your trainers will tell you no, but I'll make it clear to you. If you get an injury in this contest, you'll be out. You'll be out of the contest, and you'll lose your shot at the championship. If you already have it, you'll be forced to vacate it. This situation is a literal all or nothing for you. You have to be absolutely one-hundred-percent sure that you want this. Either you come out on top with the championship and the Mixed Martial Artist of the Decade title, or you lose everything, and work your way back up from the bottom."

He was very blunt and didn't sugarcoat anything, which seemed to please Randy. I guessed he wanted her to fully understand the risk she was taking.

Jade had a short moment of uncertainty, but it quickly disappeared. "Go big or go home, man. There's one spot on top of the world, and if I don't make it, someone else will. The way I see it, that spot is _mine_."

There was a deep sense of confidence in the statement, as if she knew she'd make it or die trying. While I didn't fully understand the extent of her talent and training, I knew the extent of her willpower. I knew she wouldn't give up the opportunity of a lifetime for what-ifs, even if it wasn't the smartest move in the world.

The man seemed content after explaining the details of the risk she was taking, and accepted her answer. "I'll make it happen. On to the next piece of news; the date for your championship fight has been scheduled, and promos will begin next week."

"When is it?" Randy was the first to ask.

"It'll be on April 23rd."

The smile from Jade's face disappeared and she went from ecstatic to completely crushed in less than a second. I knew why right away, as did Randy. He put a hand over his mouth and leaned back in his chair. He seemed a little put off by the silence and asked, "Are you guys still there?"

Beck and Andre both seemed a little confused and unwilling to answer. Randy was the only one able and willing to tell him, "Yes. Is that date final?"

"Yes it is. Is that a problem?"

Randy cleared his throat and sat up, "No, thank you for passing along the messages, Brian. I hope to hear from you again soon."

He'd barely said his goodbyes before Randy tapped the screen to hang up the call. I looked over at Jade, and even though she was excited and confident only moments before, she looked utterly broken now. Cat didn't seem to quite understand the situation, and asked, "What's wrong with that day?"

Despite not wanting to even respond to Brian, Jade turned to her, looking like she wanted to cry, and told her, "Before my mom died she told me I was only allowed to be sad and mourn her one day of the year, on her birthday. Her birthday is April 23rd."

Cat then realized exactly what that meant, and even though she'd spent a good five minutes gushing about how good Andre's food was, she seemed to lose her appetite at that. Jade actually started to look sick, and got up from the table, walking quickly out of the kitchen. I got up as Randy picked up her phone off of the table and handed it to me, giving me a look as his way of telling me to take care of her. I took the phone and followed Jade upstairs as Cujo was right behind me.

**Jade's POV**

I'd be the first to admit my decision to accept the nomination into the competition was stupid. It's stupid to risk everything I worked so hard for on a slim chance of greatness. The date of my championship fight made me think I'd be better off backing out of the competition, in favor of keeping my career going strong. As much as it tore me apart, I knew there were only two possible ways the fight could end.

I could either fall apart and sit in my own misery of something I couldn't change, or I could use every bit of anger and sadness I had buried inside me and win the fight. For her.

My mind was a mess of thoughts, the devil and angels on my shoulders arguing about which option was better for me. The devil wanted to use all of the anger I had up until the point I saw so much red I couldn't even focus on my fights, and then move onto fight in the competition with a clear head. The angel thought it best to power through my desire to crumble at the thought of fighting on that particular day, but to also back out of the competition.

I figured that everyone had a little bit of good and evil inside them.

I already knew I was capable of good, when I showed my little brother the love he needed so badly, and when I gave Tori a second chance at a better life, and the relationship both of us missed so much.

I also knew I was capable of evil, as much as I didn't want to believe it.

_**Flashback**_

"_So you've seen her fight before?"_

_He had a very convincing smile as he leaned against the bar, "Absolutely! I've seen all of them, you've got some incredible skill."_

_I put on the same mask of charisma he did, "I'm glad you think so, I work hard everyday to be the best I can be."_

"_Believe me, I know..." he looked behind me, and I felt a hand on my shoulder._

"_Jade, we should get going, it's getting late." Randy told me, then looked at Beck, "Cat needs you."_

_Beck quickly left, and Randy was just behind him. I tuned out the busy bar all around us and stared directly at him. He had a cocky grin on his face, as if he knew I couldn't hurt him here. He knew exactly who I was, and he knew that I knew exactly who he was._

_He spoke first, "You may train everyday, but all the skill in the world can't fight a bullet. Your run is coming to an end, West. I intend on winning this fight."_

_Even though he was easily six to eight inches taller than I was, I stared him down with ferocity. I stayed calm, but made sure he knew just how I felt about that statement. "Your threats don't mean shit to me. I don't give a fuck who you are or who you know. You aren't going to win this fight." I stood up straight and took a step toward him, leaving little space between us. "Give me a reason. Give me even the smallest reason, and I will fucking __**end**__ you. When I'm through with you, you'll wish you were dead. You'll beg me to kill you. Even then, I'll let you rot in the dirt, living out the last moments of your life in the worst pain you could ever imagine wishing you'd never fucked with me. Make whatever threat you want on me, but the line is drawn with the people I love. If you don't believe me, fucking try me."_

_I didn't wait for his answer. I turned around and walked out._

_**End of Flashback**_

I stared out the windows in my private lounge room. The darkness of night enveloped the city, while the lights lit it back up. It was easily two in the morning, after putting Mikey back to bed after a nightmare, and making sure Tori got to sleep safely after taking the pill.

I wanted to hunt him down and make him suffer for what he did, but as much as I wanted to make good on my threats, I wouldn't. He wasn't worth the sacrifice. He wasn't worth the time of day to me. I'd let the system make him pay. I'd let him go through the trial and watch him get sentenced to death. I'd trust that every other man in that prison would make sure he went through hell for having the audacity to threaten the life of a child. To have even the thought of taking life away from someone who hadn't even had the chance to see how beautiful the world is. I wouldn't even go to his execution. I didn't care if he lived or died. All I wanted was to know he'd live out the rest of his life regretting ever crossing paths with me.

Cold? Absolutely.

Did I feel bad? Not in the slightest.


	33. Memories

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

**********A/N: Few more flashbacks give us a better idea of Tori's history. I had a lot of fun with the dialogue on this one.  
**********

* * *

_**Flashback**_

"_This is one?" I nodded and he looked around, "So what's the story here?"_

_I rubbed my arm and studied all of the details of another familiar place. The park was only lit up by the glow of the full moon shining through the clouds. A streetlight at least a hundred yards away didn't offer much light. I walked over to a tree I remembered and ran my fingers over the carving. He stood next to me and flicked a lighter to see what I was looking at. He saw the __**J+T **__carved inside a heart, from when Jade and I had only first started dating._

_He pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and handed one to me, putting the other between his lips. He lit mine first, then his. I never particularly liked cigarettes, but I was just used to accepting them anyway. We stood in silence for a few minutes as we smoked. He starred closely at the carving in the tree, and then when his cigarette was gone, he flicked it toward the tree stump. The fall leaves gathered around the base began to smoke, and to further the process, he used his lighter to set fire on the other three sides. He then held onto my hand and pulled me backward, just as flames began to engulf the tree._

_I felt a little nauseated. As much as I wanted to forget everything that made me think of her, it hurt to watch something that had once meant so much to me now burning to ash. He seemed pleased and leaned down to kiss me._

"_One more down," he mumbled as he led me away from the tree and back to the car. The smoke rose high in the sky as we drove off, and I knew that the fire very well could burn out of control. Somehow, I found it hard to care. That fire could gain strength and burn as bright as the sun and there was nothing I could do about it. Just like there was nothing I could do about the disaster I'd started._

_It was like walking away from an explosion that I had set. I didn't care about the collateral damage, because I'd destroyed what I set out to destroy._

_**End of Flashback**_

"It was just like that...one after the other...destroying the memories I had of her, replacing them with these vivid pictures in my mind of his power. He was my savior, he wiped the slate clean and painted a new picture."

"Do you think he meant to make everything a show of power for him?"

I shifted in my seat and nodded, "I think about it now, and I realize he wanted me to see how easily he could destroy something that made me happy."

"But months ago you only saw it as him trying to help and be a sort of comfort to you?"

"Yeah...I think because of how emotionally fragile I was it was easy for me to fall in love with him."

"Do you think you were in love with him or the way he made you feel? You know, sometimes the way someone makes us feel can provoke stronger emotions than are actually there."

I shook my head and looked down at my hands, "Maybe in a way, but I feel like if that were the case, I would be happy now about how he's probably going to be dead in a few months, if not sooner because of his wounds."

"I wouldn't say that's necessarily the case. It's not uncommon for someone to still feel empathy towards something like that, especially someone like you. I've noticed you seem to have a lot of empathy, even for people who wouldn't always deserve it."

_**Flashback**_

"_It's that...that fucking shit ton of emotions or whatever that's your fucking problem!"_

"_It's called empathy you fucking idiot."_

_Aaron threw an empty bottle, hard, toward Jack's head, though it hit the wall and shattered into a thousand pieces. Jack jumped up and lunged toward him and only managed to throw one punch before Jess shouted at them, "Jesus, you two are like a couple of fucking frat boys. Knock it the fuck off and both of you sit down!"_

_Jack angrily grabbed the lighter off of the arm of the chair I was sitting on and lit a cigarette, "Fucking illiterate piece of-"_

"_Shut the fuck up Jack, you didn't even fucking finish high school."_

"_Nobody here did!"_

_Aaron rubbed the side of his face, "Jess did. She's all smart and shit."_

_Jess held her hands up, "Both of you shut up, okay? Neither of you are saying anything worthwhile, so just don't fucking say anything. Tori," she looked toward me, "I swear to whatever fucking higher power there is, if you don't stop treating every person you meet like a lost fucking puppy, I will kill you myself. I like you, but you're going to get someone killed."_

"_That was the fucking problem to begin with," Aaron muttered around the cigarette he was attempting to light._

"_If I have to tell you to shut up one more time you're going to get fucking gunned down in the street the next time you go outside."_

_He grunted angrily, but stayed quiet. Jess pointed at me, "You are not responsible for every person in the universe who dies. People are going to get shot, people will get stabbed, people will overdose. That's how the world fucking works, okay? Danny killed two fucking people just to save your dumb ass. That's blood we can't fucking afford to have on our hands, okay? Do you understand what I'm telling you?"_

_I nodded, but didn't say anything._

"_Do you fucking understand what I'm telling you?" She shouted this time._

"_Yes."_

_She grabbed a pistol off of the table, checked that it was loaded, then cocked it, "People fucking die in these streets. Shit happens. Emotions won't get you anywhere. You can't keep feeling sorry for every person in the world. Which means I need you to prove to me that you have the power to watch someone die with a straight fucking face, because this can't keep on. You're gonna get people killed, and you need to show me that this won't be a problem for you anymore."_

_Aaron opened his mouth to say something, but shut it as soon as Jess turned the gun on him. My heart skipped a beat when I thought she meant she was going to shoot him, but somehow her intentions were worse. She gave him a stern look, then looked back and me and put on her jacket, tucking the gun in the pocket, "Come on."_

"_Where are we going?" I couldn't help but ask._

_She picked up my jacket off of another chair and handed it to me, "Forty south."_

_**End of Flashback**_

"I've been told that I feel empathy much more than I should," I whispered.

"It's interesting for someone who spent so much time with gangs to still feel empathy towards things like that." She smiled, "It's not a bad thing."

I sighed, "It was for them."

"Why was it a problem for them?"

"My empathy caused a lot of problems."

"What kind of problems?"

I leaned back on the couch, "Long story short, people ended up dying because I felt bad that people died."

"What did they do about it?"

_**Flashback**_

"_Look, one way or another, you're gonna have to get over this fucking empathy thing. It's either this, or you're out. Nobody will deal for you, nobody takes you in, and you're an enemy. That's if it's up to me. Anyone else would probably have you killed for what you already know."_

"_So what you're telling me is I have no choice?"_

"_More or less. Look, I like you. You're a great friend and a pretty good person. Good people don't usually end up with people like us unless they have a hell of a story to tell. I don't know yours, so whatever."_

_I didn't really have the heart to tell her the reason I ended up in this situation was a desire to stay perfect in everyone else's minds. I already knew she planned on molding me into perfection, or at least as close as she could get me._

_She took the gun out of her pocket and handed it to me, "It's got two rounds. Don't fuck up."_

_**End of Flashback**_

"You know how sometimes when people have fears, they face them to get over it? Like people afraid of heights will go up on ferris wheel, or people afraid of the dark will sit in a dark room for a while?"

She had this look on her face as if she didn't want to believe it, and asked almost hesitantly, "Did they make you kill someone?"

I looked down at my hands. I didn't want to answer her. I didn't even want to think about it. I figured she was good enough at drawing conclusions. "I'm not proud of any of it. A lot of it is stuff I don't even like to remember. I haven't told anyone either. I feel like a monster for everything I did. All the blood on my hands."

The last part just sort of slipped out. I regretted it immediately, but I was still happy it was her that heard it, rather than Jade or even Cat.

"Why are you afraid to tell me these things? Are you afraid I'll take it to the authorities?"

I shook my head, "No. For the past few years I always lived with the knowledge that anyone who says things they shouldn't to the wrong people end up disappearing. Besides, I know it's against the law for certain people to share information they shouldn't. Like Catholic priests in Confessions, psychiatrists, and therapists."

She seemed curious at that, "Are you Catholic?"

"I'm not religious at all. I gave up on religion when I realized it only made me feel worse. I just know because someone I knew bragged about how they killed someone and confessed to it to a priest, and then the priest ended up committing suicide because he couldn't live with knowing what he knew, and not being able to tell anyone, because of his vow of silence."

"I can see how something like that would eat away at a person. But, therapists and counselors are allowed to disclose private information if they deem their client to be dangerous."

"Do you think I'm dangerous?"

She shook her head, "A dangerous person wouldn't usually attempt to seek help. By asking for my help, I can see a desire for you to become better. To cleanse these horrible thoughts from your mind, and attempt to move forward with your life. I see a lot of potential in you, a lot of promise. You aren't the sort of person to put yourself in a bad situation just because. You had a reason for going to those gangs, you had a reason for not leaving. You showed empathy when it wasn't accepted, which tells me you aren't the dangerous type. You have so much going for you, and I think it'd be silly for you to give everything up now, after you've only just gotten it back."

"I don't want to lose Jade again," I whispered.

"Next time you're here, we will attempt a hypnosis session. I'm sure you're aware of the dangers involved, but if you have any questions, I'll answer if I can."

"These memories I might have...once we retrieve them, will I have them forever?"

"Attempting to remember something your mind intentionally forgot will more likely than not leave you with them forever. However making peace, and coming to terms with them will help you move on."

"So this hypnosis is in my best interest?"

"I believe so, yes."

* * *

"Come here, you've got to see this!"

"See what? I need my coffee, Cat, I can't function without it."

She just grabbed my arm, "Bring it with you then!"

I groaned and followed her out of the kitchen to the basement door. We went down the stairs and in the corner with more of the training gear, several people were standing around Jade and another woman that looked very familiar. Everyone who lived in the house full time was there, as well as five other people. Three men, the woman sparring with Jade, and Mallory.

As Cat and I sat down on the second to last step, I could see why she thought it so important that I saw this. The clothes consisting of yoga pants, sports bras, shorts, and cut up shirts left a lot of eye candy for us.

"How long have you been watching this?" I whispered to her.

"Longer than I'd care to admit."

I sipped my coffee and watched the two spar while the others would give directions. I eventually had to ask, "Who's the girl she's sparring with?"

"I think her name is Amanda, but I can't remember the last."

"She looks familiar," I muttered.

She shrugged, "She should. She and Jade had a fight like a year and a half ago. You watched all of them, right?"

I nodded as I remembered why she looked familiar, "I was wondering. I recognized her but I couldn't remember why."

"As far as I know she's one of the few that Jade genuinely liked, even before fighting. I guess she tends to put up a guard for most of them."

At that point I wasn't sure if they just hadn't noticed us, or chose not to pay any mind to us. After a few minutes, Amanda walked over to a bunch of water bottles and picked up her own to take a drink. One of the guys stood in front of Jade.

"You have five seconds, lay him out," Randy told Jade, then looked to the man, "Attack her, put up as much resistance as you can."

They both adjusted their stances and the man lunged toward her with speed and precision. She attempted to take him down, but wasn't able to before the five seconds was up.

"Watch how he moves and use it to your advantage."

Jade seemed to pay more attention to how he moved, and as he lunged the second time, she was able to use his energy against him and take him down. Randy nodded as Jade helped the guy up. "Good. Do you remember the video we watched? Did you pay attention to the way she moved?"

She put her hands on her hips and spoke in a breathy voice, "Yeah, no specifics though, but I understood."

He stood in front of her and held his hands up as if to block her, but held his index finger up toward her, "She moves with purpose, like you do. I studied her closely, watch how I move. Find a way around it."

"I've never seen these two spar before. He's always just given directions, I've never even seen him fight," Cat muttered.

As talented and skilled as Jade was, she struggled to keep up with Randy, though she held her own against him. Cat suddenly spoke up again after a minute or so, "I still feel kind of bad for her."

I looked at her curiously, and she clarified, "The fact that one of the biggest fights of her career is happening on her mom's birthday. I mean it's admirable, what she's doing, but it's crazy."

I finished up the last of my coffee and sighed, "She's resilient. I don't think she'll have a problem concentrating in the moment. She may fall to pieces afterward, but she has the strength to get through it."

"Everyone seems to have so much confidence in her, even though she doesn't seem to have much in herself."

"She has a knack for coming out on top even when the odds are stacked against her. She just doesn't like to give up, even when it's a lost cause."

Cat stood up and offered her hand to me, "Come on, I want to talk to you."

I followed her upstairs, but made a side trip back to the kitchen to refill my cup, then up to the second floor. We sat in the lounge room at the top of the stairs and watched the movement outside through the windows.

"So this hypnosis thing you're doing tomorrow...how do you feel about it?"

"How do I feel about it?" I shrugged and swirled the coffee around in the mug, "I don't want it. I don't want to remember. I think it's a ridiculously stupid idea and I'm fucking terrified."

"Tell me how you really feel," she deadpanned.

I shook my head, "I don't want these thoughts in my mind to get worse. I'm already haunted by all of the horrible things I've done."

She had a sense of morbid curiosity that reminded me a lot of my own. "What was the worst thing you've done?"

_**Flashback**_

"_That's twelve. Twelve fucking people dead because of that potent shit. I swear to you, I'm gonna hunt that son of a bitch down and torture him until he fucking dies."_

_Steven didn't even seem to be talking to me at that point. I was a little confused as to why he wasn't blaming me, but I wasn't complaining. It was hard to wrap my head around the fact that now sixteen people were dead because of me. I was a monster, and I knew it. It was a hard pill to swallow._

"_Listen up," he finally said to me, "Nobody hears about this, understand? Far as everyone else knows, this never happened. Bunch'a junkies got careless and ODed, we had nothing to do with it."_

_I nodded slowly but didn't look up from the ground. I suddenly saw a flash of movement, and his hand struck my cheek. "We had nothing to do with this. Do you fucking understand me?"_

_I flinched away from him and put my hand on my cheek, "We had nothing to do with this."_

_He growled and stood up straight, "I've got shit to do. Don't fuck anything else up while I'm gone."_

_**End of Flashback**_

"I listened to people I shouldn't have," I mumbled.

"You've got a lot of skeletons in your closet, don't you?"

I doubt she realized just how accurate that was. While there weren't actual skeletons in the closet, death was the problem. I huffed, "Life just kind of sucks sometimes."

* * *

"I'm not entirely convinced they aren't trying to kill me."

"I'm no expert, but knowing the type of people you hang around, if they wanted you dead, you would be six feet under by now."

"I think they're just drawing it out for the sole purpose of watching me suffer."

I left the bathroom and laid face down in bed, "I doubt that's their intention."

She followed soon after, groaning and mumbling to herself like an angry child. It was a little adorable. She knelt on the bed, but didn't move or say anything for a few seconds. I felt her fingers on my hip, but it wasn't as if she just wanted to touch me, more as if she wanted to confirm something she saw.

"Is there a problem?" I asked, making myself comfortable.

"There's a, um," she hesitated, "A burn or something on your hip."

I didn't feel very concerned over it. I think I was a little too tired to care. At least, until she added, "It looks like an old cigarette burn."

Things I didn't remember up until that moment flooded my mind, and it took every bit of willpower I had to keep the thoughts away. I didn't want to remember.

_**Flashback**_

"_No, no, look, it was before he came in the room, right, we legit were on top of the tables dancing and singing jingle bells as he walked in. He just walked right back out. He was __**so**__ done."_

_Alexis rolled her eyes and put her fork down, "See, this is __**exactly**__ why you end up with detention every week."_

_Kristen didn't look sorry at all, "It's worth it, dude! He's a piece of crap, so I just have fun at his expense. It makes people laugh, so it can't be that bad."_

"_You made pterodactyl noises in the middle of a test!"_

"_I'll admit that one made me giggle a little bit," I chuckled._

"_We heard it all the way down the hall in Johnson's room," Jen added, giggling._

"_It was funny as shit wasn't it?" Kristen exclaimed._

"_Why are you condoning this?"_

_Jen leaned back in her seat, "Whoa bro, that was a big word."_

"_We're in high school, it shouldn't really surprise you that people are starting to use big words," Alexis pointed out._

"_Dude, intellectually," Jen pointed at her head, "I'm still learning the alphabet."_

"_Look, all's I'm saying is that messing with him like this is gonna come back and bite you in the ass if you keep up."_

_Kristen looked up past where I was sitting and pointed, "West! Tell miss prim and proper here that Mr. C deserves every bit of shit I give him!"_

_I turned just in time to see Jade sitting down next to me, no lunch tray, but holding a water bottle. She easily responded, "He does. He's a bit of a shithead." Jade reached into the pocket of her sweatpants, and handed me a cookie wrapped in a napkin, "Figured you'd want this. Riley brought in cookies for the team but it wasn't really my cup of tea."_

"_You hate tea," I pointed out._

"_Exactly."_

_I grabbed the cookie and muttered, "Wouldn't want to tarnish that stunning figure of yours."_

"_I've gotta stay attractive for you so you're always interested, right?"_

_I rolled my eyes._

_Kristen smiled widely and clasped her hands together, "You two are just the cutest. Why aren't you dating yet?"_

"_I totally ship it," Jen added._

"_What are you talking about? We're already married, we have two kids, a minivan and a mortgage!"_

_I nearly choked on the cookie at that._

_Kristen shook her head, "Legit, I cannot see you driving a minivan. You'd just be nah bro, this Lambo? It has a passenger seat, I'll just toss the car seat there, NBD." She actually said the letters, which amused me._

"_What am I supposed to do with the other one?"_

"_The car's got a trunk, don't it?"_

_I looked at Jade, "So...who's the favorite and who gets to ride in the trunk?"_

"_Dude I'd be all over riding in the trunk."_

_Jade rested her chin on her hand, "How old are the kids?"_

_I shrugged, "You were supposed to keep track."_

"_Look, I can't keep track of little things like that when it's my job to do the important things like bring you cookies."_

"_Can you two just kiss and fall in love and be together forever?"_

"_I don't know if that fits in my schedule."_

_Alexis finally seemed to get over Kristen's antics and asked, "You play tonight don't you?"_

_As Jade talked about the game they'd be playing that night, I had a weird feeling of not finding Kristen's demand of us falling in love totally crazy. I shook my head and finished up my lunch._

_**End of Flashback**_

"Are you okay?"

As she laid down next to me, I rested my arm across her stomach and my head on her shoulder. "I'm scared," I mumbled.

Her fingers played through my hair, offering the bit of comfort she knew she could. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"No," I admitted, "But I know I don't have a choice."

She didn't seem to have a response for that, and just stayed quiet. I sighed and held her closer to me, "I need you."

"You have me."

"Forever?" It was a stupid question, I knew it. I was just a hopeless romantic at heart, and needed that little bit of reassurance.

She hummed quietly, "I mean, the fact that I tried like hell to find someone new for so long and wasn't able to is kind of a testament to the fact that there really isn't anyone that can replace you."

"How'd I know you would answer like that?"

"Well, you do know me better than anyone else."

"Do I? I feel like at this point your trainers would know you better."

She chuckled, "They know my fighting style, my skill, my experience. I bet you Beck can tell you any one of my physical attributes off the top of his head to the exact number. They know that the vast majority of the time I have enough sarcasm to make anyone roll their eyes, they know to expect my dry humor at any given time, and they know that after I win a fight or make any big accomplishment in general that my ego has the capability to crush small cities. But, they still don't know me quite as well as you do."

"Don't sell yourself short," I mumbled, "Your ego can easily crush moderately sized cities."

* * *

**A/N: Lots of different things to cover in the coming chapters. This story will definitely be longer than I initially planned. The little story Tori told Tammy about, with someone she knew confessing a murder to a priest, was the premise of a short story I wrote in high school, and I decided to add it in. The last flashback gave a little glimpse into what life was like before everything went downhill, and I based that dialogue off of things I hear friends say.**


	34. Promise Me

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

********A/N: I'll warn you now, this chapter can get pretty heavy. Proceed with caution.  
********

* * *

"I'm so fucking terrified right now, you have no idea."

"I'd assume I'm pretty well informed on the topic considering you've been on about it all morning."

I held her hand tighter, but she still didn't look very worried. "Relax, okay? It'll be fine."

It wouldn't be. I knew it, and she probably knew it as well. She just seemed to be occupying herself with her phone, texting whoever or reading whatever. I didn't particularly mind. A woman came out into the waiting room and headed straight for the door, the same woman who exited the room just before I went in every single week. This was the first time Jade had ever accompanied me inside, so as soon as Tammy saw her, her face lit up. I nudged her, as she didn't seem to notice. She looked at me, confused, then must have seen Tammy out of the corner of her eye. She smiled in that same charismatic way she always did when she met someone new. Sometimes I envied her people skills.

Tammy smiled, "Jade, I'm so glad I could finally meet you, I've heard so much."

"Good things, I hope," Jade responded. I stood up, but hesitated, and looked at her. I didn't want to ask, mostly because I didn't want her in there, but I knew that it would most likely be worse for my mental health if she wasn't there.

"Can you come with me?"

She seemed unsure. "Are you okay with me being there?"

I nodded, and Tammy added, "I think it would be good for you to know more about what's going through her mind. I would like to know more about you as well, and we certainly have time this evening."

I was always her last appointment, and we had planned ahead for this one in particular to be two hours, rather than the usual one. Jade stood up and followed us back to the end of the hallway, around the corner, and to the very last door on the right. Tammy only had one other woman working in her building, and she was on the complete opposite side. Her room was very private, and it always made me feel more comfortable. I sat down in my usual spot, the far left side of the couch just across from the chair Tammy always sat in. Jade made herself comfortable next to me, and I kept her as close as I could, just to comfort myself a little more.

Tammy took notice of the shirt Jade was wearing, which was one of Jade's many sleeveless, cut up t-shirts, seeing that it featured Randy's name and picture. He had one as well, but that featured her likeness. They often wore them when they went somewhere together as a joke. "Randy Pierre, my kids love that man. He's my oldest son's favorite, but my daughter has shown more favor to you."

"Yeah?" Jade smiled, "They enjoy MMA then, I'd guess."

"Very much so. My husband has a habit of watching it whenever it's on. My oldest, always loved to watch it with him. Male bonding, I suppose. The younger one liked," she paused and looked at the floor as if she was trying to remember, "I can't remember the fellow's name. He's a tall guy, Australian, I believe. Blonde hair, sort of that surfer guy look to him."

Jade bit her tongue and smirked, "Jake King. He's a really good friend of mine."

"Really? That's wonderful. My kids have always loved watching. My youngest is only fourteen, and he's just recently earned his black belt in Tae Kwon Do. My daughter always favored Judo, and she's working on her first dan now, only seventeen years old. My oldest son never much liked practicing martial arts, only watching it."

"Well, you've got some very talented kids. I always have respect for people dedicated to the art."

"The discipline they learned has helped them a lot in life. They're more responsible and well mannered than they were before they started. It could have just been growing up that matured them mentally, but I think their hobbies had a lot to do with it. My daughter almost idolizes you. She's spoken lots of how she wants to be like you."

I could tell Jade was trying very hard to not lose her shit at the idea of someone thinking so highly of her. She managed to play it off fairly cool, "She should stick to it. It's been very rewarding for me."

She smiled, "I can tell. You have a lot of talent, but I'm sure you know that."

Jade blushed, and I couldn't help but smile and kiss her cheek, "She gets shy when people compliment her sometimes."

"Shut up," Jade mumbled.

Tammy clapped her hands together with a reassuring smile, "Are you ready to get started? We'll start small, as to not overwhelm you initially."

Her directions of how to get started consisted of Jade moving to the other couch, which was only a foot away from me, but it was still a little further than I would have liked. She had me lie on my back and close my eyes. She said several different things, but I found it hard to focus completely. A minute or so passed and I felt tired.

_**Flashback**_

"_Dude, forget it, okay? It's not gonna happen."_

"_No, no, no..." Whoever this clown was that Jason had managed to pluck off the street was obviously off his face. He'd been on about the Sicilian Mafia, something about a hit out on his wife, and another thing that had something to do with an old debt. I tuned most of it out. I was still a little confused as to why Jason even brought him back. I could only assume he wanted him for a job. Chelsea passed the joint back to me, her focus still on the argument. "Jas, listen man, you've got to help me."_

_Jason laughed and looked back at Mark, who had been lying silently on the bed, mostly in the clouds. "What do you think, Marky? Think we should help him?"_

_Mark made some sloppy gesture that vaguely resembled a "this guy's crazy" sort of move._

_This Italian guy, who only looked like he was in his late twenties, looked at me as if I were a piece of meat. He pointed at me, then looked at Jason, "She your woman? How'd you feel if someone tried to kill her?"_

_He tilted his head, but didn't make a move. I fought the urge to laugh at such a ridiculous comment. "Listen buddy, either you help me out with this job, take your money, and book it the fuck out of here, or you're gonna fucking die. I'm not helping your stupid ass, so drop it."_

_I could tell he probably had some mental issues on top of whatever drugs he was on. He looked as if he wanted to walk toward me, but before he really did anything, Jason had pulled a pistol out of his pants and was pointing it at the guy's head. "You move and the cleaning ladies will be picking bits of your brain out of the carpet for the next week."_

_The door to the hotel room opened and Trey walked in. He was a massive hulk of a man, easily almost seven feet tall, some three-hundred pounds of muscle, and a no-nonsense sort of attitude. He looked between this stranger and Jason, then asked, "Is there a problem here?"_

"_Asked him for help on a job, now he's just wanting my help for some mess he got in with the Mafia."_

"_Put the goddamn gun down, boy," Trey commanded in the same authoritative deep voice I loved. I wanted to smile, since I knew bullets would probably just bounce off Trey if anyone tried. It amused me. Jason huffed and tucked it back in his pants. "You, what kinda shit are you in?"_

_The guy looked more nervous at the arrival of Trey than he did at a gun being pointed at his head. "I owe money to the mafia, and they threatened my wife if I don't pay."_

"_Why do you owe money?"_

"_I buy stuff from one of their guys." He looked back toward me, "Your friend might understand my problem if she were in danger."_

_Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Chelsea put her hand over her mouth, probably to keep herself from laughing. I figured at one point or another Jason would get bit for his advances on me._

_Trey slowly turned to look at Jason, "What's he talkin' about?"_

_Jason crumbled under his intense gaze, "I might have flirted with her a little."_

"_You __**might have**__ flirted with my girl? I guess I just __**might**__ kill you. Just a little." I never particularly liked Jason, so I just took another hit of the joint and handed it back to Chel. He looked back to the other guy, "You're a fucking idiot for ever putting your wife in danger like that. You best be real fuckin' ashamed for that."_

_He gave the exact wrong response to that. "I needed the drugs, man."_

"_You needed the drugs? You needed a hit more than you cared about your wife?" Trey stared him down as he reached in his pocket. Chelsea looked away. I'm sure she expected the exact same thing I did. I heard the click of Trey's favorite switchblade, followed by him grabbing this man's shoulder and stabbing him, several times. After more than was even necessary to kill a man, he let him drop to the floor, cleaning the blade off with the man's shirt before putting it back in his pocket. Trey was vicious and remorseless, which was precisely why he held the reputation he did. He was also incredibly protective and territorial. He looked at Jason with a cold stare, then at Mark, who had sobered up only slightly after witnessing the murder. "Mark, has Jason been makin' moves on my girl?"_

_Mark made a "little bit" gesture, but didn't seem to be able to form a coherent sentence. Chelsea was the next one he asked, even though she looked as if she wanted to vomit. She just nodded, but didn't speak. I was last, and I was just slightly too inebriated to respond appropriately to a cold blooded murder only fifteen feet away from me._

"_If you consider him asking me to go to his hotel room for the night flirting, then yeah." I would have lied to save Jason's ass, but I honestly didn't care about him enough to defend him against someone almost twice his size, and definitely twice my size._

_Trey scratched the back of his neck, his calm demeanor not faltering in the slightest, "Jason, are you sorry?"_

_He didn't respond right away, so faster than I could even keep track of, Trey punched him right in the face. "Are you fucking sorry, boy?"_

_He had a tendency to speak down to anyone he felt was below him, which was almost everyone, since he never really aligned himself with any gang. The sort of alpha personality was one of his trademarks. Jason groaned and put a hand over his face, "Yeah, man, I'm sorry."_

_He didn't sound sorry, and as clear as it was to me, I knew it was clear to Trey. I tapped Chelsea's arm, "I think we should get out of here."_

_Trey looked over at us, "You two should pack up first. We're gonna bounce as soon as I'm done with him."_

_We packed up our stuff as quickly as we could, though neither of us were able to drown out the sound of Trey brutally breaking both of Jason's arms, then both legs, and all of the screams that accompanied the actions. We were only able to get out of the room by the time Trey was opening the window, which led eight storeys down to the water of the Mediterranean below. We both heard Jason's screams as he plummeted down to the water. I knew it was a sound I'd never forget._

_**End of Flashback**_

I sat up and put my hands on my face. I heard the screams in my mind, and I felt ill as I heard the sound of bones snapping as if they were in the room with me. I fought the urge to vomit, and only really felt any sort of comfort when Jade put her hand on my back.

"If that was small, I don't think I want to see big," I mumbled.

"Honey, we can do this another time if you need a break. We don't even need to do this at all," Tammy tried to tell me.

I shook my head and ran my fingers through my hair, "No...this memory will already haunt me. I may as well finish what I started."

So the process repeated. I forced myself not to look at Jade, I didn't want to see how she felt. I knew it'd hurt even worse. I relaxed and faded into the memory.

_**Flashback**_

"_Jesus fuck, can you believe that dumbass?" She searched the pockets of her jacket, then looked at me, "Got a light?"_

_I retrieved the lighter from the pocket of my jacket and lit the cigarette between her lips. "To be fair, he wasn't that far out of line."_

_She inhaled and blew the smoke up toward the sky, "Sure, yeah, we killed his girlfriend, but it's not like that gives him the right to try to fuckin' shoot up the house."_

"_Actually I think that's exactly the case. You can't honestly expect to kill someone that means the world to someone else and not face any repercussions."_

"_What does that mean?" She asked as she flicked the ashes toward the street._

"_What?"_

"_That last word?"_

_I rolled my eyes, "Christ."_

_She began waving her hands around wildly as she spoke, "Look, either way, he should've expected to become a fucking magazine with all those bullets in him. It's cause and effect, elementary school shit."_

"_Levels of education never seemed to mean shit to you before," I muttered._

"_Don't get fucking smart with me, okay? The point is he fucked up, and it's a little stupid that his boys are after us now because he's a fucking idiot."_

"_You do realize it would be the exact same situation if the roles were reversed, right?"_

_She scoffed, and smoke surrounded her. "What's with all this righteous bullshit?"_

_I checked the time on my phone and kept walking, "It's not righteous bullshit. Sometimes you just gotta look at it from the other side, you know?"_

"_This is the kinda shit that always comes with a girl like you."_

_I stopped walking and looked at her. She eventually realized I'd stopped walking, and she stopped as well. I spoke calmly, but got my point across as well as I needed to. "I don't give a fuck what you think about me or where I came from. This is where I am now, and you better watch your fucking mouth with me."_

"_All I'm saying is-"_

"_All you're saying is bullshit. So just shut your mouth or I'll fucking bury you in the hole you're digging."_

_She took another drag of the cigarette with the slightest hint of a smile on her face. The smoke floated up toward the sky and she smirked, "Look at you being all authoritative. It's kinda hot. How old are you again?"_

_The question just seemed to come out of nowhere, but I didn't pay much mind to it as I continued walking, "I don't know, probably like forty or something."_

"_No, really," she asked again, now back to walking just beside me._

"_What year is it?" I felt a little shitty, since I genuinely wasn't sure._

_She pulled her phone out of her pocket to look, which then made me feel even more stupid for not thinking of it. I guess she figured I was joking. "2014."_

"_And it's summer, I know, because it's fucking hotter than Satan's thirteenth testicle out here. So I'm 21...I think."_

"_Dude, you need to stop doing drugs." I looked at her, and she looked back. We managed to hold straight faces for all of three seconds before we both burst out laughing. She flicked the cigarette butt out onto the empty street, "Fuck, are we almost there?"_

_In the distance, we both heard a loud, blood curdling scream. It was quiet enough not to startle us too much, but just loud enough that we were freaked out. Of course, it was worse when I realized the scream had come from our destination. "Guess they're having a party."_

_She huffed and pulled out another cigarette. I handed her the lighter, knowing it was a comfort cigarette this time. "Fucking party. Like those fucking Texas Chainsaw Massacre parties, right?"_

"_Yeah, Leatherface is totally a buddy of mine."_

"_You're fucked, dude."_

_I shrugged, "Yeah, usually."_

_She looked at me, "Really?"_

"_Wouldn't you like to know?"_

_I dodged the smoke that floated past my face as she just answered without really thinking about it, "I mean a demonstration would be cool."_

_I laughed, "Would it?"_

"_Yeah, I mean, you're kinda hot."_

_I rolled my eyes and grabbed her arm to pull her around the side of the building toward the back. She put the cigarette out before we went in, then seemed to regret the decision. The warehouse wasn't very well lit, but I knew the way. As we entered the large main room, I could see a couple guys off in the far corner gathered around something. I just assumed that the something was whatever had been screaming only a few minutes earlier. I didn't want to know, so I didn't ask. Taylor turned as we entered, looking pleased, but also slightly irritated._

"_Glad you two finally decided to join us."_

"_Well you know, traffic and everything."_

_He looked confused, "I thought you walked?"_

_I threw my hands up, "Yep, and you wanna know whose fucking fault that is?"_

"_Look, I would've had someone drive you but we were a little occupied over here."_

"_HELP!" A man screamed from the far end of the room. His desperate plea reverberated throughout the building, and one of the others kicked him, hard, causing him to gasp for air._

_I sighed and looked back at Taylor, my eyebrows raised, "Really?"_

_I felt a hand tap my arm, and I knew exactly what she wanted. I took my lighter out of my pocket, put it in her hand, and told her, "Just keep it."_

_Taylor crossed his arms, "He knows things he isn't telling us."_

"_And you think torturing the kid will make him tell you?" He shrugged. "You torture him enough and he'll tell you shit that isn't even true just to make you stop."_

"_You got a better idea?"_

"_Actually yeah. You're a fucking idiot if the only reason you keep ass around is for your own pleasure. If you were smart, which you don't seem to be, you'd use it to your advantage."_

_He raised an eyebrow, "What are you suggesting?"_

_I unbuttoned my shirt further, but not all the way, and spoke quiet enough that the guy some thirty or forty feet away wouldn't hear, "See, even torture won't make some men talk. One thing that almost always will is forcing him to let his guard down first, and ask questions later."_

_Taylor seemed to take the hint and moved to let me past, "Have at it, sweet cheeks."_

"_Don't fucking call me that," I snarled, pointing at him as I walked past._

_He just made a biting gesture with a smug grin in response._

"_Hey, wait," I looked back, "Let me do it. I'm not with anyone, so there's no one to be on my ass about it."_

_I shrugged and allowed her. Taylor grabbed her arm, and whispered, "This kid dies either way. He knows too much."_

_She walked toward the group and I looked back at Taylor, "What are you on him about?"_

"_The little incident with the P-Es. Oh, um," he snapped his fingers, as if trying to remember something, "Steven wanted to talk to you. Not sure what about."_

"_Can I get a ride there or should I just walk like I'm fucking homeless?"_

_He huffed and reached into his pocket to pull out his wallet. He picked out a twenty and handed it to me. I took it and made a mock salute toward him before leaving. I found a cab and took it home, paying with the twenty and telling him to keep the change. I made my way up to the apartment and unlocked the door. I took my jacket off and tossed it and the keys on the floor by the door. "Steven?"_

_I further into the room just as he left the bedroom. He didn't offer any greeting, like he usually did, and just looked irritated. I moved toward him and kissed him, but he just stood still. He pushed me back, not hard, but just enough to make me take a step backward. "I've already heard what happened, but I want to hear it from you, too. I'd suggest you tell me the truth."_

_I licked my lips and leaned against the wall, "This chick got caught in the crossfire of a drive by on whoever the fuck was in Sean's house. They did what you told 'em too, but these other people were there. Apparently the boyfriend of the chick got angry and followed the boys back to the house. Shot up the place, blew out a couple windows, almost hit Danny. Deonte went outside and shot him dead. The guy was with another gang, but I don't know which one. Either way, they're gonna be after us."_

"_No, that was not what I told them. I didn't tell them to do a fucking drive by like a bunch of fucking pussies. I told them, break in, shoot the mouthy little bitch, and leave. I said no collateral damage, __**explicitly**__. You should have stopped it."_

"_Should have stopped it? I was back at the house! I didn't realize they fucked up until it already happened! This isn't on me, you know that."_

"_What I do know is that they botched the fuck out of a job, and now I have to clean up the mess." He turned back toward the bedroom and scratched his neck. He was silent and still. Then, faster than I could even process, he had turned and his fist connected with my jaw. My head slammed into the wall from the force of it, and I fell to the ground. I blinked several times, trying to get the spinning to stop. I rolled onto my back and looked up at the ceiling as it spun in circles with the walls. Before I was even able to gather myself, a sharp pain connected with my side, and I grunted. I gasped for air, but it was a few seconds before I could manage to take the smallest breath. "You should've fucking done something!"_

_I couldn't even quite grasp what he was doing to me, let alone why he blamed me at all. I just barely heard the flick of a lighter, followed by a few more kicks, then the smell of cigarette smoke around me. He stopped, and his footsteps on the carpet got quieter and quieter. I attempted to sit up, the pain in my side making it difficult. I was able to lean against the wall enough to be upright, but just as I did, I saw the blurry shape of him walking toward me. I felt a sting in my arm, and everything seemed to fade to black._

_**End of Flashback**_

I moved my hand to my left side. The ghost of the pain haunted me. I hesitantly looked over at Tammy. Her brows were furrowed and her lips were pressed tightly together. "Are there any more?"

"I don't know for sure. There might be one, but my best guess is that it's far worse than the others."

I sat up on the couch and brought my knees up to my chest. I shook my head, "I don't want to. I don't want to know unless I have absolutely no other choice. I can't do it."

She nodded, "I understand. It's your choice as to what you want to do. What do you remember now?"

I sighed and rested my chin on my knee, "I know now why I forgot."

* * *

By the time we got back to the house, it was almost nine. We had stayed out far past the time my appointment ended, as I just needed to clear my head. Jade went to the basement to talk to the guys, and I went upstairs. In the upstairs lounge room, Mikey was looking through a book he'd gotten from his daycare, while Ace napped on the couch next to him. I sat down on the corner part of the couch, as to put enough distance between us that he wasn't uncomfortable, but not so much that it was a struggle to talk to each other.

"You've been quiet lately," I stated.

He turned toward me. There were little bags under his eyes, and he was gripping the book far tighter than necessary. "I'm sad."

It was just two words, two simple words, but I understood. Take any five year old and ask them what makes them sad, and they'll tell you that sometimes they lose their favorite color crayon, or that it rains when they want to play outside. I asked him, "Why are you sad?"

"The kids at daycare have mommies and daddies. I don't have a mommy, and daddy never liked me."

Yes, I was already depressed and haunted by the memories I'd unlocked that afternoon, but in all honesty, this kid, this little five year old kid's words made my heart ache. I clasped my hands together and looked at the floor, "I wouldn't worry too much about what other kids have. You have things they don't, like Ace. I bet those other kids don't have a cute little puppy to play with everyday. I bet those other kids don't have the coolest big sister in the world like you do."

"I don't have a mommy and a daddy like they do."

"No, but you've got stuff just as great. You have a whole family who loves you, and they can be just as good as parents."

He looked up at me, "Do you have parents?"

I nodded slowly, though hesitantly. "Yeah, I have parents. I lost them for a while, but I have them back."

"Will I get mine back?" He asked hopefully.

It broke my heart, and I argued with myself over whether or not to tell him the truth. I didn't want him to hope for something that would probably never happen, but I also didn't want to hurt him any further. I smiled as reassuringly as I could, "You have Jade, and she'll never leave you."

"Promise?"

I couldn't tell the future and I wasn't going to tell him something I wasn't sure of. But I was.

"I promise she'll always be there for you."

He held up his hand, his pinky outstretched, his eyes silently begging me for the biggest promise a person could make in his world. I wrapped my pinky around his and smiled, "That's one thing you won't ever have to worry about."

Mikey put his hands back in his lap and stayed quiet a moment, then asked, "Will you stay too?"

"I'll stay as long as she lets me."

"I hope she lets you stay," he mumbled quietly. He opened the book back up and studied one of the pictures closely. I knew his sister well enough to know that he was finished with the conversation. I stood up and went to the bedroom to shower, feeling just a little better than I had twenty minutes ago.


	35. A Man of His Word

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

******A/N: Okay! This took forever to work out, and I ended up using _only_ dialogue for a bit of this chapter. Think of it as a racing mind. If you're unsure of who is talking, there is clarification at the bottom. ******

* * *

"_What the fuck?"_

"_Right?"_

"_Why the fuck do they think Ally Fitz is anywhere near the same skill level as fucking Sarah Fisher?"_

"_Dude, the only thing that keeps those two in the same fucking division is their weight class."_

"_Say all you want about Fitz and Sarah, man, the stupidest shit right now is the fact they got the fucking Panther up against Twiggy Palmer!"_

"_Reign it in, gentlemen. As ludicrous as these match-ups may be, there are still preparations that need to be made. While the match against Palmer won't require much special training at all, you're still fighting for the championship here in a few months. Every fight you train for is for a purpose. Never underestimate your opponent."_

* * *

"_It's almost majestic, the way she moves. So graceful and powerful. Deliberate. Everything she does has a purpose, there is no wasted energy, no missed chances. I__n all my fifty years in this business, never have I seen someone who had abilities such as hers. It's almost a sixth sense, the way she knows what her opponent will do next with every move they make. The dedication she has to this art, all of her hard work shows every time she steps inside that octagon. You can see the strength in her strikes, the poise in her movements, a sort of...science she has, using her opponent's energy against them."_

"_What were your thoughts when she first came into this business?"_

"_First thoughts? Randy Pierre had nothing but praise for this girl, and we all know that man paved the road for all fighters that would follow in his footsteps. The fact that this legendary man had this girl under his wing, that he saw enough promise in her to use his time in favor of turning this girl into the force to reckoned with that she is now, I was optimistic. Most people know at this point that she was signed the day she turned eighteen. I saw her training, and I saw a champion in the making. I'll you what, man, I saw a champion in this kid the first time I saw her."_

"_You were sure? Eighteen years old and you signed her up with the big kids?"_

"_Absolutely. It didn't matter how old she was, she always had what it takes to hold her own with the best of them. You take any other kid who's looking to shoot for the stars, they think they have the world in their hand, they think there isn't a damn thing you have left to teach them, and that's the beginning of the end. This kid, she sees a master and she wonders what they would be able to teach her. She wonders if they hold that one trick, that one key to get her one step closer to being the best the world has ever seen."_

"_In your professional opinion, do you think she's got what it takes?"_

"_One hundred percent. She's the sort that will shoot for the stars, and won't take no for an answer. She'll fight for that one spot on top of the world, she'll fight til her body won't let her anymore, and that's exactly why I want her in this business. Twenty-three years old, man, give her a few months, and the critics won't have anything left to say."_

* * *

_Twenty-one days...Twenty-one days...Twenty-one days…_

* * *

"_Get up and do it again!"_

"_I don't care if you're tired! Your opponents won't ever give a fuck if you're tired, you keep fighting until you win!"_

"_Overkill doesn't exist. It was made up by pacifists who don't understand that you can't beat a person any more than you already have. You either win or lose. Overkill ensures you win."_

"_Let me tell you something; I once trained a man who wanted so badly to win that his shoulder was dislocated four times in a single fight before he finally won in spite of everything."_

"_You need to have that heart. You need to have the unquenchable thirst for victory, that fire that burns even as your body is screaming at you to give up."_

"_You don't give up. Losers give up. Champions keep fighting."_

"_But it's still up to you to decide, as a fighter with the heart of a champion, if you should keep fighting. Sometimes, it's not in your best interest. Play the long and short games in your mind, plan it out as you go. It doesn't matter if you dominate a solid year or two, if you can't keep fighting after that, your legacy will die."_

"_Never let your legacy die. Be that fighter that people aspire to be a hundred years from now."_

* * *

"_My best guess is that she'll be sentenced to anywhere from fifteen years to life."_

"_Fifteen years to __**life**__? Are you fucking kidding me?"_

"_She has far too many charges against her for this to end well. Believe me, I will do anything I can to reduce her sentence as much as possible, but I can't guarantee anything."_

"_You better fucking do everything you fucking can!"_

"_Relax, Jade. Mr. Holsten, I very much appreciate your help so far, and I have every bit of confidence that you'll defend her to the best of your ability. Please understand that this is a very bad situation for us."_

"_I understand that very well, but as much as Miss Vega has done, there isn't much hope for mercy."_

* * *

_Fourteen days...Fourteen days...Fourteen days…_

* * *

"_This is insane and you know it."_

"_I know."_

"_You have the world to lose if this goes wrong."_

"_I know."_

"_This will most likely end up in disaster."_

"_I know."_

"_Is there anything else you know?"_

"_I know that I won't give up. I'll fight for you until I win."_

"_Why?"_

"_It doesn't matter what happens, if I lose you, I lose my world. If I give up, it's guaranteed defeat, if I fight, I have a chance at victory. That's how my fights work, and that's how I choose to see this."_

"_This isn't just something that can end with a hand raised in victory. This is one part of a much larger battle."_

"_It's good I'm well-versed in the arts then, isn't it?"_

* * *

"_What's your name?"_

"_What?"_

"_What is your name?"_

"_You know my name!"_

"_Tell me your fucking name!"_

"_Jade."_

"_How old are you?"_

"_Have you lost your mind?"_

"_How many years of age are you at this moment?"_

"_I'm eighteen."_

"_What do you do?"_

"_I fight."_

"_No, you don't fight. You practice an art. You strive to be the best in the world at what you do, you practice with others who want the same exact thing, you train and practice and learn every single day to be better than them. You work your ass off for this, don't you dare devalue what you do with such a term as 'fighting.' You want people to respect you because of your skill, talent, and knowledge, not because they're frightened of you."_

"_Okay."_

"_Tell me again, what do you do?"_

"_I'm a martial artist."_

"_Are you sure of all of the things you've just told me?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Then don't you tell me you don't know who you are anymore. You know exactly who you are. You've suffered a tremendous loss, but you haven't lost yourself."_

* * *

_Seven days...Seven days...Seven days..._

* * *

"_Look at me."_

"_No."_

"_Please?"_

"_No."_

"_Why not?"_

"_Leave me alone."_

"_Vega, you need to relax. Everything's okay, nothing's broken, relax."_

"_It was a disaster and you know it. Everybody knows it."_

"_You are the only person upset over this."_

"_They're laughing at me."_

"_Are they? I must've gone deaf for a few minutes there, because I didn't hear anyone laughing."_

"_Whatever..."_

"_Come here."_

"_Stop."_

"_No, you don't get a choice. I'm gonna hug you and you're going to deal with it."_

"_I hate you."_

"_No you don't."_

"_I know."_

* * *

"_Why are they hugging?"_

"_They're grappling."_

"_No, I'm pretty sure they're hugging."_

"_Who in the right mind would hug their opponent in the middle of a fight?"_

"_A pacifist."_

"_But by that logic, they wouldn't be fighting to begin with."_

"_Well, I don't know his story, so don't ask me. I'm just assuming that he had a change of heart and- never mind, he's unconscious."_

"_Told you."_

"_My dear mistress, I'm ever so sorry for doubting you."_

_..._

"_What? Too much?"_

"_Mistress? Have you been reading those erotic novels again?"_

"_I might have skimmed through one or two."_

"_Are you suggesting that I be your dominatrix or your side chick while you marry someone else?"_

"_As much as people love to suggest that we'd make an adorable couple, I have this vivid picture in my mind of them seeing us; me with a collar around my neck and you holding onto a leash attached to the collar."_

"_So you've been having fantasies about me?"_

"_Yes, is that bad?"_

"_Do tell."_

"_Jade, I don't think I can with a straight face."_

"_Wouldn't it be funny though if we actually did end up dating?"_

"_What are you playing at?"_

"_Well, where's the fun in knowing?"_

* * *

"You're doing it again."

Jade looked up from where she had been studying the concrete, lost in thought, "What?"

"You're over-thinking things," Tori told her, as she put her hand on Jade's knee to keep it still. "It's okay."

"Okay? You think this is okay?" She just laughed, "This is pretty fucking far from okay!"

Tori took hold of Jade's hand and held it tight, "Listen, I've made peace with my fate. It's your turn now."

"I can't-" Jade shook her head, "I can't make peace with it. I can't just be okay with losing you all over again! Oh, yeah, I did everything I could to get you out and keep you safe, but no, it's okay because, why? Because we can still see each other on opposite sides of a plexiglass wall for the next fifteen years, maybe more? Yeah, sure, let me just forget about everything and focus on how I might actually be able to hug you without getting shouted at to not touch inmates sometime in the next few decades!"

"Stop it!" Randy growled at them in his rarely used authoritative tone. "Jade, shut up, okay? You're not helping a damned thing by acting like this."

Jade stood up quickly, the chair being pushed back against the wall as she moved to leave. Randy grabbed her shoulder and pushed her back into a wall, stepping closer and talking just low enough that Tori couldn't quite hear what he was saying.

"Miss Vega," James called out from the doorway, "It's time."

Randy gave one last stern look toward Jade before following them into the courtroom. Tori went with James up to the desk, while Randy steered Jade toward the seats behind them. A moment later, an officer walked into the courtroom with Steven by his side. Jade tried to focus on all of the voices, but they all seemed to blend together as she found it harder and harder to stay calm.

She was able to focus a little better as Tori was called to the stands. Steven's lawyer looked like a stone cold man, and fired off question after question.

"Miss Vega, when and where did you meet Mr. Carson?"

"I met him at a friend's house in Florence in fall of 2014."

"How old were you at that time?"

"21."

"When did you and Mr. Carson begin dating?"

"About a month after we met."

"And was it consensual?"

"Yes."

"Is it true that Mr. Carson would give you drugs in exchange for sex?"

"For a while, yes."

"When did that end?"

"It didn't, he just started to demand money as well."

"When did that start?"

"Three months ago."

"And when did you reconnect with Miss West?"

"Three months ago."

"Are the two events related?"

"I believe so."

"So you believe Mr. Carson began demanding money once he was aware that you could get it for him?"

"Yes."

"What leads you to believe he knew about Miss West?"

"He was tracking me. He had a tracker put in my phone, and there were cameras all over the apartment. I had no idea of all of this until it was brought to my attention by a friend."

"What proof do you have?"

Tori looked toward Mr. Holsten, and he held up a folder with several documents inside. The bailiff took the folder from him and handed it to the judge. James stood up, "Your honor, those documents are data records of Miss Vega's cell phone, as well as photos of the cameras found in Mr. Carson's apartment. The tracker installed in her phone would notify Steven if she were to leave a designated area he'd set, as well as sending him copies of each and every text message, call, and email that she sent or received dating back to March of this year."

Judge Lawrence, put his glasses on and looked over the documents for a few moments. Steven's lawyer, Mr. Dent, held out his hand as well, "Your honor, if I may?"

The bailiff took the folder from the judge and handed it to Mr. Dent. He scanned through the papers quickly, then stopped on a few in particular. "Miss Vega, it looks clear to me from these records that several trips were made to Miss West's residence. What happened in those visits?"

"The first visit was the first time I'd seen Jade in over six years."

"If you had spent so long away from her, what reason did you have for going back?"

"A good friend of mine is in a relationship with one of Jade's trainers, and after she figured out that we knew each other, she wanted to get us together. Since Jade and I both had an interest in seeing each other again, we agreed."

"Was this when you two resumed your romantic relationship?"

"Objection!" Mr. Holsten said as he stood up.

"Overruled," the judge quickly responded.

Tori cleared her throat, "No, it wasn't."

"When did it resume?"

"A few weeks later, I don't remember the exact date."

"Around when do you believe Steven was made aware of this?"

Mr. Holsten stood up once more, "Objection, calls for speculation, your honor."

"Sustained," Judge Lawrence granted.

Mr. Dent turned away from Tori and the corner of his mouth twitched ever so slightly. His questioning stopped after another minute or two, and Jade was back to putting all of her energy into staying calm. Eventually, the jury left the room to begin their ruling.

Less than twenty minutes of Jade staring off into space, her mind a jumbled mess, the jury returned to the courtroom. Her heart became heavy as she waited for the verdict. The judge sat back down and looked toward the jurors, "Have you reached a verdict?"

One of them, a middle aged woman, stood up and held out a piece of paper, "We have your honor."

The bailiff took the paper and handed it to the judge. He put his glasses back on and the entire room was silent as he read. "Due to a very unfortunate mishandling of evidence, all charges on both Mr. Carson and Miss Vega have been dropped. Mr. Carson is to be released immediately."

Jade looked over and caught Steven's eye. In her peripheral vision, she could see that nobody else was looking at them, so nobody else saw Steven mouth the words, "You're dead."

* * *

"This is unbelievable."

I stared up at the ceiling, still unsure of what to say. I hadn't really said much to anyone since we'd left the courthouse. My mind was reeling, wondering how and why things just so happened to work out so well. It didn't make sense.

"Nobody accidentally _mishandles_ mountains of evidence. It's impossible to compromise that much just by some random happenstance."

Tori sighed and laid her head on my arm, "You're thinking way too much about this. Maybe someone did fuck up. It could be possible to fuck up so horribly that you defy all logic. I really doubt there would be any other explanation."

"What if someone..." I stopped as I suddenly remembered.

_**Flashback**_

_I followed Tori back to the front door of the house, but just as I stepped onto the porch, I felt a hand on my arm. I looked back to see Charlie's hand wrapped tightly around my bicep and an intense look on his face._

_"Listen up," he talked quietly, his eyes darting between my own and where Tori had gone. "Tori's a good kid. She made a big mistake joining up with us and the shit she's done will haunt her for a long time. She's got potential, don't let her waste it. Push her, force her out of her comfort zone, make her be as great as I know she can be. Do that, and take Steven out of the whole equation, and you have my word that she won't spend a day in jail."_

_I turned to say something to him, but he just let me go and shut the door. I wasn't totally sure how much I could trust the word of someone with his history, but I figured he'd rose to and stayed in power long enough that people had to have trusted him. I just couldn't help but wonder how he'd manage to pull off getting her out of that much trouble._

_**End of Flashback**_

"Charlie," I muttered.

Tori's curiosity seemed piqued at the name, "What?"

"When we went to visit him that one night, he stopped me as I was walking out the door and told me that if I did what he told me to, that he'd make sure you didn't spend a day in jail."

She raised an eyebrow, "What were his conditions?"

"That I take Steven out of the equation, and that I take care of you and make sure you end up being as great as he knew you would be."

"That sounds like Charlie, but..."

I looked over, "What?"

"We didn't really take care of Steven...he's a free man right now."

"Are you scared?"

She licked her lips and ran her fingers through her hair, "A little bit."

I rolled over to face her and reached out to touch her cheek. She flinched a little bit, then squeezed her eyes shut tight for a second, and whispered, "I'm sorry."

I hooked my hand around the back of her neck and pulled her into a kiss. I moved on top of her and pushed a few strands of hair away from her face, "You're safe with me. He won't ever hurt you again as long as I have a say in it."

"I don't want him to hurt you, either."

I smirked, "Give me a little bit of credit, I dodged a fucking bullet."

She shrugged, "Yes, but I'd prefer you not be in such a situation again."

I kissed her again, longer and more purposeful than the first. "I'll do whatever it takes, but everything will be okay."

"I was scared today," she whispered, her hands locked tightly around the back of my neck, "I was just as afraid as you were. Those few hours were horrible. I don't ever want to have to do that again."

"Those pictures bothered you, didn't they?" I recalled seeing crime scene photos as evidence in parts of the case. Some more graphic than others, but each and every one I could remember some little bit of information she had told me about the incident, and I knew it was tearing her apart to see it all over again.

She just nodded sadly.

"It's all over now, you don't have to worry about it anymore."

"I killed so many people, Jade," she mumbled, a tear escaping the corner of her eye.

I wiped it away with my thumb, "I know."

"I thought you would've been disgusted with me when you found out."

I shrugged, "I would be usually, but I know that the person who was responsible for all of those people wasn't you. I don't know who it was, but it wasn't the Tori I know. I'll make sure whoever that was never comes back."

"I don't want to be that person again."

"You won't be. I won't let you."

* * *

**A/N: The first block is a conversation between Jade and a few of her trainers, one being Randy. The next one is a memory of an interview the CEO of SFC talking about Jade as a fighter. The second block is one part entirely made up of one of Jade's trainers talking, and the next is Jade, Randy, and James. The third block is a conversation between Jade and Tori, then between Jade and Randy.**

**I was having awful writer's block with this chapter, and decided to roll with what I was able to get. The next few days will be busy for me, so the next update will be at least next week.**

**"Never underestimate your opponent." Is a quote from Sun Tzu, who wrote The Art of War.**


	36. Trust

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

******A/N: I've been really trying to break out of this desire to only write dialogue. It's always been what I've been most comfortable with, but I know that isn't all that makes up a story. Feedback is always great; please do let me know what I'm doing wrong so I can fix it and make it better.  
******

* * *

"Found this inside the front gate," Randy announced as he walked into the kitchen and set a box on the kitchen counter.

I put down my water bottle and looked at the box, only a bit smaller than a shoe box. My name had been written on the top in sloppy handwriting, as if it were hurriedly done, in red that looked suspiciously like blood. Tori glanced over, rolled her eyes, and went back to eating her breakfast.

I rested my chin on my hand and looked over at Randy, "I'm not totally sure what it is about this box that makes me apprehensive of opening it."

He raised an eyebrow and sat down on a bar stool on the other side of Beck, "Really? Because I can think of several reasons."

Tori quickly swallowed the food in her mouth and shook her head, "It's fine."

"It's fine? That's all you have to offer on the subject?" I asked, very unsure about it. For all I knew, it could be a bomb or a severed hand or something.

She didn't look worried at all, only slightly annoyed that we were interrupting her breakfast, "Charlie likes to do that. It's just a joke, it means he likes you."

"Writing people's names in blood?"

"Christ, it's paint. I'd think by now you'd know the difference between blood and paint."

Randy rubbed his finger over the writing and shrugged, "She's right."

I huffed, "If we all get blown to bits, I'm blaming it on you."

"You have a lot of confidence in us surviving such a thing."

I ripped the tape open and unfolded the top of the box. Inside was a note. "Jade, I held up my end of the deal, now it's your turn. Double jeopardy saved Tori's ass this time, but Steven's free too. Don't wait for the law to help you, it's your turn to play god. Roll high, baby."

I set the paper down in front of Tori, "What does this mean?"

She sighed quietly, as if trying not to, and leaned back a little to be able to read it, "Double jeopardy, basically a law put in place to prevent someone from being tried for something again after being acquitted. As for the last part, he's telling you to kill him, obviously. He always tells people to roll high, it's his way of saying good luck."

I looked back into the box and moved around some crumpled up newspapers to first reveal the metal, matte black finish of something. I knew what it was even before moving the rest of the papers. I removed the pistol from the box and put it on the counter. Tori's attention was now completely off her food and on the gun, a distressed look on her face. Beck and Cat were both equally dumbstruck, while Randy stepped forward and picked it up. He slid the magazine out, looked into it, then slid it back in.

"Well, it's certainly loaded."

"He actually wants me to kill Steven," I muttered.

Tori pushed her plate further away, trying not to look at it. Her face was pale. "I think I'm going to be sick."

She quickly got up and ran out of the kitchen, her footsteps echoing down the hallway. Cat was quick to follow her. I looked at Randy, "What the fuck am I supposed to do?"

He cleared his throat and carefully set the gun down on the counter, "Well, for starters, it's probably best to get rid of that. Say even the most perfect scenario played out; he tried to break in or something, you shoot him, he dies, then it's over. You know what'll happen? You'll get charged for possession of a gun that isn't in your name."

"You know...the more this plays out, the more it seems clear to me that I'm never going to win."

"No, probably not." He smiled, a small, quiet smile, the sort a parent would give to a child that had just had some major setback, and they wanted them to keep trying. "You chose this. I told you I'd have your back every step of the way, and that hasn't changed."

I studied the gun closely, "Yeah, it'd be nice if lady luck were on my side, too."

* * *

Things carried on as normal. Jade continued training, and Tori continued down the slow path of recovery. Mikey's mood seemed to turn around completely as Ace continued to grow, and it wasn't at all uncommon for the two to spend the entire day outside playing. It was one of those unspoken rules that unless something were to happen, nobody mentioned anything about the elephant in the room. Nobody talked about it, but they all felt the dark shroud of dread in every facet of their day-to-day lives. A trip was being finalized to visit Norway just after the new year. Christmas was fast approaching, the weather was getting colder, the days shorter, the nights longer. Even with all of the windows wide open and the absence of any curtains or drapes, the house felt dark. Tori used to feel the house was bright and uplifting, a comfortable environment, not unlike Jade's home as a child. Now she felt little difference in the house compared to the dingy apartment she used to live in. The home was still safe, and she wasn't in any real harm, but she still felt that shadow of Steven lurking behind every corner, waiting to terrorize her as soon as she let her guard down. It was tense; while not entirely unpleasant, there was only a dim reminder of how peaceful the house once was.

Tori continued seeing Tammy every single week. She wouldn't even hear the idea of another hypnosis session, though she did allow her to ask numerous questions, similar to some sort of interrogation. The questions brought back more memories she would've much rather kept buried, but the method did seem to ease her mind ever so slightly. She tried like hell to keep herself together on a daily basis, but it grew increasingly difficult. While Randy heavily regulated when she could and couldn't take the medication, not many thought about doing the same for alcohol. She heard his voice in her head, she could still smell that sickly sweet scent of cologne and marijuana smoke, she kept thinking she would see him in places he had no business being in. One particularly bad incident in which she had a vivid hallucination of him in the bathroom while she was taking a shower ended in her crying for an hour straight before finally falling asleep in Jade's arms.

Her mind slowly began regressing back into its deteriorated state. She had trouble concentrating and making simple decisions. The years of living with this same mind helped her in hiding it extraordinarily well. With everyone else so focused on Jade's training, or Cat with her work, nobody seemed to notice her falling deeper into the pit. Randy gave her a pill after a few days of little sleep, and rather than taking it, she hid it in the pocket of a pair of jeans in the closet. She didn't entirely know why, only that she felt the need to do so. She saved the next three, as well. She didn't get much sleep.

She sat in Jade's private lounge area, right in the middle of the large couch, her feet up on the footrest. The lights of the city beyond the large windows blurred in and out of focus as she set down the empty beer bottle. She heard the quiet clink of glass hitting glass before she twisted the cap off of another. She didn't quite enjoy the taste of it, as the only beer Jade had in her house wasn't really her favorite, though it was a bit better than cheap wine out of a brown paper bag. The nightmares and sleep paralysis had gotten worse, and she felt no desire to sleep. Jade had more or less gotten use to the absence, and didn't pay much mind to it anymore when Tori would be gone when she woke up. Tori spent most of her nights lying awake, usually in this very room, either binge drinking or reading – sometimes both.

She'd been kicking an idea around in her head for quite some time. Everything about the idea raised red flags, and she knew it could possibly go horribly wrong, but she had a gut feeling that, just maybe, it would help her. She had no solid proof of how or why it might be her brightness at the end of the tunnel, only a simple understanding of Jade's mind, and how it worked, as well as her own, and how it worked. The chances of Jade taking the idea badly were high, almost as high as the possibility of the outcome ruining any chance she'd have for a stable future. She hated herself for even considering an idea with such drastic consequences, but it wasn't exactly a thought she could repress.

The stories were all the same; it's that 'parting dose' they'd call it. _Yes, I swear to you I'm going to quit, I just want one more._ One more dose. It was the same notion that had brought in so much extra money for Steven. That one time, for that one parting dose, he'd slip in something particularly potent, enough so that the urge to get more would overpower the urge to quit, and they'd fall right back into the old habit. Of course, he'd be right back to giving them the same old stuff, but he wouldn't lose a customer. It's a sick game that is so often played. A vicious cycle. You never really quit once you start. They always said it, and it always seemed to be true.

Psychology is a funny thing – the brain trying to understand itself. It's fascinating, once you learn how or why people do or think what they do. Mental illness always makes a little more sense when you break down the hows and whys of it. Addiction is a fickle thing. It makes you do things you'd never normally do, just for one more fix. It plays off of the weaknesses in your mind, it thrives on a lack of discipline and self control. It doesn't care who you are, where you come from, or how strong you are. It will break you down piece by piece until there's nothing left.

Addiction is that intimidating man in a dark alleyway, taking advantage of the woman way in over her head, thinking she could walk home, alone, through the bad part of town. Addiction is that breaking point a person reaches when they've had enough, when they're done, when they give up and lash out in the most horrible ways against those who had wronged them. Addiction is that abusive ex-boyfriend who couldn't ever give you up, and had to stalk you, looming just out of sight, but still undoubtedly present, in order to bully you into doing what he wanted.

She knew this all too well, yet she had one last card in her hand she had to play before everything was lost. It was an all-in sort of idea. The double or nothing, the win all or lose all. Comparatively, it was among the worst ideas she'd ever had, but it was still among some of the most brilliant. A horrible idea with such great potential. She could only hope it worked out as well as it seemed to in her mind.

* * *

**Tori's POV**

"They called it a parting dose...the dealers always loved hearing that someone wanted one. They knew how easy it would be to drag them back in, without ever letting them know that they'd been played for a fool. In reality, if you took the exact same drug, the exact same dose, one last time, sometimes it actually helps a person make peace with it. It's like...kissing your partner one last time, and telling them you love them, just before they die. You know you can't ever go back, but it eases your mind a little in knowing you had that one moment before it was all over."

"It sounds like you're very much convinced that this idea will work."

I nodded. My hands were clasped tight together and there was still a dull ache in my head. The thought of the consequences of my idea scared me to death; the last thing I wanted was to ruin everything all over for Jade. I still hadn't forgiven myself for everything else I put her through. Maybe I was just being selfish.

"It sounds like it could have devastating consequences, if you're wrong."

"That's the reason I haven't actually done anything yet. I'm terrified about what might happen."

Tammy smiled and tilted her head slightly, "Well, let me ask you this; is the risk worth the reward?"

I sighed, "I hope so."

"You don't sound certain."

"I'm not. I keep wondering if involving her at all will have any sort of benefit. I'm hoping that she'll understand and maybe it'll help her too, but I just don't think that will be the case." I looked down at my hands, "I don't want to hurt her more than I already have."

She laced her fingers together across her knee, "It seems you still feel guilty for what has happened between you two."

I looked down at the floor, "I do."

"Forgive me if I'm wrong, but she seems like the definitive type. She doesn't strike me as the sort of person to be easily persuaded or manipulated. She has a strong spirit and mind. I believe that she would leave you if she wanted to, but she hasn't, has she?"

"Not yet."

"Well, you of all people should know that the future doesn't always matter as much as the present. You have her now, take solace in knowing that."

* * *

My stomach still hurt, though not nearly as bad as it did. I would have liked to say that I was used to the pain of withdrawal, but I wasn't. I knew what it felt like, I knew how horrible it was, but yet it was never enough of a deterrent for me. I would keep on going right back, every single time. I was never able to quit through sheer willpower alone, only through having my supply taken away from me, one way or another. Yet, here I was, eight pills in my hand, collected over the past two and a half weeks. If anyone had asked why I hadn't taken them, I wouldn't have been able to give them an answer. Randy had given me the pills, and I didn't even think of taking them, only about where I would hide it that time.

I had to give a little bit of credit to my countless experiences in withdrawal, allowing me to hide the symptoms so well that nobody ever suspected a thing. As far as everyone else knew, my sanity was still hinged on those pills. It wasn't, and my own strength came as a shock to me. I hadn't ever thought myself capable of resisting the urges, let alone consistently.

I watched Jade train five days a week, and rest on two. The progress she made was visible to everyone; each day she became faster, stronger, smarter. Each day was an improvement, even her off-days. Her days had a sense of routine to them, even though more often than not, none of the specifics were planned. She knew which days she trained on, and she knew what she would be working on that day. She was always out of bed before I was, usually back from a morning run, showered, and eating breakfast by the time I was ready to get out of bed. I wasn't sure whether or not she had realized just how frequently I watched her. Maybe she was too preoccupied with her training, or maybe she knew exactly what I was doing, and chose not to react to it.

She was almost always exhausted by the time she got ready for bed, and would usually fall asleep within moments of her head hitting the pillow. It had been a week since the last I had seen Tammy, and I knew it would be a few more before I saw her again. The holidays were fast approaching, and I knew, as soon as we returned from Norway, she would be working on her upcoming fights more and more. The tension in the house was still as noticeable as it had been since the trial. Jade was apprehensive, knowing Steven was free again – everyone was. I wasn't oblivious to how much more often their friends would come around. I noticed when I was rarely left out of anyone's sight, and took full advantage of when I was.

* * *

"I figured I'd find you in here," I heard Jade say as she closed the door behind her.

It seemed like a regular occurrence the past few weeks, where I'd just retreat into Jade's lounge and relax with another book and another beer. I easily convinced her to buy my favorite kind, which she eventually took a liking to as well. She didn't drink alcohol often, but even so, she seemed to have quite a bit of tolerance for it. Every once and a while she'd join me, though rather than a book, she'd be watching or reading something on her laptop or phone. This seemed to be one of those nights, as she set two extra beers down on the footrest, then sat down on the very edge, facing me. Something was different.

I looked over the top of my book at her, only for her to take the book from my hands and set it down on the footrest behind her. I clasped my hands together in my lap. She came in with a peace offering, and her same old charming smile, yet there was an intensity in her eyes. She licked her lips, and the little glint of the light of the lamp shining off of them captivated me. I recognized the look in her eyes; she wanted something, she was curious. Her demeanor and actions would likely make anyone else nervous, especially given what she's capable of. I only smiled back at her.

"Can I help you with something?"

My eyes quickly shifted from her hand resting on my knee, back to that tiny little glint of light on her lips, and to her eyes.

"I know you haven't been taking those pills Randy gives you."

I raised my hands a little, then set them back down in my lap, "You caught me."

She smirked, "Why?"

"I didn't want to."

"Why do I find it difficult to believe that you would just not want to take such an addictive drug anymore?"

I put my hand on top of hers. "Probably because I'm a recovering drug addict."

"Was there more of a reason in not taking it, or did you just not want it anymore?"

She wasn't asking if that were the case; she already knew it wasn't. It gets to be interesting when you know so much about a person, always wondering if you know what they're thinking or if they'll finally surprise you.

"I was...testing myself, I guess. I always liked to think that I had a little bit of control over myself, I just never bothered to see how much."

"Why?"

I smiled a little, "You remember all those crazy ideas I used to get?"

Jade visibly fought the urge to roll her eyes, "Yeah, I remember how many times you nearly got us into a shit load of trouble, too."

"Tell me it wasn't worth it."

She shook her head, but smiled anyway, "It usually was. You came up with some pretty stupid plans, but usually as crazy as they sounded, they turned out pretty good."

"I have another one...probably the craziest of them all. I don't even know if it will work out the way I want it to, but I want to give it a chance."

"I'm listening."

I hesitated, then asked, "I know that those medications messed you up really bad, but...have you ever felt the urge to take them again?"

She didn't seem to need to think about her answer at all, as it was nearly instantaneous. "Yeah, pretty often. Why?"

I knew at that moment that she was aware of exactly why I was asking, but wanted to hear me say it. It wasn't at all unlike her to know what I wanted before I did, though she would always make me say it. She didn't even react until the words left my mouth. "I want you to take them again. Just once."

"Please tell me you have more of a plan beyond having me take the drugs that nearly ruined my life once."

I sat on the edge of the couch so I was closer to her. "I saw it so many times; addicts wanting one last dose before they quit. They were always sabotaged so they weren't able to quit. I had the chance to let someone have their parting dose, the exact same dose they'd been on for so long, the same dose that let them fly on cloud nine. It only happened twice, but both times, they tried to not only keep the memories of the extraordinary emotions they felt with it, but to add on the sensations of one more thing that made them just as high as the drugs. It was the last dose they ever took, but rather than straight up quitting, they associated that other sensation with the high they felt from the drugs, and I guess it was easier for them to quit that way. I haven't talked to either in a long time, but for as long as I did know them, the urges were never as strong."

"And you think that this will help me?" She asked uncertainly.

"I didn't want to make this about myself, but if it helps push you in that direction, I think this is what I need. _You_ don't have to do it, but if you at least indulge _me_..."

Jade swallowed hard, a weakness showing from her that I wasn't used to seeing. I could see just how much the drug had broken her down. "Just so I know...you're wanting us to both take it, then...have sex?"

I nodded slowly, desperately searching her eyes for any clue as to what she was feeling, other than the discomfort at being reminded. "You don't have to."

She looked down at my hand on hers, "I don't trust myself."

I put my hand on her chin and made her look at me, then moved my hand to her cheek, "Do you trust me?"

"I just don't trust myself, it's not-"

"Jade, do you trust me?"

She pressed her lips tightly together and nodded. "Yes."

"I trust you. I won't ever let you fall back into that hole, all I ask is for you to do the same for me."

"I think you understand just as well as I do how crafty we can be. It's not...safe, to try it."

I ran my finger across the scar on the bridge of her nose, as well as the one on her shoulder, and on her left hand. The look in her eyes told me she knew what I was telling her, but I still said it anyway. "You've never been one to let the risk deter you from the reward. I know you're scared, but I know you. I won't let you break again. I'll hold you together no matter what it takes. You've never been afraid of danger, danger has always been afraid of you."

The corner of her mouth twitched at the same thing she always used to tell me when we were younger. "You really think this will work?"

"I'm not positive, but I do think that this is our best option right now. I don't think I can really start getting better unless I can relearn how to function without drugs."

She was quiet for a while, her eyes staying locked on mine, before she finally mumbled, "Okay." I raised an eyebrow, and she clarified, "I'll do it. I'm trusting you with my life here, please don't let me fall."

"Never."


	37. Don't Tell

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

******A/N: I'm mad at myself too for how long this took. Apologies.******

* * *

_**Flashback**_

"_She's been clean for what, a year now?"_

"_Something like that."_

"_Pisses me the fuck off," Steven muttered. "She was a lot of my profits. What the fuck am I gonna do now?"_

_I shrugged and brought my drink back to the couch. "You could...I don't know, trick her into getting hooked again."_

_He laughed, "Really? I didn't think you'd be the type to even suggest something like that."_

"_I've become a little desensitized these last few weeks. Don't know what it was about that night in jail, but fuck if I'm not done with snitches."_

"_In that case, I guess you wouldn't have any problem dealing to her again, since she was the reason, shit, what was his name? Dave, I think. She was the reason he's still locked up."_

_I took a sip of my drink, "I'm all for it. What do you want me to do?"_

_He put his feet up on the coffee table, "Get her high once. One time and she won't have the strength to stop again."_

"_You sure? I don't know if she'd fall so easily, seemed pretty adamant that she wanted nothing to do with 'em anymore."_

"_Doesn't matter how strong they are," he said, "She gets one more high and her body won't let her stop. She won't have a choice in it."_

_**End of Flashback**_

I opened my eyes and sat up to realize that I had fallen asleep on the couch in the lounge room. It took me all of half a second to remember the dream – a memory I had forgotten from several months ago. I fell back against the couch and sighed. I wished I had remembered before I had proposed the idea to Jade. I wasn't sure how I was going to explain that I wanted to take back the suggestion, knowing the idea was already planted in her mind. Not to mention the fact I'd only told her about it a few days ago.

I decided it was a conversation for morning, so I gathered up the energy to stand up and head for the door. As soon as I opened the door, I heard a voice.

"Please, you know I wouldn't ask if it weren't urgent."

It was Randy, and from the sound of it, he sounded incredibly distressed. It was more emotion than I was used to hearing from him, so it caught me off guard. I quickly closed up the lounge room and headed for the bedroom, making as little noise as possible, as to not let him know I was there. A small bit of moonlight illuminated the room, and I saw Cujo curled up next to Jade, who had taken the pillow from my side of the bed and was hugging it. I couldn't help but smile. Cujo raised his head as I entered, and almost looked disappointed as he dragged himself off of the bed and laid down near the windows.

"Sorry buddy," I whispered, scratching behind his ears.

I slid into bed, removing the pillow from Jade's grasp and putting it under my head. She frowned momentarily, but relaxed once she had her arms around me. I had to hold my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing at the childish, yet adorable gesture. I never would've thought to compare myself to a security blanket or a teddy bear, but that's what she made it feel like. I liked knowing that someone like her could feel that way toward someone, especially since it was me.

* * *

For the first time in a long while, Jade was still in the room when I woke up. Not only in the room, but still in bed, as well. The sun was bright, but the rays hadn't quite reached Jade yet. She was still sleeping peacefully, one arm folded under her head, the other slightly outstretched toward me, as if she just wanted to be as close as possible. I rolled over toward her and put my hand on her cheek, kissing her softly. She didn't seem to react at all, so I tried again, this time a little harder. A very small, almost unnoticeable twitch of her nose was all I got. I sighed and frowned. She was just as stubborn as always, even while asleep. I decided to try one more thing, and leaned forward to kiss her again, this time biting her lip as I pulled away.

She let out a sound that was somewhere between a groan and a sigh and was arguably the cutest noise I'd ever heard. Her eyes fluttered open slowly, adjusting to the light, and a small smile danced on her lips.

"Morning," she whispered.

"Morning," I smiled back and kissed her again, enjoying the reciprocation now that she was awake. Before we could really get anywhere though, we both felt the weight jump onto the bed as Cujo sat down right between us, his tail wagging.

"I'm sorry, I don't recall anyone inviting you up here," Jade grumbled. Cujo just tilted his head.

I knew what he wanted and reluctantly dragged myself out of the bed and opened the door for him. He ran down the hall and disappeared around the corner. I shut the door again and collapsed down onto the bed next to Jade and covered my face with my hands.

"What's on your mind?" She asked sleepily.

I lowered my hands and looked at her, her forearm resting across her face, "Would you think I'm crazy if I told you I changed my mind about getting high together?"

She barely reacted other than visibly trying to fight back a smile. "I already think you're crazy."

"Crazier?"

Jade shrugged, "I guess not. Can I know why though?"

"I realized I'd been lying to you the entire time, I just didn't know that I was lying." I stopped and let it sink in just how stupid that sentence sounded. "I probably could have worded that better."

"Probably," she agreed with an amused laugh. "Try again?"

I rested one hand on my stomach and put the other on top of her free hand, "See, when I told you about it the other day, I told you that I only had experiences with it working, but last night I had a dream about something I had forgotten, in which it not only didn't work, but it pretty much ruined someone's life after they'd gotten away from it all."

"Well, that's a little depressing," She seemed to move past it pretty quickly though and sat up, stretching out, "You're sure you don't want to do it?"

I nodded and sat up as well.

"Alright, we won't then."

"You're okay with that?" I asked, curious as to why it was so easy to convince her.

She looked entirely unaffected as she dragged her – naked – body out of bed and walked over to the closet. "I was only really doing it because you were so adamant on it. Besides," she crossed the room and turned on the light in the bathroom, "Randy's been quietly seething over it ever since I told him. He'll probably be happy."

I couldn't help but smile, "I find it incredibly amusing how you're capable of having a perfectly normal conversation while completely naked."

"Hey, I work my ass off to look this good, I'll be damned if I don't show it off," she shouted from the bathroom.

"More power to you, sweetheart. Just save the best parts for me, would you?"

"Always!"

I got up and headed for the door, and heard Jade's phone ringing on the nightstand as I was leaving. Downstairs, I turned to enter the kitchen and stepped out of the way just in time for a newly hyperactive five-year-old and two dogs to come barreling through the doorway. I steadied myself on the door frame as Mikey opened up the door to the backyard and took both dogs out. Cat, Beck, and Andre didn't even try to hide their laughter.

"Christ almighty, I just about got steamrolled," I grumbled as I sat down next to Cat with a cup of coffee.

Randy entered the kitchen just a few seconds later, "Sorry, I may have gotten them a little worked up."

"Poor little Tori here might never recover from that near-death experience," Cat teased me.

I huffed, "All the shit I've been through and a little kid is what'll finally do me in."

"Where's Jade?" Randy asked.

"Taking a shower."

He nodded, looking slightly unhappy, but hiding it well. I remembered the small bit of whatever conversation he had the night before, and guessed the two were related, but I didn't say anything.

It was almost forty-five minutes before Jade finally came downstairs, just as we were finishing breakfast. Mikey was quick to run over to her and tell her about something Ace had done, but she had an intense look on her face. She brushed him off as calmly as she could, and spoke to Randy in a very unhappy, but not entirely angry tone.

"Randy, we need to talk."

Her tone left no room for argument, and he followed her without a word.

"Hey Mikey, what do you say we play fetch with the dogs for a bit?" Beck suggested. The dogs instantly perked up and ran over to the door at the sound of one of their favorite words. Mikey easily went along with him, and the rest of us exchanged looks after they left.

"Wow," Andre mumbled, "She's pissed."

Cat nodded, "I wonder what got under her skin." She looked over to me, "Did you two have a fight or something?"

"Nope," I shook my head, "No, she was in a great mood when I came down here."

"I wonder if he finally did it." Cat and I both looked up at Andre, who quickly noticed the confusion, and continued, "Randy made an offhand comment the other day about calling Jade's dad in an attempt to get her to change her mind about takin' those drugs with you."

It made sense now. Randy must have been talking to Adam last night when I heard him, and the phone call Jade got this morning had to have been him. I put my head in my hands. I could only imagine what she had to have been feeling. I couldn't help but laugh at the irony.

"We had just talked about it this morning and decided not to do it."

"Well shit," Andre chuckled.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, just sipping coffee and waiting. It was about fifteen minutes before they returned, Randy looking just as calm as ever, and Jade focusing on her phone. She glanced up for a second, looked around, then asked, "Where's Beck?"

"They're all outside," Cat answered.

She put her phone down on the counter and thought for a second, then looked at me, "Do you have anything going on this week?"

"Well, you know with my booming social life, it'll be difficult to find time, but I suppose I could pencil you in," I deadpanned.

It was quiet for a few seconds, Andre and Cat both seeming like they were curious if what I had said was going to get me punched in the teeth or not. Jade finally cracked a smile, "I guess I should've expected that."

I shrugged, "I learned from the best."

"So you'll be good to take a trip?"

"I usually only do what you do anyway, so yeah. Why and where?"

She quickly looked toward Randy and gave him a very slight, almost entirely indistinguishable scowl, "My dad wants us to come to New York to visit for a couple days."

I knew it was entirely related to whatever had gone on between the three of them, I didn't even have to ask. However, knowing her dad, this visit was going to be incredibly stressful. He always was and probably still is protective over his baby girl, so it wasn't hard to guess that he wasn't happy about her getting in trouble again.

"So," I swirled around the remaining coffee in my cup, "When are we leaving?

"I'm not sure yet. I'll have to check with Beck about my schedule and see when I've got some spare time. We'll only be gone two days, so it shouldn't be difficult."

"We could also just move around the days off and keep everything else the same. We'd lose a day but it's hardly the end of the world," Randy offered.

Jade still seemed to be annoyed at him, to some small degree, but nodded anyway before heading out to the backyard. A minute or so went by after she left when I finally looked over to Randy and caught his eye. He gave me a small smile, as if simultaneously apologizing and thanking me. I just nodded back at him.

"Okay, so, um, change of plans," Jade announced as soon as she was back inside. "We're leaving today. Actually the flight leaves in about four hours."

I downed the last of my coffee and stood up, "Thank god you didn't warn me last minute. That would've been so inconvenient."

"You have like three hours. Two and a half maybe. That should be more than enough."

* * *

"I hate people, I hate airports, I hate traffic, I hate people, I hate timezones. Did I mention I hate people?"

Jade pressed the elevator button to our floor and shook her head, "I don't think you did."

"Okay, well, I hate people."

"You hate some people."

I just grunted.

She nudged me with her elbow, "We made it out alive. That's got to count for something."

The elevator doors opened, and we stepped out into a hallway with very few doors; only about four on each side. She led the way to the last one on the right side and slid the card into the door to open it. I turned the lights on and looked around the room. The ceiling was quite high in the living area, typical of New York architecture. Massive floor-to-ceiling windows lined the entire back wall, and the curtains were pulled to the sides, allowing the lights of the city glowed through, though I could tell we were far too high up for privacy to be an actual problem. The walls were made of a light wood, and the furniture was all either white or grey. The TV on the wall had to be at least 50 inches.

"This place is nice," I commented as I walked toward the windows.

I heard the sound of some rustling coming from the small kitchen area just off to the side of the door way, and a sudden, "Aha!"

I turned around just as Jade tossed what looked like a menu at me. I barely caught it and looked it over, realizing it was a room service menu. She turned the page for me to the alcohol section with a mischievous smile on her face.

"Aren't you not supposed to drink alcohol?" I asked.

"I won't tell if you won't," she smirked. I just rolled my eyes. "What do you want?"

I looked it over before handing it back, "Get some champagne, vodka, and orange juice."

She raised an eyebrow, "That's quite a tall order. What are you gonna do with it all?"

"Screwdriver because it's my favorite, and champagne because I'm fancy like that."

"Whatever you want, sweetheart," she responded with a shrug.

I turned on the TV and sat on the couch while she called room service. Eventually she joined me, and we settled on a channel that had ghost shows of some sort on for the rest of the night. Room service arrived a few minutes later, and I showed Jade how to make the drink.

"It's just equal parts vodka and orange juice. You can kind of guess on it. I usually put a tad more vodka in than orange juice, but that's just me being an alcoholic."

She picked up the glass and swirled the drink around, "I've never had a mixed drink before, this is a little weird to me."

I took a sip of the second one I mixed, "Really?"

"I mostly just drank beer. Plus once I was actually being good about my diet and all that, I didn't drink much of any alcohol."

I watched as she sniffed the drink first, then hesitantly brought it up to her lips. Her nose scrunched up slightly as soon as the liquid was in her mouth, and she swallowed quickly. I just grinned and opened the orange juice to pour in a little more.

She took another sip, then smirked back at me, "I like it."

I poured just a little more vodka into mine, "Excuse me while I get trashed in preparation for whatever awaits us tomorrow."

"What do you think is going to happen?"

"Knowing your dad? I've got no fucking clue. I don't even know entirely why we're here, to be honest," I told her as I walked over to the windows.

She followed close behind, "Well, it's not going to be entirely bad."

"Somehow "not entirely bad" isn't very reassuring."

"He just wants to talk to us, and I guess it was important enough it couldn't wait until Christmas." Jade wrapped her arm around my waist and stood next to me, looking out over the city.

I took a large gulp of my drink, "I'm still getting trashed either way."

She did the same with hers, "Nobody has to know."

"Know what?" I asked her, feigning confusion.

"Exactly."

* * *

**Jade's POV**

"Wait, you wanted us to _walk_?"

"Yeah, is that a problem?" We exited the hotel and I pulled my hood up.

She did the same and tucked her hands in her pockets, "It's cold as shit out here."

"It's just a couple blocks away, you won't die."

I could admit New York was _much_ colder than home, I couldn't help but laugh to myself, thinking about how much worse Norway would be.

My amusement didn't escape her attention, "What's so funny?"

"You might die in Norway," I joked.

"You hate me, don't you?"

I chuckled and wrapped my arm around her, pulling her close. Tori tried to push me away, but just laughed when I didn't let go.

The streets were busy, even if it was nine in the morning on a week day. We wound our way in and out of the crowd, making our way to the massive, twenty-two storey building my dad worked in.

"Good morning, what can I do for you?" The lady at the desk asked as I walked up, a friendly smile on her face.

"I'm here to see Adam West."

She glanced at her computer, "Do you have an appointment?"

I shook my head, "No, probably not. I'm his daughter, he asked me to stop by."

"May I see your I.D. please?" She was hesitant as she picked up the phone.

I pulled it out of my wallet and showed it to her. She dialed a number and waited a few seconds. "Mr. West, there's a Jade West here to see you...Yes, sir." She hung up and looked to me, "He's in his office. Do you know where it is?"

I nodded and started to walk off, "Yep, thanks."

"This is the most executive fucking building I've ever been in," Tori mumbled as soon as we were in the elevator.

"Executive?"

She waved her arm around, "The elevator is plated in gold!"

"It's not real," I paused, "I don't think."

The doors opened up and I led her down the hallway to his door. I knocked and walked in. He stood up from his desk immediately and walked over to give me a hug, "I'm so glad you could come today."

As soon as he stepped away, he offered a hug to Tori as well, which visibly seemed to relax her a little. He gestured toward a small seating area just off to the side of his desk, "Let's sit down. Do either of you want anything to drink?"

I winked at him, and he smiled, then looked to Tori, "Scotch?"

She nodded, but didn't say anything, and we sat down on the couch. He brought over three small glasses with scotch, and settled in the chair across from us. He took a sip before starting, "So, I understand this was a little on short notice, and likely a little inconvenient given your training schedule, but I felt the things I needed to say were best expressed in person. I could have waited until I came to visit for Christmas, but there was no need to put a damper on that holiday for this."

"You sure did have a bit to say on the phone," I commented.

"I was a little caught up in the moment, and perhaps said a little more than I had intended at the time. Randy made it sound very urgent, and I assumed the worst. I wanted to think that you had a little more control after you knew what happened."

I crossed one leg over the other and took a sip, "I do. I can agree that it's something I never should have even considered, but I can promise you that it won't happen."

"I'd certainly hope so. You know what's at stake here."

I nodded, "It was a mistake."

He paused, then continued, "Tori, if I may ask, what was your purpose in this idea? What had you hoped to accomplish?"

I was having trouble getting over the entire situation, knowing that it would be difficult to brush off without making the situation far more awkward than it needed to be. Tori seemed to be just as nervous in trying to formulate the right response. I wasn't sure what to expect, but it still wasn't what actually came out of her mouth.

"I was a drug addict and dealer for years, so I'm comfortable saying I know my way around them. I know what they do to you, how they make you feel, what you'd do for them. So believe me when I tell you I completely understand how Jade felt, and still feels about them. I can also tell you my memory isn't what it used to be, and there's a lot that has escaped me. I thought I knew how to solve both of our problems, basically coming down to neither of us being entirely ready to let go." She stopped for a moment to take a deep breath. "So that was when I told her my idea. It was only a few days afterward that I remembered just how wrong I was. I remembered there wasn't anything we really _could_ do to let go, and that the best option would be to stay away. I made my own mistake in my forgetfulness, but I can tell you that it hasn't happened, and won't happen. I'm quitting for good, and I know she is too. I won't let her lose herself again."

It was quiet for a few moments. I was trying to process all that she said, which was much better put than I probably could have ever pulled off. It was also a lot more brutally honest than I expected. My dad eventually smiled at her, "I'm glad to hear that. She has far too much going for her to give it all away. You do too."

"You really think so?" She asked hesitantly.

He smiled at her, "I believe you could do anything you wanted to, if you set your mind to it. You'd have a support system the whole way, too."

* * *

**Tori's POV**

As soon as we got back to the house, we were both exhausted. It was only ten at night, but even one night's difference in time had messed us both up. I immediately went upstairs to shower and go to bed, while Jade put Mikey to bed, since he had managed to negotiate with Randy to let him stay up until we got back. I stood under the warm water, letting it run over my body and relax me. I had been so incredibly stressed and nervous over the talk with Adam, but I couldn't even tell exactly why. That alone was enough to have me on edge, never mind the fact I was back in New York, a city that had more than its fair share of things I'd much rather have forgotten.

_**Flashback**_

_The rain was pounding down harder now on the roof of the small bus stop shelter, and the sound was almost deafening. I wrapped my arm tighter around myself and took a long drag of the cigarette, the smoke warming my lungs, if only for a few seconds. I was soaked, and freezing cold, just like Trish. She had it worse, and I knew that, since she didn't even have a jacket to keep herself warm. She didn't seem to care._

"_I convinced myself that nobody would come, but part of me was kind of hoping I would be wrong," she mumbled, her voice barely audible over the pouring rain._

_I sighed, smoke flowing out of my nostrils. The water was beginning to flood the street, and the splashes were still nipping at our feet. I wished she had let us stay in the enclosed shelter a half block down the road, but unfortunately, this had been the closest spot. She hadn't moved her eyes since she had lit her first cigarette. Her bright green eyes rimmed with makeup, threatening to run down her cheeks, by fault of rain or her tears. Both were entirely possible._

"_We were the only family she had left," I told her, "And we aren't even related. We were just all she had left."_

_Trish flicked the ashes away from her fourth cigarette, the little bits of smoldering paper being extinguished before they even hit the ground. "Nobody deserves that." She finally dared to look away from the small rock, barely larger than a river stone, that marked the grave of one of the only people she'd ever loved. "Nobody deserves to die alone and scared. It's just not right."_

"_Life isn't fair." I shifted my weight, the cold permeating my skin and chilling my bones. New York had never felt so miserable._

"_I should've been here for her. I shouldn't have gone back to LA. I fucked up, and she paid the price." She had started up again with her crying. I had a feeling it never really stopped, but now it was getting closer to the audible wails and choked out words._

_I tried to change her focus, but didn't manage to ease her sadness any, "What of the kid?"_

_She shook her head, "Better off in the system, if you ask me. It's a piece of shit, and I doubt he'll be happy, but it's better than being stuck in limbo. I don't care, man, if Deb tries to fuckin' take him back, I'll kill her myself. I'll fuckin' put a bullet right through her skull, I don't give a shit. Bi didn't devote her fuckin' life to that boy just to have him fall right back into the same trap. Besides, this is upstate New York. He's a good looking kid, sharp as a blade, he's ripe for the picking. Who knows, maybe he'll be adopted by some rich family who'll give him everything."_

"_Here's hoping," I muttered. I didn't know Bi nearly as well as Trish did, but I knew what she stood for. Deb never wanted the kid, treated him like trash. I knew that. Kids don't just fall and end up with deep, multicolor bruises all over their body. He hated his mother. That kind of hatred isn't even something you could breed. The hatred he had for those needles, the powders, the liquids. It was the type of hatred that could have only been tempered through years of abuse. Bi tried so hard to quit her addictions, but old habits die hard._

_She lit her fifth. "I swear to god," she mumbled around the small stick of paper and tobacco that she was attempting to light. The tip finally caught, and she inhaled deeply. As she spoke, the smoke filtered out of her mouth, as if it were cold enough to see her breath. It might have been. "People who do that shit to kids deserve to fuckin' die. I'm tempted to just kill that bitch and go back home. Not leave anything to chance, you know?"_

"_Who's stopping you?" The words were out before I really had the chance to think about them. I didn't have the same vendetta against Deb that she did, but I hated the way she treated her kid all the same._

"_Pissed as I am, I know I'm gonna get careless. I can't afford to go to prison for this shit." She stopped and stared back out toward the cemetery. "Maybe I'll get someone to give her a hotshot. You know, kill her the same way Bi had to go."_

_I shrugged, "It'd get the job done."_

"_Little too tame for my liking. She deserves to suffer, be tortured like she tortured the kid."_

_The thought made me sick. As much as I hated the woman, I still didn't like to think of something so horrific. Trish didn't even seem to notice my silence. "You know what? I'll get money wired out. That bitch is gonna pay."_

"_She didn't do this to Bi," I reminded her._

"_I don't fucking care." Trish was shaking. Maybe it was the cold, maybe it was her own rage. I didn't know. She was blind to reason now, and all I knew was that attempting to change her mind would be futile. I turned away from her and tried to ignore the words she spoke into her phone. I wished the rain had been a little more deafening. A chill went up my spine, and it had nothing to do with the rain or cold this time._

_**End of Flashback**_

I looked at the wet, stone wall of the shower, water pouring down my back and dripping from my eyelashes. I wiped my eyes and ran my fingers through my hair, tilting my head back to let the water fall directly on my face. The memory made me feel disgusting. I shook my head and sighed.

"I know what I have to do," I mumbled to nobody but myself.


	38. Lose Yourself

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

**A/N: So a lot has happened in the past month or so, but I won't give up on this story. Enjoy.**

* * *

"No, I'm sorry, but I'm not changing my mind."

"Why?"

"Really?" Jade almost threw another stray dumbbell back onto the rack, "Because I can barely handle things the way they are, Tori. With you and Mikey going through so much already, I have my hands full. That's _on top_ of trying to keep my career going. I'm so fucking close to everything I've ever wanted, okay? I'm so close. I can't handle any more. It's not going to happen, not in my house."

She added the last part as if gently suggesting that she wouldn't stop me if I did it in my own house. I wanted no part of that. I tried another angle, "I didn't say it had to happen today, or even next week or month. It's just on the table. It's something I want to do."

One more pair of gloves and she finished cleaning up the basement. She almost looked annoyed that the task was finished. "Yeah, okay, maybe. Later though, okay? I can't do it right now."

"I get that, I just wanted to run it by you," I smiled at her.

She shook her head and started up the stairs, "You kill me sometimes."

* * *

"_Who the fuck are you?"_

_I struggle to see through the tears in my eyes and the darkness of the dimly lit street. I saw the silhouette of a large man, but not much else. I rub at my eyes, "What?"_

_I heard a click and something hard being pressed against the side of my head. I dared to turn toward him, and stared down the barrel of a pistol. I panicked and flung myself backward. He kept the gun pointed straight at me, "This is my fucking turf, who are you and why the fuck are you here?"_

"_Holy fuck if this ain't some straight up Reservoir Dogs shit, man." A female voice cut through the terror clouding my mind. I glanced over and saw a woman crossing the street with a lit cigarette in her hand. She stopped next to the man and blew the smoke into his face. He barely reacted, almost as if he expected it, or he didn't want to show his annoyance. "What's going on here?"_

_He waved the gun at me, "This little bitch was squatting in my territory wearing that bullshit color."_

_She remained completely calm as she sized me up. "Alright, first off, put that gun away before I do it for you." To my surprise, he complied without hesitation, despite the fact he was easily twice her size, and armed, while she wasn't. Once his gun was put away, she continued, "Now, let's get one thing clear. This is not your territory, this is __**my**__ territory, okay? I doubt a certain man would be happy to hear you've been taking liberties, would he?"_

_He bowed his head like a scolded puppy. "No, I'm sorry." His voice dripped with humiliation._

"_I hear you keep harassing little girls, I'll take that gun of yours and shove it where the sun don't shine, you dig?" He nodded quickly, and she waved him away. She chuckled and shook her head. Her cigarette was tossed away and she knelt down. I couldn't see much of her face, since the streetlight was just behind her, but it seemed as if she could see me just fine. Her brows furrowed and she dragged her index finger around my cheeks, nose, and forehead. "Seventeen?"_

_It took me a few seconds to realize what she meant. "Uh, no, I-I'm sixteen."_

"_The fuck you doing out here?" She asked with the same complete and utter lack of couth she'd exhibited since she walked up._

_For reasons I didn't understand, I felt embarrassed telling her. Even though I'd just met her, I felt scared that she'd be disappointed in me. "I ran away from home."_

_She raised an eyebrow and stood up, offering her hand to me. I took it and she helped me to my feet. I could see her better now, and took the time to map out her face. She had bright green eyes that looked like they should only be possible with photoshop and I couldn't quite tell if her hair was dirty blonde, or just light brown. She was very attractive, and I still couldn't help but wonder what had just happened. It confused me as to why she had so much power over him with nothing more than a few colorful words.  
_

"_You probably shouldn't stay out here – pretty as you are, you're a sitting duck." She tilted her head, a disarming smile on her face, motioning for me to follow her. "So what's your name?"_

"_It's, uh, Tori," I answered, my voice still shaky after my life flashed before my eyes._

"_Jesus, kid, you're kinda wired up." She dug around in the pockets of her leather jacket, finally pulling out what looked like a cigarette. She held it between her lips to light it, then handed it to me. I hesitated, and she said, "It's not a cigarette. It'll help you relax. Just take a couple hits, not too big. Two second inhale at most."_

_I did as she said, taking two small hits of...whatever it was. She took it back afterward and continued smoking it. "Victoria," she said my name like it were a lyric to a song, enunciating each syllable. "God, that's a beautiful name, rolls off the tongue real nice. Anyone ever told you that?"_

_I nodded, finally starting to calm down, "Yeah, a few people. Most people just call me Tori, though."_

_She handed the last of, what I guessed to be a joint, to me. "My name's Trisha, but most people just take the 'a' off," she winked at me._

_I smiled back at her, "So...what happened back there?"_

"_Oh, it's a long story, honey." Trisha stopped under a streetlamp and looked at me. "Tell me, are you just like every other little kid I meet out here? Are you just going home in the morning after you stick it to your folks?"_

_I sighed and tried to fight off the sadness, knowing I would probably just continue crying if I thought more about it. "No, I don't know if I'm ever going back."_

"_Tell you what," she pulled a set of keys out of her pocket and turned toward the apartment building behind her, "You tell me your story, and I'll tell you mine. Deal?"_

"_Deal," I smiled._

* * *

Beck slid a piece of paper down the island counter to me, as well as a pencil. I looked between him and the paper, wondering what the hell he was up to at nine in the morning.

"You didn't forget to study, did you?" Cat asked, nudging me.

"Fuck," I grumbled. I looked the paper over and saw a list of businesses in or around the city. I raised an eyebrow at him.

He lowered his mug from his lips, "Jade wanted you to mark which places you'd want to work."

I still didn't quite understand, "Work?"

"Yeah, she wants you to get a job."

He left the room and I looked at Cat nervously, "I've never had a job before."

She just shrugged, "I mean, it's not hard. Plus, it'll give you something to do in the day. Got to look at it as a positive thing."

I sighed and looked through the list. I began crossing off things as I went, "Not working in fast food, gonna stay as far from customer service as possible, pretty sure she wanted me to work here just so she could get a discount..."

"Dude, she's fucking rich, she doesn't need discounts. She could wipe her ass with hundred dollar bills!"

"Could? What, you think we actually use real toilet paper?"

She rolled her eyes and smiled, "So what's left?"

"About twelve different bookstores, couple restaurants, and a few animal shelters."

"What are you thinking?"

I crossed my arms and absentmindedly tapped the eraser against my lip, "As much as I'd love to work in a bookstore, I think I want to work in a shelter."

She seemed skeptical, "I'd admire your restraint if you were able to do that. God knows I'd take home every damn animal."

"I don't know, as much horrible shit I've done, I feel like it's the least I could do to make a difference in another life. Since Jade has already expressed how adverse she is to the idea of child adoption, maybe working with animals would be what I need."

"Child adoption? You were considering that?"

"Part of me was," I admitted, "I had another one of those flashbacks, you know, remembering the shit I had forgotten, and I remembered this little kid I'd met back in New York. Mother treated him like trash, so he was taken away from her by someone else we knew. The kid hated drugs, and the new mom wasn't any better about 'em, but she was a hell of a lot better at taking care of him. She ended up overdosing and he got put in the system."

She thought for a moment and bit her lip, "This is going to sound really heartless, but why is that your problem? What do you care?"

"Honestly I had no reason whatsoever to care about that kid, other than the fact that he was just a little kid who didn't deserve the hand he was dealt. But a girl who was like my sister was really close to the girl who died – the one who took the kid in. She cared about them, and I cared about her. I don't know why, but I feel like I owe it to her to make a difference."

Cat studied the paper for a moment, then crossed out everything else that wasn't a shelter. "There. So who was the girl? Someone you've talked about?"

I tried to remember if I'd told her, but I couldn't. I knew I had probably talked about her in one way or another, but maybe not by name. "Her name was Trish. She was one of the first people I met after I ran away from home. She was a few years older, but understood me and my situation, never judged me. I swear she was my whole world for a while. All I cared about other than the drugs. I loved her."

She acted hesitant to ask the next question, waiting a few seconds before speaking, then asking slowly. "What happened to her?"

"Steven killed her." It hurt to think about. It had happened so long ago, but it still hurt so bad. "He said it was an accident, but I know it wasn't. You don't _accidentally_ stab someone over fifty times after shooting them."

"Oh," I could tell she wanted to know more, but wasn't willing to ask. I stood up and grabbed the paper. I wasn't willing to answer. At least, not directly.

"Just look up Trisha Parker if you want to know more. You can read all about it. Happened in Vegas, if that helps."

* * *

**Jade's POV**

I quickly refilled Cujo's dish with some fresh water as soon as I got back, and grabbed my own water bottle out of the fridge for a drink. Cat was sitting at the counter, her chin resting on her hand as she read something on her laptop. Figuring it was just another fashion review or something similar, I jokingly looked over her shoulder and asked, "Whatcha got there?"

She looked back momentarily, then kept reading, "News story."

"Anything interesting?" I asked, sitting down next to her.

"Not unless you find the murder of Tori's best friend by the hands of her ex-boyfriend interesting." She stated in the most nonchalant way.

She sold me pretty quick. "Let me see," I turned the screen toward me. "Trisha? I think she mentioned her before. She tells a lot of stories but never really says names."

"If it involved a woman she wasn't either having sex with or killing, then it was probably Trisha."

I raised an eyebrow and shrugged. I read a paragraph further down the page.

_Parker was found on the west end of Paradise Boulevard early Sunday morning, shot four times and stabbed fifty-two times. She was last seen exiting the Top Roll casino at 1 A.M. earlier that morning with an unidentified male and female._

"She wouldn't tell me anything else about it, but maybe she'd tell you," Cat said.

I pushed the laptop back, "She'll tell me if she wants to. Not gonna make her relive that if she's not ready."

"Why do you have to be like that?" I just looked at her, my eyebrow raised. "Acting like a good person."

I chuckled and stood up, "I'm curious too, but you've gotta admit, she's been through more shit than we could even imagine. Kind of eats away at you."

"It's just morbid curiosity, you know?"

"If you want my guess, Steven killed her because he felt she and Tori were too close, and she would become a threat in one way or another. But...don't quote me on that."

She scratched her head thoughtfully and looked at another result, "You're probably right. It does sound like him. I'll be honest, even _thinking_ about living with _only_ the things she's talked about makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry. I can't even imagine what she's feeling."

I licked my lips and grabbed my water bottle, "I'd imagine she's thinking that by this point, going to hell would be a luxury vacation."

* * *

**Tori's POV**

I gave up on sleep. I knew I wouldn't be able to close my eyes without my imagination showing me all the different ways things could go horribly wrong. I didn't know what to do. I stared at the stagnant, probably now cold cup of coffee sitting on the counter in front of me. I wasn't sure how long it'd been since Jade and Randy had left to take Mikey to sign up for a Tae Kwon Do class. He hadn't asked for much else other than that for Christmas, and Jade was ecstatic to have him start out in MMA.

My mind felt like it was in a fog. I heard footsteps out in the hallway, and I looked over to see Cat entering the kitchen. She looked at the mug sitting in front of me and put her hand on the side.

"Were you planning on drinking that anytime in the near future?"

I shrugged, "I had planned to."

She sat down next to me. "It doesn't look like it fought back. What made you stop?"

"Lot on my mind, I guess."

"Same stuff?" She asked.

I nodded and she picked up the mug to put it in the microwave. "I haven't been able to sleep," I admitted. "I can't stop thinking about what might happen."

"I don't get this _obsession _he has with you. It's just...weird." Cat retrieved the now reheated coffee and put it in front of me. "I know it's all way beyond me, I just don't get it."

I took a small sip of the coffee, the hot liquid warming my mouth and throat. "It's a sort of...eye for an eye thing, I guess. In a way, I betrayed him, so he wants to get even. He's already made it clear that if he has his way, I'll end up dead only after he makes me suffer."

"Seems like you've suffered a lot already."

"Time to die then," I muttered.

She put her arm around me, "You aren't going to die."

"You don't know that."

"I do, actually. You have a date with Jade tonight. It's poor etiquette to die on a date."

I just laughed, "Poor etiquette, right."

Cat pulled back, "Look, would you or would you not be inconvenienced if your date were to die?"

"I'm not sure _inconvenienced_ is the word I would use."

"Seriously though, aren't you excited?" I raised an eyebrow and she frowned. "This is like, your first _official_ date since, you know."

I shook my head and took a sip of my coffee, "I'm sure we'll have fun and it'll be a good time, but it's not some major thing in my mind, I guess."

She just sighed, "Alright, fine, _I'll_ be excited _for you._"

"You're a hopeless romantic."

"Do me a favor and let loose tonight, okay? Just forget about how much shit you're in and focus on her for a few hours. Lose yourself in the moment."

I couldn't help but start laughing, "Okay, Eminem."

* * *

"Are you going to be okay to drive?" Tori stopped just outside the door, forcing Jade to look at her.

Jade smirked and handed Tori the keys, "No, probably not."

She rolled her eyes and pointed a scolding finger at her inebriated girlfriend, as they walked to the car. "I told you that just because something is on draft doesn't mean 'all you can drink', but did you believe me? Oh no."

Jade just laughed and wrapped her arms around Tori from behind, "Look, okay, it's good stuff!"

Tori turned around as they got to the car and put her hands on either side of Jade's face, "I know sweetie, but you can buy it anytime."

She completely ignored the comment. "You're gorgeous."

"You are piss drunk," Tori laughed, shaking her head.

Jade hugged her and kissed her jaw, "You're still beautiful when I'm sober, though."

"Shut up," Tori mumbled, a smile on her face. She tilted Jade's head toward her and kissed her. Her hands tangled in Jade's hair as she was pinned between her and the car, she couldn't help but lose herself.

A loud pop woke her from her haze, and half a second later, there was another. It took her a second or two to understand what the pops were, given Jade wasn't the only one who had a little to drink. The moment she realized, Jade took a step back and looked down. They both saw the dark red spot on her shirt slowly getting bigger and bigger as it peeked out from behind her jacket. Jade collapsed into her, and as she fell to the ground, Tori saw another spot on her leg.

"Fuck!" She heard several pops of a gun jamming and a familiar voice shouting. Even through the darkness, she could see Steven running toward her, the lights in the parking lot glinting off of a knife in his hand. The look on his face made him look like an escaped asylum patient, a far cry from his usual stone cold demeanor.

She first felt the knife sinking into her arm as she raised it to shield herself. He easily overpowered her and threw her to the ground. Tori had no other option but to scream in pain as he stabbed her again, twice, three times. She tried to fight back, but she was no match for him.

Jade's intoxicated mind didn't understand why her leg wasn't working the way she wanted it to. The alcohol mixed with the adrenaline completely numbed all pain. She heard Tori's cries and forced herself to sit up. She blinked several times before it dawned on her how much trouble Tori was in, and she saw red. Despite her leg being nearly useless, she pulled herself up and lunged at the man. He lost his balance and Jade tackled him to the ground. She finally saw his face and her blood boiled. She lost all control.

_"I'll be honest with you, it scares me sometimes, because there's not a single doubt in my mind that, if provoked, she would easily and without hesitation beat a person to death. She is very dangerous, and as much as she's trained, there are certain things that will set her off. Someone hurting you or Mikey, for example. That...well, that'd be the end of it."_

Jade ripped the knife from his hand and plunged it into his chest with so much force that the blade snapped off. She got in several vicious punches to his face as he tried to fight her off. Her burning rage, adrenaline pulsing through her veins, and years of training made it like a child trying to fight off a hungry lion. Even Jade couldn't keep track of how many times she hit him. She began to feel lightheaded, but didn't slow down or lighten her assault until the moment she passed out.


	39. Tough Love

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

**A/N: Five days isn't so bad, right?  
**

* * *

I hated hospital food. I'd only been there two days and it annoyed me to no end. I was picking at some macaroni and cheese when I heard a knock on the door. I looked up and saw Charlie, studying the room, a disgusted look on his face.

"Man this place is fucking dull."

I laughed humorlessly, "The food sucks too."

He took the fork from me and took a bite. He paused a second before handing it back, "Yeah, that tastes like ass."

I pushed the tray away as he pulled up a chair and sat down, putting his feet on the edge of my bed. "What are you doing here?"

Charlie held up his hands, "What, I can't come see my sick little baby?"

I rolled my eyes, "Little baby?"

"Hey, come on now. Just cause you ran off to go tribbing with princess kick-ass over there, you think you aren't still my kid?"

I tried to keep from laughing, though unsuccessfully. I winced in pain and he frowned a little. "Have you seen her yet?"

"Nah, wanted to see your pretty face first." He picked up one of the green beans that looked repulsive to me, but seemed to be alright to him.

I leaned back, "What's the damage?"

He scratched his head, "Well, the boys are all mine again. The ones who sided with Steven were either taken care of, ran off, or wised up. Steven on the other hand, well, that's another story."

"Nobody has told me yet what happened. What of him?"

"To Steven? Shit, man, it was wicked brutal. My boys and I only showed up a bit before the EMTs. I'm telling you, I haven't seen so much overkill since Trey worked for us."

I raised an eyebrow, "He's dead?"

"Man, he's miles beyond dead. I swear, if Jade hadn't passed out from blood loss, the coroner might not have peeled enough of him off the pavement to bury. He didn't even have a fucking face anymore, man. Dozen or so teeth knocked out, not sure there was a single bone in his face that wasn't shattered. It was good seeing him dead, but not so great seeing you hurt. I'm really glad you're okay." I smiled at him, despite the horrifying picture he painted in my mind. He held out his hand, and I put mine in his. "Look, I had another reason to come here. There's something you need to know."

I looked at him curiously, my brows furrowed, "What?"

"It's about Trish." My heart sank at the thought. "With Steven dead and you moving forward in your life, I feel like there's something you should know. You and her were like sisters, and you were both like daughters to me, but..." he sighed and took a few seconds to get his thoughts together. "When Steven killed her, I can't even begin to tell you how much it tore me apart. It hurt more than you realize."

"She was like my sister, Charlie. I loved her, she meant so much to me. I know how you feel. It killed me too."

"No, you don't. Look, I know how much she meant to you, but you don't get it. He killed my daughter."

"I know, but-"

"Tori," he cut me off, "You're listening but you aren't _hearing_ me. You were – are – like my daughter, but Trish _was _my daughter."

I had no idea how to respond to that. I couldn't even begin to pull my thoughts together enough to speak. He continued anyway, his usual guard completely gone. "That's why I've helped you so much. I wanted to do more, but I knew better. I knew you were smart enough, and you had the means to get yourself out. I tried to keep you safe after you left, but Steven just used it against me. Those wars, the press wants people to believe it was just shit between us and the P.E.s, but I'll be straight with you, they were barely involved. He was trying to take over, using all this shit against me. I needed to keep my power, I needed to keep you safe. I only managed to do one and I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am."

_Daughter._ Trish was Charlie's daughter. Charlie was her father. I said it over and over in my head but I still didn't understand. I had no idea. It seemed as though I should have at least had some small idea, but I never put the pieces together.

I finally forced myself to say something, "It wasn't your responsibility. It's not your fault."

"It was my responsibility in my mind...I needed to protect you. I couldn't let him take you from me like he took Trisha, but he almost did. That wombo-combo of alcohol, adrenaline, and anger turned that girl of yours into a fucking monster. If she weren't there, you'd be dead for sure. Shot twice, man, and she was still fighting harder than she does in that cage. Fucking crazy. I guess we both have her to thank for you still being alive."

I put my hands on my face, "I really hope she's okay."

"She's got a shit load of visitors, that's for damn sure." I just nodded. He stood up and looked at my IV, tapping the drip with his finger, "They dopin' you up good enough?"

"It fucking hurts," I mumbled.

"So that's a no." He pushed the call button. "I know you're not too hot for the idea of painkillers, but trust me kid, you're gonna need 'em."

"Just get me some fucking ecstasy," I growled into the pillow.

"I can, if you're serious," he offered.

I shook my head, "I promised Jade."

"Eh, probably better that way anyhow."

It only took about thirty seconds for the nurse to show up and administer another dose. As she was working, we heard a loud crash from across the hall, making both of us jump. I looked at Charlie, "That came from Jade's room, go see what's going on."

He nodded and left. We could hear screaming, and I could tell it was Jade, but I couldn't understand what she was saying. The nurse just sighed, "Poor girl. Everyone has been saying how she'd freak out once she came to, but we weren't expecting this."

I looked at her, "What's been going on?"

"The doctor said she may not walk right again, and she just lost it. Started screaming and cursing at him, then made everyone leave. Once she gets into a mood, it's either the same man who's the only one allowed in, or nobody at all. It's sad."

Her words broke my heart. The thought that all of Jade's dreams, everything she'd worked so hard for, would just come crashing down because of me hurt so bad. I felt awful.

"Shit, man..." Charlie came back in and looked at the nurse, "May wanna just knock her out when she gets like that. She's gonna hurt somebody, or herself."

She was less comfortable talking to him, "We're doing what we can."

The nurse gathered up her supplies and left.

"She said Jade may never walk right again. Her career is over, Charlie. It's my fault."

He just laughed, "Don't be ridiculous. That doc don't know shit. The only person who gets to decide whether or not her career is over is her. I'm calling it now, she'll be back in that cage in just a few months."

I didn't really believe him, but hoped for the sake of my own sanity, and Jade's happiness that he was right.

Charlie settled himself back in the chair, "Your folks been by yet?"

"Yeah, my parents were the first ones here...for me at least. My sister was here yesterday and today, only left an hour or two ago."

"Couple of the boys wanted to come see you but I figured that kind of drama just wasn't on your agenda after everything."

I found it hard to concentrate. All I could really think about were Jade's injuries being my fault, and how torn up she must have been. The painkillers started to kick in and I felt tired. "I might just go to sleep."

He stood up, "I'll get on out of here then. I'll come back tomorrow if you want me to?" I just nodded and he leaned down to kiss my forehead, "Take care of yourself, kid."

* * *

**No one's POV**

Charlie stopped by Jade's room again before he left. He hadn't done any more than peek through the open door last time, so Jade had no idea he had been there. He knocked on the door frame and stepped inside. The only person he saw in the room other than Jade, was a man sitting next to her bed. He figured it must have been Randy. He cleared his throat, "Mind if I chat with you for a bit?"

She seemed to recognize him, but was also in a sour mood. He didn't really expect anything else. She turned to Randy, "Give us a minute."

Randy stood up and left, only after sizing up Charlie, gauging whether or not he could take him in a fight. "How you holdin' up?"

"I got shot, what the fuck do you think?"

He sat down in the chair Randy had just vacated, "I'd imagine you're feeling angry, sad, maybe a little humiliated. Frustrated. Hurt. I could go on."

"Save it."

"Listen, I know you and I don't quite see eye-to-eye on everything, but we do have something in common. We both care a hell of a lot about Tori. I honestly don't know how you feel about me, but for whatever it's worth, I wanted to personally thank you."

Her brows furrowed, "For what?"

"If it weren't for you, Tori would probably be dead right now."

"Yeah, and if it weren't for Tori, I wouldn't even be here right now."

Charlie's eyes widened a little bit. He was caught off guard by her response. "Whoa, you don't honestly think this is her fault, do you?"

"I don't know what to think. All I know is that I may never fight again."

He kept his voice even and calm as to not alert Randy to anything being wrong, "Look, I get that you're worried about your career, but don't you fucking dare try to throw Tori under the bus for this. Yeah, she could'a stayed away from you, but she's just a love drunk kid, okay? You would've done the exact same goddamn thing. You had a choice, you could've walked away. You _knew_ the risks, you _knew_ what you were fighting, and you know what? You fucking stayed. Why? Because you love her, that's why. You're angry, I get that, but you need to focus that on something more important. Spite that little bitch in the best way you can, you make his efforts for absolutely fucking nothing."

Jade stayed quiet, and Charlie just shook his head. He stood up and pulled off his jacket, then started unbuttoning his red and white flannel shirt. He pulled up the undershirt, and near the same gang tattoo on his pectoral muscle Cat had described on Steven, there was a scar, "Shot right through my fucking rotator cuff, and you know what?" He moved his arm in every direction, "I'm fucking fine now. I'm just a regular old guy, too. You're a professional athlete in the prime of your life. If you think you can't recover from this, you're fucking delusional."

He buttoned up his shirt and threw on his jacket as he headed for the door, not bothering to wait for a response.

* * *

**Tori's POV**

They kept Jade for another week and a half after I was discharged. The night we got home I went straight to the bedroom and lay down on the bed. Jade spent at least half an hour in Mikey's room talking to him, the entire time I just stared at the ceiling of the room. Finally, I heard the door open and close. I still hated the sound her crutches made. Every single time I heard them I felt a pang of guilt. Part of me felt relief; at least she was walking, even if it was with help.

I sat up to look at her, and tried to hold back the wince of pain, but I knew she saw it. She settled herself in the position we were in most often, only reversed, with her head on my shoulder and half her body laying on me, though very careful around my stomach. Neither of us said anything for a long time, and I actually thought she had fallen asleep before she said something.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

Her hand curled into a fist, pulling a bit of my shirt with it, "I blamed you," she whispered, "When it first happened, I mean. I blamed you for me getting shot."

I was just confused, "Why would you be sorry for that? It was my fault."

She shook her head, "No, it wasn't. If anything, it was more my fault than yours." I didn't know what to say, so I stayed quiet. She added, "Charlie visited me."

"What did he say?" I couldn't help but ask.

"He thanked me first, for saving you, and that's when I told him it was your fault I was there at all. He got angry, cursed at me and told me it wasn't your fault, that it was mine, if anyone's. He told me that I could have walked away, and I didn't. I didn't have any right to blame you. I'm sorry."

"Even if I can't convince you it was my fault, I'm still sorry that this happened to you. It kills me knowing what he did to you."

Jade sighed, "Charlie talked to me about that, too. He made me realize I was giving up way too early. He told me that the best way to spite Steven would be to get better and continue fighting, so everything he did was for nothing. I couldn't really tell if he was just scolding me like a child 'cause he doesn't like me or what."

I just laughed quietly, "That's just Charlie. His love is always tough. He doesn't want anything but the best for you."

"He barely knows me."

"No, but he knows me very well. He knows you mean the world to me, so he'll treat you the way he treats me until you give him a reason not to."

She was silent for a few seconds, then asked, "Is it weird that I feel...I don't know, dirty that I killed somebody?"

"You wouldn't be human if you didn't feel something."

"I know but...I don't want to feel bad about it. I wanted him dead. I wanted to kill him. Somehow that just makes me feel worse though."

I gently stroked her hair, "_Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you. _Maybe instead of beating yourself up over a situation in which you had no other choice, you should be grateful that we're both still alive, and you still obviously have your humanity even after taking a life."

"When did you get into all this philosophy stuff anyway?"

I shrugged, "Trish was really into it. Nietzsche was her favorite."

"I have to admit, this wasn't something I considered months ago when I told you we'd thought of everything. Neither of us are dead, he didn't kill anybody we love, so I guess it worked out."

"Recently." I closed my eyes. "He's killed people I love before. He wanted to kill you, too. He tried to."

She sat up a little on her left arm – the good one. "Speaking of which, I was talking to my doctor and he told me something interesting. The bullet that hit me in the shoulder just barely missed the shoulder blade, which would've caused a lot more damage. The funny thing is _why_ it just barely missed."

I raised an eyebrow, "Why?"

Jade smirked, "Because I was leaning down." I thought about it for a few seconds before it clicked. Our height difference made it so more often than not, she leaned down to kiss me. "So I guess I have you to thank for, well, minimizing damage."

* * *

Cat kept telling me that eventually I'd have to stop avoiding it, but as I stared at myself in the mirror, I wish I had held my ground and kept intentionally looking away from the damage. She told me every time she changed my bandages that it didn't look that bad, and visually it didn't. They healed spectacularly, and the pain had gradually lessened over the past couple days. It was looking at those wounds and knowing how they got there. My mind flashing back to the pain and the fear. I turned my back to the mirror and got dressed.

Downstairs, Jade was lounging on the couch, as she usually spent most of her time doing. Cujo got pretty antsy when he began to realize he wasn't going running everyday, but had eveentually relaxed and kept Jade company. As soon as I sat down, Randy came out of the kitchen and announced, "Ed had to cancel today, something came up. Someone else will be here, though."

Ed scared me. Not in the way that I thought he would jump me if we were alone or anything like that, but he just had an intimidating aura to him. He only had two facial expressions, and it was either a frown or no expression at all. Emotion didn't seem to come easily to this man, if at all. He was probably around six-foot-eight, which dwarfed Randy, and I'd never once thought of him as a small guy. His hair was in the tightest buzz cut in existence, and I was pretty sure he touched it up every morning. He claimed that Ed had trained at the same gym as him some ten or fifteen years ago, and for the past two weeks, had been helping Jade with some rather intense physical therapy. She made it very clear that she had every intention to get back in the cage before the year was over, but everyday after Ed left, she'd look at me and tell me that she didn't know if she could do it.

Twenty minutes passed and there was a knock on the front door. Cujo raised his head, but Jade didn't bother to look up. She couldn't really see the front door from her spot on the couch anyway. I turned to see Randy open the door for a tall, pale, blonde guy. I had a sneaking suspicion who he was, but wasn't sure until he spoke.

"So glad you could make it, mate. Everything go alright with your flight?"

The guy spoke with a heavy accent I could only guess was Norwegian, "Yes, though it's quite hot here."

At the sound of his voice, Jade immediately sat up and turned around, "Lukas?"

Lukas had one of those smiles that you almost needed sunglasses for. It was bright, contagious, and probably made him friends instantly. He quickly took off his shoes, then walked over to the couch and held out his hand. Cujo sniffed him curiously while Jade took his hand and he helped her to her feet for a hug. "This is different without that running and jumping thing you like to do to me."

She just laughed, "I can barely walk right, let alone run or jump. What are you doing here?"

"Well," he pulled back and smiled at her, "You never came to me, so I figured I'd come to you. Even if it is like being cooked alive over here."

"Trust me, you haven't seen anything yet. These are the cold months."

"At this rate I'd be burnt to a crisp before Spring. It's worth it though, I haven't seen you in ages!"

Jade rolled her eyes, "It's only been a year."

"A year with more action than usual, I'd say." He came over to me and extended his hand, "You're Tori, I assume?" I nodded and involuntarily smiled back at his pearly-white grin, "It's great to finally meet you, I've heard quite a bit about you. I'm Lukas."

I shook his hand, "It's nice to meet you too, I didn't expect you to make the trip over here."

He sat down in the chair nearest Jade, "I hadn't planned on it, but when Randy called and told me about what happened, I wanted to come make sure everyone was okay, and hopefully bring a few smiles to the place."

"I think it'd be hard for you not to, with that grin of yours," Jade teased.

"I'd certainly much rather bring happiness than sadness." Lukas stroked the fur of Cujo's back and he easily relaxed. "Where's your brother?"

"He's been spending a lot of time with his aunts. We tried to keep the situation as hidden as possible from him so he wouldn't be sad again, but you know how kids are. He eventually found out."

"What's so bad about that?"

Jade shrugged, "It's just one more thing he thinks about that he shouldn't have to."

"How bad is it? The injuries, I mean."

"The one in my chest just barely missed doing some serious damage, but the one in my leg did do some serious damage."

Lukas had a concerned look on his face, "You'll be okay, yeah?"

She held up her hands, "I don't know, but I'm trying."

"Should I stay until you get better?"

"That just might give me a reason to not get better," she smirked. "How long are you staying anyway?"

"I don't know. As long as you'll have me, maybe. Or at least until it gets too hot for me." He smiled at her, "I want to see you at least get a little better before I go."


	40. One Step Forward

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

**A/N: Apologies again for the wait. I wasn't sure exactly how I wanted to write this, and it ended up a little shorter than usual, but I'm fairly satisfied with the way it turned out. It said what I wanted it to, so I hope you enjoy.  
**

* * *

I felt out of place. I knew I wasn't, really, but it still felt strange being there. Of course, after Cat had taken me shopping, much to her delight, I was dressed to the nines. Not a single expense had been spared, and I knew I looked better than almost everybody else in the room. Maybe it was a little presumptuous and definitely contradictory to feel that way, but it was a complicated thought process, to say the least.

"You know, I don't think I've ever seen you in a dress."

I stirred my Bloody Mary with a skewer of olives, still caught on the price for such a mediocre taste. "I don't dress up very often."

Hell, even Charlie bought a brand new suit for the occasion, as well as a tie he _claimed _to have tied himself, but who really knows. He crossed his arms on the table and leaned closer to me, "Listen, I'm really glad you agreed to come out with me tonight. I know a date night with an old shit like me ain't quite on the top of your list-"

"Don't act like you don't mean the world to me."

He smirked, "We just haven't ever had much time to really talk, you know?"

I took a sip, "And you know the way to my heart is with a stiff drink."

"I have less ethical ways to your heart, but who am I to compete with your girl?"

"You're like my dad, and that's just gross."

Charlie laughed and nodded, "That it is, that it is. You know, speaking of her, I found something you might be interested in." I raised an eyebrow, "You know that uh, what is he, Norwegian? Whatever, that guy, you know the one."

"Lukas."

He reached into the inside pocket of his suit jacket and pulled out a little piece of paper. He looked over it, "Yeah, Lukas Hofstad, that's it. At any rate, I was checking out the guy, just out of my own curiosity, and found that this gentleman knows Jade pretty uh, intimately. I figured since you hadn't said anything about it, you didn't know."

"Intimately, as in-"

"The birds and the bees."

"Great," I nodded, "Just great. Glad she never told me."

He shrugged, "Who knows, maybe the relationship was never serious enough to warrant any kind of discussion."

I raised my hands, "Yeah, but he's _living with us_. I think I deserve to know."

"I mean, you're still the one sleeping with her, so it's not like there's anything still going on."

"You don't know that."

Charlie snorted and sat back in his chair, "Don't be stupid, I know everything."

"Everything?" He just nodded casually, "Then tell me what you found out. Exactly."

He polished off his wine quickly. "Nothing _too_ scandalous, you know, like plans of eloping or pregnancy scares of any of that bullshit. From what I saw, it was mostly just Jade being lonely and him being there. You know how it is."

I fiddled with the bracelet on my wrist, just trying to occupy my thoughts with something a little less stressful. "How the fuck did you find this out?"

"I'll just say that it turns out that if you get that kid talking, he'll tell you anything. I thought those Norwegians were supposed to be antisocial or some shit."

"Most of them are. So you think if I just point blanked him, he'd tell me anything?"

"That kid would tell you shit you never even knew you wanted to know. Get him started and he doesn't stop. Kid's pretty brutally honest too, so don't expect him to hold back."

I ran my fingers through my hair and looked at him, "Do you think I have anything to worry about?"

He instantly shook his head, "Nope. I'll grant you she can be a little cold at times, even a bit of a pain in the ass if you press the right buttons. Shit, I was about ready to smack her when she tried to pull that shit with blaming you, course even as injured as she was she probably woulda laid out my ass in no time flat. Anyhow, just don't stress about that shit. She don't strike me as the type to pussyfoot around things, so if she wasn't feelin' it, she'd tell ya."

I sighed, "Yeah, you're right."

"Of fuckin' course I am," he grinned.

* * *

I found Lukas in the guest room he had been staying in. He was sitting on the bed, phone in hand, seemingly just out of the shower, as his hair was still wet and he only had on a pair of gym shorts. I knocked on the door, "Lukas?"

He looked up and smiled at me, "Hey! Are you feeling any better?"

Earlier that day, I had a bit of nausea during breakfast, likely from the medications the doctors had given me. I felt guilty for the conversation I was about to have with him, given just how kind and caring he was. It was difficult to feel anything negative toward the guy. I kept wondering what Trish would say about him. I knew firsthand how good she was at reading people, and I couldn't help but think about whether Lukas was just naturally a very friendly person, or if he acted that way to hide something.

"Yeah, I'm doing okay now. I had a question for you."

Lukas dug around in his duffel bag for a moment until he found a shirt, quickly pulling it over his head. "Sorry, I figure you wouldn't want to talk while I'm barely dressed," he joked. "What is it?"

"It's about you and Jade," I said as I sat down on a chair near the bed.

His brows furrowed, "What about us?"

I thought for a few seconds about how to approach the question. "I heard that you had a more...intimate relationship than you have currently."

"Oh, yeah, it was a couple years ago now, I suppose. Shame it didn't last longer, I quite enjoyed being with her." Charlie was definitely right about the honesty part. "Though I don't think I had much of a chance to be perfectly honest with you. She always seemed...disconnected, I guess? I didn't really have her full attention most times, especially if things were anything more than just friendly. Wouldn't doubt that it had something to do with you."

I clasped my hands together, a little nervous to ask, "What exactly happened between you two?"

He scratched his head, "Not much. Never really went on a date or anything, just more like she would suddenly want a quick shag. After the first time I suppose she felt comfortable enough to initiate it without any real prerequisites. Though she would always seem a little sad after it was over. I was pretty set on that being because I was inadequate in one way or another, but she wouldn't really have kept coming back if that were the case, I guess. We had sex five or six times before we stopped, if memory serves."

"Do you know why she didn't tell me?"

"She was quite embarrassed about the way she acted, she told me. Felt guilty about the whole thing and apologized profusely. We agreed we'd just forget it happened. Quite a good thing, I think. She's really a great friend to have, and she seems to have found her other half in you."

I smiled at him, and he easily returned the gesture. "You think so?"

Lukas held his hands up, palms facing the ceiling, "I'm not a professional on emotions or relationships or anything of that sort, but I can say that I haven't ever seen her look at anybody else the way she does you."

I stared at the blue, white, and black abstract painting on the wall above the bed and tried to sort out my thoughts. As great as it felt hearing about his thoughts on my relationship, I couldn't block out Trish's voice in my head. My thoughts kept returning on Lukas and his atypical behavior for his origin. I knew he was probably just an outgoing person, but I also knew that Trish would have been all over him about _why_ he was outgoing. My curiosity got the better of me.

"Well, now that we got that out of the way, I don't really know much else about you. Almost everything is from what Jade has told me, and it still isn't a lot, so tell me about yourself."

He sat back a bit, as if a little caught off-guard. He thought a moment before answering in a very safe and generic manner, "My name is Lukas Hofstad, I'm twenty-five years of age, and I'm from a city in Norway called Fredrikstad, which is just under a hundred kilometers from Oslo."

"Family?"

"It was just my mother, father, and I growing up. The population in Fredrikstad is small, by your standards – less than one hundred thousand people, so I learned very quick to be grateful for the friends and acquaintances that I had. Most Norwegians have quite a small circle of friends, and a few acquaintances, simply because the people as a whole are quite reserved around strangers…Actually just around anyone at all. I was thought to be a little odd at best because of how social I tend to be." He chuckled, "I probably made people quite uncomfortable at times."

"So being in America is a lot different, isn't it?"

"Very different. I've had conversations with people almost every place I've gone! Americans do love to talk. It was very nice to meet Jade and her friends, as they were some of the only people who could keep up with my babbling, amongst other tourists I had run into through the years. Randy in particular was quite chatty if you got him going. I very much enjoyed his stories."

I tilted my head, "So you like stories?"

He nodded, "Yes, it's interesting to see the world through another person's eyes, particularly someone who has seen very different things. For example, I have been very eager to hear anything you would be willing to tell me, as Jade's descriptions of your life have been intriguing. Your lifestyle is very different from anything I've ever known, and I'd be thrilled if you would share some of your experiences with me."

Lukas had this look on his face that could only be accurately compared to a puppy begging for food. His smile was warm and comforting, while his ice blue eyes showed his sincerity and enthusiasm.

"You know, when you say that, I can't help but think about my past and my mind immediately comes up with everything bad that's happened, despite there being so many good memories."

"Good memories? I thought your stories would be interesting in that I'd never heard anything like it, but from what Jade told me, lots of the people you knew were quite unpleasant."

I brought my knees up to my chest and smiled a bit at the gross understatement. "Not everyone was bad. I met some incredible people. I wouldn't trade those experiences for anything."

He had a thoughtful look on his face, "Would you trade them for the ability to make it so Steven never existed?"

I paused and weighed the options. "I actually might, if it meant Jade never got hurt."

Lukas was silent as he looked at me. He was quiet for such a long time, that it startled me when he spoke again, "Do I worry you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Am I a...threat, in your eyes? To your relationship, I mean."

I briefly considered lying to him, but saw no real benefit in it. He had never shown any ill intent toward me, despite how I felt about him. "As much as I wish you weren't, you are. Though if I had to guess, it had more to do with some sort of deep seeded insecurity, rather than your relationship, as intimate as it may have been."

There was a hint of a smile on his face, but it quickly disappeared. "Like I told you earlier, it was clear to see that she never felt as strongly for me as I did for her. Even so, we've both moved past it, and I'd bet she rarely thinks about it anymore. If it helps ease your mind at all, I have a girlfriend back home, so you'll find no competition in me."

I smiled at him, "I appreciate that."

* * *

**No one's POV**

Tori couldn't help but grow closer to Lukas over the next two weeks. The way he'd listen with rapt attention to every tiny detail of the stories she told him comforted her in ways she never realized were possible. Maybe it just felt good to have someone listen without having anything to say, and not ever showing a single bit of judgment. Tammy was always excellent to talk to, but somehow the conversation part, rather than the sort of monologue, was the part that differentiated the two. It was similar to unloading all of her hopes and fears and memories to a sleeping Cujo. It felt good to get the thoughts out.

By the end of the third week, Jade had shown tremendous improvement, though it was far, very far, from where she wanted to be. Most had learned to keep their distance during, and after her physical therapy sessions, as her mood was rarely ever good. Many times, her friends would be sitting in the lounge room on the main floor and hear several loud crashes, screaming, then one single word said by a stern, male voice to end the noises. Randy refused to disclose exactly how much Jade had managed to wrack up in damages, both at home and at her stay in the hospital, but based on what she had witnessed at home, Tori knew it was a significant amount.

At times, the levels of pure, unbridled fury that Jade showed scared her, but she knew why Jade felt that way. Everyone did, and they felt sadness for her. At times, Tori would attempt to stay out of her way by spending long nights in what she'd adopted as her study of sorts. Long nights that would, more often than not, end in Jade eventually silently entering the room, and falling asleep on the couch next to her, her head resting in Tori's lap.

She hated seeing her that way, and hated even more that there was nothing she could do about it. Jade's mood got worse after Lukas left at the end of the third week out of the hospital. She stayed calm all through the goodbyes at the airport, and even during the car ride home. But as soon as they were home, and she was safely in the privacy of her room, she broke down into tears. A small part of Cujo's back was soaked by the time she fell asleep.

Ed had the patience of a saint. Despite looking and acting like he wasn't even capable of comprehending emotion, he was nothing but calm and stern with her. He never let her give up, and never let her end her day without telling her exactly what she had accomplished. He made sure she knew that every day was an improvement over the last, and it was one of the few things that kept her sane.

Halfway through February was when they got the news. Randy's phone rang during lunch, and upon reading the caller ID, he picked it up without leaving the table. Tori held one hand over her mouth to keep herself from making any noise, while the other held on tightly to Cat's, as the two watched Randy's face turn grim. He ended the phone call, and gave the devastating news to Jade. In the backs of their minds, they knew it was a distinct possibility, but to have it become reality snapped the last of the chains holding Jade together.

Her plate all but exploded into a million pieces against the wall from the force, and within seconds, she had grabbed her keys and was gone. Randy jumped up and followed her, as much as he didn't want to, he knew she couldn't be trusted on her own right then.

The only thing Tori was thankful for in that moment was that Mikey was currently at his aunt's house, and that he didn't have to witness his sister's life dreams crashing down around her. She felt Cujo lay his head on her knee, and she burst into tears. Cat held her tightly and tried to calm her, but it was no use. Tori was completely shattered.

Jade's contract had been suspended indefinitely, her title was stripped, and all future matches canceled.


	41. Give Me a Reason

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

**A/N: Remember kids, always properly save your work, or else random shutdowns will erase it.  
**

* * *

I had just barely crossed over into unconsciousness when Cujo suddenly sat up. My eyes refused to open as quickly as I wanted them to, and by the time I was able to focus, he was already off the bed and sitting patiently by the door. I sat up and stretched out my aching muscles from the awkward position I'd spent too much time in. I hadn't intended to fall asleep, but the pain medication didn't really care what I wanted.

I focused on Cujo. He was still listening. His ears perked up, and a few seconds later, the door handle on the left turned downward, then snapped back up as the door creaked open. Her eyes met mine and my heart ached. Cujo let out the same sound I had the urge to, in a worried and sad whine. Jade said nothing to either of us, and to my surprise, didn't even bother to reach out and touch Cujo at all, leaving him visibly confused. She limped toward the bathroom and shut the door silently.

He seemed to have a moment of indecision as he stood outside the bathroom door before he sat down next to the bed, focused intently on the wooden barrier that stood between him and his human.

After a few minutes, the door opened, and the bathroom light was turned off. Even through the darkness of the bedroom, I could see the stark contrast the wound made with her skin. Almost like a large boulder or tree trunk, just barely peeking out of fresh snow, just enough to interrupt the constancy of white.

She settled in bed as quickly as she was able, and another stab of pain hit my heart as she stopped moving with her back to me. I offered her the same courtesy. The medication clouded my mind with lethargy as soon as I closed my eyes. I felt Cujo jump onto the bed and lay between Jade and I, and I could only imagine he had his head on her back.

* * *

The sunlight shining through the windows didn't offer nearly the same comfort it used to. I fought with it for a few minutes, but the brightness never ceased. I sat up and stretched out my arms, noticing the absence of both Cujo and Jade. I grabbed some clothes and went to the bathroom for a shower. It took me a few moments to realize there were several other things missing. The shower did little to wake me up, so I grabbed my phone and was about to go downstairs for some coffee, before I noticed the piece of paper lying on the nightstand. I recognized Jade's handwriting, though it was sloppy, which it usually wasn't.

_Randy and I left for NY. Don't know how long we'll be gone. Need some time away. I love you._

I sat down on the bed and read the note over and over. I would have liked to think that as far as I'd come, I'd be okay spending some time away from her, but now that I was faced with that situation, I knew I'd be a little less than okay.

I laid the note down on the nightstand and looked through the contacts on my phone. My thumb hovered over Jade's name for a few seconds, but then thought better of it. I scrolled up, glancing at the time before tapping the call button. I figured it wouldn't be too much earlier than he normally woke up. It rang a few times before he finally answered.

"_It's too early in the morning for this shit."_ He grumbled.

"It's eleven," I told him. "Can I come over?"

He sighed and there was some rustling, _"I guess, everything okay?"_

"No," I stated before hanging up.

* * *

"So what you're telling me is that you went to bed, she was there, you woke up, and she wasn't? Just like that? Nothing but the note?"

"Yeah."

He brought his cigarette up to his lips for another drag. "Dunno, kid. You tried calling her?" I shook my head. "Fuckin' do it then. Quit sitting here stressing over shit she'd probably answer for you."

"What if she left because she wants time away from me?"

"Ask your questions, tell her you love her, then let her contact you when she's ready. If she can't answer a few simple questions just so you don't worry yourself to death then you should reconsider your choice in partner."

I glared at him, "I think at this point she's more than proven she cares about me."

He put out his cigarette in the ash tray and sat back with a smug look on his face. "So what are you worrying for?"

I rested my elbow on the arm of the couch and laid my head in my hand, "She lost everything, Charlie. Everything she's worked for all her life is just...gone, and it's my fault."

"The only person to blame in this situation is dead."

"But if I hadn't-"

"_The only person to blame is dead._ Don't you fucking act like you were the one who pulled the trigger. Look, I ain't no hot-shot famous martial artist or nothin' but I know what it's like to lose something. Trust me, I've lost a lot in my life, and I get that losing certain things makes you just wanna find the nearest bridge and end it." He stood up and dug through a pile of things thrown onto a table. He found a pad of paper and a pencil and began writing. "Say she does it, then what? That little pussy-ass son of a bitch smirks in his fuckin' grave because then? Then he fucking won. Soon as Jade realizes that, guaran-fuckin-teed she'll work her ass off to get right back where she was before. She ain't a quitter and she sure as shit isn't gonna let him win."

He tossed the pencil back onto the table and ripped off the top sheet of the pad, folding it twice before handing it to me, "Put that where she'll find it and don't touch it again. I find out you read that and I'll smack you so hard your kids will be born with dents in their skulls."

I couldn't help but crack a smile and stood up to give him a hug, "Thank you."

"Call her. Tell her you love her then give her space. Let her handle things her way. And for fuck's sake, go spend some time with your folks. Take your parents to dinner, go out for drinks with your sister, do something. You don't spend nearly enough time with them. Jade bein' out of town gives you the perfect chance to. They're blood and they've never given up on you, show 'em you care. Love you, kid."

"I will, love you too."

I sat down in the driver's seat of one of Jade's many cars and looked at the folded up note in my hand, wondering what it could say. I put it in my pocket and pulled out my phone, quickly selecting the contact I wanted. I assumed she was using her phone when I called, as she answered almost immediately.

"Tori?"

"Hey Trina, wanna grab lunch? It's on me."

* * *

"What the hell is manicotti?"

"Cylindrical ravioli?" I offered.

She raised an eyebrow, "Meat or cheese?"

"Cheese, I think."

She nodded and lay down her menu, "I'll try that then. So, what made you invite me out?"

I told her the truth, "I was told to, though him telling me made me realize I really did want to spend some time with you."

"Him?"

"Charlie." Her eyebrow just raised higher, "Um, I don't know if you ever saw him while I was in the hospital. The stocky guy, probably wearing flannel, brown hair, five o'clock shadow?"

"I think I did see him once, but I don't think we talked at all. There were a lot of guys around your rooms."

I shrugged, "Jade's friends, most likely. I heard she had a lot of visitors."

She leaned back in the booth, "She has a lot of hot friends. Especially that one guy, I can't remember his name though. Tall, blonde hair, Australian accent, I think?"

I pressed my lips together to keep myself from laughing. "Jake, he was probably with another big, muscly guy?" She nodded. "Yeah, they're gay."

"Dammit," Trina sighed, "Why is it always the hot ones?"

"The universe hates you."

"Apparently. So, how do you know Charlie? He looked older than a lot of the guys there."

The waitress came to the table before I could answer and quickly took our orders before walking off. "Most of the guys there are late twenties, early thirties. Charlie just recently hit fifty, I think." I lowered my voice and leaned over the table a little, "Long story short, he's the leader of the gang I was unfortunately a part of."

Trina looked confused, "I thought that was Steven?"

"Sort of, but not really. Charlie is the leader, and Steven was sort of his right-hand man."

"What were you?"

"Entertainment," I muttered. "I had a little bit of authority with some people, but it wasn't a lot."

It was the first time she'd ever really inquired about what my life was like, and the questions made me a little uncomfortable, though I felt like I owed it to her to tell her what she wanted to know. She cut right to the chase and asked the big question.

"Why did he try to kill you?" She hesitated a moment, then added, "Twice."

I crossed my arms on the table, "When a sociopath loses control of the one who has the ability to take control over them, they tend to fall off the deep end. When he realized Jade was the reason he was losing the ability to manipulate me, he started slipping. I knew too much, so he tried to kill me. Didn't work, I moved in with Jade, and he lost it. I guess it was just do or die for him at that point, so he ambushed us."

"What happened?" She seemed to notice how uncomfortable I was getting and stopped, "You don't have to answer. I'm just morbidly curious."

"It's still hard for me to talk about. There's a lot I'm still not over."

She tilted her head, "You know, you should write a book."

"A book?"

"Yeah, about all the stuff you went through. Talk about the traveling and the people you met and stuff like that. Change names and whatever so you don't have people after you."

I nodded slowly, "I might."

She smiled, "Enough about that, we need to catch up on the important stuff. Tell me about you and Jade."

"What about us?"

"Oh come on. You two were head over heels for each other when you were younger, what's it like now?"

I smiled a little, "It's the same, I guess. It's a little different in the way that we don't hide our relationship at all, at least anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"Well at first we weren't really public about it because of her sort of celebrity status, too much attention on us would've been bad at that point in time. Though now that her new relationship has been plastered everywhere, I'm getting an awkward amount of attention from people."

Trina looked around a little, "Is that why people keep looking at us?"

I just nodded. "It's weird though, cause I'm not really Tori Vega, I'm just Jade West's girlfriend."

"You're wanting people to recognize you for other reasons?"

"It'd be nice."

"Like what?"

I shrugged, "I don't know, really."

She took a sip of her water, "How about writing? I read some of the stuff you wrote as a kid, and if it's anything like that, you could make something of it."

"Trina, I haven't written anything in years."

"So write. Start small. Get your thoughts together and make something. Be your own person, Tori, you have a lot more to offer the world than just being a pretty face for a celebrity."

* * *

It was only after I got ready for bed and laid down that I realized how empty the bed felt. I wrapped myself in the blankets, and grabbed my phone. I was just about to call Jade when my phone started vibrating, and her name and picture showed up on the screen. I had to smile.

"Hey beautiful."

She sighed, and I thought I could hear the smile in her voice, _"Hey."_

"I was just about to call you. How's everything going?"

"_Not very good. Spending time with my dad is making things a little better though. I'm sorry for leaving so suddenly. I'm just not okay right now."_

"I know, I just want you to be happy again. You do whatever you need to do."

"_Thank you."_

"You know I'm here for you. Anything you need, just tell me, okay?"

"_I guess now we'll find out whether or not you're with me for me, rather than my money or fame, huh?"_

"Well, I know the answer to that, and if I have to prove it to you, I will. Just keep in mind, it's not over yet, you can still get back in it."

"_It's not that easy."_

"Maybe not, but if anyone can do it, you can."

"_If you say so."_

I pulled her pillow close to me and lay my head on it. "I love you, Jade, please don't forget that. I'll always be here for you."

"_I love you too."_

"Come home soon, I don't like sleeping alone. Oh, and there's a note here from Charlie for you."

She let out a breathy laugh, _"I'm sorry. What's the note say?"_

"No idea, he threatened violence if I read it."

"_Must be juicy, then."_

It was silent for a few moments, until a thought popped into my head. A question I'd been asking myself for weeks, but never had the courage to ask her. "You don't have to answer this if you don't want to, and it might seem like a really stupid question, but were you looking forward to that fight on your mom's birthday?"

The ten to fifteen seconds it took for her to even make a sound made me regret asking. _"Yeah. It scared the hell out of me at first, but then I started to see it as an opportunity to make her proud, I guess. Honor her memory by showing her that I did make something of myself."_

"Baby, I'm sure she's already proud of you. You're the strongest, bravest, and most passionate person I know. She has everything to be proud of you for. You can tell I really believe that because I'm getting sappy as fuck."

Her laugh comforted me, _"I miss you already."_

"Come back to me," I dramatically drew out the last word.

"_I need some time to breathe. I'm thinking a week."_

I involuntarily let out a pitiful whine, "Really?"

"_You'll be okay. You have my number if you need me."_

"I need you."

"_Cuddle with my pillow if you need to."_

"Way ahead of you on that one."

"_I love you."_

I smiled, "I love you too."

"_Goodnight."_

"Night."

I sighed and closed my eyes, trying to relax. Only a minute or so passed until my phone buzzed again. I glanced at it, and saw a text from Jade. I opened it and saw a picture of Cujo lying in bed next to Jade in an eerily human-like fashion, with his head on the pillow and the blankets over him.

_He wasn't going to tell you, but he's glad he has his spot back._

I smiled and sent her a text back.

_He better enjoy it, cause he's sleeping on the floor once you get back ;)_

Her reply came a few seconds later.

_Can't wait_

Of course, as soon as I was smiling at my phone like a teenaged, lovestruck idiot, I heard three loud knocks on the door.

"Wha-" I stopped myself mid-word, realizing calling out was completely useless. I got up and quickly put on a pair of panties. I opened the door just a crack and saw Cat standing just outside the door. I rolled my eyes and opened the door wider for her.

She raised an eyebrow, "Saw you naked once and suddenly you stopped giving a shit."

I grabbed t-shirt and threw it on, "I got over the awkwardness pretty quick." I stepped out of the room and closed the door, "Come on, Jade still doesn't like having people in her room."

She led the way to the living area down the hall, and we passed Andre who had just come up the stairs. He wasn't exactly smooth in his double-take.

"Piss off," I grumbled.

"Hey, you're the one walking around in your skivvies."

Cat laid down on one of the couch, taking up the entire length of it. I did the same with another, though lying on my stomach rather than my back. "Where's Beck?"

"One blowjob and he's out cold," she casually answered.

"You know that the better the orgasm is, the stronger the urge for the guy to fall asleep."

"Shut up baby, I know it."

I chuckled, "Okay, Bender."

She exhaled heavily, "Just don't tell him I do it on purpose."

"Given the circumstances, I doubt he'd give a shit."

"So what's been going on? You've been out all day, and Jade skipped town."

I grabbed another pillow to put under my head, "She needed to get away, and I've been socializing."

"Trying to keep up with you two gives me a headache," she mumbled. "Have you talked to her at all?"

"Yeah, she called a little bit ago, didn't have a whole lot to say."

"Wouldn't really expect her to. I'd imagine she's not very okay."

I picked at my fingernails to distract myself from my own destructive thoughts. "I didn't expect this kind of reaction from her. She always seemed like nothing could shake her. Not even all the shit she's been through has made her snap like this."

"You never know how someone might react when the ground is ripped out from under them. Hell, I'd bet even she didn't expect to feel this way. The difference is probably that even with all the other shit that's been thrown her way, she always had martial arts to fall back on. Now even that is hanging by a thread."

I looked over at Cat, "I'm really worried about her. She's always been so strong but I'm afraid this might make her lose any fight she has left."

I hadn't even noticed that I had started crying until my sentence was choked out. I looked down at the floor and wiped at my eyes. Cat got off the couch and knelt in front of me, her hand comfortingly stroking my hair, "Hey, come on, don't let her off the hook that easily. She's still strong, okay? It seems hopeless now, but it's not over 'til it's over. Give her a reason to fight."

"Like what?"

She looked unimpressed, "Give me a break, you know exactly what. She's your fucking girlfriend, you know what gives her the strength to wake up in the morning. Remind her of it."

At Cat's request, I went back to the bedroom and laid down. My mind was racing and I couldn't stop trying to figure out what to do. A million thoughts ran through my mind until one finally stuck. I grabbed my phone off the nightstand, and figuring he was probably already asleep, I sent Randy a text.

_Call me when you're up. I need your help._


	42. Masks

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

**A/N: I have had _terrible_ luck recently, with writer's block and my entire PC dying on me, so this was difficult to put together. All my notes went with it, so I likely couldn't have finished this anywhere within my lifetime if not for the help of a friend. Hope you guys enjoy.  
**

* * *

"Weren't you here just a couple days ago? Come on man, get the fuck off my porch," Charlie teased me before pulling me into a hug. "What's goin' on with you?"

I followed him inside and tossed my jacket over the back of a chair, "Got any beer? I need a little something."

He left for a few seconds and came back with two beers. "That's a silly fucking question," he grinned. "If I ever don't have beer, take me to the hospital...or just go shoot me out back, I ain't gonna be of no use anyhow."

All my time away from him over the past couple months reminded me how much I loved his dry, abrasive humor. I sat down on one of the couches and took a drink. As soon as he saw how much I downed on the first go, he went back to the kitchen and sat another bottle down in front of me. "I don't know, Charlie. I feel like I'm going crazy."

"Well, you are crazy," he sat down with his own beer, "But what are the symptoms this time?"

"It's Jade," I sighed and shook my head, "She swears up and down that she's okay and nothings wrong, but something just seems...off."

He stuck a cigarette in his mouth and paused just before he lit it, "You mind?" I shook my head and he lit up. "Okay, my first question," he tossed the lighter back onto the end table next to him, "Under what circumstances would Jade resort to lying to you? I don't know much more about the chick than you've told me, but she seems pretty uh...straightforward. The 'fuck your feelings, I'm telling you what I think' type, you know?"

I threw my hands up, "That's just it! She is! I can't even remember the last time she lied to me about anything."

"So what's so special about this time?"

"She's just acting...weird, I guess. I don't think anybody else has noticed it either."

He took a long drag and thought for a moment, "Either you only notice because you know what it's like to act like a little shit sometimes and hide your feelings, or nobody else notices because there's nothing _to_ notice."

"Maybe I am reading too much into it," I cracked open the second beer. "As crazy as it sounds, she seems _too_ okay. It doesn't make sense to me."

"Everybody copes differently. Ever thought that maybe this behavior is weird to you because you've never had the chance to see her under this much pressure, so you never learned how she dealt with it?"

I shook my head, "I guess you're right. This is a pretty crazy situation."

Charlie put out his cigarette and stood up, offering his hand to me. "Few months back I thought I woulda been okay if you never talked to me again, so long as you got out of this mess. It's up to you, if you just wanna put all this behind you and move on, that's okay, but if you need me, I'm always here. You know that."

I hugged him, "Oh shut the fuck up, you know I'm not going anywhere. I'd be a fuckin' wreck without you."

"Love you, kid. Keep me posted, I wanna know she's okay too."

I put my jacket back on, "She's coming back tomorrow, and I've got a surprise for her, I'll let you know how it goes."

"I bet I'll hear from her anyway."

I raised an eyebrow, then remembered, "Oh, right, the note."

"Yeah, the note. Make sure she gets it."

* * *

The contract sat in front of me on the island, a pen resting next to it. I'd read over it twice since it was dropped off, and every second longer I had to wait made me more anxious. Cat's hand suddenly reached out to hold down my shaking knee.

"Relax."

"Say some more dumb shit," I grumbled.

"There's no reason to worry."

I laughed in spite of myself, "What would I do without you?"

She shrugged, "Be all tense and worry all the time."

"Because that's not what I'm doing now."

"No, because I told you not to."

I busied myself with clicking the pen over and over. It lasted maybe ten seconds before Cat ripped it out of my hand and set it on the far side of the island, her attention still on whatever she was reading on her phone. Her attention was finally diverted when we heard the very faint sound of a bark.

"She's back," Cat sang.

I checked the time on my phone to see it was nearly midnight. The door from the garage opened and Cujo bolted inside, running up to me and rubbing himself all over my legs as if he hadn't seen me in years. Randy was the next to come inside, followed closely by Jade. I quickly stood up and hugged her. She let out a small "oomph" and dropped her bag, hugging me back.

"I missed you too," she laughed.

I gave her a quick kiss, "I have something for you."

Jade raised an eyebrow and I grabbed the small stack of papers. She took it and skimmed over the pages. She looked up at me, "Seriously?"

Randy handed her the pen, "Sign it and as soon as you pass a physical, you have 3 months to prepare for your next fight."

She smiled widely at me, though it seemed there was something off about it. I couldn't put a finger on what it was. She hugged me tight, "Thank you."

"It was just my idea, Randy was the one who got it for you."

She grabbed a fistful of Randy's shirt and pulled him into the hug as well, making him chuckle. "Thank you, really."

"We'll get you back fighting in no time."

Jade gave him that same smile, the voice in my head telling me it looked forced.

* * *

"What's wrong?"

Jade tossed her bag down near the closet, making Cujo jump slightly. "Nothing's wrong. Why do you ask?"

"You just seem a little off is all. Are you sure you're okay?"

She just dismissed the question as she walked toward the bathroom. She kicked off her shoes and socks, her jacket and shirt joining them in a sort of haphazard trail from the door to the bathroom. She stopped in the doorway and turned toward me, her jeans unzipped, allowing a small bit of dark purple to show through. Her tousled hair fell heavily to one side, and she focused on me through hooded eyes. She gave me a half smirk and a wink as one hand reached behind herself, waiting until just before her bra fell past the first hint of dark skin to turn her back to me and disappear into the bathroom. In that moment, I felt just like the hormonal fifteen year old girl who finally realized just how attractive her best friend was.

It took me all of ten seconds to nearly eat the drywall as I tried to undress while tripping my way toward her. She'd already managed to leave the remainder of her clothing in a pile near the door, and was standing under the flow of water. I stopped and couldn't help but admire just how perfect she looked.

"Do you need an invitation?" She called out.

I smiled and joined her under the warm water, welcoming her gentle, yet possessive embrace. My chin rested on her shoulder as she kissed my neck. "I missed you."

"Did you at least get what you needed?" I asked as I leaned back slightly and moved a few strands of hair away from her face.

She gave me another one of those just barely convincing smiles, "I think so."

I wanted to say something, but my words were caught in my throat when her hands settled lower, one on my waist, pressing me against the wall, the other stopping just beyond the curve of my ass. "I think more of what I need is right here." She punctuated her statement by digging her nails into the flesh of my ass, making me gasp. Any thoughts of confronting her on her weird behavior were pushed to the back of my mind when her other hand moved to the other cheek, her fingers pressing in closer and closer as she worked on what would definitely be a hickey on my neck in the morning.

I heard a quiet _thump_ from somewhere in her bedroom, and from her reaction, she heard it as well. She did a terrible job of attempting to mask how panicked she was, as it was clear she was trying. Jade quickly turned to face the doorway of the bathroom, when my suspicions of the source of the noise was confirmed, as Cujo lumbered into the bathroom, glanced at us a moment, then curled up near the cabinets.

Jade sighed heavily and leaned her head on my shoulder. I put my hand on her back, which caused her to tense for a second before relaxing again. I thought about saying something, but decided it wasn't worth upsetting her further.

* * *

**No one's PoV**

Jade woke up in a cold sweat, her heart thumping, and the ghost of a burning pain in her chest. She was exhausted, having dealt with this same situation almost every night she was in New York. She climbed out of bed, careful not to wake her girlfriend, and trudged down the hall. Cujo followed close on her heels all the way down the stairs and to the kitchen. He watched as his master pulled a bottle out of the fridge and poured some water in his dish before taking a drink for herself. She paused and looked out of the french doors at the back of the kitchen. Cujo heard her gasp and saw her body stiffen, and he immediately readied himself to protect her. He ran to the doors and scanned the dark yard for any threats, but saw none.

"I'm losing my mind," she whispered.

He kept on high alert for danger as Jade led the way back upstairs and to her private lounge area. She settled in the corner of the couch, and Cujo sat on the floor next to her. A piece of white paper interrupted the black of the ottoman in front of her, and she picked it up. Her name was scrawled on the top of it in familiar handwriting that she couldn't quite place. She unfolded the paper and read through it. It was signed by Charlie, but his words didn't make any sense. Jade crumpled up the paper and threw it toward the windows, where it bounced onto the floor. Her faithful companion jumped up onto the couch and nudged her with his nose. She held onto him and stifled her cries into his fur.

* * *

"She seems to be walking a lot better now," Cat commented.

Randy nodded and drank the last of his tea, "Yeah, she was really itching to get off of those crutches. She's recovering quickly, so it shouldn't be too long until she can fight again."

"That's good, isn't it?"

"It's definitely what she _says_ she wants, but..." he cleared his throat, "Have you noticed anything off about her?"

She leaned on her elbow and looked at him, "Off?"

"Tori told me the other night that she thinks Jade is trying to hide something, though we're unsure what. I personally haven't noticed anything, but maybe I'm not as in tune with those sorts of things."

Cat chuckled and couldn't help but give him a hard time, "Yeah, you're kind of bad with emotions."

He smiled a bit, "I know I am. I care about her though, and it's difficult to cope with her not telling me if something was wrong. I've been trying to sort out whether Tori is thinking too much into it, or if she really can see things that I can't."

"Just give it time, I guess. The truth has to come out sooner or later."

"I know, and that's what scares me."

* * *

Jade pounded on the door until someone answered. A young man stood on the other side, looking no more than eighteen at most. She shoved past him, ignoring his threats and shouts. Once she entered the living room, she stared down the barrel of a pistol.

"Shit, put that away, Ed. It's fine," Charlie called out from his chair. She took several deep breaths to calm herself as he ordered Ed and the other kid to leave. He stood up and looked at her closely, "I assume you got my note."

"What the _fuck_ were you trying to say? Have you lost your fucking mind?"

He sat back down, "I think I made it pretty clear what I was trying to say, Jade. I just want to help you."

She paced back and forth angrily, "It looked more like you wanted to get me killed or something."

"If I wanted you dead, you wouldn't be standing here. I have no reason to hurt you, and loads not to."

"Then what is this about, huh? This sounds an awful lot like you trying to hurt me."

Charlie shrugged, "Whether or not you chose to trust my intentions is up to you. I can appreciate that you have plenty of reasons not to trust that I wouldn't hurt you, but I'd hope you could at least trust that I wouldn't do anything to hurt Tori."

Jade stopped pacing and stared at him, her mind racing. It was over a minute before she broke her silence, "Fine. What do I do, then?"

He grabbed a small card off of the end table and handed it to her, "Have a chat with him. If it isn't enough, come back and I'll have something else for you."

"Why are you doing this?"

"I'm sure Tori could tell you how well Trish could read people. How she knew so much about them from just looking into their eyes. She had to learn that somewhere, didn't she?" Jade's jaw tightened as Charlie stood up and looked her in the eye. "You can try to fool everyone else, sure. Tori's already catching on, but me? I know it's eating you up inside. I know everything you're trying to hide. You aren't as strong as you think you are, and that's going to be your own downfall if you don't accept that you need help. Take my advice or don't, it's up to you."

He stepped back and pulled a cigarette out of a box on the table, "I care about you, as strange as that may be to you. You're headstrong and you're stubborn, but you can't fight the truth. If you keep trying, it's going to build and build before it finally explodes, and you'll only have yourself to blame."

She left as quickly as she could without another word. She turned up her music as loud as she could to drown out her thoughts and drove, fast and far.


	43. The Bigger They Are

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

****A/N: Hard drive died. Had to rewrite everything and lost the majority of my notes. Regardless, here's chapter 43.  
****

****A little warning, this one gets heavy in the first part****

* * *

The dreams didn't matter. The hallucinations didn't matter. The anxiety didn't matter. None of it mattered. I was back, and as I felt the roar of the crowd and the rhythmic thump of the music, I'd never felt more alive.

_Home._

Fifth place, they said. Twenty-two, one, and four, they said. What an amazing fight to come back to, they said.

It didn't matter.

My emotions were always left outside the cage. A hindrance, he'd tell me. A useless part of your brain in those few minutes.

It didn't matter.

She was a close friend, someone I'd trained with for hundreds of hours. I'd met her family, her husband, her daughters. They came to watch her.

It didn't matter.

I felt no pain in my leg. No fire in my chest. I only saw her face.

It didn't matter.

What a spectacle it was. What a story. Two friends, training partners, meeting in the cage for the first time.

What a long and grueling fight it would be, they'd say. It'd go through all three rounds, they'd say. It'd have to be decided through unanimous decision, they'd say.

I believed them, too. Hell, I was the conductor of that hype train. Too bad I let that train derail, crash into a wall, then sink to the bottom of the ocean.

I was so sure I could do it. I trained so hard, I was better than ever. I didn't know for sure if I could beat her, but I knew I'd put up one hell of a fight. I fully intended on doing so, too.

Two rounds.

It took only eight minutes for everything to fall right back down on top of me. Everything was going perfectly. I was winning.

And then I saw him. One punch destroyed everything. I felt an impossible weight across my throat and it was over.

The pain in my chest was crippling. My vision began to blur. I had to leave.

The second they took their eyes off me, I was gone.

_Look at that truck, you see it? You see it. Go. Drive in front of it. It'll be over quick._

_They haven't repaired that guardrail in years. It's crumbling. One hit and it'll fall. That river below will kill you._

_That accident was only last week. They haven't replaced those sand barrels. At the speed you're going, you'll die instantly._

I let out an ear-piercing scream and drove faster. My own tears blinding me were bad enough without the voices in my head. I wiped at my eyes and saw him standing in the middle of the street. I swerved and nearly slammed right into another car.

_Useless. You can't even die right._

I lost myself in my own thoughts. I felt numb. I wasn't sure I was the one controlling my own body anymore.

I couldn't say when exactly it happened, but I soon found myself walking down a dark and seemingly desolate street. I didn't know why, and I didn't really care.

_Maybe you'll get mugged._

_You're barely dressed, they'll probably just have their way with you._

_Hopefully they'll kill you at the end too._

I collapsed against the wall of some sort of building, my knees tight against my chest.

* * *

**No one's POV**

"Yo, get a load'a that."

The guy pointed toward the abandoned convenience store, where a lone figure sat curled up near the wall. His friends noticed as well and began laughing.

"Rough night, eh?" One called out.

No response.

Another began walking closer, his friends just behind him. "Hey," he shouted at her.

Nothing.

"Think she's dead?"

"Nah, man, she's breathin'."

The one who originally spotted her knelt down next to her and nudged her, "Ay, you dead?"

"Check out her get-up, man."

It was then he noticed the logos all over her shorts and sports bra.

"She ain't even wearin' shoes."

"Derek, you think…?"

Derek, who was still knelt down next to her immediately jumped up, "Shit, dude, there's no way."

"Wasn't she fighting tonight?" The other asked when it clicked for him as well.

Just then, Derek's phone began to ring. He stepped away a bit to answer it. When he came back, he looked nervous. "Aight, so...apparently Charlie just got a call from Tor sayin' Jade had bolted after her fight."

The other two looked back at the unmoving form of the woman. Derek continued, "That was Paul, he told us to keep a look out for her and call Charlie if we find anything.

One of the guys pointed toward the woman, "Ay, I think we found somethin'."

The other nudged her again, "Jade? Come on, man, stand up."

"Don't touch her, man. Just don't let her out of your sight, I'ma call Charlie."

* * *

"Good on you for bringin' her here, Der," Charlie shook the mans hand while simultaneously handing him a small baggie. "Go on, I've got it now."

Derek gave him a two-finger salute and left with his friends. He looked back to Jade, covered in mud and scratches and tried to think of what to do. He crouched down next to the couch she lay on.

"What's the matter with you, kid? Everybody's worried about you."

She finally dared to look at him, then scanned the room for anyone else, finding it empty.

"You were right," she mumbled.

"I could've guessed that. I'm not wrong very often." He sighed, "I watched your fight. What happened to you?"

There was a thundering pounding on the front door just then, and Charlie groaned, knowing it could've only been one person. "Your girlfriend is here, and I'd reckon she's none too happy."

She suddenly, forcefully, grabbed the front of his shirt and begged, "You said you had a way to help me. I don't want to _try_ anything, I want your last-ditch effort. Make it go away, please. I can't live with this."

"Charlie I'm going to break down this fucking door if you don't let me in!" Tori screamed.

"Jade you don't understand what you're asking for. This isn't what you want, I promise you."

Tori began to get impatient, "One!"

Jade began to cry, "I know that I'm going to die if I keep having to suffer through this."

"Two!"

"Quit with your fucking theatrics and give me a goddamn minute!" Charlie shouted back at her.

"Please, I don't know what else to do."

Charlie put his hand on her arm and stood up, "I know, but I just think there's a better way."

He went over to unlock the door, and was nearly steamrolled by a nearly unhinged Tori. "I knew she'd be here," she snarled at him.

"Relax, tiger, she literally got here less than five minutes ago. She wouldn't be here at all if not for me, so just chill out a second and quit shouting like a goddamn maniac."

She turned away from him and looked at Jade, covered in scratches, dried blood, and mud. "Thank you," she said quietly. She was furious for reasons she didn't entirely understand, but he was right.

Charlie grabbed a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from the table. "Call if you need me," he said as he lit the cigarette and left the room.

Tori knelt down next to the couch and ran her fingers through Jade's hair. "You saw him, didn't you?"

Jade nodded numbly.

"You've been lying to me for months." It wasn't a question, and Jade knew it, but she also knew she had nothing to say that would make it better. She rested her forehead against Jade's, "I just don't understand why. I never hid anything from you."

She closed her eyes, "I wasn't trying to lie to you...just to myself."

Tori sighed, "I think this has dragged on long enough. I'm not the only one in this relationship who needs help. You can't keep hiding from this."

"I failed."

"Yeah, that usually happens to people once or twice in their life."

She turned over and stared at the ceiling. Tori knew she was done. It'd be useless trying to get her to say anything else.

"Charlie, can you help me a second?" She called out to him.

With his help, they quickly got her into the car and Tori took her home. Once back, she did her best to avoid and hold off everyone else. At her request, she left Jade by herself in the bathroom to shower. She settled down on the bed with a book and an anxious pit bull.

Thirty minutes of silence passed before she felt the need to check on Jade. There she sat on the floor of the shower in the fetal position, completely naked, but had seemingly forgotten to actually turn the shower on. Tori stripped as well and joined her in the shower, turning on the water before kneeling down next to her.

"It's okay to ask for help."

"I didn't think I needed it," Jade mumbled.

Tori spent the next twenty minutes washing all of the blood and dirt off of her body and hair, and the next fifteen tending to anything severe, all the while talking to her about the most mundane and trivial things she could think of. Once finally in bed, she made sure there was enough room for Cujo to curl up on the other side of Jade, hoping it would make her feel a little better.

She wasn't sure she wanted to know where Jade had gone or what exactly happened to her. She wasn't sure Jade even knew.

* * *

**Jade's POV**

My body ached. Everything hurt and I wasn't sure why. It felt like my mind was in a fog and I couldn't really focus on any one particular thought. I got dressed and quietly left the house, Cujo by my side. I didn't know where I was going, but it felt normal.

The air was hot and sticky, the ground beneath me dry and unstable. Branches kept whipping at my arms and legs, but I kept going. All the way to the top. As the sun was once more able to reach my skin, I stepped further out onto the cliff.

Cujo begin to whine.

_Jump._

Below me, a rocky canyon, over a hundred feet down. Behind me, the forest I'd come from. Above, a few sparse clouds and the scorching sun.

I took a few steps closer.

_Jump!_

A rock I'd accidentally kicked tumbled over the edge. I watched it fall until it hit the ground and shattered into pieces.

_That could be you if you'd just take a few more steps._

I took two more steps, my toes just barely hanging over the edge.

_One more._

Cujo barked loudly and I felt him tug on the back of my shirt. All of a sudden the fog in my mind dissipated and I realized exactly where I was.

_Useless._

I took several careful steps backward, then turned and ran as fast as I could back down the mountain.

Tori was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee. She smiled at me as I came in, and I smiled back. I didn't tell her.

I continued training as normal. Randy never asked questions. Tori had said something to him.

Days went by as I pretended I was okay. Tori never asked. She already knew. One more meal I couldn't taste and a piece of paper was laid out in front of me.

"We're going on holiday," Randy announced. "Just you and me."

Retraining, he said. An old master who'd once taught me to conquer my own emotions was going to be my master one more time. I wondered if my demons would accompany me into his gardens of zen and homes of Feng Shui.

I cried in Tori's arms that night as we both came to terms with the fact we'd be an ocean apart for several weeks. She told me it'd be okay. Maybe she didn't notice that she was crying too.

She told me about her new job as I packed. A bookstore, she said. She'd be happy there.

I wanted her with me.

I was angry with him when he told me. Calm as ever, he claimed even his presence was only a formality. It would be me and this master, alone, for weeks. No phones. No internet. No contact.

I was terrified.

She tried to stay strong at the airport. She told me she'd be okay. She kept telling herself not to cry, but she still did. I refused to be away from her as we waited.

Randy couldn't hide his pain and guilt as he had to pull me away from her. He didn't try to talk to me during the ride. I was angry with him, but still grateful for what he'd done for me. I tried to force myself to think of it all as a good thing, but the first night I spent sleeping alone convinced me it wasn't.

* * *

I wouldn't see Randy again for over two weeks. I felt alone and scared, like a child. The Master was quiet man, preferring the solitude of meditation over idle conversation. He never asked about my situation, how my training has progressed, or even how I was doing. I was certain that while I'd never seen Randy, he had.

I was never told the point of the constant meditation, the mystery teas I was given, or the fact that not a single person had spoken to me in ten days. Master Ishihara was a man of few words. Anything he wanted from me would be communicated in gestures or pointed looks. I had started to think that rather than nobody speaking to me, I'd just gone deaf.

Yet the birds still sang, the wind still rustled the leaves, and the waves still crashed against the sandy beach.

It took two weeks for a single word to be spoken.

* * *

**No one's POV**

The man stood in front of her, his feet precisely shoulder-width apart, his hands clasped behind his back. "Who are you?"

His voice nearly made her jump out of her skin. After so long, she was certain everyone on the island was simply a mute. Despite her heart rate reaching near fatal levels, Jade remembered the same question Randy asked her so many years ago. "I'm a professional martial artist. A champion."

"No." He replied immediately, his voice as assertive and unwavering as his posture. He spoke as if the silent two weeks had never happened, and this was their first time meeting after so long. "That is what you _did_. That is who you _were_. In essence, perhaps you still _are_ that person, deep down. On the surface, you are barely more than a stumbling child learning her first sets."

Jade began to stumble on her words, "But I've learned so much, I've mastered-"

"Precisely!" He stopped her. "Mastered. Six months ago, yes, you were a master of your art. Now, you haven't any right to call yourself a master. You've fallen from a great height, and if you keep denying that to yourself, you will never climb back up to where you were before. You must release yourself from your own expectations. You will never be the woman you were before. That is not how evolution operates. Maybe one day you will be stronger than you were before, or maybe you will never quite reach the pinnacle of the expertise you had before, but you will never be the same. Tell me again – who are you?"

Jade stared at the intricate mosaic below her feet and her shoulders slumped. "I don't know."

He seemed to expect the answer. In fact, her newest theory is that the past fourteen days had been nothing more than observation for him. He probably knew her whole life story by that point just by watching her.

"You are Jade West." He straightened her shoulders. "You are a daughter." She pictured her smiling parents at her high school graduation. He tilted her chin up. "A sister." She saw Mikey at his first Taekwondo lesson, an ecstatic smile on his face. He adjusted each of her feet. "A friend." The faces of her closest friends and trainers flashed through her mind. He placed each arm behind her back. "You are a dedicated practitioner with a pure heart."

Jade's shoulders instantly slumped and she opened her mouth to respond, though she no more than exhaled ever so slightly before the Master raised his hand, "It was _not_ a question, Jade. Nothing said is up for debate. These statements define who you are. Your most basic self. That is the person you must focus on, the one you must strive to keep alive." Jade took a deep breath and straightened her stance. The master turned his back to her, looking out on the garden just beyond the courtyard they stood in. "Do not speak again until you are ready to let go of what was, and accept what is."

She stood silently for nearly five minutes before attempting to speak, "I thi-"

"Quiet." He replied without hesitation. "You're not ready. I can hear it in your voice. Gather your thoughts, Jade. Understand what you feel, and why. Then, let them go."

"I can't just suddenly let it all go, I'm not some divine being."

He turned to face her. "I understand that perhaps it may seem difficult to do – maybe even impossible, but bear in mind what it is that you do, what you've trained for since you were a little girl. So often anymore, the martial arts have been taught as a method of fighting, and only as such. What so many people fail to grasp is the mental side of this art. A true master of his art has complete and total control of his mind and body. He understands all of that which is his to control, and he exercises that control. Your thoughts and emotions, while a wild beast, are not uncontrollable. What I'm asking of you now, is to begin the taming process of these expectations you have for yourself. Let go of who you think you are, and remind yourself of who you really are."

Jade closed her eyes for a few seconds and took several deep breaths. Once she opened them again, she fixed the slack in her posture and focused on the smallest of details in the gardens. Her mind felt like a typhoon. So many thoughts thundered and rampaged through her mind. She replayed his words over and over, her lips moving along with the unspoken mantra. The ghost of the weight on her throat slowly lightened. The white-hot burning in her chest started to cool. The face of the man who caused her so much grief lay at the forefront of her mind; a static image obscured only by the endless thoughts flitting about around it. Suddenly, one thought slammed into her like a freight train, obliterating everything else that plagued her only seconds before.

Jade spoke for the first time in nearly an hour. "I'm a killer."

"Why would you say something like that?" The master asked, his voice just as steady and calm as it was before.

"I killed him. I...I-" she paused to take a deep breath. "I beat him to death."

Not a single unnecessary muscle moved, "Why?"

"He...he shot me. He shot me and he stabbed Tori. He tried to kill us both."

The master hummed quietly, "I see. So in your efforts, you saved more lives than you took."

Jade said nothing. She stared forward at the horizon and its criss-crossing colors of yellow, orange, and pink.

"Another man's actions are not yours to control. Perhaps there could have been another outcome, if you had more control over your emotions. Regardless, what has been done, cannot be undone. It is time to let go of your fear and guilt."

"I don't think I can."

He sat down nearby, his legs crossed, his hands resting in his lap. "No matter. You stand there until you accept that you can."

"But I-"

"_Silently_," he added sternly.

* * *

"My husband is a mess."

Tori glanced over at her boss, who was busy fiddling with her phone. She set down the crate of books she was putting away and walked over to lean on the counter, "What now?"

She finished tapping away then tossed it down on the counter, "It's like he's forgotten how to change a diaper again. I swear, sometimes it's like raising four kids."

"You'd think after becoming a father three times he'd learn."

"Wouldn't that be nice," she grumbled.

The store was empty, as it usually was around that particular time. Tori had mostly busied herself with restocking and rearranging their collection, but welcomed the break in monotony.

Her boss, a woman who couldn't have possibly been more than 35, was always someone Tori loved to talk to. She had such a maternal aura around her that made it impossible to be uncomfortable, and left her feeling like she wasn't about to come apart at the seams.

"You never talk about your life," Michelle swatted her playfully on the shoulder, "You know all about me with my jabber-mouth by this point, but I don't know anything about you."

Tori laughed humorlessly, "Mostly because my life is like a bad sitcom at the moment."

Michelle leaned her elbows on the counter, "I'm a sucker for bad sitcoms. Tell me all about it. Are you married? Siblings, kids, sworn enemies?"

"Not married. One sister, no kids. Too many enemies to count."

"I had noticed on your background check that you have a bit of..." she paused, "history."

"Nothing I really like to think about anymore, though it kind of plagues me anyway. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life."

"Look around you," she gestured to the shelves upon shelves of books, "No good story comes without hardship. How do you learn if you don't make mistakes?"

Tori found herself speaking before she really had a chance to think about what it was she said, "I almost got the love of my life killed."

The older woman tilted her head, "Can I ask how? Morbid curiosity, you know how it is."

"My abusive ex-boyfriend, underboss of a gang, sort of lost his shit when I left him and made it his life goal to kill me and the woman I left him for."

Despite the dark nature of the story I was telling her, there was a glint in her eye and a smile on her face, "Plot twist! Who's the woman? A charming bar-goer, a tinder match, oh! Was she an old schoolmate you never could get along with until you realized your feelings for each other?"

I wasn't sure at that point if I should answer, given she'd already made up an entire story in her own mind. I had to laugh, "The last one is probably the closest. We met in sixth grade, friends until eighth, dated until tenth. Then things kind of fell apart, and we both paddled up shit-creak until a random stroke of luck and a mutual friend brought us back together."

Michelle clasped her hands together, "Beautiful! You really should publish this."

"Things haven't been very beautiful lately," I sighed. "I actually haven't seen her in over a month."

"What? Why?"

"When I said I almost got her killed, I wasn't kidding. I mean, he nearly killed me about half a dozen times, but that I could live with. He shot her twice and she's been on a downward spiral since then. She's a professional athlete and you could probably imagine how much a couple bullets fucked that up."

She rested her chin on her palm, "So where's she gone?"

"Japan," I laid my head down on the counter, "So in the past few months, my life has gone from a crime drama, to a rom-com, to some kind of fucking anime, I guess."

"Japan doesn't always entail anime. What if she's gone to join the Yakuza?"

She was definitely having way too much fun with this. I welcomed the change of pace from the usual pity-party.

"That'd be pretty bad-ass."

The little bell above the door jingled, and we both looked over to see an elderly couple walk in. We both smiled at them.

"You'll tell me more about this later, and I'll probably fire you if you never let me meet her."

I laughed, "Okay, that's fair."

I'd tried to take Cujo out on walks every day, but somehow he always seemed to have way more energy than I could handle. He'd tug relentlessly on the leash, both expecting to be going faster and having the freedom to roam on his own. Every single time we got back, he'd run around the entire house to sniff everything he could, then lope up the stairs and to Jade's bedroom to curl up on her bed. If dogs experienced depression, that's definitely what it was.

Every night he'd curl up next to me in the same spot Jade used to sleep, and I'd talk to him for a while. I told him about work, the people I'd met, the conversations I had. I'd tell him how I was feeling and I'd cry into his fur. He never understood anything more than the fact I was upset, and did what he could to comfort me. Even though the only one who seemed to understand my suffering was a dog, it felt nice to know I wasn't alone.

I had no idea when she would be coming home, but we both held out hope everyday that she'd be there once we got home from our walk.

* * *

**A/N: The first half of the story was mainly written with the goal of showing a glimpse of what it's like to be in Jade's mind through the things that have been happening. Rather than a typical point-of-view, I tried to show exactly what her thoughts would be. **

**Name of the chapter is a reference to the song Strike Back by We As Human. The line being "The bigger they are, the harder they fall." It felt fitting. Hope you guys enjoyed.**


	44. You're Gonna Go Far, Kid

**Disclaimer: Victorious and all of its associated copyrights are not my property and I stake no claim to them.**

**A/N: This one seemed to come to me a lot easier, and truthfully, most of the time spent between this update and the previous one was on editing. For reasons I still can't seem to pick out, something feels off about this chapter, so if anybody has any constructive criticism, I'd _love_ to hear it.  
**

* * *

**Tori's POV**

Watching him brought me back. Way back. About ten years back. He was certainly a natural, just like his sister. If it weren't for his short hair, I could've sworn it was the same person that was in all of those videos her parents used to show me. I recorded both ceremonies Jade had to miss. He was so proud.

"I'm gonna be just like her when I'm bigger!" He told me on the ride back to his aunt's house.

I'd smile at him and tell him only what I knew to be true, "I'm sure she'll help you get there, too."

He'd jump out of the car and run up to the door before I even had the chance to get out. He'd show his cousins his new belt while I showed the video to his aunt and uncle.

"She'll be so happy when she gets to watch this," Alyssa would tell me.

I'd show Michelle at work the next day.

"What a handsome boy!" She'd exclaim.

And then she would interrogate me about him, about his sister, his parents. Another month went by before she became fed up and begged to know her name, only so she could refer to her properly as such, she claimed. As soon as she heard the name, she wanted a picture.

"My word, I can certainly see the resemblance in these two. Their mother must have been absolutely gorgeous."

As I restocked books, I'd tell her stories. Things would pop into my head and if the store was empty, I'd say, "Oh, I remember another one," and she'd listen with rapt attention.

More than once, I watched her write things down as I spoke. I never asked.

Cat invited me out for dinner and shopping, and I welcomed something new to do. That night, I finally seemed to find the energy to run like Cujo wanted me to. He excitedly led the way through what I could only imagine was the same path Jade had taken him so many times. He wove his way through trees and massive boulders effortlessly. He'd clear a fallen tree in one leap, then wait for me on the other side, tail wagging. As tired as I felt, I understood why she loved it so much. Especially once we got to the clearing at the top and I could see the forests and mountains beyond. Cujo ran off to the side where a small creek was flowing back down the mountain to drink and splash around. He'd come back and stand right next to me before shaking the water off. He looked proud as I tried to shield myself from the barrage.

While neither of us ever felt as whole as we did before, we both found solace in the late night runs. I always trusted his lead, and he never once got us lost. Every time we got back, he'd get upset if I didn't toss my dirty clothes in one specific spot, and he'd move them himself. He'd lay with me while I read or wrote in my notebook, he'd curl up near the bathroom door anytime I went to take a shower, he stayed right next to me whenever I sat down to eat. He followed me like he followed her.

* * *

Nearly three months passed since she left and I could feel my depression creeping back. Three months without ever hearing her voice, feeling her touch, though slightly less without ever smelling her scent. That one lasted until I was forced to do laundry. Cat and Michelle both put up admirable efforts to keep me occupied and upbeat, but I could feel myself slipping. I avoided Charlie as best I could, and I knew he understood why. I wasn't strong enough to say no to him anymore. We both knew if given the chance, I'd slip and come crashing back down to the hell I worked so hard to escape. I ran more and more every night, hoping that if I did the racing myself, my mind wouldn't have to.

I filled any free time with immersing myself in books. I'd take them from the store at Michelle's request, and bring them back in only a few days once I'd finished. I struggled to find my own strength, and as the days passed on, it slowly became a little easier, but the hole in my heart never shrank.

"Michelle," I heard a hum from near the nonfiction section, "Can I have Saturday off? Mikey has another ceremony."

"Another one so soon? Of course, I wouldn't let you miss that. You'll have to be there to record it!"

"That's the plan," I called back.

She stood up, and vaguely resembled Godzilla standing amongst the skyscrapers of Japan. "Well, as many hours as you've been working, you certainly deserve it. Lord only knows I'd be up to my neck in this work if you weren't here."

Just then, my phone started to go off, and I entirely expected another call from Cat about a shopping trip she'd planned. My eyes widened when the name and picture displayed on my phone weren't hers, but Randy's. I quickly answered and held the phone between my shoulder and cheek as I worked.

"Randy?"

"_Hey there, long time no chat, eh?"_

I couldn't help but smile while also feeling a little disappointed. I loved hearing from him, but it still left me wanting more, "How's everything going? It's been so long."

"_I'll say. She's a tough nut to crack. It took ages for the Master to even be able to see beyond the walls she'd put up. We've made loads of progress though."_

"So long as she's happier, that's what matters."

"_I wouldn't say happier, but more at peace with her demons. It's a very slow process."_

I had to ask, as much as I dreaded the response he most likely would give me, "How much longer?"

The bells above the door jingled once again, and I heard the voice of Michelle's oldest son as he tried to get his thoughts out faster than his lips could move. I noticed the silence from Randy, and pulled the phone away only to realize he'd hung up. Before I could call him back, I finally heard what they were talking about.

"He's here? Who's here?" Michelle asked him, likely holding his shoulders just to keep him on the ground.

His only answer was in the form of, "I need a pen! And some paper! Quick!"

"Easy does it, buddy," she tried to soothe him as she went to the counter to grab what he asked for, "What, do we have celebrities standing in our parking lot?"

I looked over at them to see him nod excitedly. The bells jingled again and he began attempting to sputter out another sentence, "Oh man, I'm your biggest fan! I can't believe you're here! This is amazing, can I have your autograph?"

The voice in response nearly stopped my heart, as I hadn't heard it in months. A man's calm, British-accented voice responded, "Sure, of course. I haven't met a fan this excited in years, certainly makes me feel young again."

I nearly toppled over another pile of books in my attempt to get over to him. The bells jingled again while my view of the door was still obscured by a towering bookshelf, and Michelle was the first to speak this time, "Goodness, as elusive as you seemed to be I began to think you were no more than another elaborate story of hers."

And then I heard it.

"Where is she?"

My view of the store distorted into one of those fun house types where the room suddenly grows so much larger than it was before. I nearly tripped over five different piles of books. I turned the corner and there they were. Randy stood across from Michelle's son as he signed a piece of paper that looked like it was torn out of a book. I remembered earlier that day someone had given us a book that was all torn up, but I never heard much more about it.

Jade stood next to him, just as perfectly gorgeous as I remembered. She turned to look at me and a smile spread across her face as I ran toward her and jumped into her arms. I was pretty sure I had started crying even before I got to her. I was certain I'd knocked the wind out of her, and if not, at least made it difficult to breathe with how tightly I held her, but she only held me tighter. I kissed her over a dozen times and probably looked like an idiot but I didn't care.

She was _home_.

I vaguely registered a conversation going on in the background, but I couldn't seem to focus on anything but her.

"I love you." I meant it, but the words didn't seem like enough. They said so much but so little at the same time. I'd said them hundreds of times before and it didn't feel like enough.

"I love you too." But she understood.

Michelle allowed me to leave early, as it was only an hour before my shift was over, and Randy volunteered to drive my car back to the house, as they'd come in Jade's Lamborghini. As fast as she drove, I could she'd missed that freedom. Neither of us had much to say, but as she held my hand over the center console, there wasn't much else I cared about. She parked in the garage and stopped before we went inside.

"You should probably stand behind me."

I knew why.

The moment she stepped through the door, Cujo jumped nearly four feet in the air into her arms near the same way I had. His tail was wagging so hard I was pretty sure it could put a hole in the wall as he kept licking all over her face. He followed us all the way upstairs and seemed to pout when Jade told him to lay down near the closet. I knew what that meant and I felt giddy. I couldn't contain myself as I kissed her.

I felt whole again as she touched me. I felt happy. She kissed every one of my scars as I did for her. Much sooner than I would've wanted, I could see the sun was setting.

"I have to go get Mikey," she mumbled into my shoulder.

I only held her tighter, "I don't want to move."

She planted a kiss on my neck and untangled herself from me, not an easy feat given how tightly I held her to me. "I promised him I would as soon as I got back. I'm jet-lagged as fuck so I'm going back to bed once we get home."

"Fine." I groaned and dramatically drew out the word.

"You don't have to go with me," she said as she ran her fingers through my hair.

I took her hand and kissed it before standing up, "Uh-uh, you're out of your mind if you think you're going anywhere without me."

Mikey was the third that night to ecstatically jump into her arms. He told her in rapid-fire fashion about the past three months, and I was beginning to wonder when he'd run out of air. She listened to every word with a proud smile on her face. He showed her all of his belts and she seemed nostalgic as she listened. By the time he'd told her everything and she'd managed to get him settled in bed, she looked exhausted, and fell asleep within moments of laying down.

Being only ten, my body wasn't quite ready to sleep, so I lay with her for a while. I traced the contours of her face with my fingers and ran my fingers through her hair. She looked peaceful as she slept, and I hoped the past three months had helped her.

* * *

**No one's POV**

"Sign here, here, and here. Initials here and here."

She did as he instructed and quickly looked over the paper before sliding it back across the desk to him. He stood up and shook her hand, "It's great to have you back, West. I wish you the best of luck."

"Thank you, it's good to be back."

Jade left the office and handed her copy of the contract to Randy. "So, what do you think? You ready for this?"

She nodded and smirked, "I'm ready this time."

He patted her shoulder, "I'm proud of you."

"I haven't won yet."

"In a way, you have. Not this fight, but you won the last one." He nudged her toward the door, "Be proud of what you've accomplished. Not everyone is lucky enough to conquer their demons."

She felt the sun warm her skin as she stepped outside, "They aren't gone yet."

He held up the contract, "They will be after this."

Tori walked in as Jade was tying her shoes.

"How was work?"

Tori shrugged and took note of Jade's attire. She grabbed some clothes from the closet as well, "Michelle was all over me about what happened after I left, so I spent most of my free time telling her all about it." She stopped to return Jade's amused smirk, "Minus a few details."

Jade noticed her getting changed as well, "What are you doing?"

"Who do you think got all his energy out while you were gone?" She responded, her heart warmed by the genuinely happy smile on Jade's face.

"Let's go then, see if you can keep up."

For the most part, she did. She recognized the path Jade took as one Cujo had taken her on several times. Cujo was so excited that he ran circles around the two as they followed the path.

"I'd guess he's taken you up here before," Jade asked as they reached the top.

Tori looked out at the scenery and nodded as she caught her breath, "Yeah, quite a few times. I think this one is his favorite."

Jade turned toward Cujo splashing around in the creek and smiled, "He loves it up here."

She went over to the large boulder a little ways off the path and sat down, motioning for Tori to follow. "There's something I need to tell you."

"You had an affair with a Japanese girl, didn't you?" Tori teased.

She smiled, "No, not this time. It's about what was going on before I left. You've always been good at reading me, but I still feel like it's appropriate if I tell you myself."

"There's a lot you weren't telling me."

"There was a lot I was already having a terrible time trying to deal with. I didn't think I could handle telling you about it. Now, I think it's just part of the healing process." Jade watched a large bird circling just beyond the cliff. "He haunted me. I'd see him everywhere, hear him taunting me. It was never just him, it was him after I'd killed him. He'd be staring at me and all I could ever focus on was his..._face_. That _face_ was horrible, and the worst part was seeing it and knowing _I_ caused it. After I lost that fight, the taunts got so much worse. I'd hear him telling me all these ways to kill myself. I just sort of...disconnected in an attempt to escape it. I stopped feeling and it made it easier to cope. I knew I was losing when he'd tell me another way to kill myself and I'd start to think that it wouldn't be so bad."

Tori turned to face her and watched the sun glint off of a few tears sliding down her cheeks. She reached over to wipe them away. "I know exactly how you feel. You aren't alone, Jade. I'm here and I always will be. I understand your pain."

"I know," Jade sighed and held her hand, a small smile on her face, "I just wanted to tell you. I'm okay now. I won't let anyone get the better of me like that again."

"You can't ever leave me, okay?" Tori hugged her tightly, "I need you."

"I'm not going anywhere." Jade paused, "Except home, but you're coming with me."

Tori laughed and chased her back down the mountain.

* * *

"_Are you worried?"_

"_Worried? Not at all."_

"_Well, she's a former champion with only one loss in her career."_

"_But that one loss meant so much. It means she's falling. She can't beat a woman she could have before. The sad truth of it all is that she's past her prime, even as young as she is. I used to look up to her, so this will be hard for me."_

"_As a rookie, do you think your inexperience will hinder you in this fight?"_

"_Maybe a little bit, but I don't think it'll be enough to let her win. I'm confident in my ability to win. She's just not the titan she used to be. She's hurt and her training has suffered for it."_

"_Is there any particular weakness you think is outstanding?"_

"_It's her leg, I think. I feel like it hasn't properly healed and it will be something I'll need to focus on."_

* * *

**Tori's POV**

We'd seen all of the interviews. The newest rookie with only two fights under her belt – both wins – radiated confidence. Jade watched every one closely, though I couldn't figure out what she was thinking. I'd often catch her looking over the woman's profile and watching her previous fights. She never engaged in any conversation about any of it.

She had two months to prepare. Two months of rigorous training and building herself back up. I mostly stayed out of the way, as I'd completed my GED and was applying for classes at a college. I was tired of my life standing still and I wanted to make something of myself. Every time I'd go to work Michelle would ask for the latest gossip, and it became routine to discuss everything that'd happened since I'd last seen her. We were able to have long conversations and heated debates over the smallest things and that sort of relationship I realized was something I'd missed since I lost Trish.

Naturally, I gave her family free tickets to watch Jade's fight. While her youngest wouldn't be attending, the rest would. The rest of Jade's family had also expressed interest in coming, as even her father was planning on flying out for the event. At first, I was convinced the pressure would make her start to crack, but as more and more of her friends and family promised their attendance, I started to realize she was thriving under the pressure. She worked harder and harder everyday. Randy said he'd never seen her look better.

Jade never once accepted an interview by anyone. She was silent everywhere, and people had begun to speculate that the rookie was right, that Jade was destined to lose. She never seemed bothered by all of the negativity they'd spew about her. In fact, she seemed to love it.

In all, nearly three-dozen of our friends and family would show up, and as Jade was getting taped up, she told Randy and I, "This is a night I've been dreaming about for months. I used to dream that I'd be standing out in that cage, and I'd look toward the crowd. I'd see my family, cheering and waving, and right in the middle of them would be my mom cheering the loudest. Before, it'd end with him and I'd lose my fight. Now, I'm ready, even if he does make an appearance."

Randy patted her on the back, "Go show them who the real champion is."

She'd spent thirty minutes prior to that meditating. She'd demanded that nobody talk to her, and for thirty straight minutes, she sat alone with her thoughts, not a single sound to disturb her. So as I walked with her out to the entrance of the arena, the calm surrounding her came as no surprise. She closed her eyes and seemed to bask in the roar of the crowd.

* * *

**Jade's POV**

It was time. Five months ago my world crumbled. Five months I spent building it back up. I was ready.

Thirty-four people I knew personally were there to see me. Thirty-four people who came to watch me win. Thirty-four people I wouldn't allow myself to disappoint. As I heard my name announced and my new entrance music start, I was ready.

I'd hand-picked the song for the occasion, and I relished the sound of The Offspring's _You're Gonna Go Far, Kid_ as I walked toward the cage.

Ashley Spencer, the rookie who'd trash-talked me nearly constantly for the past two months. The rookie that stood across from me in the cage now. The one only a year younger than I was who claimed I was past my prime. My silence only bolstered her confidence. What a good disguise.

Beyond her, I could see my family and my friends. My father sat without my mother by his side, but I was okay with that. The heat of the fluorescent lights above me, the foam below my feet, the crowd all around me. Being in that cage was my drug, and I fucking loved it.

Her confident smile never left her face, and she even had the gall to shout over at me, "I hope we can even be friends after I win!"

I only smirked back.

We tapped gloves, and the bell rang. Showtime.

Right out of the gate, she went for my legs, forcing me to dodge backward to avoid a take-down. I let her believe I was weak, too. I played the part until I could find the perfect opening. She was so focused on my legs that she stopped properly protecting herself. She still thought I was weak.

She thought I was weak until the foot of the leg that took the bullet connected with the side of her head. I watched as her body seized and she fell to the mat. The referee held me back to make sure I wouldn't hit her anymore, but I'd already done what I needed to.

I won.

I'd never heard cheering so loud. So many people who had been so thoroughly convinced I wasn't ever going to be as strong as I was before. So many people who'd never been so happy to be wrong.

As the medics tended to my fallen opponent, I was approached with a microphone. I only felt there was one thing that needed to be said.

"She learned the hard way. I'm back and you can bet your ass I'm better than ever. That championship is _mine._"

Tori ran into the cage and hugged me. "I knew you could do it," she whispered to me.

And it was only then that I felt like I'd really won.

* * *

**A/N: After nearly two years, this story is nearing its end. I never intended on taking this long to finish it, but I still hope everyone enjoyed it. There will be a few more epilogue type chapters to come.**

**The song Jade changed her entrance music to, _You're Gonna Go Far, Kid_ by The Offspring is a song I've loved for years, and I felt it fit in a way. The lyrics seemed to fit not only the story of Steven, but the tactics Jade used in that situation and in her comeback fight.**


End file.
